Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Big_fun_wave
Joined: 2/28/2009
Msg: 40
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!Page 2 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
Yep, it's fvcked up online! But I cling to the thought their's possibly something to be gained/learned. It's frustrating and agrivating at times, because it seems online social networking just enables people to me spinless and rude. My basis for saying that is because I don't believe you can fairly analyze people over a computer to make a fair sound judgement. But some seem to think it's possible. Anyone who catch's my interest, I ask myself before contacting them if I feel they would be worth meeting. If the answer is no, then I wont contact them.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 41
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 10/25/2010 4:15:27 PM
This online thingy is no worse, no better than the real world. In fact,,,,once you get old enough to know better,,,,you will understand this place is actually a pretty good reflection of the general population, including the new "thought process" of the majority.

You'll find thousands of people here that "know what they want",,,yet are here for as long as I am. You'll find the players,,,,and those that get played,,,,continuously, it seems. You'll find those that fall "in love" at first sight,,,,cause of that chemistry thingy. (those ones always come back,,,usually after they proclaim here about their "true love" they magically found. I could go on,,,but it's all here in one little package for your viewing pleasure.

If ya wanna learn,,,and learn fast about humans and their nature,,,,this is the place!!!!!!!
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 42
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 10/25/2010 4:29:16 PM
The ONLY thing this site or any other site can do is make people who MIGHT match up, AWARE of one anothers' existence and at least theoretical availability.
Yes, it can create a sense of "endless shopping opportunities", and apparently there is still a fair-sized contingent of males who think online dating site=hookup heaven.

Anyone who catch's my interest, I ask myself before contacting them if I feel they would be worth meeting. If the answer is no, then I wont contact them.
Just because you think that they are worth meeting does not mean they will always think the same way. In the absence of any of the nuances that can be observed in person, people look for information in the pictures and profile to see if there is a spark there of potential connection-a shared interest, a mind that works the same way, a sense of humor, a good heart...
I've said this before,but it's been my experience and observation that online personal ad sites can tend to be places where idealists seek a wider selection than just what might stumble across their path IRL. It's taken out the unfortunate condition of looking around the diameter of your real-world life, and talking yourself into the least unpalatable option available-or else staying single. It's also opened up a larger vista for less-serious involvements. And believe it or not, there are still a lot of people who meet someone with whom there is a shared desire to be together, without the sometimes dubious assistance of the internet.
Online personal ad sites are simply another venue, not a magic solution, nor a vending machine for dating and romance.
Cindy O
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 43
view profile
History
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 10/25/2010 4:37:58 PM
I think what you will ultimately recognize, is that online dating is neither harder, or easier than real life.
It's totally different.
In real life, reasons you have better luck include:
- you can SEE the person reacting to you AS you approach them, so without any verbal communication at all, you both do enough "sorting," that you can sharply reduce ahead of time, the number of outright rejections you get. Chances are you are currently not even AWARE of how many people who have rejected you in real life, because you both successfully 'pre-tested' each other. Online, the "sorting" has to wait until you risk an email.
- in real life, you are meeting people who are already doing things you do. It's why you ran into them in the first place. Online, you only have the vague things listed on their profile, no doubt SOME of which were put there as a 'disguise' or pad, to make the person seem more interesting. They may have put in various interests that you also have, but for them the interest is very minor, while for you it is intense. Again, easier to misunderstand online, so has to be taken into account.
- if you meet people in a normal dating venue, like a club, then you are meeting them at a time that THEY have chosen to make themselves available TO date. Online, your email might arrive just after they met someone else, after they had a bad experience with someone who LOOKS like you, but isn't as nice, or just as they are deciding to take a break from dating. You wont find out until you attempt contact, and get shot down.
- many people create their profiles, and then never look at them again. Even though THEY change, the old profile remains, like Dorian Grey's painting, waiting to fool others into thinking the person is still bubbling , full of energy, and hot to date the next person who shows an interest, while in reality the owner of the profile is tires, discouraged, or even just too damn busy with a project to think about starting something new.
Again, bottom line is: DIFFERENT. Harder in some ways, easier in others, but overall, DIFFERENT.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 45
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 10/25/2010 11:41:59 PM
OPie, I think you've broken a record: in two weeks -- from newbie to nice guy thread. Congrats.

A couple of observations: your photo is fuzzy. You can't count (you *haven't* been here a month. . . .). The luckiest guy with women I evah knew was 5'4" and had hair down to his waist. (He liked women, he really liked women, and he showed it.) If you don't put any more work into your opening email than you have into your profile. . . .

Online ~~ pluses and minuses. On the plus side, lots to look at. On the minus side, numbers mean more because the rest is lacking. For me that has meant for the first time since my teens, I've mainly been contacted by men my own age, and that's where I found my mate this time around. (Gonna discount the cougar hunters who believe that they want an older woman, or that she might just possibly want them.) So, yes, it's possible the height will cause you some problems. Live with it or get some elevator shoes so you can lie about it. And if that works, be glad.

And no, I haven't found it harder. I've found it infinitely *easier* ~~ time, space, privacy. And distance hasn't been a major problem either.

 leanco
Joined: 12/7/2006
Msg: 46
view profile
History
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 10/26/2010 5:21:53 AM

Real life dating is easier in comparison because you start out with relatively little information. They don't know your age, your job, your potential earnings. They don't know about past relationships, whether you've been divorced or if you have children. Personality, one of the largest attractors in real life dating, doesn't even play a role online.

Yeah I totally agree. But even though real life is easier, is it necessarily better? I think not.

Also, just like IgorF said in his post, IRL much of the "sorting" is done subconsciously and people would be astonished - if only they could somehow find out - how frequently they get rejected. At least in this case, ignorance is truly a bliss.

Online, one has to figure out ways to "market" oneself. A good picture is important, but so is writing a compelling story about the person behind the profile. And just like in sales, if you don't make the efforts to win the customer over, why should they reward you with their business? Personally, I think online is better precisely because there is more information to work with. Granted, the information may be half truths or outright lies, but that's no different in real life. And since it's so easy to discontinue an e-conversation, my experience is that if I could make it to a real life meet-&-greet after some e-chat, chances are, the date will be more successful than any random encounter.
 chilledandserved
Joined: 1/6/2010
Msg: 47
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 10/26/2010 1:56:24 PM
OP this site is a joke. The women on here only care about looks. None will admit it though. Most of deluded themselves into thinking otherwise. The ones who argue the most against are the guiltiest.
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 48
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 10/26/2010 2:57:33 PM

I've sent about 50 respectful and polite e-mails and only have had very uninterested responses.

I'm going to assume that in the real world, you wouldn't hit on 50 women in a two-week period so remember that while you're hitting on more women online, women are exponentially rejecting more men online.

Also keep in mind that your profile instantly provides information that a real life encounter doesn't and with that information, you've essentially weeded yourself out. For example: I might meet you in person and think you're adorable and funny so I might be charmed into liking you without really knowing anything about you. But when I look at your profile and see "Christian-other" and realize you don't subscribe to any of the many religion options this site provides, I'm not going to bother to ask you what "Christian-other" means. I'll just assume you subscribe to a belief system that doesn't correspond with mine. Meanwhile, you're over there thinking your height or looks is the reason I rejected you. The next woman might reject you for your location or the fact that you don't drink or the fact that you only have one photo or the fact that you have an uninspired profile. Don't assume you know why someone isn't interested.

The real world is still the place to meet people and those who expect an online dating site to be an adequate substitute will usually end up disappointed.


OP this site is a joke. The women on here only care about looks.

At least looks provide SOMETHING to be attracted to. Your looks are good enough that some foolish women will probably overlook your arrogant, bitter profile-- lucky for you. But there are plenty of people here with boring/generic/bitter profiles and don't even have pretty pictures to go along with them yet they still expect the opposite sex to swoon for them. This site isn't a miracle maker.
 CMonster
Joined: 12/4/2004
Msg: 49
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 10/26/2010 3:31:27 PM

I'm going to assume that in the real world, you wouldn't hit on 50 women in a two-week period so remember that while you're hitting on more women online, women are exponentially rejecting more men online.

Good point! Doing that could severely impact a guy's batting average so to speak. I'd guess that it would also take a ton more effort unless a guy would just walk down the street handing out his business card to women and say in passing "Call me" while doing the extended thumb and little finger, telephone receiver gesture. And in a wink and "got 'cha" finger point and the pick-up is done!

But there are plenty of people here with boring/generic/bitter profiles and don't even have pretty pictures to go along with them yet they still expect the opposite sex to swoon for them. This site isn't a miracle maker.

Sounds as if those are the ones whose "real life" might not be a bowl of cherries either...
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 50
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 10/26/2010 3:59:09 PM

The women on here only care about looks.


Yeah because you actually interact with, and date women you know damn well you aren't attracted to. Puhleeze. Get the hell out of here.

This is online dating, Einstein. The majority of attraction is based off of images, sorry that you have been oblivious to that fact.
 jezebellpgh
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 51
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 10/27/2010 4:15:02 PM
Child:

You are young and your peers of that age will always go for the looks. When you get older, have had more life experiences and experienced people you realize life is too short to put up with pretty men (in my case) and would prefer someone who is a nice human being.
 SpecificTruths
Joined: 9/19/2009
Msg: 54
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 10/28/2010 10:52:56 AM
This site could not make it easier.

Case in point, right after I had my profile reviewed and followed the suggestions, I got 12 emails in a week's time! Not much more an average looking guy can ask for! If your profile is well written, you tend to attract people who actually read it and send messages of a thought provoking nature instead of the vanilla ones lots of ladies send (hi, how r u?).

Yeah, I've met up with some flakes and ladies who are cheating and/or hung up on someone, but you have to roll with the punches.

I was on here for over a year (different profile, now deleted) before I found my current gf. It took some time but it was worth it in the end. At least I've got some good meetup/dating stories to tell!
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 55
view profile
History
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 10/28/2010 8:09:51 PM
OP this site is a joke. The women on here only care about looks. None will admit it though. Most of deluded themselves into thinking otherwise. The ones who argue the most against are the guiltest.


You must be a joke too for you are on this site, sorry that your crystal ball is broken that your prediction is wrong , not all women care for looks, disable women goes for looks because they are inmovable they can only stare , but hot bloodied,alive and kicking women wants some actions ,they don't care about good looks, a simple remedy they ask for paper bag instead of plastic at the supermarket...

PS . I don't feel guilty and I'm arguing your message. Vannili
 CMonster
Joined: 12/4/2004
Msg: 56
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 10/28/2010 9:04:37 PM

OP this site is a joke. The women on here only care about looks. None will admit it though. Most of deluded themselves into thinking otherwise. The ones who argue the most against are the guiltiest.

You know that all the guys on this site, no; all the guys in the entire world just want to be in FWB type situations. Given that, everything balances out.
 marknotmike
Joined: 2/28/2007
Msg: 60
view profile
History
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 1/29/2011 9:14:34 AM
I usually just sort of browse the forums for fun, both here and on Xanga, and I have to say that I am surprised by the number of people that post pretty aggressive responses to posts like these.

But in response to the OP, I think you might just need more practice with online dating--how to phrase an opening e-mail, how to keep responses coming back over a few e-mails, that sort of thing. You probably just have a lot more experience face to face so that comes more naturally.

I have more success in real life than on here as well, but I don't necessarily think it's because online dating sucks (although in frustration I've had that thought a time or two, to be honest), it's because I'm just not as good at it yet. Like some have said, it is a tool, and like any tool, it will take a while to become proficient and achieve the desired results.

It is a great way to find people that have similar interests--some of my current closest friends I met online or met through someone I met online.
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 61
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 1/29/2011 9:23:05 AM
Each person will have different experiences. I wasn't getting the results I wanted on here, so I stopped using it for this purpose.

I know some people who enjoy it and some who have actually met their SO on here.
 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 62
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 1/29/2011 9:39:33 AM
Online dating is easier in some respects because you are getting to know the person
before you actually meet. (if everyone is honest)
This helps me because I have never lost my 16 year old school girl enthusiasm, and sometimes people can not truly understand me until they get to know me.

In reality I have multiple sides to my personality but am truly, very studious and a nerd. People who are around me in an educational way know who I am.
I think it is partially a nervousness and partially just the way I find little things joyful and exciting.

I also think that people have different ways of expressing themselves, I can express myself better through paper and pen, until I know someone.

I find that once you lock eyes with someone and if there is chemistry, than a lot of the times your motivation to be discriminating and really lock on to what your really looking for can fall away.
So at this point you are working backwards.
 JRodriguez81
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 64
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 1/29/2011 10:22:30 AM
I always crack up with how pissy everyone gets toward the OP in threads like this.


Apparently people on this forum work for plenty of fish or something.
 FunkTheMillenium
Joined: 7/11/2010
Msg: 66
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 1/30/2011 12:45:46 AM
^^^^ thats very true.
 Praetorian55
Joined: 1/30/2010
Msg: 69
view profile
History
This ain't freaking Rocket Science
Posted: 1/31/2011 8:03:46 PM
Every major site and I do mean EVERY major dating site has one common denominator.

A healthy advantage when it comes to the male/female ratio. Some sites are estimated to have 3:1 male to female ratio or higher.

Doesn't take Einstein to realize that the odds of a man getting equal attention than real life ,where there is equilibrium generally , is going to be rare.

The aformentioned fact is also emboldened further by the fact that it's more of an ego boost for women to be online than men. If your inbox is seeing constant action then that's an affirmation of your desirability and women, despite their protestations about game players and d.bags, eat up the online game like pigs at a trough.

Best plan is to simply realize that online dating is an adjunct to "doing it the old fashioned way" with the face to face. Men should online date with low low low expectations and then and only then will your dreams be realized.

P55 - educating you fools since birth
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 70
This ain't freaking Rocket Science
Posted: 2/3/2011 11:00:34 AM
Real life is always best, but it can take time and get very expensive. The problem is that you do not know if they are just going out in the town and leaving their SO at home, or are they really single. So for my money and effort online was much better for me. Just realize that men approach, women veto. Don't sell your self, and what I mean by that, start telling her what a great person you are and stuff like that. Instead ask ask ask. When sending emails approach them as if you are already in the middle of a conversation.

So if you learn what to do and how to do it, you could end up with two dates a week if you so desired.
 dondea
Joined: 12/10/2007
Msg: 71
view profile
History
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 2/3/2011 1:01:54 PM
I don't know if the OP is still on or not, but here is my 2 cents:

A poster previously said, "OP this site is a joke. The women on here only care about looks. None will admit it though. Most of deluded themselves into thinking otherwise. The ones who argue the most against are the guiltiest."


Well, I can tell you that is far from the truth. POF is just as good as many other sites and much better than some. This goes for both men and women: If you are looking for just sex, you probably are not going to find it here easily--just like other dating sites.

There is always Adult Friend Finder if that is what you are looking for.

If you are looking to meet and date someone to have fun, to get to know them and potentially start a friendship that may lead to a relationship (intimate or not), you will have much better luck. And, for the most part POF is FREE and has awesome forums to boot!


Online dating is what it is and all you have to do is work at it. Keep your pictures current if you post them and update your profile every once in awhile. You will get responses.

If you dare to post in the forums, expect strangers to hold you accoutable for what you typed. Being "flamed" is part of being a forum participant especially if you stick your foot in your mouth or spell incorrectly (just kidding). People are people with every flavor under the sun. I really have met some awesome friends because of POF.

Some of them drove me to but that is fun, too!

 Hench4Life
Joined: 12/18/2010
Msg: 73
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 2/3/2011 5:29:08 PM
What I think is funny in online dating, is the almost systematic, 100% effort of denial by women, that they just simply have it easier. They know it... The guys most certainly know it... Yet, this is virtually never admitted by most women. So any guy that shows the slightest hint of frustration, is of course, instantly labeled "bitter", and then the laundry list of all the things he's supposedly doing wrong get thrown up. It couldn't possibly be that women are simply taking advantage of the fact that they are far fewer than the guys, and can afford to be highly fussy... Because that of course, would be admitting that they aren't saints. No, instead, the salt has to be ground into the wounds by claiming that the guy is of course, obviously doing something wrong, or inherently flawed in some way... because there couldn't possibly be any other reason as to why he wouldn't be getting any replies at all... He's obviously screwed up somehow. Or even going further, as to claim that there STILL aren't enough guys worth talking to, even though the ratio is already 3/1 or better.

Next time a guy says... 'Wow, it's really tough to get women to talk to you here'. It would be really nice, if just for once, a woman could pop up and say... 'Yeah, it's tough because there's so many of you, and us ladies are picky... But hang in there'. As opposed to the typical swift kick in the crotch. I think a little honesty and compassion is all most guys are looking for.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 75
view profile
History
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 2/3/2011 6:21:31 PM
Is really surprising that even in a relatively large city the number of available people appears to be so small. Even before the internet was popular it was quite easy to connect with the current cohort of possible candidates. I distinctly remember running into other men who I had never previously know who had dated the same women that I had dated.

I think that its quite true that the pool of people who get into circulation and put themselves on the market, while it changes continuously, is fairly small in any particular demographic. People tend to cluster around a limited number of places and activities, and within the interest areas of your personal choices, you can pretty well meet all those who are available within a year or so.

The only thing the net has done for me is make me aware of interesting candidates who live too far away to be practical prospects.
 Hench4Life
Joined: 12/18/2010
Msg: 76
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 2/3/2011 7:10:57 PM

oh lol. one reason i quit dealing with trying to date on here is that i kept seeing the SAME male faces on my page, and some of the SAME people out at events with the oh-just-go-out-your-door-to-meet-someone meetup events. SAME people. now i can hardly go to a group event within 500 miles without seeing alot of the SAME people. a few SAME guys trying to get a barbie and just rotating women around until they do or just holding out. so, where are all these MEN supposed to be???


Where are they? Well, lets see... I just put in a ten year age range for guys in your area, and within 5 miles it put up the max 600 guys. FIVE MILES. Which means there's probably thousands well within your area. A large chunk of those guys would probably be happy to get a message and would respond back. So what... You're saying there's not a single guy in those thousands that's worth taking seriously?

I'm just wondering what the ratio would have to be for many of the women that are complaining to be satisfied. 5 guys for every girl? 8? 12? 50? How about 100 to 1? Would that give you enough choices? Probably not.

The denial continues.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  >