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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 shakababyz
Joined: 10/10/2010
Msg: 48
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I'm not turning down anyone on "my end of the country".... I've still been dating girls, but in the long run I'm not interested in them. There is something missing and i'm not going to waste my time with someone i don't see a future with.

The mind can play some dirty tricks with you and this might be exactly what's going on... But when i'm on these dates i think of california girl. When i'm leaving a date, i've called california girl. The feeling i get inside when i see her name pop up as a text, phone call, facebook, etc. is a wonderful thing and that's what i'm working towards... A future with her...
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 49
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 11/30/2010 8:41:29 PM
There is something missing and i'm not going to waste my time with someone i don't see a future with.

But how can you properly ascertain/judge a future with a gal that's a pen-pal, you've never kissed, and despite potential, only met you for an hour? Being ga-ga about a gal and excited about her is going to get in the way of properly assessing another gal you run into... but I am glad you're at least running into some! :)

But you may be thinking: What do I got to lose though? Time,effort, energy, emotion, and indirectly, opportunities (and given enough time that can be pretty notable).

You may understand when things don't work out... when it's a disappointment. It could end/fizzle out in a way that's not-so-bad, so it'll take a longer time to realize how it was a waste of time revved up so much. You're running into a 95% chance of disappointment, and that's generous odds given your situation.

My thing is: You can't ignore that it's getting in the way of your feelings and how you absorb things when it comes to other gals you run into. Almost like someone who just broke up -- running into other members of the opp-sex isn't going to bring the best assessments -- bad timing to meet them, etc. You're in that situation in a different way, so yes, there is a sacrifice.... and that's not including all that emotional investment you're putting in, as if you Were in a relationship, which you're not at all.

Just sayin! Approach with caution! Don't fall in love with being in love...

If you were like "I like this gal, but I've kept myself from getting lost in her after a while... I keep in touch, we exchange emails, and talk on the phone every once in a while, but I want to keep her on the line, because, hey, who knows? And if/when she moves back into town, we could start something! And if/when I have free time to go on a vaycay, I could maybe cruise down there and get to know her a bit better if I have nothing going on in the dating market...", then I could understand. But your situation is described as a very different situation emotionally w/ expectations and all that!
 shakababyz
Joined: 10/10/2010
Msg: 50
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 12/1/2010 12:36:56 PM
"If you were like "I like this gal, but I've kept myself from getting lost in her after a while... I keep in touch, we exchange emails, and talk on the phone every once in a while, but I want to keep her on the line, because, hey, who knows? And if/when she moves back into town, we could start something! And if/when I have free time to go on a vaycay, I could maybe cruise down there and get to know her a bit better if I have nothing going on in the dating market...", then I could understand. But your situation is described as a very different situation emotionally w/ expectations and all that"

I completely understand what your saying, i really do... I WISH i could take the road as mentioned above, but that's what i've been having trouble doing lately. I realize, she realizes that she's there and i'm here, but we are both caught in the middle somehow and not sure what we should do. Time will only tell, but i can assure you i'm not going to come back and rub it in your face or complain that it didn't work out. I do agree with what you are saying and your opinion is certainly appreciated my man
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 51
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 12/1/2010 1:16:15 PM
I WISH i could take the road as mentioned above, but that's what i've been having trouble doing lately.

Yes... just like someone who broke up and are feeling immense emotions in another way, wishes they could just "not care", but they can't. Not saying it's easy. :) It actually takes experience going thru the same type of situations and experiencing their results before your mentality prevents feeling like this... if you have, you wouldn't be geeked about her -- she'd just be a page in the 'ol blackbook with a bookmark who you'd just keep in touch with via email from time to time.

I realize, she realizes that she's there and i'm here, but we are both caught in the middle somehow and not sure what we should do.

And I think that's why she didn't rev things up, despite an opportunity to do so, when she DID come into town. She seems to be taking a wiser approach to it all. And that's another natural reaction one can develop which is key over the years of dating -- when you see a gal lacks some interest or puts the brakes on things in terms of her actions following words, your interest & expectations naturally comes down to earth if it was too high. It's good for you, and it's good for any opportunities with the gal down the road.

All in all, I'd just say don't kill yourself over it but just try to keep it as emotionally low-key as possible and remind yourself of the feasibility and environment of the situation.

but i can assure you i'm not going to come back and rub it in your face or complain that it didn't work out.

LOL - well, I think you would rub it in my face if it DID work out in the end. Maybe too hastily if say, if in early March, she moves back, and you had a great date and another one lined up... but hey, IF it does work out for ya, which you won't know for a good long time for sure IF it does, it'd be a good thing... although just like seeing MSU beat Notre Dame this year by faking a field goal to tie by throwing a long pass by the kicker to win, I still say -- don't try that at home. :)

It's a miracle and you're a hero IF it works. If it doesn't, you think "WTF was I thinking?!", while other people are thinking the same thing. :)
 Pilose_Wink
Joined: 11/2/2010
Msg: 52
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 12/1/2010 1:43:42 PM

It's a miracle and you're a hero IF it works. If it doesn't, you think "WTF was I thinking?!", while other people are thinking the same thing. :)


Not necessarily will he say “WTF was I thinking?”, he may just be glad he followed the spark that was lit in him.

OP, she obviously tripped a trigger in you and you want to see what that’s about for you and you’re following it, so why give up and then wonder some day, hmmmm what if? Yes, there are a whole slew of people here chomping at the bit to say “I told you so!”, but they have an agenda, most of them probably haven’t ever risked much or followed their own dreams or ideas so they want to see you fail to confirm their own safety net. Yes, there is safety in numbers, but greatness has never come out of a group of lemmings. If you crash and burn, you can always revert to the lemming side, but at least you followed what you thought might work and took a risk.

Just make sure you’re doing it for you and not out of reaction to the nay-sayers.
 shakababyz
Joined: 10/10/2010
Msg: 53
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 12/4/2010 5:42:50 PM
Well her and I have been talking even more lately since we have met last... Since i have basically got hounded from everyone for not kissing her, this is our texting conversation while at work yesterday... (Just so you know, i've told her in the past that i won't kiss on the first date, which i never have)

Me: "Just respond with a yes or no ok?"... "If i asked to kiss you last week, would you of let me?"

Her: "You don't kiss on the first date!"

Me: "I said answer with a yes or a no :)"

Her: "Yes :)"

So all i had to do was be the gentleman and ask to kiss her and go with my gut feeling... All i wanted to do was get rid of all those butterflies in my stomach... I'm going to ask her to fly out and visit her in January tonight, wish me luck!
 CynthiaSMW
Joined: 9/20/2010
Msg: 54
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 12/4/2010 6:32:00 PM
Good luck OP!
Hope you have a good time and you return just as smitten.
 GibsonGirl
Joined: 11/30/2010
Msg: 55
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 12/4/2010 10:00:47 PM
Best of luck! Long distance relationships are difficult but can work out.
 LilPrettyMaiden
Joined: 11/24/2010
Msg: 56
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 12/4/2010 10:32:10 PM
Sometimes we must close a door so another can be opened.

And yes, the mind is one's greatest trickster.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 57
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 12/4/2010 10:54:33 PM
I do wish you luck, you seem to be a real romantic, and sometimes these things do work out!

I hope that you will get to see each other in January and that all goes well then.

So far, so good!
 shakababyz
Joined: 10/10/2010
Msg: 58
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 12/5/2010 7:12:36 PM
Ok, so who wants to hear good news? I just got off the phone with California girl... after an hour and a half i brought up the topic of me coming out to visit. I said that i wanted to come out for the weekend and enjoy southern California with you. She was super excited, and gladly agreed to it. I did say i would get a hotel to soften it up a little bit, BUT one thing she did say was "Can i let you know in a week? We can pick a weekend in about a week because i'm supposed to hear back from a law firm if i got the job and moving back"

So i'm hoping she gets the good news that she's moving back in the next couple of months AND i get to go visit her in January... High five!
 CynthiaSMW
Joined: 9/20/2010
Msg: 59
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 12/5/2010 8:50:18 PM
Whooo hooo OP!


and for good measure
 shakababyz
Joined: 10/10/2010
Msg: 60
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 3/20/2011 9:29:09 AM
UPDATE: She has moved back!

To be honest, i forgot all about this thread, but months later here i am looking to read your thoughts which are delivered through your fingers. You should all know that we still communicated everyday and we got together when she moved back last week.

I know how i need to pursue this, but i really liked hearing everyone's thoughts... I'm still very much into this girl and truly want to pursue things with her. She moved back from California without a job (she's an attorney) and while she looks, she will be attending classes to further her education.

It would be naive of me to think that she's not perhaps feeling overwhelmed right now about her future (living situation, job, school, etc.). She is excited exploring Columbus together, and we still talk everyday, but do i bring up the "dating" question? Do i need to know what our "status" is or do i just go with it and let things flow naturally...

You would think if you were talking to someone for all this time and have strong feelings toward them that you would want to be with them since you now live so close BUT think if you were in this situation. Wouldn't you want to get your life situated from the move before you start dating and committing your time?
 poferette
Joined: 2/11/2011
Msg: 61
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 3/20/2011 9:40:43 AM
Yeah, just sit around and watch your life go by...lol

Why do you have to keep bringing up that she is a lawyer? Is it her you like or her chosen profession that she isn't employed in?

Take the girl out. Hug her, kiss her and find out what happens.
 shakababyz
Joined: 10/10/2010
Msg: 62
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 3/20/2011 9:48:02 AM
Ha, i'm not sure why i keep bringing up her profession. Maybe because i know its stressful and it's extremely difficult to get within a firm, but your right it's not important. It's her that gives me butterflies, not her job
 ferfoxache
Joined: 2/4/2011
Msg: 63
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 3/20/2011 10:12:23 AM

Wouldn't you want to get your life situated from the move before you start dating and committing your time?

You have to be kind of careful there.
Read something on expatriates.
There's a lot of anxiety and emotional trauma with a lot of change, like moving to a completely new city.
Most of the time people aren't aware of how much it influences their behavior.

One of the stages in dealing with it is sexual exploration.
So she could very well start clinging on to you as someone or something familiar and safe, confessing to all sorts of "feelings," leading to sexual exploration.

But it's not seeking something so much as trying to work out stress and find comfort and security, while avoiding the negative feelings of change .
And once that's been had...it's over.
So I'd say watch out for that.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 64
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History
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 3/20/2011 10:23:26 AM
"You would think if you were talking to someone for all this time and have strong feelings toward them that you would want to be with them since you now live so close BUT think if you were in this situation. Wouldn't you want to get your life situated from the move before you start dating and committing your time?"

I STRONGLY recommend you STOP trying to think out HER side of things for her, and leave that entirely to her. Your thread and most recent post in particular is INFESTED with this. You are thinking your way out of doing ANYTHING !
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 65
Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)
Posted: 3/20/2011 10:24:13 AM
I'd say if you're hanging out together now, that it will happen if it's meant to be. However if it's not meant to be and she's been talking to you this long, she may not want to lose the friendship, which might make things tricky. You should be able to tell though from interacting with her if she's attracted generally - regardless of whether or not she can deal with dating/getting involved.

I'm all for getting your life and job on track before committing to anything romantic especially after a big move, but if I'm hot for a guy - I'll still be hot for him even if I can't do much about it.

Make sure you're being realistic about things and not wishful thinking or justifying any lack of attraction or distance/platonic behavior.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Can you wait for love? (Your opinion needed)