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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking      Home login  
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 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 51
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking Page 3 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Am I making too much of these things?


I think you're blowing them way out of proportion, especially in view of the fact that you have plenty of restrictions of your own. You're entitled to your preferences, but so is everyone else. When I was still looking, I had my age filter set between my own age of 51 and 65, because I'm not interested in dating younger men. Consequently, I got some flack for that.

The main reason I wasn't compelled to widen my age filter was because I was perfectly content with the number and quality of responses my profile was pulling in. Living in a big city increased the size of my dating pool to the point that I didn't feel the need to cast a wider net.

As far as the doggie clothes go, because it's getting near Halloween, the woman probably thought it would be cute to dress her dog up in costume just for a photo, which is harmless. Now, if a person dyed their dog pink or pierced its ears, that would be a different story. I've read a few of your other posts and you do indeed come across as rather negative, sanctimonious and judgmental, IMO.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 52
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/21/2010 4:35:30 PM

Yea I know I just took a peek at your profile. You call me a hypocrite? You also say you have no" restrictions" who are you kidding here? your profile reads like " War and Peace" and 90 percent of it is " restrictions" .

Well yes, I do. You started a thread because you took offense to being excluded by the restrictions a woman set in her profile that excluded you, yet you have a couple of restrictions that exclude women in a way that makes a lot less sense. I not only didn't start a thread complaining about being excluded by a woman's personal preferences, I've never taken offense to being excluded by a woman's personal preferences regardless of whether or not she contacted me. I could exclude women for wearing the wrong kind of shoes without being a hypocrite, so you might disagree with my restrictions, but you can't call me a hypocrite unless you don't know what the word means.

The fact that it ``reads like `War and Peace,''' is also a more subtle way of excluding women for sense of humor and literacy. I only got contacted by women who were literate and who had a sense of humor similar to my own. I'm not sure anyone else would consider that a bad thing.

You have age "restriction" 23 to 39 listed in your profile. So just because you don't have it listed outside your profile don't mean it's not there.

I believe I already pointed out that my age preferences were listed in my profile rather than in the form of a hard and fast mail restriction along with the fact that my fiancee is a couple of years outside that range. What you failed to note was that I also had a qualifying statement in the very next sentence that indicated being outside that age range wasn't a dealbreaker. I excluded women, not the computer.

And I will bet dollars to donuts that the girl you're engaged to is closer to the lower end of those " restrictions" than the higher end

Too bad I can't collect on that bet. She's older than my age range specifies.

You have " restrictions" on weight. You have too many "restrictions" on looks to mention. You have pretty much told 99 percent of the women on POF to not waste their time contacting you.

Your point is what? That I have preferences and that physical attractiveness happens to be one of those preferences? I never denied that. What I don't do is start threads complaining about the preferences others have when their preferences exclude me.

But you would be totally open to discussing a " Hook-up" but only if the lady in question was a " centerfold".

Most women who wrote to me thought that was funny and they specically mentioned that they appreciated my honesty for saying upfront what just about every other guy here would do, but most are afraid to admit for fear it would ruin the image they want to create for themselves.

Which women in her right mind outside those numerous list of "restrictions" would even attempt to contact you ?

I'm not actually interested in women who fit anyone else's definition of ``right mind.'' My idea of ``right mind'' is what counts. From that standpoint, I'd have to say the response rate was pretty good from women outside that age range, several of whom I met, my fiancee being the most notable example.

You pretty much told everybody that's not a 23/39 centerfold to stay away.

I didn't stop self-confident women of any age from writing me, though. Since self-confidence is another quality I appreciate, again, that served a purpose.

This " I have no restrictions, and evaluate on a case by case basis" is the epiphany of Hypocrisy.

You can accuse me of being picky and you can disagree with the way I filtered potential dates and I won't object to that. What you can't do is accuse me of hypocrisy unless you don't know what hypocrisy means and that is the only thing of which I accused you.
 smalltowngirl0
Joined: 6/13/2008
Msg: 53
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/21/2010 5:14:43 PM
omg,
my sister has two small dogs that she has with her 24/7 being a truck driver. every 'major' holiday she dresses those poor things up. i'm not talking the sweaters that actually keep a pet warm.

her spouse has yet to keep her from doing it.
 _Icon_
Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 54
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/21/2010 5:35:23 PM
Igor made the best point about that in the whole thread...does the dog like it?
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 55
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/21/2010 5:38:31 PM
Too bad I can't collect on that bet. She is older than my age range specifies.




Yea right, the funniest thing you have ever written. Next you will try telling me she is over weight and look like Quasimoto. The only people that would believe that after reading your profile are the same kind of people who go take out bank loans to buy places like the White House and the Brooklyn Bridge. I have now lost count of the number of BS you have tried slipping pass me in the thread, fact is I am done, you have about as much credibility left with me as a used car saleman named honest Alebian.


Igor made the best point about that in the whole thread. does the dog like it?


See I honest can't tell if you're serious with that last comment " does the dog like it" .
Everytime I see some dog dressed up like that I think of that cartoon where all the dogs are laughing at the poor poodle all dressed up walking down the street. I honestly can't help but think it's like that.

Hey wait. There was two turn offs that I listed in my Op. Funny how people just choose to ignore one while taking the other and doing the Jessie Owen. I guess the second one hit very close to home with a lot of posters and they felt the need to defend themselves.
 southaustingal
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 56
view profile
History
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/22/2010 5:51:24 AM
A major deal breaker for me is someone who wears sandals with socks. Especially white socks with black flip flop type sandals. For some reason it is an immediate turn off for me. Also, a profile of a guy who has his dog in every picture and calls it his "princess" or something like that. Looks to be that there is no room f0r a woman. Then finally, a guy who uses any word like "skinny" to describe his ideal woman.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 57
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/22/2010 8:14:52 AM
Next you will try telling me she is over weight and look like Quasimoto. The only people that would believe that after reading your profile are the same kind of people who go take out bank loans to buy places like the White House and the Brooklyn Bridge.

Well no, I'm not going to tell you that. In fact, for the sake of argument, go ahead and assume I'm lying about her being older than the age range I listed in my profile and go with your own theory about her being nearer to the youmg side of my age limits, say mid to late twenties. So, for the sake of argument, we can agree my fiancee is something along the lines of a centerfold who is engaged to a guy who is almost twice her age and 4" shorter than anyone else she's dated (and 5" shorter than her ex husband). Now, according to you, the only people who would believe otherwise after reading my profile are the same people would take out bank loans to buy the places like the White House or the Brooklyn Bridge. I assume you are not one of those people.

I have now lost count of the number of BS you have tried slipping pass me in the thread, fact is I am done, you have about as much credibility left with me as a used car saleman named honest Alebian.

Well, now that my description of my fiancee meets with your approval in terms of credibility, I'm sure you will be satisfied that at least that much is no longer BS.

So, now I'm not sure you how you could dismiss whatever I said about setting mail restrictions as BS unless you really ARE seeking a woman who is older, overweight and who looks like Quasimodo and who is also immune to the whatever it is about my profile you think snagged me a young centerfold. In that case, I'd agree that my advice was BS as far as you are concerned. Others may be more interested in a young centerfold similar to that you are absolutely sure describes my fiancee despite the ``BS'' about her being older that you so easily saw through. Others may also see your incredulity as weird, but who am I to say? I'm not credible.

However, I admit to being perplexed by whatever logic compelled you to call me not credible due to some weird belief that I'd actually lie and say my fiancee is much older than she is and that you'd think I would tell you she looks like an overweight Quasimodo when she doesn't. That sort of reasoning seems rather perverse, but it does explain quite a few things about the complaints in your original post.
 Sabrosura089
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 58
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/22/2010 8:44:40 AM

A major deal breaker for me is someone who wears sandals with socks. Especially white socks with black flip flop type sandals. For some reason it is an immediate turn off for me. Also, a profile of a guy who has his dog in every picture and calls it his "princess" or something like that. Looks to be that there is no room f0r a woman. Then finally, a guy who uses any word like "skinny" to describe his ideal woman.


^^I hear you! I can't imagine walking any where with a man who sported white socks with sandals................ One can easily suggest a more suitable look. I think this can be worked on.

RE: Their dog "princess"; I often wonder if some use other people's pets to "reel" animal lovers towards their profiles.
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 59
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/22/2010 9:40:05 AM
Go ahead and assume I'm lying about her being older than the range listed


I am not assuming anything it's a fact this statement is an outright lie.

She's older than my age range specifies

And I can easily prove it just from things you posted or didn't post in this thread.

I started a thread about being contacted by a woman who's age range I was out of. Said I didn't want to think anyone was " settling" or lowering their standards while reaching out to me. I also mentioned about being turned off by women who have a problem dating in their own age range. You came in and posted this.


I wasn't interested in dating in my own age group and I wasn't going to decide differently just because some woman think I'm an ass or whatever because of it


See that statement alone tells me that you now saying she is older than 39 is an outright lie. There was no " But I am sure glad I changed my mind or I would not have found the love of my life" at the end of that statement . That statement stood alone, and that was a statement from a man who knew what he wanted and held out until he got it. That man of conviction I could have respected, the lier I can't.

See my lying friend if she was in fact older than 39 or even 39 then she would have been squarely in you age group for dating, you being 46. Thus the above statement would have made no sense unless it was followed by a "BUT I'm sure glad yada yada yada".

But if that's not enough I will go even a little deeper to make my point.

You kept saying you went on a case by case basis and have no " restriction" and I kept calling BS, everytime you said I screamed BS. Fact is if your Girlfriend was outside your specified range it would have been a logical rebuttal to my argument. One that if you used it would have ended me calling BS . Fact is you never even gave such a rebuttal a thought because it's not true.

Ideally you could have also used it to rebut my argument about "settling" You could have pointed out that you went outside your range and don't think you settled or something like that, but once again you could not go to that argument because she is not outside your range.

You responded to 14 or 15 things I said in this thread and not once did your girlfriend being outside your "restriction" range come up. It was only after I said.


And I will bet dollars to donuts that the girl you're engaged to is closer to the lower end of those " restrictions" than the higher end


That this lie came into your head. If it was true then you would have had to have the intelligence of a plant not to have mentioned it before. See you being a lier is not supposition but easily proven fact.

 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 60
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/22/2010 10:25:08 AM
^^ Wow, OP, you sure DO nitpick!

I'm so glad I don't have to put up with a man who just must get the last word in,
even about silly stuff !
One thing PoF has shown me is that gladness in being single.
 umbrellaman21
Joined: 9/21/2010
Msg: 61
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/22/2010 11:13:20 AM
I saw a woman who lied about her age in the "stats" area, said she was 35/36 or something....then later in the profile said she was mid 40's, but then bragged about how people always think she was as old as a teenager. ANd that she gets carded in clubs.

I think she was a bit going WAY out there by looking THAT age, she didn't l ook like she was as old as a teenager.

Another one did the same thing, but said in her profile, her first sentence was, "That's not my real age, but it's also none of your business to know what my age"

Something about how a lady never reveals her age, and "if you have a problem with that, please move on to the next profile"

No joke, this woman was dead serious about that. She was attractive though, but why the hang up with revealing her age on a dating site?

But there has been a trend of people "fudging" on their age in the stats to get themselves to show up in OTHER peoples searches (within said age range), when the person would LATER admit in their profile that they are actually older.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 62
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/22/2010 11:58:13 AM
See that statement alone tells me that you now saying she is older than 39 is an outright lie. There was no "

You have to win the award for being the most logically challenged person I've run across in probably a year, maybe longer.


And I will bet dollars to donuts that the girl you're engaged to is closer to the lower end of those " restrictions" than the higher end



That this lie came into your head. If it was true then you would have had to have the intelligence of a plant not to have mentioned it before. See you being a lier is not supposition but easily proven fact.

Uh, you wrote the line to which you refer, not me.
 Crabby_McCrabberson
Joined: 8/11/2010
Msg: 63
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/22/2010 3:21:21 PM
One person's nitpicking is another person's refusing to settle. I'd say do what works best for you, as long as you're not hurting anyone.

I've noticed a relationship between how people conduct their dating and how they act in relationships.

I appreciated every woman who stipulated "he can be A or B, but he can't be C or D, unless the circumstance is E combined with F" because I figured "that's more for me!" and appreciated men who dated that way, because they saved me time on the front end.

Hard for me to imagine somebody who not only nitpicks strangers to death, cutting no slack, allowing no exceptions to rules, but crosses over also into judging and dictating the others' rules -- magically transforming into a tolerant, supportive romantic partner.

:shudders:
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 64
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/22/2010 3:57:01 PM
Uh, you wrote the line to which you refer, not me.


Of course I did. I pointed that out right above it. But I see you ran out of arguments so you're now grasping at straws.
 forumfishie
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 65
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/22/2010 4:07:56 PM
"My work here is done."

And if by "work" you mean
antagonizing people who don't agree with you
or call you on your BS and nitpicking EVERYTHING to death,
yes, your "work" here is done.

You even quote your own quotes to allow the
nitpicking to continue, quite the nifty skill

Anybody who reads this thread, can safely say,
YOU do nitpick

If you don't care for chihuahuas dressed like a fairy
just don't get one, and don't date the ladies who carries
it on her purse, no reason to hate,
click to the next profile, that is NOT a legitimate
gripe, that is just you, being you

I'm sure somewhere out there there is a lady
or two who don't care for bald, tall men, I haven't read
a thread about that yet, because everybody has preferences
But not everybody has the need to start a thread about them


But, YOU are right again, as always,
you are the reigning KING of nitpicking
Congrats OP!
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 66
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/22/2010 4:51:02 PM
I do believe I'v read in other threads, though, that his fiancee is 41 I think it was, so no, not at the low end of the spectrum you refer to


I will now take it upon myself to go search every single post he ever made looking for this. If I find such a post I will come back into this thread and post it, and admit to being wrong. You could speed up the process by directing me to this thread of which you speak, save me from having to go look through everything the man has ever written?. But if I have to go the extra mile to eat crow, then go it I will. If an apology is owed then an apology is what he will get.


suppose the woman in question that you reffered to had been on the site a year or two....but didn't update her restrictions at during that time, so while she might originally have filtered out anyone more than two years older than herself, now her restrictions are set for no more than her own age. Just an idea. at any rate


I can see something like that being possible, I tend to leave thing's the same for long periods myself on my profile. As stated in my OP I am more comfortable dating women who happen to be comfortable dating in their own age group. And that's what turned me off this particular woman, the fact that her " restrictions" was set 15 years below her own age up to 2 years under her age.

Maybe it's a bit of insecurity but if a woman had cougar leanings, then I just can't see us as a match. Why waste her time or mine? She would be much happier dating someone much younger than herself. And I would be much happier connecting with someone who has the same mindset as myself. That to me is a win win for both of us.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 67
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/22/2010 7:33:31 PM
Ehhhh, the dressing of the dog thing -- I can see how that's a bit of a turn-off. I would say it turns me off if a woman's obsessed about always dressing her pooch up vs "oh, here's a fun picture to put up -- that one time I dressed up sparky that crazy day...". The latter is funny, the former isn't necessarily a deal breaker but not good. You'd be nitpicking if the latter turned you off bigtime.

If you're scared to date in your own age group, then I don't think we will be a match.

Yeah, that begs some questions, certainly. I don't think that's an instant-turn-off... I'd just ask about it. After all, you initially converse in reference to what they put in their profile, right? For something relationship-minded I would put my expectations off to the side in the beginning (hence, significant emotion), and if she was attractive, sure, I'll give it a go to try out at least. I think it would be nitpicking, without asking to freak out just due to that if she otherwise seemed like a great catch.
 ICtheLite
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 68
view profile
History
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/23/2010 4:58:31 AM

The issue really is of like mind.


I agree. For me, someone my own age who grew up in the same era just seems to be a better fit for me. If I read a profile and the guy listed his desired age range from 18 to 30 and he's 50 its a HUGE turn off..... next!!!

We all have things we look at in profiles and a list of "likes", "don't likes" we run through while reading. If we don't see anything that makes us go Eeewwwww, we're in good shape, lol.
 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 69
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/23/2010 8:41:01 AM

I will now take it upon myself to go search every single post he ever made looking for this. If I find such a post I will come back into this thread and post it, and admit to being wrong... ... .... But if I have to go the extra mile to eat crow, then go it I will. If an apology is owed then an apology is what he will get.
Go through all of his posts???
All that work??
You're not doing it to see if you need to make an 'apology'.. you'll do it to prove you're right! You just can't let it go. Can't stop yourself. Over something as silly as posts on PoF.
Yes, the guy HAS mentioned the age of his Love in other threads. But just me saying that along with others saying it, isn't enough is it?
Talk about instant turn offs. That sure is one... any male or female that can't "let it go" over silly little things.

 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 70
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/23/2010 8:49:04 AM
Yes, the guy HAS mentioned the age of his love in other threads. But just me saying that along with others saying it along with others, isn't enough is it


Actually I had given it up. I did a search to see if I was in fact wrong. Because if I was wrong I wanted to make sure to say so and apologize. It would not be the first time I was wrong in these forums, nor would it be the last. Nobody in these forums is infallible, myself included. But I found no such thread. That's not saying it's not out there, it very well could be in something earlier posted by him. I did not come back in this thread gloating and pointing it out, I just left it alone. You obviously is the one having a hard time letting it go.
 DogEatDog
Joined: 9/1/2010
Msg: 71
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/23/2010 9:16:04 AM

Yes you are making too much of these things... by griping about them on a forum. If they're deal-breakers, just move on. Silly or not, don't these women have the right to be who they are, whether they're your type or not?


Coudn't agree more... If a woman (or man) posts a spacific list of wants, needs and desires and you don't fit why would you bother to contact her in the first place?
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 72
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/23/2010 9:20:57 AM
If a woman(or man) posts a specific list of wants, needs and desires and you don't fit why would you bother to contact her in the first place


This I totally agree with 100 percent. And exactly on point. Which is why I never bothered contacting the woman in question, even after she went out of her way to reach out to me.
 _Icon_
Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 73
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/23/2010 10:04:46 AM
Actually I had given it up. I did a search to see if I was in fact wrong. Because if I was wrong I wanted to make sure to say so and apologize.


You do owe him an apology.

Stop to think a minute and realize that most of the regular forum posters have been around a while. We have private email correspondence and some of us have got to know each other as well as you can in this venue.

We KNOW Abelian, and his personal circumstances, because many of us are pen pals.

In fact, I can reasonably predict he won't be replying until much later in the weekend because he is visiting his fiancee and won't be logging on.
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 74
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/23/2010 10:25:41 AM
you do owe him an apology


See below someone was nice enough to send me a link, which proved me wrong.


 _Icon_
Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 75
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/23/2010 10:30:17 AM
Don't you realize how petty you sound?
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