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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > why do people in a LTR stop having sex with their partner?      Home login  
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 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 43
why do people in a LTR stop having sex with their partner?Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
because no matter what bowl you put it in, no matter what toppings you dream up, and nomatter when you get it, Vanilla is still Vanilla
 ChillinChill
Joined: 10/2/2010
Msg: 44
why do people in a LTR stop having sex with their partner?
Posted: 10/23/2010 4:12:51 PM
""""I'd say it's a "control" issue....
Sounds to me like YOU run the show girlfriend.
Withholding sex from you is probably the only thing that HE has any control over.""""

^^^^^^ This, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this,

He has got NOTHING . No bargaining chip but his dyck. Sorry. But it's a POWER PLAY...
The only thing he has control over. You got the reigns on everything else, but his c*ck.

My second guess is not a nice one........ but he probably does more during the day while you are out earning the rent, than you think, and it's not with Judge Judy.
 kojaks488
Joined: 4/14/2009
Msg: 45
why do people in a LTR stop having sex with their partner?
Posted: 10/24/2010 5:58:31 PM
Out of the one LTR I've had this situation occurred. It may have been the same for her, but I know I definitely lost interest for a variety of reasons. The main reason was once I finally decided in my head that the relationship was over, which happened a long time before it actually ended (for reasons that shall remain private).
 _Icon_
Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 46
why do people in a LTR stop having sex with their partner?
Posted: 10/24/2010 6:00:16 PM
Communication breakdown.

Sex is just another form of communication.

If you want that part of me you have to deal with all of me.

I absolutely can not be sexually excited if I am resentful.
 _Icon_
Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 47
why do people in a LTR stop having sex with their partner?
Posted: 10/24/2010 7:30:55 PM
Well I understand that it's not fun for either partner, but telling me that I better sex him up so he wont cheat is simply not enough motivation if he is apathetic to everything else but sex.


If that's all you want, then go.
 PrinceCharmingsCousin
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 48
why do people in a LTR stop having sex with their partner?
Posted: 10/24/2010 8:06:08 PM

On another note, OP - I think you need to set boundaries with this guy - perhaps he's lost respect for you, knows he's taking advantage and you're not calling him on it and that's what's killing his interest? Ironic, huh? I'd demand housework be done, food be prepared when you and your son want it, any errands or shopping to be done and sex on tap when requested if you're paying the bills - or give him the option to go find someone else who will take care of him


I don't know if this is sarcasm or not, but this seems damn close to what the mentality was for a long time in regards to men being bread winners and women doing chores, sex, etc...funny how a woman is advocating going back to this very idea that feminists have tried to banish to the past, and call chauvinistic.




and FYI I had a great sex drive when I met my ex hubby...and it dwindled to nothign thru the years, for one b/c the sex sucked, I was no longer attracted to him, he sucked in bed, and lastly HE had no sex drive either...having him turn me down made me just no longer want to bother. But Now? My sex drive is GREAT and I LOVE LOVE LOVE my sex life!!!!!!!! I've been so much happier in the last year years since I left him!!!! I will never settle for no or crappy sex again!

In fact, I dated a guy last year for 4 months. 2 months into it, he lost his drive. When we had sex, it was great. but he kept turning me down and it was getting worse and worse and talking about it didn't help. I finally told him that I liked him but I could not deal with it, I did not want to date exclusively anymore. So for the last 2 months we were together, but not exclusively and I was able to get my needs met. Strange, maybe. THing is, he could have argued against it, he could have tried to do better, but he did neither.


I'm not gonna lie, I have very little sympathy for you, as I personally have RARELY ever had a woman initiate sex 98.5% of the time so far in my life i'd say I initiated, and from my friends stories id say its about the same for them. Guess what men deal with getting shot down picking up women AND in the bedroom on a daily basis I would say. But it is very nice to see that at least some women can see how crappy it is and maybe sympathize or what not.

to the op, things sound SOOOOO messed up...but yes, i'd kick is azz out, ASAP.
 _Icon_
Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 49
why do people in a LTR stop having sex with their partner?
Posted: 10/24/2010 9:16:54 PM

I don't know if this is sarcasm or not, but this seems damn close to what the mentality was for a long time in regards to men being bread winners and women doing chores, sex, etc...funny how a woman is advocating going back to this very idea that feminists have tried to banish to the past, and call chauvinistic.


As a woman, I'd agree with you. That's just wrong on so many levels.


I personally have RARELY ever had a woman initiate sex 98.5% of the time so far in my life i'd say I initiated, and from my friends stories id say its about the same for them.


That's because you're 25. Many women have to grow into their sexuality, so if this is the case, I'd suggest to you that as these women mature, they will initiate.
 Minau
Joined: 9/2/2007
Msg: 50
why do people in a LTR stop having sex with their partner?
Posted: 10/24/2010 11:41:16 PM
From my experience they don't...if the chemistry is there...it's always there and that's what keeps things going not socially assigned gender matters...
 jamie9562
Joined: 7/15/2007
Msg: 51
why do people in a LTR stop having sex with their partner?
Posted: 10/25/2010 1:04:39 AM
why do people in a LTR stop having sex with their partner?


1-familiarity breeds contempt
2-sheer boredom
3-lobster is delicious,,,,it's exquisite,,,,now eat it everyday for the next 20 something years,,,and get back to me
4-sheer boredom
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 52
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History
why do people in a LTR stop having sex with their partner?
Posted: 10/25/2010 1:27:26 PM
msg56:
Really ??? Not according to these Missionaries ( position) I mean posted in Apricka and the Philippines Island. Meh thinks it smell something fishy if a man stop having sex with their partner and enjoyed eating lobster instead. Just my 2 cents,
 Minau
Joined: 9/2/2007
Msg: 53
why do people in a LTR stop having sex with their partner?
Posted: 10/25/2010 7:39:26 PM

3-lobster is delicious,,,,it's exquisite,,,,now eat it everyday for the next 20 something years,,,and get back to me

If I got to have lobster everyday...boy could I get creative with it...lobster benny, lobster pasta, lobster bisque, in a cold salad, or a hot salad, straight up with melted butter or grilled, with steak, in an omelette...there's that much more opportunity to try out new things
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 54
why do......
Posted: 10/25/2010 10:32:31 PM
First, don't put Divorced -- put Not Single/Not Looking if you live with a guy at least.

Obviously you guys aren't having sex because there's neck-breaking stress in the relationship.... Ya gotta make a move and kick him out.
 PrinceCharmingsCousin
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 55
why do......
Posted: 10/26/2010 7:53:25 AM

That's because you're 25. Many women have to grow into their sexuality, so if this is the case, I'd suggest to you that as these women mature, they will initiate.


Now you're assuming i've only dated women in the 20-25 age range, when in fact i've dated 20-40. That percentage encompasses those women too. Actually the one who initiated the most was the one I almost married, who was only 20 when we met.

Still though women initiate in much more subtle ways, and they as a whole need to learn men suck at subtle, and they need to be more aggressive/obvious about their intentions.
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 56
why do......
Posted: 10/26/2010 8:12:43 AM
I'm more surprised when people in LTR's still want to have sex with each other. I'm talking 5, 10, 15+ years down the line. I would hope to find that kind of relationship eventually and could totally foresee loving someone that long but it is hard to imagine being excited by the same person for that long.
 jpm602
Joined: 10/20/2009
Msg: 57
why do......
Posted: 11/3/2010 11:07:59 PM
to the OP, you're cute, I would have sex with you :D dump him
 anunu
Joined: 10/21/2009
Msg: 58
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History
why do......
Posted: 11/4/2010 2:55:10 PM
Sounds like a lot of good advice was given so far.
Just to reiterate some of it:

1. The man is not working. That is a total recipe for depression. I went through that with my ex

2. Sounds like you are a control freak and want the sex on your terms only. So, again, he gets depressed

3. Get that man out of your house and stop playing mommy to him!
 Nancyxoxxx
Joined: 9/29/2010
Msg: 59
why do......
Posted: 11/4/2010 2:56:20 PM
This has never been about sensual, I believe it's mostly about control.
 That Handy Man
Joined: 11/23/2008
Msg: 60
why do people in a LTR stop having sex with their partner?
Posted: 11/4/2010 8:37:18 PM
Human couples were NEVER meant to remain together! It's really that simple!

Personally, the thought of having sex with the same person til the end of time, scares the bejesus out of me!

I just helped my Mom remove some stuff from an old ladies (around ninty) apartment that she vacated. She was somewhat spoiled, a bit of a user, and basically a biach! Her husband died some years ago. The nicest guy you would ever want to meet. My Mom said, after their son was born, this woman never had sex with him again. This man suffered under this woman, and cried on occassion to my Mom. How sad is that?
 likemyrock
Joined: 10/21/2010
Msg: 61
why do people in a LTR stop having sex with their partner?
Posted: 11/5/2010 8:01:22 PM
All sorts of reasons.
I know one couple that stopped having sex because one found jesus and came to believe it was a sin before marriage.

Some people stop having sex because they never really wanted it in the first place. They just really wanted human contact. But there are expectations to deal with. Such as the guy is seen by a lot of women to be a walking torpid sex fiend, and that's all he wants. So if he doesn't live up to it, then there must be something wrong with him.
So in the beginning he lives up to the expectations, but once he feels secure in the relationship he slows down. Or if he just can't keep up the facade and wants to start acting normally, and getting what he wants out of the relationship.

Some people measure their relationship status and health and direction and how the other person feels by certain events that happen. Such as meeting the parents, keeping items over at the others place, meeting friends, and of course sleeping together. They didn't "really" want to sleep with the other person, they just did it because they thought it was "time" in order for the relationship to "progress" to the next level. Probably not even consciously. And that's what they want, the relationship. Or more realistically the emotions they think they will feel if they get the magic relationship. So they slow down once they perceive they've reached their "goal," because they don't really want sex with the other person, they are just a warm body to fulfill the relationship goal/ideal.

Could be stress related with work.
Could be stress related with family.
Could be they saw national geographic explorer, saw a bunch of monkeys doing it, had sex with their SO that night, now associate animal sex with human sex, doesn't want to be an animal but a higher being, so has negative associations with sex and avoids it.
Maybe too high of cholesterol.
Rapid and major change in diet.

All sorts of reasons. I'd say (IMO) the main ones were expectations (lack of communication) and stress, though.
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