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 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 76
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking Page 4 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Post by Alelian made on 6/23/2010 much thanks to the person who was nice enough to email me the link.




In the end, I met my fiancee who is only five years younger, but she also doesn't " think old"


That would make her older than his range restrictions, thus making me totally and utterly wrong. For which I am now eating crow and making a public apology for having called him a lier in this thread.
 _Icon_
Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 77
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/23/2010 10:47:31 AM
Well now you made me proud of you. Good stuff.

Personally I dont put a lot of restrictions on my mail. I like to talk to all kinds of folks and I would guess that roughly 80% of my mail has nothing to do with dating and everything to do with the pen pals I have made on this forum.

I never assume that just because someone mails me that they are ready to ask me out, I get all KINDS of interesting mail.

I also don't like to put a big ole long list of requirements and expectations on someone I havent even met yet. I like to get to know a guy a little bit before I make him my prisoner and start to practice my mind control on him. I am joking and I hope that's obvious.

The guy who has my interest at the moment is not someone I could have ever dreamed up in my own little head. Discovering who he is ...that's where the fun is.
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 78
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/23/2010 11:11:21 AM
Personally I don't put a lot of restrictions on my mail. I like to talk to all kind of folks and I would guess that roughly 80% of my mail has nothing to do with dating and everything to do with pen pals I have made on the forums


I think in the end we all have to do what works best for us. I don't have to agree with how someone else goes about their profile, they don't have to agree with mine. What might be viewed by me as a " turn off" on a woman's profile might be looked at as a " turn on" when viewed by someone else. If this was easy then nobody would be online for more than a week, we would all find what we are looking for and go spent the rest of our lives behind the picket fence living happy ever after.
 _Icon_
Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 79
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/23/2010 11:23:18 AM
Perhaps the woman you are annoyed with, decided to go against her restrictions because she found you to be more attractive than other men she might have put into some "age category."

Similar things happen to me all the time. One guy had limited himself to women under 35. He asked how was it possible that I was single AND had no children. I asked him "Does that make me an Old Maid?"
He said "Hell no! That makes you dateable!"

Maybe she took one look at your pic and decided that she was willing to expand her previously imagined criteria because she just thought you were handsome enough to try.

Now you'll never know.
 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 80
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/23/2010 12:52:21 PM
Well I must confess, my longhaired dachund wheres a thick black and white checkered coat when she goes out.lol it's Minnesota folks!
My daughter bought it for her and loves to see her in it, and really Lucy could not care less, all she is interested in is chasing chipmunks, and getting treats for being good.lol
As far as the age thing if someone writes to me that has their age limits pretty low, I think to myself hmmmm how's that working ya? lol
 TodaysCatch
Joined: 4/12/2008
Msg: 81
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History
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/23/2010 2:31:38 PM
Others haven't complimented you, but I'm compelled to note that you have the perfect post. It's the equivalent of drive-thru therapy - tell us what irks you in five minutes or less. That will be $50, please.

Ahhhh! Guess it's a good thing we became friends before I used age restrictions! Do you remember why I finally put those in my profile? Probably not, but I do! HA! Age liars.
- verygreeneyez

EVERY woman I've talked with on this site has been untruthful about her age. There's a great foundation
for an honest relationship. I feel like hanging up when they reveal the truth, but I don't. Shame on me.

If online dating bugs you that much - get out. I did. I complain a lot less now.
- happybunny8

People here are born complainers, so I've been on the offline "diet" for months now. My dates have dropped two dress sizes and look much younger
 _Icon_
Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 82
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/23/2010 3:13:09 PM
I've only been lied to once about age, but almost every guy Ive met has lied about his height.

I'm very, very short. All my life, short guys love me. I dont give a rat's azz how tall you are because they make very very few men that are smaller than I am.

I've always given short guys a chance, they reward me with mendacity.

Lying is not gender specific.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 83
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/23/2010 6:19:29 PM
Yeah, one shouldn't be thrown off or see it as a red flag just because a gal writes you, and you're outside the bounds of her restrictions.

- Some people don't use restrictions yet just describe them in their profile
- Some people use restrictions too strictly, of anything with a 90% chance they won't like
- Some people use restrictions as an absolute-only, since absolutely nobody can initially write them

Respect the fact that it's not necessarily an end-all-be-all for everyone, as far as applying their restrictions. Some gals get a lot of email, and they're willing to throw out a few possible potentials to prevent a lot of no-way-no-hows, and instead, put the ball in their court for anyone who's in that 10% category if they're not shy on writing people.
 ChillinChill
Joined: 10/2/2010
Msg: 84
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/23/2010 6:54:29 PM
Nothing instantly turns me off. Somethings might make me go hmmmmm or MEH or ewwwwww or WHAT THE FARK NARKER???

I try not to nitppick and I never GAF enough to gripe. Who the fark cares what some schmuck puts on his profile. If it works for him, well then glory be to the Father. Amen.

There are all kinds of clowns at this circus, not every one is gonna make me laugh or entertain me. I could care less if I fall into their criteria or not. I'd rather know from the get go then make an attempt to contact someone for nada, Zilch. Or a hey Skippy you are to OLD.

Something might turn me off about a profile but not often its every thing. I can usually find some good on the page. I can't say I completely dismissed someone because of one simple blurb on their profile. I have for an UGLY picture though. Ugly pics really turn me off... Moe, Larry, Curly...these guys just aren't my type.

About restrictions:

There really should be a restriction here though for a man who shaves his eyebrows...as in completely off and uses eyeliner pencil to fill them in. This can be somewhat disturbing and distracting on a first meet. I wish they had that restriction.

It would be nice to be fairwarned too if a man is going to bring all four of his golden lab retreivers to your first meet. Especially when he has two that like to sniff crotch. This should be a restriction.

I would also like to see a restriction for males that wear grape smugglers to the beach.

It would be nice if they had a restriction for men that used the N word and the C word.

I think a valid restriction would also be useful for men that pick their noses or pop their zits and wipe it on your bed sheets....but there isn't one. That's not something you find out about til the third date anyway... nyuk nyuk nyuk....

I happen to be a centerfold and I have the staples in my belly button to prove it, but you don't see me bragging about that on MY profile. I also look like I am 25 years old... with a dimmer switch, candles and the right camera angle .... but who needs to know that up front?

The men that look like they are 60 say they are 45.. So if I put my age restrictions at 30 chances are I may meet a 50 year old!!! Wouldn't that be fun?

I mean there has to be some surprizes beyond the initial "all about me" block on the profile. If they know everything, what is left to talk about over coffee? For real. You should leave some mystery then when you ultimately get rejected the guy doesn't have to feel so bad... He hadn't a CLUE!!!

What has TRULY no I mean TRULY ...and absolutely AMAZED me about this whole thread is that MEN ACTUALLY READ THE PROFILES. OMG. I can hardly believe it.

I never knew this. I thought they just looked at the pictures!!!!
 _Icon_
Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 85
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/23/2010 10:03:40 PM
People just worry about all the wrong things. It wouldnt be so bad but then they go and completely ignore the things that matter.

We are all just a bunch of hairless monkeys anyway. Life is short, have fun with it. Who cares if it's perfect or not?
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 86
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/23/2010 10:08:27 PM
~OT~ After reading this thread I learned something about my own self. When I browse profiles (a new thing for me) I instantly look at the "wants children" answer. If it's "yes" I don't read another word. No reason to, the preference to have children immediately means I am not the one for that person. I respect what's in the profile and deem it "written in stone." When someone contacts me who has "yes" in that space, I send a "Thank you but..." email and that's that. I'm happy the preferences are there, saves lots of wasted time. JMO
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 87
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Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/24/2010 5:30:37 PM
scrolled down to her restrictions and was instantly turned off. Her age restriction said only guys between 30 and 47 could contact her. I have always been turned off by this.


I'm with you. I was contacted by one guy whose restrictions limited it to women at least ten years younger than him and it turned out he was lying about his age by seven years. A very large percentage of men restrict the women to younger than themselves, often significantly so. I figure if they are that narrow-minded, they are not going to be a good match for me.

The dog in the pink outfit would make me run in the other direction, too.


EVERY woman I've talked with on this site has been untruthful about her age.


EVERY? Wow, that's amazing.

I'd say half the guys I met on Match.com were lying. One complained to me about women posting photos that made them appear younger and slimmer than they were but it turned out he was lying about his age. As for here . . . the guys put one thing up above and then 'fess up in the text of their profile. I don't buy that.

I did get contacted by a guy who sounded interesting but had age restrictions that, like the OP, I found offensive. So I politely told him. I pointed out that if I had similar restrictions, he would be unable to contact me. He was cool about it, said he hadn't really thought about it, and ended up changing them. We never did meet but I admired that he was willing to consider that there might be a woman older than he who could be a good match for him.

You can check my driver's license when you meet me if you'd like.
 umbrellaman21
Joined: 9/21/2010
Msg: 88
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/25/2010 3:34:10 AM

scrolled down to her restrictions and was instantly turned off. Her age restriction said only guys between 30 and 47 could contact her. I have always been turned off by this.


The types of age range settings someone has on their profile, there was this woman, lives closeby, attractive (to me), and close to my age

I am 38, she was 40, and had her age settings set to (get this) 40-(whatever that higher age range was, probably mid 50's)

I was thinking, you gotta be kidding me, lol

Once in a while, I notice some people that set their age criteria from THEIR age to older, they don't have any wiggle room for ANYONE slightly younger than them. It rarely happens, but I was like "dang it, man!"
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 89
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/25/2010 8:02:21 AM
you are prevaricating. I can understand the filter for smoking, so responding to a different question is not an argument. I deliberately choose the filter for " other relationship" for a reason. That filter is so nebulous as to be worst than meaningless


I have had several transgendered people (including one with no picture I actually met for coffee) email me. All those profiles was listed as " other relationship". A few chinese " Women" from that category who look just like female, it's only after reading their profile that you see ( thank God they are unfront about it) that they are in fact males. But they list themselves as " women" was also under " other relationship" . So to asnswer your question I honestly can't define " other relationship". I only know that the experience I have had with it and viewing from those who have contacted me from that category, it's a total and utter dealbreaker for me.

PS. Once again my total and utter apology to you for getting that far out of line in our debate. A debate should never get beyond a certain point. And I went beyond that point. For that I am truly sorry.
 JWG86
Joined: 7/5/2008
Msg: 90
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/28/2010 12:21:37 AM
The more set in my ways I get, the more things will get an instant "click" off from me. However, if someone contacts me, I overlook everything and figure out if I like them as a person or not--not a profile. I just won't contact THEM based on a profile.
 citygal95
Joined: 10/14/2010
Msg: 91
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 10/28/2010 6:54:14 AM
I don't care if a man primarily dates younger women. Having said that, I probably wouldn't be interested in a much older man due to his age. Not his age range.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 92
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History
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 11/2/2010 10:21:48 AM

I'm not sure it's because I look old or because they want to 'mother' me.


I doubt they want to "mother" you. ;-)

I'm getting hit on by guys in their mid to late 20s again. Are they serious? I've been tempted but haven't given in yet. I'd like someone a bit more mature and experienced.
 1suburbs
Joined: 10/30/2010
Msg: 93
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 11/2/2010 8:07:52 PM
I may not be interested in a man due to his age. But the age range doesn't bother me. Besides if a man around my age was interested in much younger women. But it would be highly unlikely that he would contact me anyways.
 DaiseyMoonshine
Joined: 8/6/2010
Msg: 94
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 11/3/2010 11:07:50 AM
It's ok, everybody has their own likes and dislikes.

My top ten list of 'instant' turn offs are:

1. a photo of them with another woman
2. a cropped photo of them with another woman
3. guys without a shirt on in their main profile photo
4. people who 'work out' x times per week (yawn)
5. immature personality
6. bad spellers
7. people who use words and phrases like 'living life to the fullest' or 'live love laugh'
8. anyone with my ex's first name
9. anyone who resembles my ex
10. my ex

 Athlete83
Joined: 6/2/2010
Msg: 95
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 11/3/2010 11:21:03 AM
No I don't think so. I'd bypass as well.My pet peeve is when women have any heading with the word "Real Man", or any combinations of the phrase "No Gmaes". First, if a guy is really playing you chances are he's not going to tell you up front "I'm here to play games." Second, it makes them come off as angry and unapproachable. You take chances when you date someone. Use your judgement, if something doesn't seem right with the person than use your gut. But, coming off defensive from the start, and I just met you? You're not going to have great luck.
 Athlete83
Joined: 6/2/2010
Msg: 96
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 11/3/2010 11:24:38 AM
Lol. But I don think that the working out thing is just to kind of send the message that fitness is important to you. Hopefully the person reading would get the message, it sounds a lot better than just coming out and saying I'm not interested in dating people who are out of shape or overweight. It just sounds like a less a*****e way to say it.
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 97
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Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 11/3/2010 7:16:01 PM

My only turn off is "restrictions" themselves. Not only does it show me that the person hasn't met enough different types of people to understand that everyone is different(even when the same), it also reminds me that they will choose basically the same type of person they have left in the past. It gets worse with age,,,cause we all know "we know what we want",because of the past. Really?????? If so,,,why are ya here?????


Walts, I usually find your posts to be no nonsense common sense statements, but I have to disagree. It is more likely, from my perspective that a person with many restrictions has met enough people to understand what doesn't work for them. The key, however, is FOR THEM. Experience is what teaches us, if not exactly what we want, certainly what we don't want. Personally, I don't have restrictions as to who can contact me, but my profile is indeed intended to dissuade & makes it quite clear what experience has shown me as far as what works (or doesn't work!) for me. Unfortunately, it seems that some who fall in to the specific categories mentioned either view this as a challenge or live a life of denial. In the end, it's all a judgment call.

Now that I think about it, though, the best way to dissuade others from contacting you is to remove your photo. That seems to work very well. Wonder what that says?
 cinsav
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 98
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 11/3/2010 8:45:27 PM
Let's be real here. If a woman OR a man has a age range of 10+ years younger - they're after one of two things... a quick bang or they're immature and don't quite fit in with people their own age and NEED to hunt for younger partners.

I think it's a turn off too - to be honest. Keep in mind I don't date 30 somethings, I avoid them like the plague because most them are so ef'ed up they don't know if they're coming or going - so I mainly date 20 or 40 somethings. Anyway, IF I do run across a 40 something that has an age range from the high 20's to the low 50's... yeah man... I already know it's sex on the first date... been there and done that enough to know it's a fact. Regardless of what they claim. Same with the 20 somethings who have a max age of the mid 40's....

It is what it is - you're on the right path to understanding the dynamics of the profile.
 Captain_Wayne
Joined: 5/24/2010
Msg: 99
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 11/3/2010 9:37:49 PM
When who wear coveralls and chew tobacco.
 bipolarintense
Joined: 10/14/2010
Msg: 100
Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking
Posted: 11/3/2010 11:27:39 PM
I am completely baffled by your statements. Do you even know how to use POF?
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