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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > ITS ALL ABOUT ATTITUDE FOR THE OVER 45s      Home login  
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 jackfouru
Joined: 9/10/2010
Msg: 39
ITS ALL ABOUT ATTITUDE FOR THE OVER 45sPage 3 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

what's hidden underneath my clothing has nothing to do with "class"...


Yea, I know today that tattoos and body piercings are all the rage. What can I say, I am from a time when nobody with class would be caught dead with a tattoo. Times have changed, but my values in that regard have not.

ON the other hand, I would guess that behavior more than anything would describe class. Acting the right way at the right time . . not endung up with a lampshade on your head at a party. Being dignified and professional when appropriate, etc.
 jackfouru
Joined: 9/10/2010
Msg: 40
ITS ALL ABOUT ATTITUDE FOR THE OVER 45s
Posted: 10/21/2010 12:52:42 PM
Well, wealthy never had anything to do with my definition of class. It is simply the way you hold yourself out to the world, and yea, it is something that IS LEARNED, generally by Children who are brought up by classy parents as opposed to alcoholic wife beaters.
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 41
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ITS ALL ABOUT ATTITUDE FOR THE OVER 45s
Posted: 10/21/2010 7:22:53 PM
frienddougie...
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 42
ITS ALL ABOUT ATTITUDE FOR THE OVER 45s
Posted: 10/22/2010 2:56:16 AM

Reading these boards has been quite an eye opener. It seems these boards are often (although not always) about rancor and sarcasm and him versus her and adhominem attacks. You would think that people trying to make an good impression on the opposite (or same) sex would be far kinder, sensitive and gentler than many people here. You would think by the time a person is 45 that they have learned more to go with the flow rather than constantly be formenting drama.

This is the bottom line. Do looks matter? absolutely. Does intelligence matter? Of course . . . a smart, educated person wants the same in a partner . . but what matters the MOST? ATTITUDE ATTITUDE ATTITUDE. If you are angry at the world, angry with your lot in life, mean, miserable or a drama queen (or king), you can forget about having a decent relationship with anybody imho. Positive attitudes will take you far. Negative attiudes will leave you trailing in the dust. Its a fact of life.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5um8QWWRvo


I'm not sure whats worse, finding a bunch of mature adults attacking each other like children or going to some of the other threads and reading about how size does or doesn't matter, or how to perform certain sexual acts, or who appreciates getting pictures of nude guys via email. I mean these boards are nuts.


Oh who knows... maybe voicing disillusionment and bitterness are part of the process of getting back into the dating scene, downsizing, unemployment, foreclosures.. a less than felicitous retirement. Once people are over it... they move on if they can, OR they learn to wallow in the anonymity and stay stuck there for years and years.

On this point I'm not disagreeing with you at all, I think many of us are just as insulted as you are... but this seems to be the unfortunate nature of the beast.... or maybe we've been programmed to accept the mediocre and less than optimum as our pitiful due.
 trinity818
Joined: 9/1/2006
Msg: 43
ITS ALL ABOUT ATTITUDE FOR THE OVER 45s
Posted: 2/1/2011 9:39:46 AM

it is something that IS LEARNED, generally by Children who are brought up by classy parents as opposed to alcoholic wife beaters


Actually my father was an alcoholic wife beater and he taught me the same definition of class as you have stated. I guess he got one thing right.
 platypus_man
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 44
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ITS ALL ABOUT ATTITUDE FOR THE OVER 45s
Posted: 2/21/2011 9:10:11 AM

ITS ALL ABOUT ATTITUDE FOR THE OVER 45s

Uh, no. It just seems that way. When we're young, a woman who looks really good and a guy who's the star of the football team can get away with bad behavior because they have other attributes that still attract the opposite sex. As we age, some of those attributes disappear, and for women, as they age, it's the looks problem which no longer overcomes the bad or even borderline attitudes. But you'll still find old fat short bald ugly nasty rich guys with hot, nice women of all ages. Rich seems to be a very high ranking attribute for women no matter how old a guy is, and it's more often found in nasty old guys than in nice young ones. So, it's not all about attitude, at least not for guys. It certainly helps, but it isn't the most important thing. $$$$$$ is. No job, no cash? Usually, that means no woman. Don't get me wrong, there are a few charmers out there that can twist a woman around their finger no matter what, but they are few and far between. The rest of us 'nice guys' don't usually have that kind of success.
 Molly Maude
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 45
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ITS ALL ABOUT ATTITUDE FOR THE OVER 45s
Posted: 2/21/2011 1:13:40 PM
Waywardwind: "Generally, staying in the social class one was born to makes for FAR better relationships."

wow ... now I know why I suck at relationships ... I should have stayed in my class ... I should have been and married a gold miner ... or a rodeo bum ... or gone into ranching, breeding palaminos and white faced herfords ...

cuz ... that's what/where I came from! silly me ... I went to college, married an educated man ... had children and gave cooktail (misspelling deliberate) and dinner parties ... provided the children with various sports and dance classes, etc.

now see ... if I'd just known that sooner ... I would have looked for a COWBOY!

but I WAS always chosen last for games ... and was never placed in right field!



actually, I was usually the pitcher cuz that was all I could do!
 Meeting_At_The_Crossroads
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 46
ITS ALL ABOUT ATTITUDE FOR THE OVER 45s
Posted: 3/19/2011 7:44:53 PM
I concur with OP on this business about attitude. When I was working, my supervisor had a saying "Attitude determines altitude". While this was meant to be applied in the workplace it has a place in "real life" and the dating world as well.

If one has a positive attitude, good things will happen. Most folks easily recognize a poor or negative attitude and simply shy away from the person. Not that a positive attitude will be the guarantee of results - but it will provide an opportunity at least.

Not that it worked in the workplace I was a minion in. There the Peter Principle reined supreme!! Go figure.

I believe it all comes down to luck - but one has to help Lady Luck a little.

Be Lucky !!
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 47
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ITS ALL ABOUT ATTITUDE FOR THE OVER 45s
Posted: 3/19/2011 8:43:58 PM
Some interesting comments in this thread. I have to admit that I do not look favorably on piercings and tattoos. Pierced ears are a different matter, but not the type of ears with 20 piercings. And studs sticking through your nose, or rings through your lips -- shudder! I have become somewhat accustomed to seeing tattoos on women, even big highly visible tattoos. But I will never think it enhances a woman's appeal. Never.

I am a girl watcher from way back. Like all of my life, basically. And I do enjoy seeing beautiful young women showing off what they have. But when I see an otherwise attractive young woman with what looks like a mutilated ear, or for crying out loud, rings through her lips. I just have to wonder -- do the young men think those things enhance her sexual appeal?
 sddude
Joined: 12/9/2007
Msg: 48
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ITS ALL ABOUT ATTITUDE FOR THE OVER 45s
Posted: 3/20/2011 8:27:09 PM
everyone of all ages are nuts that is why I opt for younger women, less bad experiences thus less jaded in a way.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 49
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ITS ALL ABOUT ATTITUDE FOR THE OVER 45s
Posted: 3/23/2011 6:13:43 AM

everyone of all ages are nuts that is why I opt for younger women, less bad experiences thus less jaded in a way.


Can you not see the irony of your own statement?
Wouldn't that mean that you have a "jaded" view of all "older" women?

Every time I see a man post that type of comment......my mind immediately
thinks .....this is a man that can't handle a woman that stands up for herself....so he
goes after the young girls because alot of them will take the crap an older woman won't!
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 50
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ITS ALL ABOUT ATTITUDE FOR THE OVER 45s
Posted: 3/23/2011 6:35:02 AM

Every time I see a man post that type of comment......my mind immediately
thinks .....this is a man that can't handle a woman that stands up for herself..


How, and why, would anyone be in the position of not being able to "handle someone that stands up for themselves", as you put it?

People that want to develop a relationship have to be creative in a way that melds their lives into a mutually satisfying pattern. The entire idea of having to "handle" the other partner of the pair is to me the antithesis of what should be going on. If the situation arises, it has to mean that lines have been drawn and positions hardened, which means that the relationship is on an essentially destructive path.

Last place I would want to be emotionally is a situation where I felt the need to "handle" my partner.

Now, whether it is true or not that younger people are more open to melding into a new relationship than older ones, I suspect it depends on motivations. Certainly younger people, driven by the reproductive urge, appear in many ways to find it easier than older people to meld, but that is certainly not true for everyone.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 51
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ITS ALL ABOUT ATTITUDE FOR THE OVER 45s
Posted: 3/23/2011 5:38:45 PM

Last place I would want to be emotionally is a situation where I felt the need to "handle" my partner.

Got stuck on the one word of that whole sentence, did you?!!

Let me rephrase that for you.....

Every time I see a man post that type of comment......my mind immediately
thinks .....this is a man that needs a weak willed woman that will never stand up for herself and he will never respect her opinion because he is the man of the house and what he says goes!

Can you follow the intent of my point now instead of focusing on the one word?
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 52
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ITS ALL ABOUT ATTITUDE FOR THE OVER 45s
Posted: 3/23/2011 6:37:13 PM
Oh, that is a lot clearer.....

Is it all because younger women are weak willed and easily subjugated? Some kind of stereotype I have yet to encounter, I suppose.

Exactly what is the age at which a woman ceases to be young and weak willed and becomes a mature, independent individual that stands up for her rights and does not take any guff from men? Would say, a 40 year old woman have made the transition? How about 35? 30?

Is there a test? Is the age of the man a factor?

 Dave of Indiana
Joined: 3/18/2009
Msg: 53
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ITS ALL ABOUT ATTITUDE FOR THE OVER 45s
Posted: 3/23/2011 8:04:20 PM

Every time I see a man post that type of comment......my mind immediately
thinks .....this is a man that can't handle a woman that stands up for herself....so he
goes after the young girls because alot of them will take the crap an older woman won't!


A woman who can stand up for herself is not the issue. It's women who treat men as if we all are her ex-husband. She vents her frustration toward us because her ex won't listen anymore and the next best thing is the nearest male. Emotional walls for any suitor who shows interest and countless tests to see if he "measures up".

Question: why is it that the interpretation is always, "a man that can't handle a woman that stands up for herself" or "a man who can't handle aggressive successful women"? This seems to the the pat answer, in the form of a statement, to any disagreement. This is more of a stereo typical attack rather than a bonifide statement of fact.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 54
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ITS ALL ABOUT ATTITUDE FOR THE OVER 45s
Posted: 3/23/2011 8:48:23 PM
yeah, cuz it's only women that do it Dave!!!

Rearguard, Guess you'll have to ask the men that keep repeating the "older women are jaded" line what the age cut off is!
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 55
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ITS ALL ABOUT ATTITUDE FOR THE OVER 45s
Posted: 3/24/2011 5:56:39 AM
Personally, I think its all hormonal. Younger people are driven to merge and breed to the exclusion of pretty much everything else. Older people just are not that driven, and the result is that they appear to be a lot more picky in what they will accept as a disturbance to their lives. It all changes in late 40s to early 50s, usually, for both men and women.

Are the younger ones "easier" targets for relationships? Yes indeed. Does it have to do with being jaded? Its a description, but more likely it has to do with decline in hormone levels......

Is it related to being weak willed, submissive, or any of the other typically disrespectful and insulting epithets expressed about the people involved? Probably not.....
 Life_Is_Better
Joined: 1/8/2011
Msg: 56
ITS ALL ABOUT ATTITUDE FOR THE OVER 45s
Posted: 3/24/2011 8:26:59 PM
Let's be honest here... relationships are a lot easier when one is young - very young. Because ignorance is bliss. It is true that it is mostly about sex when one is young. The problem for those of us of advanced age, is that the aging process has brought with it experience. And experience is a great teacher. One can not enter relationships so easily because of many things - a few being, one's upbringing, religion, past relationship experiences, reading, tv, talking with other people about their lives, developing one's preferences for things, laziness, one's outlook on life, good luck versus bad luck as one person said, etc.

So... to temper all of this... one has to have a positive "attitude" AND convey such an attitude to those on the dating site. Anything else and the hopes of finding a SO are greatly diminished. MTCW.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 57
ITS ALL ABOUT ATTITUDE FOR THE OVER 45s
Posted: 3/25/2011 1:20:45 PM
I am with Straycat on this.

I like the fact that the forums have a spectrum of opinions, of life experiences, from the cynic, the doomsday type, the man or woman hater, to the lover of it all. When you see the human experience as raw, as sometimes ridiculous and at times so enlighten then you can see perspective to anything that is thrown at you.

Also when you have perspective, then you can see your own situation not for the bad things but for the things that you need to be grateful about. Yes, some bad things may have happened to you, but look at all you have learned.

The problem I also keep seeing is that of people that keep falling down, but no longer want to get up. They have given up. And life is about falling down 7 times, and getting up the 8th time.

In martial arts they teach you how to fall, not because they are pessimist but because they know is going to happen and you need to focus on the getting up and trying again.
 MondoVman
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 58
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ITS ALL ABOUT ATTITUDE FOR THE OVER 45s
Posted: 3/26/2011 4:09:06 AM
Blah, blah, blah...

The matter at hand is not about attitudes one claims, nor about one's wishes upon others'.

The matter is about what I actually DO. A non-enacted attitude is a non-existent one. I volunteer. I'm sincerely interested in others. I date. I spend blocks of time away from my house on weekends.

I have no new ideas for meeting women other than simply walking up to one and starting a conversation - a virtual impossibility in cyberworld. Yep, that walking-then-talking effort and keeping in mind the ole saw of "3 Acks to every Nak".
 amethyst10616
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 59
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ITS ALL ABOUT ATTITUDE FOR THE OVER 45s
Posted: 3/27/2011 8:06:59 AM
I have found some really useful advice and some thought-provoking views to help me adjust my dating attitude on this forum. As a woman who was with the same man for over 23 years before divorcing, I certainly had alot to learn about dating at this time in my life. Things are quite different for me now as an over 45 female than when I was dating back in my teens.

A positive attitude is always a plus, but so is honestly stating what you feel. In real life, there are people who consider discusion confrontation and who are unwilling to really talk out their differences. Here on the forums, people generally do speak their minds and the responses back can either make a person self-reflect on their own attitudes and possibly, if there are introspective enough, help adjust their attitude that may very well be the reason why they have not been successful in their relationships.

There are forumites who are honestly just looking for their opinion to be validated. Of course, they are going to get defensive when someone disagrees with them. Sometimes relationships run their course, it is not that they failed, they no longer served both parties' needs. To me, that is not failure, but staying would prevent you from finding happiness.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 60
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ITS ALL ABOUT ATTITUDE FOR THE OVER 45s
Posted: 3/27/2011 9:03:44 AM

French foreign exchange student from highschool, dated 3 years; she wanted to get married have kids - out. great relationship, no regrets.
south african - foreign exchange in college, we dated a year, she went back to finish her doctorate; ended up in an arranged marriage per her family's directive; no regrets. out
Japanese 17 years - her mommy clock tempe timer hit. She wanted kids. done, no regrets.

Having "no regrets" doesn't make them any less unsuccessful!
If they were successful.....you'd still be with them no matter what.
 amethyst10616
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 61
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ITS ALL ABOUT ATTITUDE FOR THE OVER 45s
Posted: 3/27/2011 1:24:07 PM
I do not think that marriage or kids define success in a relationship. I think what does define success is sticking through the hard times, and in sickness as well as health, with the attitude that I am going to work to maintain the love that this commitment was built on to begin with.

I know too many people who talk about being married for 30 years, or whatever, and they are not friends. How can you love someone, be married to them, and not want to keep the happy in the relationship?

All relationships do not end in forever after, and for the life of me, I cannot understand why each and every one of them has to be measured in success or failure. People are meant to be in our life sometimes only for a season, not forever. If it no longer worked, possibly it had run its course.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 62
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Posted: 3/28/2011 5:01:14 AM

I cannot understand why each and every one of them has to be measured in success or failure.


What a good question. I regard every relationship I ever had as a "success" simply because I achieved a relationship with another human being. Those that talk of "failure" and "failed relationships" are either expressing their own judgments about their own relationships, or are people applying their own standards to others' relationships. The latter actually know nothing about the relationships they judge, and the former only express disappointment in themselves.

You meet a complete stranger, you join with them emotionally and physically for a while, you share some of life with them. Its all good as far as I can see. Just consider the alternative of never meeting anyone, never joining with someone, never sharing your life with anyone. That is what I would call failure.....loneliness...misery.......
 amethyst10616
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 63
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ITS ALL ABOUT ATTITUDE FOR THE OVER 45s
Posted: 3/28/2011 7:53:25 PM
I agree with you, rearguard in that having a connection with another human being is a good thing.

I am open to getting to know different kinds of people, clearly, what I thought was my type has not led to the kind of forever after that I hope to find at some point. I have had enormous fun so far on my fishing trip and I do hope to eventually find my keeper. I do not limit my fishing to POF, lots of times, I meet people out in my daily life who are fun and interesting companions.

Misery and loneliness are choices, IMO. Failure is but a word; it only becomes an adjective if you describe a relationship as so. I am divorced, but my marriage was not a failure. I was happy for all but the last year of it, have two amazing kids from him, and more memories than I have time to remember. It was successful for over twenty years. The last year, when things fell apart, will not define such a long-term relationship.
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