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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > ITS ALL ABOUT ATTITUDE FOR THE OVER 45s      Home login  
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 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 60
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ITS ALL ABOUT ATTITUDE FOR THE OVER 45sPage 6 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

French foreign exchange student from highschool, dated 3 years; she wanted to get married have kids - out. great relationship, no regrets.
south african - foreign exchange in college, we dated a year, she went back to finish her doctorate; ended up in an arranged marriage per her family's directive; no regrets. out
Japanese 17 years - her mommy clock tempe timer hit. She wanted kids. done, no regrets.

Having "no regrets" doesn't make them any less unsuccessful!
If they were successful.....you'd still be with them no matter what.
 amethyst10616
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 61
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ITS ALL ABOUT ATTITUDE FOR THE OVER 45s
Posted: 3/27/2011 1:24:07 PM
I do not think that marriage or kids define success in a relationship. I think what does define success is sticking through the hard times, and in sickness as well as health, with the attitude that I am going to work to maintain the love that this commitment was built on to begin with.

I know too many people who talk about being married for 30 years, or whatever, and they are not friends. How can you love someone, be married to them, and not want to keep the happy in the relationship?

All relationships do not end in forever after, and for the life of me, I cannot understand why each and every one of them has to be measured in success or failure. People are meant to be in our life sometimes only for a season, not forever. If it no longer worked, possibly it had run its course.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 62
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ITS ALL ABOUT ATTITUDE FOR THE OVER 45s
Posted: 3/28/2011 5:01:14 AM

I cannot understand why each and every one of them has to be measured in success or failure.


What a good question. I regard every relationship I ever had as a "success" simply because I achieved a relationship with another human being. Those that talk of "failure" and "failed relationships" are either expressing their own judgments about their own relationships, or are people applying their own standards to others' relationships. The latter actually know nothing about the relationships they judge, and the former only express disappointment in themselves.

You meet a complete stranger, you join with them emotionally and physically for a while, you share some of life with them. Its all good as far as I can see. Just consider the alternative of never meeting anyone, never joining with someone, never sharing your life with anyone. That is what I would call failure.....loneliness...misery.......
 amethyst10616
Joined: 7/23/2009
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ITS ALL ABOUT ATTITUDE FOR THE OVER 45s
Posted: 3/28/2011 7:53:25 PM
I agree with you, rearguard in that having a connection with another human being is a good thing.

I am open to getting to know different kinds of people, clearly, what I thought was my type has not led to the kind of forever after that I hope to find at some point. I have had enormous fun so far on my fishing trip and I do hope to eventually find my keeper. I do not limit my fishing to POF, lots of times, I meet people out in my daily life who are fun and interesting companions.

Misery and loneliness are choices, IMO. Failure is but a word; it only becomes an adjective if you describe a relationship as so. I am divorced, but my marriage was not a failure. I was happy for all but the last year of it, have two amazing kids from him, and more memories than I have time to remember. It was successful for over twenty years. The last year, when things fell apart, will not define such a long-term relationship.
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