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 notdating-forumsonly
Joined: 4/6/2012
Msg: 499
more blonde jokesPage 23 of 25    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25)
FINALLY! A new blonde joke! Supposedly, it's the oldest male blonde joke. Enjoy.

Please post some jokes :) (Clean ones, please)

An Irishman, a Mexican and a blonde guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this building." The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too." The blond opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again. If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."

The next day the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage and jumped to his death. The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito and jumped too. The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.

At the funeral the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!" The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much." Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. "Hey, don't look at me," she said, "He makes his own lunch."
 notdating-forumsonly
Joined: 4/6/2012
Msg: 500
more blonde jokes
Posted: 10/10/2012 10:24:56 AM
I could use some help with some new blonde jokes :)

Please post your favorite blonde jokes.
 notdating-forumsonly
Joined: 4/6/2012
Msg: 501
more blonde jokes
Posted: 10/17/2012 3:24:31 AM
A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives.

To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it.

"This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture shows his profile."(Side pose...)

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily responds, "For God's sake, What's the matter with you two?? Of course only one eye and one ear are SHOWING because it's a picture of his profile!! Is that the best answer you can come up with?!?"

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks, "Now think hard before giving me a stupid answer. This is your suspect, how would you recognize him??"

The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "Hmmmm...the suspect wears contact lenses..."

The policeman is surprised and speechless... "Wow! I can't believe it ... it's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation??"

"That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear..."
 notdating-forumsonly
Joined: 4/6/2012
Msg: 502
more blonde jokes
Posted: 10/17/2012 11:13:24 AM
Monica meets up with her blonde friend Judy as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.

Monica asks, "Everything ok with your car now?"

"Yes, thank goodness," Judy replies.

"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"

"Yeah, but he didn't. I was SO relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid."
 notdating-forumsonly
Joined: 4/6/2012
Msg: 503
more blonde jokes
Posted: 10/17/2012 9:19:20 PM
Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, California, a blonde (of course!!), new to boating was having problems. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't get her brand new 22ft Bayliner to perform.

It wouldn't plane at all, and it was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power she applied.

After about an hour of trying to make it go, she putted over to a nearby marina. Maybe they could tell her what was wrong.

A thorough topside check revealed everything was in perfect working order. The engine ran, the out drive went up and down, the prop was the correct size and pitch.

So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath only to come up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.

REMEMBER THIS IS TRUE.

Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer.
 notdating-forumsonly
Joined: 4/6/2012
Msg: 504
more blonde jokes
Posted: 10/18/2012 6:00:20 PM
ok guys, I've asked for help posting blonde jokes and didn't get any. I'm having a hard time finding new ones after 25 pages of posts, so I'm going to post a few from a year ago that I really like:

A blonde, brunette, and redhead are talking about their
daughters. The redhead says, " I was going through my daughters
drawers, and I found a bottle of beer. I can't believe my
daughter drinks."

Then the brunette says, " well I was cleaning my daughters room,
and I found a pack of cigarettes. I can't believe my daughter
smokes."

Then the blonde says, " I was making my daughters bed, and I
found a condom. I can't believe my daughter has a penis.
 BigBadNIrish
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 505
more blonde jokes
Posted: 10/18/2012 6:42:44 PM
He chuckle's...Hi C
 Tbaker172
Joined: 10/1/2012
Msg: 506
more blonde jokes
Posted: 10/18/2012 7:41:15 PM
A blonde receptionist is sitting at her desk one morning when a guy walks up and begins making conversation. After a few moments she notices the thermos that he is carrying and asks "What is that thing?". The guy replies "It's a thermos", so the blonde asks, "what's if for?". So he tells her "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold". Well the blonde was very impressed so she went out that afternoon and bought her own thermos. The next morning, the guy comes in and notices her brand new thermos sitting on her desk so he say's "Hey, I see you got yourself a thermos! What do you have in there?", the blonde replies "I've got a pot of coffee and two pop sickles".
 notdating-forumsonly
Joined: 4/6/2012
Msg: 507
more blonde jokes
Posted: 10/19/2012 6:17:33 PM
^^^Hey, thanks for posting the joke! Good one!

Hi, Irish! Good to see you. I hope you are well. :)

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.

The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here" and hung up.

The husband said, "Who was that?"

The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know "if the coast is clear."
 Tbaker172
Joined: 10/1/2012
Msg: 508
more blonde jokes
Posted: 10/25/2012 6:01:54 PM
I have another it is almost certainly not a repeat.

A blonde decided that she wanted to learn how to fly a helicopter, so she went out the the local airport and signed up for flying lessons. Her instructor was a little nervous at first because of all of the blonde jokes that he had heard but she proved to be one of his best students. She picked up flying like it was second nature and after only two weeks she had mastered hovering and a week later the instructor decided that she was ready for her first solo flight. He stood on the tarmac and watched her take off smoothly, up she went into forward flight as effortlessly as a seasoned pilot. the helicopter turned and banked gracefully as the blonde student entered the traffic pattern and then all of a sudden it dropped from the air and hit ground with and earth shaking crash. The panicked instructor got into his car and drove to the scene of the crash as fast as he could. There he found his student sitting next to the twisted wreckage looking confused but without a scratch on her. He ran up to her and asked if she was okay, "yeah, I think so" she replied. "what happened?" he asked. To which the blonde said "Well, everything was going fine, but then it started to get a little hot, so I turned off the ceiling fan."
 notdating-forumsonly
Joined: 4/6/2012
Msg: 509
more blonde jokes
Posted: 11/15/2012 8:52:32 PM
^^^LOL- that's funny. Thanks for sharing this joke.

An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess.

The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her.

She answered the phone, sobbing, and said she couldn't get out of her room.

"You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied, "There are only three doors in here, "she cried," one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says "Do Not Disturb"!!
 kittinn
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 510
more blonde jokes
Posted: 11/16/2012 7:23:28 PM
Why are blonde jokes monosyllabic?
So men can understand them, too.

:)
 notdating-forumsonly
Joined: 4/6/2012
Msg: 511
more blonde jokes
Posted: 11/28/2012 8:57:32 AM
Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?

You can park in the handicapped zone.
 notdating-forumsonly
Joined: 4/6/2012
Msg: 512
more blonde jokes
Posted: 11/28/2012 9:33:57 PM
dumbeblonde- thanks for contributing! those are great jokes!
I started this thread so long ago I've changed my user name twice since then-
It's nice to see that people are reading it and are getting a few laughs out of it.
I went back to see what joke was under 242 and I like it, so I'm re-posting it here ( good stuff):

A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds."

When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"

The blonde nodded, "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."

"From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.

"No, from skipping."
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 513
view profile
History
more blonde jokes
Posted: 11/30/2012 10:07:10 AM
OMG!!! you all made my day. Thanks for taking the time to post these :)
 notdating-forumsonly
Joined: 4/6/2012
Msg: 514
more blonde jokes
Posted: 12/3/2012 6:04:59 PM
Thank you, Wonder- that's why I keep posting :)

Dumbeblonde: HA! Thanks again for posting. I'm enjoying your jokes :)

It's back to the basics since I can't find any new blonde jokes:

Question: If a blonde and a brunette fell off a building, who would hit the ground first?
Answer: The brunette - the blonde would have to stop for directions!
 lauraly84
Joined: 3/20/2012
Msg: 515
more blonde jokes
Posted: 12/3/2012 10:49:41 PM
Q: What do you call a rotten blonde under the porch?

A: Last year's hide and go seek winner.
 notdating-forumsonly
Joined: 4/6/2012
Msg: 516
more blonde jokes
Posted: 12/4/2012 9:04:58 AM
^^^HA!! That's a good one and I've never heard it before now. Thanks for sharing!

I think I may go for some really dumb blonde jokes for a while. Please keep contributing!

A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. So she left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk.

When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons so he knocked on her door to clarify the point.

The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 1.5 gallons?"

The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath."

The milkman asked, "Do you want it Pasteurized?"

The blonde said, "No, just up to my boobs, I can splash it in my eyes."
 TedJMill
Joined: 7/6/2005
Msg: 517
view profile
History
more blonde jokes
Posted: 12/21/2012 7:25:54 AM

To which the blonde said "Well, everything was going fine, but then it started to get a little hot, so I turned off the ceiling fan."


Shouldn't that be "it started to get a little cold, so I turned off the ceiling fan"?
 notdating-forumsonly
Joined: 4/6/2012
Msg: 518
more blonde jokes
Posted: 12/27/2012 8:04:24 PM
dumbblonde- this one really made me laugh ( I'm visual). I started this thread about 2 years and 3 user names ago and I've never heard the jokes that you're sharing- these are great.

I tried to find a holiday joke and can only find a belated blonde Christmas joke. Enjoy. Happy Holidays!

One freezing cold day two blonde’s went for a walk through the forest to search for the perfect Christmas tree. Finally after 5 hours of searching one turns to the other and proclaims, “that’s it, I’m chopping down the next tree whether its decorated or not!”
 notdating-forumsonly
Joined: 4/6/2012
Msg: 519
more blonde jokes
Posted: 12/28/2012 5:46:52 PM
A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde escape a burning building by climbing to the roof. Firemen are on the street below, holding a blanket for them to jump in. The firemen yell to the brunette, "Jump! Jump! It's your only chance to survive!"

The brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away. The brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato.

"Come on! Jump! You gotta jump." say the firemen to the Redhead. "Oh no! You are going to pull the blanket away!" says the Redhead.

"No! It's brunettes that we can't stand. We're Okay with Redheads." repied the firemen.



"Okay." said the redhead, and she jumped. SWISH! The firemen yanked the blanket away, and the lady was flattened on the pavement like a pancake.

Finally, the blonde stepped to the edge of the roof. Again, the firemen yelled, "Jump! You have to jump!"

"No way! You're just gonna pull the blanket away." yelled the blonde. "No! Really! You have to jump. We won't pull the blanket away," answered the firemen.

"Look," the blonde said. "Nothing you say is gonna convince me that you're not gonna pull the blanket away. So what I want you to do is put the blanket down, and back away from it."

lol
 notdating-forumsonly
Joined: 4/6/2012
Msg: 520
more blonde jokes
Posted: 12/28/2012 5:47:19 PM
oops
 notdating-forumsonly
Joined: 4/6/2012
Msg: 521
more blonde jokes
Posted: 1/8/2013 5:48:49 PM
In the spirit of New Year's resolutions ( to lose weight):

Did you hear about the blonde that threw away her weight loss video because she noticed that the people on the video were not losing weight either?

lol
 notdating-forumsonly
Joined: 4/6/2012
Msg: 522
more blonde jokes
Posted: 1/9/2013 9:16:21 AM
A flying saucer landed at a gas station on a lonely country road. The two space aliens inside seemed completely unconcerned about detection; in fact, the letters "UFO" were emblazoned in big, bold letters on one side of their shiny craft. As the station owner stood and gawked in silence, paralyzed with shock, his young blond attendant nonchalantly filled up the tank and waved to the two aliens as they took off. "Do you realize what just happened?" the station owner finally uttered.
"Yeah," said the blond attendant. "So?"
"Didn't you see the space aliens in that vehicle?!"
"Yeah," repeated the blonde attendant. "So?"
"Didn't you see the letters 'UFO' on the side of that vehicle?!"
"Yeah," repeated the blonde attendant. "So?"
"Don't you know what 'UFO' means?!"
The blonde attendant rolled his eyes. "Good grief, boss! I've been
working here for six years. Of course I know what 'UFO' means
'Unleaded Fuel Only.'"
 Back 2 Square1
Joined: 8/9/2008
Msg: 523
view profile
History
more blonde jokes
Posted: 1/16/2013 7:49:02 PM
A business owner is sitting in his office one morning contemplating the economy, and realizes that he is going to have to lay off one of his office employees.
Will it be Jack, who is always at work early and stays late to get his work done?
.....Or.....
Will it be Sally, the attractive blonde who barely gets to work on time, and takes twice as long to things done?
So he decides that the first one of the two who goes to water fountain is the one he will get rid of.
He patiently watches, and after a short time Sally shows up to get a drink of water.
So he calls Sally into his office and says, " Sally, this is a tough decision, but I am going to have to lay you or Jack off.
She thinks for a moment and says, "Well, could you jack off today? Because I have a terrible headache."
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