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Joined: 7/4/2007
Msg: 39
Dated for a few months and then dead...Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
OP You stated :

let me tell me my side of everything and you decide.

Sorry OP but I'm not buying that you don't know what she was talking about when she said you were lying about something. There are too many gaps in your story.

If she is a pyschotherapist, then she should know the side effects of medications. I really don't think that was the problem.

As to your original question, I really don't think you did anything wrong unless of course you actually did lie. She just had too much on her plate and just couldn't handle a relationship.

You can spend time wondering what happened or you can move on and get on with your life......I suggest the latter.
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 40
Dated for a few months and then dead...
Posted: 10/8/2010 4:42:51 PM
NYDude, I'm going to jump in here one more time since the whole "savior" thing was thrown into this discussion.

It isn't that you wanted to sweep her up and save her from her past, but that you could see beyond her past to something deeper and much more appealing than other guys might. It isn't that you wanted to fix her either. You found someone who you could relate to on some level and they felt the same way about you (I think). You were definitely not trying to be Superman. I know I wasn't, although given my background, I did assume a more parental role than that of a partner. Helping is what I do, both as a profession and as a private citizen. Unfortunately, I can't separate the two identities now. I might be more prone to become a savior than you, to be honest. Still, I know when to bow out.

I get that you could see beyond her baggage and find something good, if not great, about her. That's admirable. I did the exact same thing for almost the same reason you did. I did not date the woman I mentioned earlier to settle, but I did see beyond her faults because she could see beyond mine AND she could understand me. There was a mental connection which existed that I both desire and demand in a partner and this woman was able to offer that to me. However, because of her baggage, that ability was severely limited and her hair trigger nature to make something out of nothing won out. She lost that vision I admired in her. I was no longer the same person to her either.

She and I did not end on good terms and whenever I get talking to other people (usually online) about what I've been through, part of me has that urge to want the last word or to at least be heard. She accused me of things I did not do. She called me things I certainly am not. She put me on the defensive. She made herself out to be a victim as others have pointed out in their experiences with similar relationships. You feel you have something left to prove. You've been challenged. The thing is, the challenge was issued by someone who did not have a firm grasp on the situation at hand. Consider the challenge unworthy of your efforts. You have nothing to prove to this woman. I think that's in line with the ego comment someone made a short while ago.

Again, best not to attempt to rationalize the irrational. She has made you question yourself and in some respects, that is healthy. We should all take stock sometimes. However, don't take her accusations to heart. Best put it all behind you as a "wtf" moment. If you are secure in yourself, that's what matters. I'm almost in the same relationship conundrum you're faced with. Just gotta ride out the silence and enjoy what it is that makes you who you are. I'd agree with half of what sweetness was getting at, but living alone is not my idea of happiness. It's great up to a point, but beyond that point, it's all you really are. One can grow a tad too accustomed to being alone, becoming callous and insensitive to the emotions allowing us to love another person. My ex was that way too, ironically. She wanted to be alone. Well, now she's alone. Not my problem anymore.
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 41
Dated for a few months and then dead...
Posted: 10/8/2010 5:23:19 PM
Wow, thats a LOT of baggage. This isnt simple carry on baggage either, she seems to have major mental health issues. Why would you daeal with that?
Do you want to date a woman, or an imature child? If you want kids, why not have your own instead of trying to date one?
If she could deal with her past issues and her medical condition in a healthy way, without going whackadoo, i would suggest you stand by her siddfe, but if she is batsh*t crazy, why would you bother? And why are her parents going on dates with y'all, does she need adult supervision at all times?
I sure theres plenty of women in NY, without severe mental health issues.
Having a bad past and a medical condition does not make it ok to crap on others.
I think that you will alwayss be a "punching bag" for her, if you stay.
I suggest wishing her well and moving on to healthier relationships.
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 42
Dated for a few months and then dead...
Posted: 10/8/2010 6:28:57 PM
I have lived alone for some time and find it quite pleasant.
Having crazy people in my life is way more undesirable than living alone.
Somebody has to be really specaial for me to share my life with them.
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 44
Dated for a few months and then dead...
Posted: 10/8/2010 9:42:40 PM
^^ Well, that sounds pretty positive. Guess you just needed to vent a little! Hope it helped.
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 45
Dated for a few months and then dead...
Posted: 10/8/2010 10:42:53 PM
Of course the people here will find fault with the OP in some shape or form, but from what he described...the woman is insane, and he did the absolute right thing and got the hell out of there.
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 47
Dated for a few months and then dead...
Posted: 10/9/2010 9:15:36 PM

Oh pu-leeze! You picked a lunatic and when she behaved like one, you're all confused? What was it about this woman that you found so attractive? Her obvious emotionally instability?

In what way was she a lunatic? She became depressed and moody when placed on drugs for a physical condition, but depression does not make one a lunatic.I mean if having a kid,being married a couple of times,going through bankruptcy,and having a medical condition makes one a lunatic then there are nothing but lunatics running around out there.

Seems you are damned if you do and damned if you don't.The woman in question was at least honest when she told him about her past and present so called baggage.People are always shouting in here about how they want total honesty and that's what this woman did. Personally I don't see anything so objectionable about her so called baggage.If you are going to throw people away for these things then you are going to throw just about everyone away.

People are always telling everyone to run for every single thing.The moment anything hard comes up people here say run! My gosh it would seem that all anyone does is run every time there is a bump in the road or someone turns out to be not perfect.What an incredibly disposable society we have become.
Joined: 10/2/2010
Msg: 49
Dated for a few months and then dead...
Posted: 10/10/2010 8:36:39 AM
PREDNIZZZZZZZONE!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!??!! OMG. I have a herniated disc in my neck that I have finally been getting physical therapy for for the past 4 weeks.
Initially the doctors wanted to give me injections in my neck, right into the disc that was herniated. Some type of steroid I forget the pharmecutical name.
The day before I was scheduled to go in for the injection my insurance sent a letter and denied the treatment.
The doctor then suggested I go on an oral steroid... predniZZZZZZZZone!!!!

Well the physical relief was unbelievable. My pain went away. I have other issues TMJ and problems with my wrists. It relieved the neck pain. It was a miracle drug for the PAIN....................................

But ...





Otherwize I was completely cRaZZZZZZZZZZZZZZy

after taking it for 3 weeks. OMG. It is so mind altering and I am a throw back hippie flower child from the 70. That prednizone will make you crazier than double barrel orange sunshine it was like being on an acid trip.....It's PSYCHEDELIC.

She probably doesn't even remember half of what she said. It make your mind like a batch of f&Cken scrambled eggs. It happened to me before I even realized what the f&Ck I was thinking and doing.

I was acting out on raw raw emotions and it felt like I had a constant adrenaline rush. My head was racing 24/7, my dreams were vivid and insane, my thoughts were scattered. I couldn't sleep, I was up craZZZZZZY hours and I was thinking about stuff that happened 38 years ago.

It most sincerely had a very reverse side effect on me. When I just read predniZZZZone. Really. It puts you in a ZONE on another planet. It made me certifiable. Oh yeah.... I was ready for a padded room. That shyt is killa.

But as for the pain. It was just like a miracle. Worked better than the 9 shots or morpheine they gave me in the ER. LOL. Anyway the doctor now has it documented that
I have a ALLERGY to prednizone. Yeah, it's an allergy all right. That shyt is POISON!!!!!!
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 50
Dated for a few months and then dead...
Posted: 10/10/2010 9:25:01 AM
"Contacted her out of a weak moment I guess. Believe it or not, haven't been hitting it off that well in the relations department. This one seemed, at first to be fine"

When someone who is on Prednisone, meaning permanent PMS, similar to bipolar, person, seems appealing to YOU,
because you "haven't been hitting it off that well in the relationships department"

It's time to consider getting a Dog for a while
just while you have time to put your priorities in check
like SANITY for instance, that should be up in the first three top of your list

Get a Dog, walk it, pet it, reconsider what you want IN your life
for say, a couple of years
then you'll see, you won't feel the urge to be around that craziness just because
you haven't done well with the ladies

Unless you want to play hero all the time
and that's how you get your kicks
then this woman sounds like the perfect person for you

You can still be a hero
get a Pit Bull from death row, from the pound
they are way more fun
and a lot more predictable
than that lady you described
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 51
Dated for a few months and then dead...
Posted: 10/10/2010 10:07:56 AM
I am a throw back hippie flower child from the 70. That prednizone will make you crazier than double barrel orange sunshine it was like being on an acid trip.....It's PSYCHEDELIC

Isn't it amazing what kind of strange effects we can get legally and without wanting them. We all take the possible side effects of legal drugs lightly and rely on the Dr's judgement because if we didn't we would never take them - the possible side effects often being worse than the problem you are trying to remedy .Weren't the trippers just following the lead of Dr. Timothy Leary and learning how to operate thier brains after all. Most of the people I knew in "high" school who experimented with altering their molecular structure have gone onto be respectable successful citizens

Chill, having also been from that era and having exposed and immersed myself in that culture as a teen and having grown up with a mother who had her bouts of emotional instablity and took very strong pain killers for a chronic bad back my eyes were opened long ago how irrational people can become when under the influence of drugs, alcohol, an allergic reaction, crazy hormones etc.. When you are with someone who is having problems related to any of these you have to ask yourself if you have the patience and skills to ride it out while they get things under control and you have to ask yourself whether they are able or motivated to move in that direction


Joined: 10/2/2010
Msg: 52
Dated for a few months and then dead...
Posted: 10/10/2010 10:52:34 AM
"they are able or motivated to move in that direction"

Absolutely Paddy.... If they are doing nothing to help themselves there is nothing you can do to help them.

I see a lot of young men like you OP that want to be the Knight in Shining Armor. Please don't take offence.... but that it my interpretation of your motivations. While this can be somewhat gallant and sincere OP, you have to be careful that you do not compromize yourself in your efforts to help someone else.
You can get dragged through someone elses emotional swampland all for the sake of LOVE quite easily. Is it worth it OP, to your emotional well being?

I think your lady needs some professional help. The kind of help that no matter how
genuine your efforts are, you can not give her. You want to be her b/f, not her therapist.

I am reminded of the old adage now Paddy:

""You may lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink it."""
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 53
Dated for a few months and then dead...
Posted: 10/10/2010 11:33:43 AM
According to your own opening post your relationship progressed rather normally until three months in and she had to start on a new medication.Not only did she tell you that this medication was affecting her emotionally but other posters here have told you of their own person experiences with that same drug.It has severe side effects on a person mentally and this is what happened with your ex.

You keep moaning and whining about why you,well what about your ex? Here this woman is dealing with physical illnesses and having to take medication that is just horrible and you are still moaning about why you! Stop the pity party please!

Your relationship tanked first and foremost because three months in this woman had to change medication that literally changed who she is.She was no doubt in a living hell hopped up on that medication and trying to deal with regular life at the same time.Stop asking why when you already know the answer! She was being driven batty by that awful drug.It wasn't about you or anything you did! She was having to deal with a physical issue for which she had to take drugs that caused a side effect of emotional turmoil.

When she started taking the prednisone and the medical issues started again, everything went to hell.

There is your answer that you wrote yourself.You already know the answer but for some reason or other don't want to accept it.
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 55
Dated for a few months and then dead...
Posted: 10/10/2010 3:21:16 PM
I did not seem them at the time as that bad of an issue and that I could work through them with her.

You mean you felt you'd be a bit lucky to have a gal that good looking, right? ;) Your first mistake was not seeing it as much of an issue with relationship-in-mind. What you listed is to be taken under VERY serious consideration.

Then tells me she does not know if she can be in a relationship right now. This is three months in. I said would you like me to leave, she says not sure. Would you like me to stay, not sure.

Dude, she wasn't. Wake up. You expect her to say, "Yes, please leave"? It's GOOD that she said that (it was obvious, come on), because her situation & emotional state is unfair to you, and people who are good at heart lose desire for a relationship (and them) if they put others in an unfair situation. At the same time, that doesn't mean they aren't attracted to you or find you cool, but they got a lot of other stuff going on that just ruins any thought of being a couple.

Anyway, she TOLD YOU ABOUT HER BAGGAGE & EMOTIONS in the first place. How are you shocked or confused in any way that she was acting all bi-polar about her own life, and thus, the situation with you? Come on, man... you should have expected all that. Disappointed if deciding to go thru it and date her like you did? Yeah, sure, that's fine & expected. To be confused? Hell no -- the writing was on the wall.

Key tips:
a) Never be a doormat/Mr Nice Guy to attractive gals in the dating market. In other words, catering to them will statistically move you yards back, not forward. It's good to boost your image as a person, yes (can you say FRIEND?), but there's OTHER ways to be a good guy in a gal's eyes to her sexual-romantic taste buds WITHOUT being Mr Doormat. You do those things for say, her brother or bff, to be on their good sides, but you shouldn't define yourself as a caterer to her -- it backfires despite what your instincts may tell you. Don't chase women -- or out to "prove yourself" to them -- turn off for most.

b) If you end up engaging with a gal who you feel is a bit out of your league (or a 'higher' league than most women you have a chance with), and she has a list of baggage -- beware. Approach with severe caution, if at all approaching... and take your emotions out of the game and treat it very casually w/ no expectations. A gal who's better looking than most of your chances can easily change your sense of judgement -- even on the judgement of their persona.
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 57
Dated for a few months and then dead...
Posted: 10/10/2010 4:20:54 PM

Its been about four months so I gave her a call. She did not answer. Then texted her and asked how she is doing. She said fine. Then rants about things that she heard about me and that I never told her.

When you and she ended your whatever it was,she asked if she could contact you. Don't you think she would have done so had that been her wish.
Look, the illness, the young child, the prednisone( I had a recent encounter with it-and it helped the problem,didn't notice mood swings( I have a very even temper, I'm ALWAYS mad-LOL) but it did cause me to just about EAT THE DOOR OFF THE REFRIGERATOR.
My guess would be that whether or not the illnesses/medications,etc had anything to do with it, she simply didn't want to continue seeing you...even though it might well have been something she was conflicted about at the time. What part of not hearing a peep out of her for 4 months did you not understand???
She lost interest in you, and what does it matter what the reason was? She drove you away,had it all resolved and then you barge back in. I don't know what the scoop is about whatever it was she wouldn't let you explain, and that doesn't matter either. It was a handy IDENTIFIABLE ISSUE to make it clear that she wasn't happy to hear from you.
Let it go, OP. It's a non-starter. Bless you for being a guy that DOESN'T see red flags everywhere-but you can't MAKE something be a relationship just because YOU want it to be.
No one is at fault, it just wasn't meant to be,and some people cannot open up their mouths and say " I'm not feelin' it anymore"-they have to create drama so that the other person in the involvement is pushed into the "bad guy" role.
I think this is what happened here. Let it go and move on.
Cindy O
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 59
view profile
Dated for a few months and then dead...
Posted: 10/11/2010 1:59:49 PM
She sounds bipolar, everyone is the bad guy and the significant other is usually at the top of the bad guy list. Consider yourself lucky that you didn't wed or have a child with this woman and find someone that is emotionally stable.
Joined: 2/2/2010
Msg: 60
Dated for a few months and then dead...
Posted: 10/12/2010 9:43:15 AM
" It could be the meds, but I doubt it, anyone in some form of medical or coundeling profession could see the change in themselves, and know there are side effects to certain meds and put two and two together."

not true at all. i am a psychology major and that is one of a lot of psychologists biggest faults they think they can self diagnose but the problem is you cant because whatever pills your taking or situation your going though actually changes the way you think and most of the time you never notice because of it.
that is y every psychologist i have ever met sees a psychologist lol yea i know it seems redundant but you have to have an unbiased point of view when diagnosing and observing behavior and that is impossible when it is your behavior.
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 61
Dated for a few months and then dead...
Posted: 12/25/2010 3:37:08 AM

Now, I know I am not the greatest or best thing since sliced bread, but I honestly do not know what happened. How does something go from perfect harmony and one of the happiest moments in her life (her words), to utter hate and dispar towards me?

She got to know you better.........................It doesn't with normal people
Perfect harmony??
You in the Jersey Boys ?

Rapped as a young adult
Couple of divorces
Autoimmune medical condition
Digestive disorder
Young child
Filed for bankruptcy and lost her condo with her ex through a foreclosure.

Maybe after hearing YOUR issues..she felt the need to compete you off.

Op I give you one thing for Christmas this year.

GO get professional help.
Mental illness takes different forms..has different symptoms..

There is no shame in it if you seek help.

Of course the people here will find fault with the OP in some shape or form, but from what he described...the woman is insane, and he did the absolute right thing and got the hell out of there.

Read the ops history..OMG If you think HE is the sane one..OH TAY

There's a sad sort of clanging
From the clock in the hall
And the bells in the steeple too,
And up in the nurs'ry an absurd little bird
Is popping out to say "KOO KOO".

Regretfully they tell us,
But firmly they compel us
To say goodby to you.

So long, farewell, Auf wiedersehen, good night,
I hate to go and leave this pretty sight.
So long, farewell, Auf wiedersehen, adieu,
Adieu, adieu, to yieu and yieu and yieu.

So long, farewell, Au'voir, auf wiedersehen,

So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodbye,
Goodbye! ..The so long song..R&H

Op ..Stop this..Get help and come back in a year..
We all go through crazy times..This is yours..Wake up.
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 64
Dated for a few months and then dead...
Posted: 12/25/2010 7:08:28 AM
Easy. She is bi-polar.
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 65
Dated for a few months and then dead...
Posted: 12/25/2010 8:39:29 AM
I see bi polar has been mentioned. Read up on it seems like a text book case!
Joined: 11/24/2010
Msg: 67
Dated for a few months and then dead...
Posted: 12/25/2010 10:40:44 AM
bi-polar maybe..

grass is greener on the other side of the fence syndrome?

has you in play while having being the back up insurance for when certain others dont work out??

dude..why would you continue with such an emotional roller coaster ride?? time to get off or suck it up and run with it as far as you can...
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 68
Dated for a few months and then dead...
Posted: 12/27/2010 12:28:09 PM
It's a relationship that never really got off the ground. It wasn't meant to be.

And yes, despite this philosophy, I DO notice a trend with dating site participants to have like a check list or ledger thing going on and any issue(s) you have in your life are going to be held against you. Granted, sometimes the issues are of one's own making,but sometimes they aren't. As ray of moonlight pointed out, if only people who were issue-free/have perfect lives are entitled to a pair-bond relationship, singlehood would be very much the NORM.
Believe me, it's a pervasive trend that I often catch myself starting to do-looking at one or 2 factors, mentally constructing a worst-case scenario, and passing on a potential dating/relationship interaction. I'm not saying that everyone should throw all caution and common sense to the wind and ignore all negative factors,or that people should force themselves to date and be involved with people they don't like or are not comfortable with,or ignore a gut feeling that something just ain't gonna work.
But most dating involvements that fizzle out or break up do so because the interest/attraction/chemistry was not in balance. If one has to sit down and analyze and dissect every dating situation that fades out or relationship that fails, either quietly or with much sound and fury, we'll all be basket cases.
However, I do have to make one observation...if someone looks at an illness, trauma, or other problem that rises from a situation beyond a person's control, and uses that to make a blanket judgement about the person being "not dating/relationship material", for ANYONE, not just their own 'druthers', that seems like someone lacking in compassion and over supplied with arrogance. People with illnesses, handicaps, or history of a trauma manage to make good relationships all the time. To call someone who was a victim of abuse or sexual assault "not relationship material", to me, is tantamount to saying anyone who saw combat in the military must have PTSD and therefore "isn't relationship material". How fair does THAT sound? Not very,right???

Lots of dating situations and relationships just don't work out. It's understandable to want to try and sort things out, vent a little, try to get ones' "thought ducks" in a row.
That's fine. But why is it that every dating or relationship involvement that fizzles out, fails, or just never gets any momentum, seems to have to be blamed on some sort of personality disorder or mental illness? Just because someone won't fall in love with you, or starts to and then stops, or falls in love and then falls OUT of it,doesn't mean that they have emotional or mental disorders!
Cindy O
Joined: 9/30/2010
Msg: 69
Dated for a few months and then dead...
Posted: 12/27/2010 12:34:39 PM
sorry, I just read the OP's post-she sounds like an unmedicated bipolar woman. RUN as fast as you can...and ask yourself:why are YOU thinking enuf of HER to actually start a thread about this???
Joined: 5/5/2011
Msg: 70
Dated for a few months and then dead...
Posted: 5/24/2011 11:48:35 PM
cause your playing games you told her it wouldnt work then kept in contact your an asswhole
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 71
Dated for a few months and then dead...
Posted: 5/25/2011 1:04:42 AM
Dude...stand outside her window with a boombox blasting one of her rap songs. Something with a lot of attitude, like "Cold-cocked the sucker!" so she'll understand that you mean business.

Better polish your skillz, because she'll be about to out-talk you no matter what you say. The best you can hope for is a little props for coming on strong, hard, and REAL.

If you're gonna bring it, then BRING IT, but if you're just gonna perpetrate, you a fool.
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 72
Dated for a few months and then dead...
Posted: 5/25/2011 2:14:36 PM
So what did you lied about? Or she claims you lied about?
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