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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 CMonster
Joined: 12/4/2004
Msg: 26
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking Page 2 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

If we read a profile that specifies something different than we are....
and we get mad...
the problem is with us, not the profile.

So a person should expect that even though they're attracted to someone's profile, it's not definite that the person automatically chooses them???!!! What a crock; that ain't fair! The world sucks because people won't automatically be attracted to you!!!
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 27
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/20/2010 6:01:52 PM
what if a woman changed her max age limit to 50 the day before she discovered your profile, and then there you were. if you discovered after the fact that she changed the limit, would that be some kind of surreal dealbreaker for you


It depends on her reason for changing it. I was chatting with a woman who was having a real hard time finding a match. Her age restriction was very very restrictive two years in either direction. I suggested she give herself a better chance of meeting someone by opening up her age range just a little bit. Her reply to me was that I was suggesting to her to lower her standards. So it very well could be a dealbreaker, it all depends on her reason for doing it.


Given that you have a lot of restrictions on who can send you a message, I think you are making way too much of it and you are a bit hypocritical


Hypocritical, really how prey tell? I have nothing against someone having restrictions. I just want them to stick to them. Every single one of my restrictions is a dealbreaker, I don't make exceptions with them, to do so would be lowering my standards or settling. Maybe that's the same way I view someone else going against their restrictions and making me an exception.
 PrinceCharmingsCousin
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 28
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/20/2010 6:49:42 PM
The women you see only go younger and never older? Thats ODD! maybe it depends on the age of the women, because women in my age bracket generally DONT go younger, and only go older.
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 29
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/20/2010 6:53:51 PM
The issue really is of like mind. I honestly find people in my own age range to be more suitable for me to date. And I would want to have a relationship with a person of like mind. Making a exception for me would in no way be viewed by me as flattering.


Okay, so what is your problem with this woman? You only posted this to hear others commiserate with you? A few people have tried to shed some light on looking at it differently and you don't want to hear it.

Also, before you insult my writing, have a look at your spelling.
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 30
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/20/2010 7:19:19 PM
Okay, so what is your problem with this woman?


Where did I say I had a problem with her? I simply stated that when I see certain things on profiles I view them as turn offs and move on. Posters have me getting mad or having problems. I see threads about women even some in this thread who complain about men who put their restriction to exclude women their own age and they take issue with it, same thing i am doing.


A few people have tried to shed some light on looking at it differently and you don't want to hear it


It's an open discussion, and I am defending my point of view. nothing more, nothing personal. Just because I don't agree with anothers point of view does not mean I don't want to hear it. I can always respectfully agree to disagree.


Also, before you insult my writing, have a look at your spelling


I guess there is a valid reason for the hostility and attempted insult? or are you just naturally that way?. AHHH now I get it LOL the comment about you looking younger in " writing" was intended as a joke because you have no picture up. I only have words on paper to go on, thus no way of knowing if you look 20 years younger or not.
My apology if you took that as me attempting to insult you. That was the last thing I wanted to do.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 31
view profile
History
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/20/2010 7:38:02 PM
"Am I making too much of these things?"
If you mean to ask "what would YOU do?" it's one answer, if you mean "Should I work on changing myself?" it's another.
In the latter sense, I'd say "not if you are pleased with the results of your choices." People like what they like, it it's no more a choice now than it was 50 years ago, when my Mom demanded that I CHOOSE to like some weird alleged food she'd stuck in front of me.
As to what I'd do, when it comes to dogs, I've met a few who LIKED being dressed up. I'd have to meet the dog to decide what HE was about. I've never met a CAT who liked dress-up.
As for the age bracket thing, I know there are a fair number of folks who paid little or no attention to which bracket they chose in their profile, so I wouldn't judge someone ill for any selection they made. After all, if they are contacting me, it usually means they know how old I am, and if I'm outside their established bracket, then THEY are choosing to break their own rules to talk to me. MAYBE it's a compliment.
All in all, my guess is that you have the sneaking suspicion that you've turned away people you might have gotten to know, and discovered they were pretty okay, and so you are thinking of changing your plan for the next one who pops up. If so, I'd say go ahead. You can always go back to ignoring them, after all.
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 32
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/20/2010 8:00:26 PM

All in all, my guess is that you have the sneaking suspicion that you've turned away people you might have gotten to know, and discovered they were pretty ok, and so you are thinking of changing your plan for the next one who pop up.


Touche! this argument might actually be very valid. I always like to reevaluate certain aspects of things I do every now and then, see if I need to make some adjustments. Coming into the forums and putting something up for discussion is always a good way of getting started.
 umbrellaman21
Joined: 9/21/2010
Msg: 33
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/20/2010 8:12:00 PM
I think a turn off for me is when I see 7 pictures of a woman, and she's not smiling in any of them, unless it's a "serious" pose meant to be serious , that's one thing.

But if she has a look on her face like she's looks like it's the end of the world...sometimes they just looked like they were in a serious bad mood or something. I would just get the feeling if I went out on the date, she'd be depressed the whole time.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 34
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/20/2010 10:25:35 PM

Hypocritical, really how prey tell? I have nothing against someone having restrictions. I just want them to stick to them.

Maybe theirs are just preferences and they're smart enough to look at the total package. Personally, I just didn't date women who relied heavily on letting the computer select their dates. It seemed rather dumb.

Every single one of my restrictions is a dealbreaker, I don't make exceptions with them, to do so would be lowering my standards or settling.

Puhleeeze... A woman who lists herself as ``Other Relationship'' is a dealbreaker? Is it no longer a dealbreaker when she changes that to ``Dating?'' Are you no longer settling if she changes her label on a whim? Let's just say you're concept of who you're filtering is``naive.'' Your issue with women who contact you although their restrictions reject you seems like more of an (weird) ego thing.

Where did I say I had a problem with her?

Well, you had enough of a problem with her to devote a thread to the problem with her.

Touche! this argument might actually be very valid. I always like to reevaluate certain aspects of things I do every now and then, see if I need to make some adjustments. Coming into the forums and putting something up for discussion is always a good way of getting started.

You don't see ``making some adjustments'' as settling? My idea of ``not settling'' was to not have any restrictions and evaluate each person who contacted me.
 REDDRAGON.
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 35
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/20/2010 10:52:37 PM

Yes you are.

Everyone on here is their own island with their own set of rules and wants & needs...

Yes theres a lot of people on pof who suck.... but letting it get to you is ....uh... a waste
of energy. Dissapointment and being turned off by little things in a profile is the STANDARD on pof.

Which is why if (and thats a big fat IF) you do find someone to click with... its all the more special.

(i think i puked in my mouth a little bit when i typed that last part.. but you know what i mean)


pretty much sums it up.

drop another quarter in to the drama merry go round.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 36
view profile
History
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/21/2010 6:18:09 AM

Personally I would agree with that statement, i just looked at your profile and you do look 20 years younger in writing.


The profile is the only thing you have to go on initially. If I see a list of hobbies or interests that really differ from mine I usually would not bother to start a conversation with them. Did it limit my dating pool? Sure. But we are not meant to date or be attracted to everybody.
A profile picture of a guy on a motorcycle turns me off completely. He could be a Physicist or a Dentist or a class A humanitarian, but I don't like motorcycles and I wouldn't get on one. It is more than an occasional hobby for many, since I have no desire to try and change a man or stop him from pursuing something he loves it would behoove me to try a relationship.
 Sabrosura089
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 37
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/21/2010 8:06:40 AM
I clicked on a profile to read. looked at the woman's pictures and saw where she had dressed up her poor dog in a pink outfit. Needless to say I instantly clicked off it and prayed that she didn't noticed I had viewed her profile. I can't speak for anybody else but I could never ever get serious with any woman that thinks it's ok to torture a poor defenceless dog. How can you say you love your pet but dress them up so that everytime they leave the house all the other dogs in the neighbourhood is busting their sides laughing at them?


^^^Nitpicking. Regardless what you think about dogs dressed up in doggy clothes, what's THAT got to do with you and her potentially dating? As long as she doesn't try to put a pink outfit on YOU, I don't see what the big deal is.



I got a email from a woman who was 47 (or so it says in her profile). She was very attractive and seem intelligent. I went to her profile, liked everything I read, scrolled down to her restrictions and was instantly turned off. Her age restriction said only guys between 30 and 47 could contact her. I have always been turned off by this. If I read a profile and see where a woman has put down 10 or 15 years younger can contact her, but the max is usually around her age, I usually just click to the next profile. If you're scared to date in your own age group, then I don't think we will be a match. Don't get me wrong I don't care if a woman dates guys much younger than herself as long as she is also ok dating in her own age group.



^^Again, nitpicking. If you fall under her age criteria, what is the big deal that her age is her cut off?


Am I making too much of these things?


^^^Oh indeed you are................
 EricTileDysfunky
Joined: 10/12/2010
Msg: 38
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/21/2010 8:43:45 AM
When I see a woman who puts her age restrictions at her age and 20 yrs younger only I think to myself " this woman has a guy mentality ! " LOL

When I see older women , say over 40 , posing in lingerie I consider that unclassy/tarty.

Not into women with tatts of skulls or demons, women posing on motorbikes, anything that makes me think she could bench more than me, basically.
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 39
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/21/2010 8:54:57 AM
Puhleeeze....A woman who list herself as " Other relationship" is a dealbreaker? Is it no longer a dealbreaker when she changes that to " dating" Are you no longer settling if she changes her label on a whim


I have no control over deceptive people online. If a smoker chooses to put no on her profile and then contacts me. The only way I will know that she actually smokes is if she tells me or we meet and I see her smoking. Once I find out she smokes, that is a dealbreaker for me, and if that wasn't enough, then her thinking it's ok to lie to me would be enough to end it.

I once dated a married woman online(not intentionally of course) she had up a dating profile, we went out several times. The first night she comes to my place we are fast asleep and about 3 in the morning she jumps up out of the bed. Starts grabbing her things and getting dressed in the dark. I wake up naturally and ask what's going on, She answers while getting dressed " I have something I have been meaning to tell you, I am married". She then got dressed and bolted out the door like my place was on fire. About 5 hours later I am on msn and she comes on and starts to chat. Says she is happy in her marriage but needed something more. Said I was a good candidate for her thrills on the side, but that she needed to know that she could trust me. When I asked what she meant by this she said, she needed to know that she was the only woman I was sleeping with. Needless to say that was our last conversation.

All my filters are dealbreaker for me. I choose them to filter out those I honestly don't see as a match for me. As I am sure everyone else that uses them feel the same. If someone wants to get around those filters by changing their profile, I have no control over that. Nor will I know, they then can only become dealbreakers(and they will) if and when I find out.
 *army mom*
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 40
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/21/2010 9:08:47 AM
I think certain restrictions are helpful. I mean, if you're REALLY not interested in certain things I think you should let people know from the git-go. I recently updated my profile because I had several preferences listed that apparently people thought were "mean" -- one of which was my dislike of a lot of facial hair which brought on a nasty message from a guy with a full beard. I'm sorry -- I love Santa. I just don't want to kiss him. So I narrowed it down to just 3 things that I can't deal with.

Like you, I'm suspect of anyone who is afraid to date within their own age group and am immediately turned off when I see a middle-aged man's profile with his restrictions set to 18-30. Seriously?

Oh well ... the heart wants what the heart wants.
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 41
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/21/2010 9:26:05 AM
My idea of " not settling" was to not have any restrictions and to evaluate each person who contacted me


I on the other hand don't need the ego boost of having my mailbox flooded with people I know I will have no interest in. Thus I weed out as many of those as I can. We ALL have restrictions, what works for us and what don't, just because you choose not to put them on your profile don't mean you don't have them. So spare me the " I have no restrictions, I evaluate on a case by case bases" which everybody who has ever dated online for more than 5 minutes knows is total and utter BS.
 umbrellaman21
Joined: 9/21/2010
Msg: 42
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/21/2010 9:30:31 AM
I think some restrictions are flexible, I had a situation where someone had

"Does not want to messaged by users looking to date", and I think they had "dating" on their profile. lol

Or some have "long term" and I change from "date" to "Long term" so I can over come the filter, and change it back again.

Because "date" is rather up to interpretation, like I AM looking for something long term, but one has to date in order to do it, right?
 MichelleRenee1234
Joined: 10/19/2009
Msg: 43
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/21/2010 9:39:21 AM

Says she is happy in her marriage but needed something more. Said I was a good candidate for her thrills on the side


Some people totally and utterly disgust me. What a piece of shlt.
 _Icon_
Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 44
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/21/2010 9:53:24 AM
So spare me the " I have no restrictions, I evaluate on a case by case bases" which everybody who has ever dated online for more than 5 minutes knows is total and utter BS.


OP you're too negative. You seem to see the downside of everything. In this instance you are wrong twice.

Many of us do use a case by case basis.

...and Abelian might be a lot of things, but he's not full of BS.
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 45
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/21/2010 10:29:27 AM
Op you're too negative. You seem to see the downside to everything. In this instance you are wrong twice.

Many of us do use a case by case basis.

...and Alelian might be a lot of things, but he's not full of BS


Lets see just how wrong I am shall we.

POST 23 by Alelian.



I wasn't interested in dating women in my age group and I wasn't going to decide differentely just because some women think I'm an ass or whatever because of it


Color me stupid but that don't sound like the words of someone that does things on a case by case basis. Sounds like a pretty unyielding " restriction" to me.

Then in post number 37 by Alelian

Personally, I just didn't date women who relied heavily on letting the computer select their dates. It was rather dumb


Once again this would seem to even Ray Charles as another " restriction" to me.

So when he comes up with.



My idea of " Not settling" was to not have restrictions and evaluate each person who contacted me


I call BS, not because I'm negative. But because I have his own words to back up what I am saying. EVERY single one of us involved in online dating has " restrictions" a line that we will not cross. Be it physical , criminal, mental, or whatever. Just because we choose not to put them on our profiles don't mean we don't have them.

If a guy was a rapist and emailed you, would you evaluate that on a case by case basis? what about a child molester? case by case?. The case by case BS is just another way of saying " Sure I am going to reject you, but I am going to make myself look better while doing it". Total and utter BS.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 46
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/21/2010 11:09:05 AM
I have no control over deceptive people online. If a smoker chooses to put no on her profile and then contacts me.

You are prevaricating. I can understand the filter for smoking, so responding to a different question is not an argument. I deliberately chose the filter for ``Other Relationship'' for a reason. That filter is so nebulous as to be worse than meaningless. Can you explain what ``Other Relationship'' means such that everyone would concur? I filtered women by stating exactly what I expected in my profile and let women self-select.

All my filters are dealbreaker for me. I choose them to filter out those I honestly don't see as a match for me. As I am sure everyone else that uses them feel the same.

I'm quite sure of that, but that isn't the issue. The issue here is that you are going off on a woman who did exactly that, but had enough common sense to realize that putting hard and fast limits on something as meaningless a birthdate would be stupid. Do you really think going a few years outside of an age range you prefer is settling? My fiancee has never dated anyone under 6' tall and in general prefers taller men. Do you think she ``settled'' because I'm 5'9" tall? You wouldn't if you knew her and knew her reasoning. My point is that you are criticizing a woman for being flexible in a way that a computer algorithm can't while turning a completely nebulous restriction into a dealbreaker. If you want to use that filter as a dealbreaker, fine. Just don't criticize someone for being smarter than you are. Judging from your other posts, I think your issue is more about control. You don't seem to like women aren't going to let you think for them.

I call BS, not because I'm negative. But because I have his own words to back up what I am saying. EVERY single one of us involved in online dating has " restrictions" a line that we will not cross.

I do too. I'm just not dumb enough to think a computer can do a better job of filtering out women that wouldn't be a match than I can.

If a guy was a rapist and emailed you, would you evaluate that on a case by case basis? what about a child molester? case by case?. The case by case BS is just another way of saying " Sure I am going to reject you, but I am going to make myself look better while doing it". Total and utter BS.

Those filters must be new. I haven't seen them. However, I'm sure they would very effective since a rapist would cetainly never lie about being a rapist. Sheeesh...
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 47
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/21/2010 12:27:13 PM
I do too. I'm just not dumb enough to think that a computer can filter can do a better job of filtering out women that wouldn't be a match than I can



Yea I know I just took a peek at your profile. You call me a hypocrite? You also say you have no" restrictions" who are you kidding here? your profile reads like " War and Peace" and 90 percent of it is " restrictions" . You have age "restriction" 23 to 39 listed in your profile. So just because you don't have it listed outside your profile don't mean it's not there. No wonder you're taking this thread so personal, you happen to be one of those people who can't date in their own age group. You do happen to be 46 but I guess women your own age didn't get you? And I will bet dollars to donuts that the girl you're engaged to is closer to the lower end of those " restrictions" than the higher end.

You have " restrictions" on weight. You have too many "restrictions" on looks to mention. You have pretty much told 99 percent of the women on POF to not waste their time contacting you. But you would be totally open to discussing a " Hook-up" but only if the lady in question was a " centerfold". Which women in her right mind outside those numerous list of "restrictions" would even attempt to contact you ? You pretty much told everybody that's not a 23/39 centerfold to stay away.


This " I have no restrictions, and evaluate on a case by case basis" is the epiphany of Hypocrisy.
 _Icon_
Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 48
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/21/2010 12:32:49 PM
Are you mad? Why so angry?
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 49
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/21/2010 1:41:43 PM
Are you mad? Why so angry?


Being called dumb for going about my business in a different way than someone else Will make most people just a tad defensive. But then again maybe I am just being negative?
 _Icon_
Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 50
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/21/2010 1:54:20 PM
I don't think you're dumb, but yeah you're kinda negative. You can change that pretty easy tho if ya want to.

Just chill, this is supposed to be fun, remember? Why so mad?
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