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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)      Home login  
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 tinainhouston39
Joined: 8/9/2009
Msg: 26
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I think you should follow your heart...wherever that might be. Who cares what other people think or say?? It's your life and your heart. Faith is in such low quantity these days. I would absolutely get a flight for the weekend before deciding anything. It's just been my experience on POF that you can have this incredible chemistry over text, email, and phone, yet nothing in person. It's important to consider all things...and your physical chemistry is important.
This experience your in, isn't too different then a POF experience. I like to explain it as a backwards experience. Usually the physical including mannerisms, is the first thing you notice in a normal experience of meeting someone new. In a POF experience you get to know the person inside first, then backtrack to the physical. And although you might like the pictures of someone, nothing can explain how there isn't a "spark" in person. I think it would be wise to share the weekend and go from there. Good luck to you!
 shakababyz
Joined: 10/10/2010
Msg: 27
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 10/24/2010 6:25:29 AM
Well I certainly appreciate everyone taking the time and offering me their opinion. Like i said before, i understand both sides of this situation and i would never put all my eggs in one basket because lets face it, that's not reality.

I haven't really dated much... not because i never wanted to, but just never got the opportunity, or was interested in anyone. That's where im at now... The few girls that i have recently went out with were not what i'm looking for and i found myself comparing them to California girl.

In a sense, i am "waiting for love" because i'm going to wait till she comes home for Thanksgiving and we can get together and see what happens. I'm not saying i'm in love with her yet, but just very, very intrigued. Hopefully its not the fantasy in my head :)
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 28
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History
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 10/24/2010 8:57:39 AM
Yes, I HAVE waited for love, AND it crashed and burned before it got started.

Look at it this way: She hasn't moved. She could change her mind and stay where she is. Or, she could meet someone else there in the meantime, and decide to stay anyway. She hasn't met you, or you her. So you could meet, on a first date, and discover that she doesn't look anything like her pics, or how you imagined her to be, or she might discover that you don't look anything like your pics, or how she imagined you to be, or you or she might not get that lovin' feelin' when you do meet, or you might meet, but then discover that IRL, you argue like crazy, and don't want to go out again, or you might meet, both be attracted, both find much in common, but when you do kiss, feel nothing, or, worse still, feel like you are kissing your sister. That's all just up to the first date.

So many things can go wrong before the first few dates have passed, that it's not worth thinking about as anything yet.

I'd suggest that you find out when something is happening in a town near hers, say a beer festival, or a film spree, anything really, but just so you have something to do if the meet is a bust, and you don't feel like a total loser for shelling out for a return plane ticket. Then, arrange to come over and stay in a nearby hotel FOR THE WEEKEND! Then spend the next 3 days together, doing, whatever you want. Preferably, plan out SOME things. But also leave time to not plan things, and to just do what comes naturally, as you want to see what happens when things aren't planned as well.

As she already seems to like you, she'll probably be keen, and that will give you enough time to spend together to form a bond, and possibly even have an enjoyable bout of "alone time" , with both of you feeling that it could lead to more feelings and more "alone time".

Also, if it's a no-go, then you'll have spent enough time close together, that you'll have seen most of her obvious habits. It's easy to hide things for an hour or two. But hiding your bad habits for 3 days, is not an easy task to say the least.

Then, if it's a go, you've got a solid LTR to wait for, and you know that she'll have had such a good time with you, that she'll be highly motivated to move ASAP, and you can begin your relationship ASAP as well.

If it's not a go, you've had a good weekend, even if it's at the beer festival, and you can then accept your buddies' dates without feeling guilty.
 shakababyz
Joined: 10/10/2010
Msg: 29
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 11/27/2010 5:45:27 AM
So it's been some time since i've posted in this thread, but that doesn't mean that your posts haven't been read or appreciated. I wanted to give everyone an UPDATE because i actually met her last night...

I knew she would be coming into town for Thanksgiving weekend, but i also knew she had an agenda while she was in town (not only family, but she's in a wedding). She took a red eye into Pittsburgh on Thanksgiving morning, was picked up and brought to family's house for the day. Woke up early on Friday to do family stuff, drove the 3 1/2 hours back to Columbus, went to a wedding rehearsal, then the rehearsal dinner.

So before going to dinner she calls me and says that she's beat, but still wants to get together for a drink and finally meet. I picked a nice irish pub that has a nice quiet setting, with a fire place... somewhere where we can sit, talk, and actaully be able to hear each other in the short amount of time we would be there. Well when we got out of our cars she almost ran up to me and gave m a big hug. I kissed her on the cheek as i hugged bag and the hug was held just a little bit longer than usual....

We are inside for about an hour total. No awkward silence, not even talk of how we really met, just talking about daily life... her family, my family, the wedding she's going to be in, it just seemed to be very natural. That hour flew by, but i knew she was going on about 8 hours of sleep in 3 days and she had to be up early and travel to get her nails/hair done for the wedding. We walk out to the parking lot and there was that moment where we were just standing there and it didn't seem like we wanted to leave yet. She could of walked to her car right away, but she didn't... We hugged again, talking while squeezing her and as i let go and pull away she grabbed my arm and squeezed it, smiling, and saying thank you so much for the evening.

Now it's no kiss, but remember this is our first actual meet. I personally think it's a good sign, but then again she could of just been friendly. She will now be going back to her home in California with the thought of moving back here still "AS SOON AS POSSIBLE". I guess i need to talk to her and see how she really felt, BUT i really want to fly out there, get a hotel so there is no pressure, and start to build this relationship...
 shakababyz
Joined: 10/10/2010
Msg: 30
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 11/27/2010 5:47:56 AM
OH, another weird thing that happened...

I'm a Dave Matthews fan and his first song he ever wrote was back in 1991. It is a song that isn't on a major cd, has never been on the radio, and is rarely played in concert, BUT it's still a favorite of mine. The past 10 years that i've been a fan i've always said this will be my wedding song....

What song do you think came on as we're sitting in the pub last night????? SO RANDOM for that to come on, do you take that as a sign? :)
 DudeistPriest
Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 31
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 11/27/2010 6:41:55 AM
["So my question to you is Can you really wait for love? Should i just keep talking on the phone and hope she moves back ASAP or do i move on and accept all of my friends who are trying to hook me up?"]

Do what makes you happy.It has been suggested here that you fly out to Cali for a visit. Sounds like a good idea, you should talk to her about that.
 SouthBayNative
Joined: 10/15/2010
Msg: 32
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 11/27/2010 9:49:24 AM
Didn't you see that movie that came out this summer (the title escapes me) where this guy falls in love with a girl on FB and travels across country to meet her? Maybe you're walking into a similar situation.
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 33
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 11/27/2010 10:35:30 AM
you go meet the woman and see how it is in person
 ***Tee***
Joined: 11/23/2009
Msg: 34
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 11/27/2010 12:50:38 PM
I'm happy for you that things went well..

You've been talking quite awhile it seems, before you actually met..
What I'm a little confused about is..once the meet takes place, shouldn't that usually "seal the deal"? Not even one little kiss??

I guess I just expected you to be a little more sure of where your relationship stands, even though the meet was short, but what the heck do I know..


What song do you think came on as we're sitting in the pub last night????? SO RANDOM for that to come on, do you take that as a sign? :)


You believe whatever you want to believe sweetheart, and don't let anyone stop you
 starlight334
Joined: 6/18/2010
Msg: 35
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History
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 11/27/2010 9:16:07 PM
Yes wait and you will end up ... old, ugly and unwanted and you will die alone.
Is this answer your question ?
 LilPrettyMaiden
Joined: 11/24/2010
Msg: 36
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 11/28/2010 6:42:32 PM
Waiting is the hardest part. But you have choices...are you afraid to visit this woman in CA? What would happen if you dated other women while waiting for her "potential" return? And what if you are missing a great opportunity with someone else closer to home?

Which is reality? Wish you the best though :)
 CynthiaSMW
Joined: 9/20/2010
Msg: 37
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 11/28/2010 8:10:49 PM
Glad to hear your meet went well! It's great when the phone/email/IM attraction is also there in person.

Short answer to the original question is yes you can wait.

If a) you don't feel like meeting anyone else, and b) you want to continue to see CA to see where it goes, then keep doing what you're doing. If you're unsure about either a or b, then talk to CA about you don't want to be exclusive at this point. Going out there for the visit you mentioned is good. See how compatible you are over a couple days (and she's had more sleep).

Yes, a long distance relationship is difficult but sometimes they work and there are several couples on the forums who started out long distance. My bf and I have been flying back and forth across the US for over a year now. Hopefully that will end next summer. But I knew the first time we met that I didn't want to meet anyone else, that I was going to stick with this to see where it went.

You're young, you have time to stick with this if you choose to.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 38
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 11/29/2010 4:05:58 PM
I'd say it was a good first meet.
Now the hard part....
dating across country.

For that,
happiness is plenty of air miles.

good Luck.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 39
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 11/29/2010 11:00:54 PM
LTR's are a fantasy....your imagination fills in the gaps....
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 40
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 11/30/2010 3:53:07 AM
All that build up and nothing..much huh?

If she was into you she would have been more affectionate IMO..
Maybe YOU should have shown some MOJO..I'm sorry it doesn't sound to promising to me.

Lets hope you taking a weekend trip there and staying somewhere nice, maybe wining and dining her improves things..

Right now you have what you did before..nothing even AFTER meeting.
Ugh............me thinks you didn't flip the light on in the dark....so to speak.
 LilPrettyMaiden
Joined: 11/24/2010
Msg: 41
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 11/30/2010 11:29:51 AM
Oh, I must have missed something...the OP met with his lady and it did not go as hoped?

Sorry to discover that. But there is always something to learn from in every situation.
 Sabrosura089
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 42
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 11/30/2010 11:57:29 AM
So it's been some time since i've posted in this thread, but that doesn't mean that your posts haven't been read or appreciated. I wanted to give everyone an UPDATE because i actually met her last night...

I knew she would be coming into town for Thanksgiving weekend, but i also knew she had an agenda while she was in town (not only family, but she's in a wedding). She took a red eye into Pittsburgh on Thanksgiving morning, was picked up and brought to family's house for the day. Woke up early on Friday to do family stuff, drove the 3 1/2 hours back to Columbus, went to a wedding rehearsal, then the rehearsal dinner.

So before going to dinner she calls me and says that she's beat, but still wants to get together for a drink and finally meet. I picked a nice irish pub that has a nice quiet setting, with a fire place... somewhere where we can sit, talk, and actaully be able to hear each other in the short amount of time we would be there. Well when we got out of our cars she almost ran up to me and gave m a big hug. I kissed her on the cheek as i hugged bag and the hug was held just a little bit longer than usual....

We are inside for about an hour total. No awkward silence, not even talk of how we really met, just talking about daily life... her family, my family, the wedding she's going to be in, it just seemed to be very natural. That hour flew by, but i knew she was going on about 8 hours of sleep in 3 days and she had to be up early and travel to get her nails/hair done for the wedding. We walk out to the parking lot and there was that moment where we were just standing there and it didn't seem like we wanted to leave yet. She could of walked to her car right away, but she didn't... We hugged again, talking while squeezing her and as i let go and pull away she grabbed my arm and squeezed it, smiling, and saying thank you so much for the evening.

Now it's no kiss, but remember this is our first actual meet. I personally think it's a good sign, but then again she could of just been friendly. She will now be going back to her home in California with the thought of moving back here still "AS SOON AS POSSIBLE". I guess i need to talk to her and see how she really felt, BUT i really want to fly out there, get a hotel so there is no pressure, and start to build this relationship...


^^Well you met and now let the rest play out. It didn't appear as though she was not enjoying herself. However, one just never knows. She could have just been friendly or had jet lag.

If you both are willing to do the long distance relationship until she does move...then time will reveal the rest.
 Island home
Joined: 7/5/2009
Msg: 43
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 11/30/2010 1:51:57 PM

Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)


Depends whether you prefer to be blinded by passion before or after you make a decision
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 9/19/2010
Msg: 44
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 11/30/2010 3:00:22 PM
oops, just saw your update.

I don't know, the way you are describing it; she sounded more affectionate than passionate, which isn't necessarily a b ad thing... especially as she was totally zonked and you were first meeting.


If you still get clear signals from her she is happy with the progression and you feel taht as well, knock yourself out. I know several people who had long distance relationships AFTER they'd met; and all of them are still together today.

It can work. IF you guys clicked :) (because it sounds like you put the time in to stay connected; with that; you can get closer than some people who live together)

very best of luck to you
 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 45
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 11/30/2010 3:50:42 PM
So who was her date for the wedding?

She was actually right there in your area and you two only had that one little itty-bitty meet?
After all that build-up of talking and feeling so good about each other?
She didn't make pre-plans to stay maybe an extra day, to get to know you?
I mean heck, she was finally going to be THERE, but it seems it was not much of anything.
You got together for one hour.

Yes, it was a "good first meet", (as someone said), but more for a local connection, in my opinion.
Yeah I know she came home for two main reasons.. Thanksgiving with family and a wedding.
But it's apparent she didn't put you as a third main reason, in my opinion.

I think you may be "waiting" for something she's not as excited about as you.
 CynthiaSMW
Joined: 9/20/2010
Msg: 46
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 11/30/2010 3:55:51 PM
Ok OP, we need another update. Are you going to California?
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 47
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 11/30/2010 7:18:49 PM
News Flash for ya man: Long Distance Relationships Don't Work. And you're not even in a relationship. You didn't even kiss her. She flew out there and you saw her for what, AN HOUR, and you're turning down girls on your end of the country?

The reason you haven't felt like this is because it's things building up that you've never experienced before... the mystique, etc. You are in NO position to ditch all other dating options, man. What's going there will fade unless she knowingly has it set that she WILL move back in a very specific time...

... THEN and only then will things really begin. The pen-pal approach is so high school. The reason I say that is that it's naive. I'm not saying ditch her as an option altogether -- I'm just trying to throw water on your face letting you realize what you're doing & sacrificing and all that.

You've talked for a month, and she flew in and THAT'S all that happened? Not even a kiss? Jezus, you can get a kiss from a gal that you hang out with after just a few emails. Man, you should be disappointed... and at least understanding to explore your own options. Don't get too caught up into this, and have a few ups and ignoring everything else where in the end, you realize it was a huge naive investment. Be Single, explore your options ... and put things in perspective so you don't nix everything else in life over a gal over the phone who hugged you after talking non-stop for a month.
 shakababyz
Joined: 10/10/2010
Msg: 48
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 11/30/2010 8:24:50 PM
I'm not turning down anyone on "my end of the country".... I've still been dating girls, but in the long run I'm not interested in them. There is something missing and i'm not going to waste my time with someone i don't see a future with.

The mind can play some dirty tricks with you and this might be exactly what's going on... But when i'm on these dates i think of california girl. When i'm leaving a date, i've called california girl. The feeling i get inside when i see her name pop up as a text, phone call, facebook, etc. is a wonderful thing and that's what i'm working towards... A future with her...
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 49
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 11/30/2010 8:41:29 PM
There is something missing and i'm not going to waste my time with someone i don't see a future with.

But how can you properly ascertain/judge a future with a gal that's a pen-pal, you've never kissed, and despite potential, only met you for an hour? Being ga-ga about a gal and excited about her is going to get in the way of properly assessing another gal you run into... but I am glad you're at least running into some! :)

But you may be thinking: What do I got to lose though? Time,effort, energy, emotion, and indirectly, opportunities (and given enough time that can be pretty notable).

You may understand when things don't work out... when it's a disappointment. It could end/fizzle out in a way that's not-so-bad, so it'll take a longer time to realize how it was a waste of time revved up so much. You're running into a 95% chance of disappointment, and that's generous odds given your situation.

My thing is: You can't ignore that it's getting in the way of your feelings and how you absorb things when it comes to other gals you run into. Almost like someone who just broke up -- running into other members of the opp-sex isn't going to bring the best assessments -- bad timing to meet them, etc. You're in that situation in a different way, so yes, there is a sacrifice.... and that's not including all that emotional investment you're putting in, as if you Were in a relationship, which you're not at all.

Just sayin! Approach with caution! Don't fall in love with being in love...

If you were like "I like this gal, but I've kept myself from getting lost in her after a while... I keep in touch, we exchange emails, and talk on the phone every once in a while, but I want to keep her on the line, because, hey, who knows? And if/when she moves back into town, we could start something! And if/when I have free time to go on a vaycay, I could maybe cruise down there and get to know her a bit better if I have nothing going on in the dating market...", then I could understand. But your situation is described as a very different situation emotionally w/ expectations and all that!
 shakababyz
Joined: 10/10/2010
Msg: 50
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 12/1/2010 12:36:56 PM
"If you were like "I like this gal, but I've kept myself from getting lost in her after a while... I keep in touch, we exchange emails, and talk on the phone every once in a while, but I want to keep her on the line, because, hey, who knows? And if/when she moves back into town, we could start something! And if/when I have free time to go on a vaycay, I could maybe cruise down there and get to know her a bit better if I have nothing going on in the dating market...", then I could understand. But your situation is described as a very different situation emotionally w/ expectations and all that"

I completely understand what your saying, i really do... I WISH i could take the road as mentioned above, but that's what i've been having trouble doing lately. I realize, she realizes that she's there and i'm here, but we are both caught in the middle somehow and not sure what we should do. Time will only tell, but i can assure you i'm not going to come back and rub it in your face or complain that it didn't work out. I do agree with what you are saying and your opinion is certainly appreciated my man
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