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 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 19
Ex is living with me and I still love himPage 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
OP- the whole idea of dating another guy to make the guy you want jealous...really does not work with men.

that's a game guys play with women, because it works a great deal of the time with women.



but guys, a quality, worthwhile man- would never go back to a woman after she had another man...not in any way other than a sex thing...

even that is a stretch ...
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 22
Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/7/2010 8:21:15 PM
^^ I totally agree.

That's not even an ex in the first place.
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 24
Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/7/2010 9:08:11 PM
After a breakup you need distance what you are doing is just prolonging him having to deal with the reality of the breakup and he is getting what he wants for now. He needs to have time to decide if he want to have you as an exclusive gf again and he cannot do that while he is living with you and having a regular use of the goods.

The longer you continue doing what you are doing the less respect he will have for you. End it and kick him out. Good luck.
 Redlance71
Joined: 2/2/2009
Msg: 25
view profile
History
Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/7/2010 9:18:46 PM
First of all, I noticed Mistress Chill had a fairly good post except she made the classic mistake of assuming he initiated the break up the relationship - but I can see exactly why she assumed this - You mentioned repeatedly you still love him alot and only compimented him aka the sex was great. So let me give you some advice of my own.

Get or borrow a pair and protect yourself at this point in time. You are a FWB, with the misfortune of having a past relationship with him. You will not be able to move on until you truly cut the cords.

How do I know this - I am in the process of an amiable divorce and my ex and he two children are still in my house for the time being. The difference is there is a set time limit, she helps with recurrent bills a little while saving up for her own place. I will concede that it cuts a bit too close to the heart when your ex is in close quarters with you(The divorce was her idea) but keep in mind he is your ex and you need to shut down all access to him, including any intimacy.

I won't tell you to go out and start dating others because it is obvious at this time you are not over your last relationship, that is poor starting posistioning for ANY new relationship. He does sound like's he's a bit full of himself perhaps, specially with the jealousy. Was he faithful to you...What has he done to deserve anything from you. There is a reason the relationship ended - do not be co-dependent! Set rigid restrictions, and for God's sake...

--------------------------------CHARGE THE ****ER RENT!!!----------------------------------
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 26
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Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/7/2010 10:23:06 PM
it's ironic, redlance, that you're pointing out anyone's assumptions. maybe the guy IS a fvcker, but nothing in the facts presented thus far indicates it. here they are:

* the op had a relationship with her boyfriend and lived separately.
* the op and her boyfriend agreed to end that relationship agreement, then they agreed he would live with her, and he moved in.
* the op and her boyfriend continue to have sex.
* the op wants to return to their previous relationship agreement.

her perception of jealousy is a judgment, not a fact.

more details are forthcoming, doubtless, so we'll see what unfolds.
 CMonster
Joined: 12/4/2004
Msg: 27
Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/7/2010 10:55:36 PM
Ah geez, please tell me that AT LEAST you are charging him rent! Let's see - free place to live, free sex and free to see and date whomever he wants. Why would he ever WANT to leave??? He has what most men can only DREAM of, and you want to know what you can do to get him to stay?


YEAH!!! Most of us guys can never get anything for free! We have to pay for a place to live, we have to pay for each girl we go out with, we have to pay for sex...... Whoa, uhhhh.... We have to pay for a place to live!!!.....
 softy63
Joined: 7/13/2008
Msg: 28
Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/7/2010 10:55:41 PM
I respect what everyone has posted but I still stand strong in two issues:

#1 Did he lie to you because he didn't have the balls to get his own place?
#2 Its your home, do what you want, date other guys BUT ......why?

Ask yourself why?
Do you really want to? Do you have the guts to cut your ties with him?
Do you want to make him jealous by inviting another man into your home?

If so, thats unfair on the new man in question to be raked into a game don't ya think?
 jamie9562
Joined: 7/15/2007
Msg: 30
Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/8/2010 12:59:41 AM
jeez! you aholes! i'm the guy in question and could you sons a beeatches stop cokblocking me!!!!
i broke up with this dizzy broad and pretty much told her i think i can do better than her by breaking up,,,and yet she still let's me bang her and doesn't say a peep,,,actually,,she loves it ! i always manage to find the ones with low self esteem,,it's a talent:)

so,,,stop pissing on my parade dammit! she let's me live with her because i'm a small child who cannot figure out how to live on my own,,i'm a complete co-dependent dikhead who finds dopey woman to latch onto so i don't have to ever grow up!

of course,,i am way good looking so it is real easy for me to dupe these braindead bimbo's because most of them are just superficial and as long as i give them the high hard one every now and then they allow me to continue this behavior....


so,,,could all of you just shut the f up! mind your own business!!!! if she is dumb enough to fall for my crap,,, then in my opinion,,she is getting exactly what she deserves!!!

sleep with dogs,,,expect fleas!!!




(the preceding was a fake scenario,,none of the participants are real)
 SpecificTruths
Joined: 9/19/2009
Msg: 35
Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/8/2010 6:15:58 AM

so you'd consider using some poor sap off POF because you believe it's ok to run manipulation ploys on a man you're 'madly in love' with?

That's the only issue I have here. Don't go and try to date someone, off POF or otherwise, if you're still madly in love with this dude.
He sure manipulated you.

You can play any number of games to recharge the romantical passion, but in the end, the result will be the same. I'd hold off on the game playing, just be yourself and if he wants to come back to you he will.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 36
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History
Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/8/2010 6:26:01 AM
He's an Ex for a reason and he should be sleeping on the couch preferrably somewhere else.
If you have daughters you are really reinforcing the notion that sex without commitment is ok, and if someone breaks your heart you should continue to have sex with them in case they want you back. Nice.
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 41
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Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/8/2010 10:30:29 AM
I have to agree with Helen.

Why do you think he didnt ask the other woman he had been seeing so quickly after your break up if he could live with her? Because he was smart enough to realize that she would have the dignity to tell him to get stuffed. Do you even see that? You really need to ask yourelf why you are so willing to give up your dignity and accept this crap behavior from this person?

Wow, just wow lady! Please stop and ask yourself if this was your best friend or daughter in this scenario, what would you tell them? I dont think it would be to let this clown move in with them and have sex with him.....
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 42
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Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/8/2010 10:37:07 AM
So........is this the same guy you started the
"Should we stay friends" thread exactly 1 year ago??
Seems like almost identical situations....you even asked how to "respark"
that one!!

I'm starting to see a pattern here.........how about you?

BTW.......great sex didn't keep you together.....it will not get you back together.
 DemonLeather
Joined: 8/10/2007
Msg: 43
Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/8/2010 10:40:19 AM
Shutterfly57 said:
So... guys especially, could you give me some ideas on how to recharge the passion and excitement??


"Did you try the "come nekkid, fetch beer" recipe?

It works in most FWB situations, which is where you're at right now.
And once you are in such a humanitarian and giving mode, make him a sammich too....

Aw.... and give him the remote too..".

I LIKE this woman,. she's got all the right answers!

 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 45
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Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/8/2010 11:06:30 AM
You have already made your choice, you sure don't need advice from us. Go ahead and have a relationship with someone that is abusive, demanding, childish and expects you to have no life outside of him. You've hooked yourself onto the loser train and you're not going to let go. 'He had a rough life' good, it always helps when you feel really sorry for him.


Within weeks, he was talking marriage

When he got really angry with me, he would say some pretty terrible, hurtful things
He broke it off with me
by the time I got back, he had started seeing another girl


How many red flags do you need? Good luck getting him to leave without getting the cops involved!
 JRodriguez81
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 47
Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/8/2010 12:10:52 PM
Wow, OP, that man sounds pretty damn awful.


You really need to look yourself in a mirror, and ask yourself why would you be "madly in love" with someone that is a mess like that.


By your words alone, he sounds like a LOSER.



And you're "madly in love" with this shmuck.



Step your game up. REALLY.
 Irish Eyez
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 50
Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/8/2010 1:22:11 PM
OP: Ask yourself if you deserve better....
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 51
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Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/8/2010 3:26:48 PM
Okay, after the second more explanatory post, I know I've heard this all before. EVERY story of a manipulative scammer reads EXACTLY this same way.
- He's a WONDERFUL guy. Eager to COMMIT LONG TERM from the get go.
- He struggles WITH OTHER "OFFSCREEN" people, who treat him unfairly (including kicking him out of wherever he was living ). This is NEVER "his fault." The victim always has ONLY HIS WORD for this.
- He "has a new business he has always wanted to do" that only requires lots of the victims help to get going, including the victims time, energy, money, love, and skills.
- He is loving, caring, hardworking, UNLESS HE IS CROSSED. Then he becomes verbally and emotionally abusive, SOMETIMES physically so as well, but most commonly with scam artists, the abuse is all EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION, and very rarely do they actually get violent.
- He CLAIMS that the victim is "the first person he ever cared about this much," or is "the first time ever he had actually had a mature, adult conversation with", and he MAKES this type of claim whenever he NEEDS to get the victim to NOT dump him.
- He DOES NOT ACTUALLY LOVE ANYONE.

OP, watch a bunch of TV specials about scam artists, con artists, and other narcissistic/sociopathic people. You will find your guy portrayed there. Look at the victim's stories. You'll see yourself there.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 54
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Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/8/2010 7:22:28 PM
You have set yourself up to be a booty call, and he doesn't even have to to out, you are there for him, housing him and he's over you but using the facilities since they are offered so freely. You need to get your dignity back and wonder why a person who cares about you would do this to you. Because...really???
 Fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 55
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Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/8/2010 8:11:23 PM
I totally love and agree what Miss Chill message # 4 said! I need to hear this advice myself...esp about not being a doormat to the guy who broke my heart.
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 56
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Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/8/2010 10:38:21 PM
Miss Happy girly, do you by any chance still chew and pop bubble gum? Took a peek at your profile and it reminded me of something my daughter might have wrote when she was in jr. high school. Geez, pleez, eff off, and disrespectful terminology like no midgets or old raisin faces. Your longest relationship of less than a year at 36 should be a clue that somethings wrong.....and the common denominator seems to be you. Grow up Kiddo, and you might find a LTR by the time you are an old raisin face like me.....at 36, your grape is heading downhill as we speak.
 Redlance71
Joined: 2/2/2009
Msg: 58
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History
Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/9/2010 4:25:53 AM
RE "Unfortunately, right when all of this was happening, I was scheduled to leave on a trip for two weeks that I had had planned long before I even knew him. The day before I was to leave, he asked me not to go, and I told him forget it, I was going.

He got upset and we argued for a couple of days. He broke it off with me. I really thought we could talk about it when I got back and work it out. However, by the time I got back, he had started seeing another girl that had been chasing him. We did have a long talk and he shared some things with me that had really bothered him. He said he really cares about me, and this was the first time ever he had actually had a mature, adult conversation with someone when breaking it off. Usually he just leaves"

You have all the answers right here sweety. Kick his ass to the curb asap! He has MAJOR insecurity issues along with a jealous streak. He could not handle you being out of town for a short period of time, gets abusive and breaks it off with you and sleeps with another woman, all because you had to go out of town... JESUS! You are making baby Jesus cry here lady! You "love an insecure litte boy, and those ae his good points! It goes downhill from here -you "love" a self-centered egotistical control freak with scant morals and an even scanter sense of human decency. You have a child, don't allow this child to see the doormat you are making yourself, please!

------------------------------YOU NEED A FRESH START, AND THAT INCLUDES NO NEW RELATIONSHIPS FOR NOW!!!------------------------------------------------------------
 Basketball85
Joined: 5/9/2010
Msg: 62
Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/9/2010 3:49:53 PM
Stop having sex with him
 softy63
Joined: 7/13/2008
Msg: 63
Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/10/2010 6:08:17 PM
I wonder what she's doing? We'll never know because she's deleted her account.
 Steve19688
Joined: 7/12/2012
Msg: 64
Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 12/8/2012 7:58:50 AM
The first bad thing was letting hm move in yes sad to say you are just easy sex now he does not have to go out and get sex. You now prove that for him without any commitment.
 pescando75
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 65
Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 12/8/2012 9:28:12 AM
Free rent. Get your free rent.
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