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 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 101
more blonde jokesPage 5 of 25    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25)
^^^^ Good one!

Q. Why did the blonde bury her walkman?
A. Because the batteries were dead.

 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 102
more blonde jokes
Posted: 1/31/2011 8:28:36 PM
Q. How do you know a blonde has been using a dishwasher?
A.It's clogged up with paperplates.

There were three woman at an American college eating lunch. There was a Russian, American, and a Blonde. They were all bragging about their countries.
The Russian said," We were the first in space."
The American said," We were the first on the moon."
The Blonde said," Well, we will be the first on the sun."
The Russian said," You cannot do that or you will burn up!"
"Duh! We'll go at night." the Blonde replied.
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 103
more blonde jokes
Posted: 2/2/2011 8:37:12 AM
A blonde, a brunette, a moviestar, the pope, and a pilot were in a plane. The plane was going down, and there were only 4 parachutes. So the pilot took one and jumped, then the moviestar took one and jumped, and then the blonde took one and jumped. Since there was only one parachute left, the pope told the brunette to take the last one. The brunette said, "There are still 2 parachutes left...the blonde took my backpack and jumped."
 Molly Maude
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 104
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Posted: 2/2/2011 7:37:31 PM
oooohhhh ... that's just SAD!

incidentally ... as the "captain of the ship" ... wouldn't the pilot go down last?! WITH the "ship," I mean? I know ... it's a joke! .... soooo sad, though!

 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 105
more blonde jokes
Posted: 2/2/2011 8:03:19 PM
Hi, MollyMaude- good to hear from you!

Maybe he/ she was blonde?
Maybe the pope had him/her covered?
Just a joke, so it might as well be goofy :)

We can pretend that the blonde is ok ;)
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 106
more blonde jokes
Posted: 2/4/2011 11:59:38 AM
Q. Why did the blonde climb over the glass wall?
A. To see what was on the other side.
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 107
more blonde jokes
Posted: 2/5/2011 1:52:07 PM
How do you know when a blonde is making chocolate cookies?
There are M&M shells all over the place.

What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
Pregnant.
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 108
more blonde jokes
Posted: 2/8/2011 11:48:25 AM
There are 3 women who are in the army; A Blonde, Brunette and Redhead and their general asks them if they went into the desert and could only take one thing, what would it be?

Well the Brunetter says I would take an umbrella so I wont get hot. The General says ok that is good.

The Redhead says I would take a watermellon because I could eat it and drink the juices on it too. The General says ok that is good.

Then he asks the Blonde what she would take and she says " I would take a car door" The General says, "Why in the heck would you take a car door??"

The Blonde says, "So if I get hot I can roll down the window."
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 109
more blonde jokes
Posted: 2/10/2011 6:33:27 AM
What did the blonde do when she broke her tupperware?
Called the plastic surgeon.
 doc50
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 110
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Posted: 2/12/2011 6:13:58 AM
a blonde walks to the riverbank and shouts across to another blonde.
"how do i cross to the other bank."
"you are on the other bank." was the reply.


two blonde nuns were driving in transylvania when dracula landed on the front of their car. quick says the first nun,"show him your cross."
"IF YOU DO NOT MOVE YOUR A*SE OFF THE FRONT OF OUR CAR I'LL FCUKING KICK YOU TO KINGDOM COME."said sister mary.
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 111
more blonde jokes
Posted: 2/12/2011 11:42:29 AM
^^^

How do you know that a fax came from a blonde??

There is a stamp on it.

What does a U.F.O and an intellegent blonde have in common?
You always hear about them... but you never see them!
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 112
more blonde jokes
Posted: 2/15/2011 11:28:35 AM
There were a blonde and a brunette driving and the brunette goes to the blonde, "Go check my blinker!"

"Does it work?"

Blonde:

"Yes"
"No"
"Yes"
"No"
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 113
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Posted: 2/16/2011 1:06:06 AM
Or the other version:
"Does my blinker work?"

Blonde: "NO! The light just goes on and off and on and off. It doesn't blink at all."
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 114
more blonde jokes
Posted: 2/16/2011 1:18:08 PM
Igor: ;)

sorry in advance- kind of cruel, but funny,,,hopefully

A blonde recieved an assignment from her special ed. science teacher. The assignment was what will happen after you pull all of the legs off of a grasshopper. So the blonde says jump grasshopper jump. And the grasshopper jumped. So she pulled off one leg and said jump grasshopper jump. And the grasshopper jumped. So she does this until she got down to the last leg. So she pulled it off. Then she said jump grasshopper jump. And the grasshopper didn't jump. so she wrote down on her piece of paper.
"They lose their hearing"
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 115
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Posted: 2/16/2011 4:13:28 PM
I like that one. I think I've BEEN that grasshopper, in a way, and my ex IS a blonde. I recall hearing a version of "jump, husband jump!" followed by "you never listen to me!" some time preceding the "divorce!" declaration.
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 116
more blonde jokes
Posted: 2/18/2011 10:11:56 PM
Igor, so what you are saying is that you've 'lost your hearing'? ;)
This is why I post jokes - because much of life is the stuff that tries to zap the humour from it,,,and much of life is serious. I'm also obviously poking fun at myself and being blonde,,,aka, people need to lighten up and not take much of life too seriously,,,and just have fun. JS--people who say you never listen to me haven't mastered the art of communication by simply saying want they mean/ want. ;)

And now for a joke to lighten the mood:

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are trapped on an island. While walking along the beach one day they spot a lamp in the sand. They pick it up and rub and out pops a genie. He says,"I'll grant you each one wish. What is yours?" he asks the brunette.
"I'm sick of this island - I wish to go home," she answers. Poof! She disappears.
The genie then turns to the redhead. "What is your wish he asks?"
"I'm also sick of this island, so I wish to go home, too," she replies. Poof! She disappears.
Finally, the genie asks the blonde,"What is your wish?"
She answers,"Well, I'm very lonely now. I really wish my friends were still here..."
 Molly Maude
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 117
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Posted: 2/19/2011 4:06:17 PM
they should have let the blonde wish first! LAFFING ...
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 118
more blonde jokes
Posted: 2/19/2011 10:47:15 PM
^^^^Hmmm,,,then I think she might have just wished for more company lol.

In a high school civics class, they were discussing the qualifications for becoming President of the United States. The requirements are pretty simple. The candidate must be a natural born citizen and at least 35 years old.

A blonde girl in the class piped up and began complaining about how unfair it was to require the candidate to be a natural born citizen. In her opinion, that made it impossible for many qualified people to run for the office. She went on and on, wrapping up her argument with "What makes a natural born citizen more qualified to be President than one born by C-Section?"



Now THAT's funny.
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 119
more blonde jokes
Posted: 2/20/2011 2:24:58 PM
^^^ this is true! *huggs dan*

On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor. He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.

The blonde asked, "How am I supposed to know when I'm at 300 feet?"

"That's a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you can recognize the faces of people on the ground."

After pondering his answer, she asked, "What happens if there's no one there I know?"
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 120
more blonde jokes
Posted: 2/21/2011 7:55:13 AM
^^^ lol

good one Dan :)

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb...and I also know that I'm not blonde. - Dolly Parton


Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses."

"We don't have any," replied the first blonde.

"Well, if you're going to fish, you need fishing licenses," said the Game Warden.

"But officer," replied the second blonde, "we aren't fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of the river."

The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. "Well, I know of no law against it," said the Game Warden. "Take all the debris you want." And with that, he left.

As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically. "What a dumb Fish Cop," the second blonde said to the other two. "Doesn't he know that there are steelhead trout in this river?"
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 121
more blonde jokes
Posted: 2/22/2011 10:54:43 PM
A blonde was driving home after work and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to the repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.

So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car's tailpipe. Nothing happened. She blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.

Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?" The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.

Her roommate rolled her eyes and said... "HEL-LOOOOOOOO ...You gotta roll up the windows!!!
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 122
more blonde jokes
Posted: 2/28/2011 9:01:59 PM
Why did the blonde smile everytime there was a flash of lightning?

She though someone was taking her picture.
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 123
more blonde jokes
Posted: 3/1/2011 5:06:31 PM
How do you get a one armed blonde out of a tree?
Wave to her.

What was she doing there in the first place?
Raking leaves
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 124
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Posted: 3/5/2011 6:13:26 AM
I'd really LIKE to know the answer to this one:
How many light bulbs does it take to screw in a blonde?
It's my nature to always wonder what it's like from the other side of things. Probably why I'm an historian type.
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 125
more blonde jokes
Posted: 3/5/2011 10:46:25 PM
Igor: To screw the blonde in WHERE? lol
I'm very visual ( one reason I'm an artist), and I like clarity, so please be more specific.
Ha-
I'm into history as well. Left brain- right brain. Oy. Never a dull moment.
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