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 dondea
Joined: 12/10/2007
Msg: 76
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Online dating more difficult than real life!!!Page 4 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
I don't know if the OP is still on or not, but here is my 2 cents:

A poster previously said, "OP this site is a joke. The women on here only care about looks. None will admit it though. Most of deluded themselves into thinking otherwise. The ones who argue the most against are the guiltiest."


Well, I can tell you that is far from the truth. POF is just as good as many other sites and much better than some. This goes for both men and women: If you are looking for just sex, you probably are not going to find it here easily--just like other dating sites.

There is always Adult Friend Finder if that is what you are looking for.

If you are looking to meet and date someone to have fun, to get to know them and potentially start a friendship that may lead to a relationship (intimate or not), you will have much better luck. And, for the most part POF is FREE and has awesome forums to boot!


Online dating is what it is and all you have to do is work at it. Keep your pictures current if you post them and update your profile every once in awhile. You will get responses.

If you dare to post in the forums, expect strangers to hold you accoutable for what you typed. Being "flamed" is part of being a forum participant especially if you stick your foot in your mouth or spell incorrectly (just kidding). People are people with every flavor under the sun. I really have met some awesome friends because of POF.

Some of them drove me to but that is fun, too!

 MarnieEdgar
Joined: 7/31/2010
Msg: 77
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 2/3/2011 3:41:27 PM
"If you dare to post in the forums, expect strangers to hold you accoutable for what you typed. Being "flamed" is part of being a forum participant "

Flamed???
 Hench4Life
Joined: 12/18/2010
Msg: 78
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 2/3/2011 5:29:08 PM
What I think is funny in online dating, is the almost systematic, 100% effort of denial by women, that they just simply have it easier. They know it... The guys most certainly know it... Yet, this is virtually never admitted by most women. So any guy that shows the slightest hint of frustration, is of course, instantly labeled "bitter", and then the laundry list of all the things he's supposedly doing wrong get thrown up. It couldn't possibly be that women are simply taking advantage of the fact that they are far fewer than the guys, and can afford to be highly fussy... Because that of course, would be admitting that they aren't saints. No, instead, the salt has to be ground into the wounds by claiming that the guy is of course, obviously doing something wrong, or inherently flawed in some way... because there couldn't possibly be any other reason as to why he wouldn't be getting any replies at all... He's obviously screwed up somehow. Or even going further, as to claim that there STILL aren't enough guys worth talking to, even though the ratio is already 3/1 or better.

Next time a guy says... 'Wow, it's really tough to get women to talk to you here'. It would be really nice, if just for once, a woman could pop up and say... 'Yeah, it's tough because there's so many of you, and us ladies are picky... But hang in there'. As opposed to the typical swift kick in the crotch. I think a little honesty and compassion is all most guys are looking for.
 MarnieEdgar
Joined: 7/31/2010
Msg: 79
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 2/3/2011 5:57:17 PM
I don`t want guys coming to me looking for honesty and compassion for why they can`t get responses... if a guy writes to me and I write back... he got a response... how is it flattering to me to then have to listen to him rant about how he has not been having success??
And why does it matter who gets more mail, men or women? Is this a competition? If you get a response from somebody the last thing you should do is start complaining about that or anything else... its not attractive...
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 80
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Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 2/3/2011 6:21:31 PM
Is really surprising that even in a relatively large city the number of available people appears to be so small. Even before the internet was popular it was quite easy to connect with the current cohort of possible candidates. I distinctly remember running into other men who I had never previously know who had dated the same women that I had dated.

I think that its quite true that the pool of people who get into circulation and put themselves on the market, while it changes continuously, is fairly small in any particular demographic. People tend to cluster around a limited number of places and activities, and within the interest areas of your personal choices, you can pretty well meet all those who are available within a year or so.

The only thing the net has done for me is make me aware of interesting candidates who live too far away to be practical prospects.
 Hench4Life
Joined: 12/18/2010
Msg: 81
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 2/3/2011 7:10:57 PM

oh lol. one reason i quit dealing with trying to date on here is that i kept seeing the SAME male faces on my page, and some of the SAME people out at events with the oh-just-go-out-your-door-to-meet-someone meetup events. SAME people. now i can hardly go to a group event within 500 miles without seeing alot of the SAME people. a few SAME guys trying to get a barbie and just rotating women around until they do or just holding out. so, where are all these MEN supposed to be???


Where are they? Well, lets see... I just put in a ten year age range for guys in your area, and within 5 miles it put up the max 600 guys. FIVE MILES. Which means there's probably thousands well within your area. A large chunk of those guys would probably be happy to get a message and would respond back. So what... You're saying there's not a single guy in those thousands that's worth taking seriously?

I'm just wondering what the ratio would have to be for many of the women that are complaining to be satisfied. 5 guys for every girl? 8? 12? 50? How about 100 to 1? Would that give you enough choices? Probably not.

The denial continues.
 dondea
Joined: 12/10/2007
Msg: 82
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Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 2/4/2011 6:00:48 AM
For Marnie Edgar who asked, "Flamed?" in an earlier post:

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia:

"Flaming, also known as bashing, is hostile and insulting interaction between Internet users. Flaming usually occurs in the social context of a Internet forum . . . websites. It is frequently the result of the discussion of heated real-world issues such as politics, sports, religion, and philosophy, or of issues that polarise subpopulations, but can also be provoked by seemingly trivial differences.

Deliberate flaming, as opposed to flaming as a result of emotional discussions, is carried out by individuals known as flamers, who are specifically motivated to incite flaming. These users specialize in flaming and target specific aspects of a controversial conversation, and are usually more subtle than their counterparts. Their counterparts are known as trolls who are less "professional" and write obvious and blunt remarks to incite a flame war, as opposed to the more subtle, yet precise flamers.[1] . . . .

Notes :
[1] "The Heat of the Internet: Flaming (2003). 12.6.10"

 BigBadNIrish
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 83
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 2/4/2011 8:19:07 AM
Years ago...when I was a much younger man...and there was no such thing as on-line-dating (OLD)...I'd go a year or so chasing women thru the clubs, bars, and gyms...never dating a single one of them until...I'd meet someone and you could audibly hear the click...and then we'd date for a few years until one of us would figure out there was something missing....

Now in the world of OLD...one can, if they are so inclined, date pretty much as much as they wish to...but....finding that audible click will take just as long and you'll have to see just as many women as in the real world...IRL..
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 84
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Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 2/4/2011 11:00:44 AM
"How does it suck? It's a tool."

Tools can suck. Ever tried to dig a ditch with shovel that has a broken handle? Ever tried to chop some wood with an axe that has a dull blade? Ever tried to drill a hole with a warped bit? Those tools suck, and so can online dating as a tool. Many online dating sites are the equivalent of an axe with a dull blade and a broken handle.

That said, I don't necessarily agree online dating is worse than real life. It undoubtedly depends on who you are, where you are and what site it is. I've had far more dates result from online dating methods than real life methods, but far more long term relationships result from real life methods than online dating methods (though neither is apparently worth a damn at the moment). Real life dating methods are just ridiculously random -- I would go so far as to say, you can't even put any effort into them. You're just haphazardly walking along in every day life, doing whatever things you like or have to do, and suddenly an opportunity drops out of the sky (= 2 of my 3 long term relationships and maybe even the third). About the only thing you can do to make "real life dating" work "better" is to "get out more." And the fact of the matter is, nearly all of the places you might be going to try to meet other people have other purposes and many of those other people are likely there for those other purposes (i.e., school, church, work, etc., even clubs some people go to just to drink and dance), and a big chunk of them are already in committed relationships anyway.

At least with online dating (well, most sites/most situations), you know the people you are contacting are ALSO free to date and actively seeking someone to date -- and you can increase your effort with this method, which, depending on who you are, where you are and what site you are on, will often times (at least more often than randomly) lead to increased results. I put no effort into POF (beyond profile and pics), I get 1 email every 3 months. I put TONS of effort into POF (email hundreds of women) and I get a couple emails a week (though not necessarily any dates).

And most importantly, in real life, you cannot possibly visit every place within a 50 mile radius, and even if you could, you couldn't do it in any sort of timely manner, likely causing you to miss out on meeting many hundreds if not thousands of good quality dating prospects. But theoretically, even in a densely populated area like mine, even on a site like POF with tens of thousands of members, THEORETICALLY, you could probably go through EVERY SINGLE PROFILE in a matter of days, and find a significant number of good quality candidates to date -- candidates who are (unless they are some forum regulars) actively seeking dates themselves.

To me, that gives online dating a massive advantage over "real life dating." But again, it depends on WHO YOU ARE, WHERE YOU ARE and WHAT SITE YOU ARE ON, because for some (like me), substantial numbers and negative personal statistics will do you in, whereas in real life, at least you are given more opportunities and much more time to convince someone on the fence in the beginning (or possibly violently opposed from the beginning) that you are worth dating. You definitely don't get that with online dating. Online dating is 99% of the time: one email and done. That's its major disadvantage for SOME, but not MOST.
 BigBadNIrish
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 85
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 2/4/2011 11:06:56 AM
So I ran into a woman buddy of mine last night and she told me she'd finally jumped into the dating pond and joined POF....I often cringe when I hear this because I know that my brothern are often tactless, borish, and just lack any sense of common decency...yes, my friend told me all her horror stories about men discussing sex in the first contact....I mentioned to her...that little button next to the message text-Block User

So anyway....I think that both men and women have precieved difficulty when trying to date on-line....

I also think that IRL one knows better than to ask for a date because all the verbal and non-verbal signals have been used...and we, most of us, avoid obvious rejection...whenever possible.

But, in the world of OLD (on-line-dating)...as a man...it is not unusual to send off 5 or 10 nice notes...in the hopes that someone will reply...and if one goes out of their way and creates a really good profile...takes the time to get a few good pics of themselves...then...at least "dating" can be possible..."relationships" are a different discussion....
 Hench4Life
Joined: 12/18/2010
Msg: 86
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 2/4/2011 11:50:35 AM

I haven't done any searches lately. But I have been out in different places in the area, for a very long time by the way, and I don't see any 600 guys. When I've logged into my account here a few times, I still see some of the same faces and I know not to bother. When I did try to date on here, I had contact with quite a few but I don't know if it was 600 because I did not limit my geographic area.


OK, but... You asked where all the guys are... and there's probably at least a couple thousand in your area to choose from right on here. Yet, you're still making it sound like there's nothing to choose from. Sorry, but I have a hard time believing that there isn't anybody worth taking seriously out of a couple thousand guys. So when guys are messaging women left and right and getting nowhere, and then women act like there's "no guys"... You can't see why that might be a little frustrating? Imagine you're walking through the desert, starving to death. Then up ahead, you see a house. You're invited in, and the person sits you down in the kitchen, and the kitchen is full of food and drinks. Then as you're sitting there starving, the person who lives there just keeps complaining about how there's nothing good to eat for dinner. See what I'm getting at?

Nobody is going to get a George Clooney or a Jessica Alba on here. So anybody that's waiting for that is going to be disappointed.
 bodypro8ra
Joined: 1/24/2011
Msg: 87
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 2/4/2011 12:27:58 PM
More difficult? Different, that's for sure. I've had many meetings, some dates, and one relationship which recently ended, that for me was a fairly long relationship. It ended well as far as I'm concerned and I met her on here. Results may vary.
This site is good for other things. My writing for instance. My online friends. Wasting my precious life.
I don't know what it's going to be like this time around. I am not really available for much more than friendship right now due to my present circumstances. My profile reflects that. It is clear where I'm at.
See, the thing is, things are faster on-line. You are competing with a lot of other guys. And these other guys are just a click away. I have had women fave me or respond to me on the meet me feature, and it's like you are cold calling even if they came to you.
They are looking for reasons to reject. Which is just the nature of the structure of online dating.
I don't bother to approach women on this site; very rarely. I know a man pursues. But I don't. So I guess I'm not a man. I will chase when I got the bit in my mouth but most of the time I find it demeaning. I don't care to give any power away. And that's what a lot of this sh1t is about; power. Not chasing limits my opportunities but it also eliminates burn out and bitterness. I did approach my last girlfriend first.
Women do approach me. Some women; but that way I have to work with what I get. On the other hand, I think the women that do approach me reflect the general pof population in my age range and socioeconomic strata. Because this time I didn't lie about my income level for a change.
Even if all the negatives are true, you can't change them. You can improve this and you can improve that and still it's a crap shoot and you need to be patient. Or find another venue. If you complain you will get labeled as a bitter, sore loser and that is the kiss of death around here.
 bodypro8ra
Joined: 1/24/2011
Msg: 88
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 2/4/2011 9:09:14 PM
Message43 as quoted: "As you can see OP the people who have responded to my post have just proven my point. If this was not true they would of not responded so defensively to my post."

What this actually proves it that you are adept at baiting the general fora and insulting them by flaming them with the following:

Bait message 29 as quoted verbatim: "I don't think online dating sucks. I do think this site sucks as an avenue for online dating because the majority of the people here are so mentally ill and so full drama about there past they aren't ready for a relationship but instead should be checking in to there local mental institution."
"This place seems to a dumpster for all the rejects of the world."

So if anybody takes offense to your childish trolling that "proves" your point?
 mingo88
Joined: 10/12/2010
Msg: 89
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Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 2/4/2011 9:23:43 PM
truthfully Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt leave me cold. right now i'm into Gerard Butler and Hugh Laurie. Hugh is soooooo hot!!!
 Fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 90
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Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 2/4/2011 9:30:06 PM
I think it's harder too. I feel like I'm leading men on just by meeting them. The guys I meet want to move way too fast and they act hurt/rejected when I tell them I don't want to move that fast.

I've been VERY fair and I've even given unemployed guys a chance. My attitude is that we are in a recession and no one's job is completely secure, not even mine. The guy w/out a job can end up getting one and the guy w/ a great job could lose his, so I have no problem meeting an unemployed guy and going dutch treat for coffee. I view the date/meeting as a chance to get to know someone new. The problem begins when the guy starts inviting himself over to my place or asking me to come to his and we've only known each other a week. I don't care if a guy is a superstud millionare, I need more than a week before I feel comfortable having anyone in my personal space like that.

I've had guys express that they feel hurt/rejected or as if they wasted their time on me if things don't get sexual. It's that kind of attitude that makes me want to quit online dating. If the guy feels led on because I met him and didn't sleep with him, then I don't need to be meeting anyone (online) at all.

I like what another poster said about meeting in real life. In real life, you have body language, vibes, gestures and even phermones that help you determine whether or not anything is going beyond meeting. A lot of people view online dating as a way to meet/greet and get laid.
 valleyguyaz
Joined: 11/13/2008
Msg: 91
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 2/4/2011 11:04:26 PM
when i first starting using this online dating site back in the summer of 2005 the profiles
of users were more original and real back then.i tinkered with and refined my profile myself.i didn't ask for advice from so called "experts" on the subject.most user profiles today look the same and say the same things.i'm not saying that all user profiles are like this and those are the ones that catch my eye with or without photos.

there are good things about online dating sites today.for instance there are alot more people and profiles than there used to be.the sites offer more user friendly features and tools than they did several years back.

the things that frustrate me now about this site as well as others are the labeling of men and women.they are labeled because of their profile picture is taken a certain way. they are labeled because of a certain interest or passion that they have.they are labeled by the amount of restrictions that they may or may not have
listed on their profile.

there also more people who are not as serious about meeting others.they are only on this site because they are bored and instead of doing something constructive with their time they prefer to waste theirs and in turn waste the time of those on this site who really want to meet someone.this really annoys me but that is how people are nowadays.there are more people today that don't respect themselves and don't respect the feelings,opinions and thoughts of others.
 SilverLight
Joined: 11/26/2010
Msg: 92
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 2/5/2011 4:43:16 AM
"oh lol. one reason i quit dealing with trying to date on here is that i kept seeing the SAME male faces on my page, and some of the SAME people out at events with the oh-just-go-out-your-door-to-meet-someone meetup events. SAME people. now i can hardly go to a group event within 500 miles without seeing alot of the SAME people. a few SAME guys trying to get a barbie and just rotating women around until they do or just holding out. so, where are all these MEN supposed to be???"

SO true!!
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 93
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 2/5/2011 6:58:54 AM
When I hear men come on these forums and talk about women who only care about profession, height, astrological sign etc. I KNOW they are choosing these women. In my experience, ALL the men I went on dates with asked me what I did first - they brought it up. Simply because they could think of nothing else to talk about. I can think of a million things to ask besides that.

Just as there are good men on here, there are good women. The men I always liked were usually forum posters and their profiles usually reflected that and were well written. Many of them are in relationships, not surprising.

Plus, if you don't photograph well, you do have something against you. I've met some sexy men in person that when I looked at their profile on here, I would never have written them. This is why I stopped dating through here.

Men blame women on this site frequently, but the reality is is that men approach women more than men do. This is why I started contacting men, because I didn't like the men who were emailing me and instead of WHINING, I did something about it.

Like bodypro said, whining is very unattractive and negative. Nobody is interested in dating negative people. In real life, I've seen the difference when I am feeling either way. When negative, I do not attract anyone to me. Positive - people are drawn to me.

Real life dating has not gotten harder. I feel online dating is the easier way out and hence the "shopping" mentality.

I went to events, didn't like those so joined a social group. I'm much happier and would rather meet someone through that venue than here. The men I meet in real life don't whine like I read on here, they are too busy dating and having a good time. If you find yourself getting fed up with this process, that means you need to change. It's not rocket science. Work on some self-awareness.

It's very tiring reading the posts of people who whine about the other sex and their experiences on here. I've found it difficult, so of course I know that men have a hard time too. If you are on here complaining about how much choice women have, and how they are too picky and on and on - you really wonder why you are single?! Not only does it come across as negative and lazy, but also as woman-hating. As I said, you may want to do some self-analysis and take some positive action.


I think it's harder too. I feel like I'm leading men on just by meeting them. The guys I meet want to move way too fast and they act hurt/rejected when I tell them I don't want to move that fast.

I've been VERY fair and I've even given unemployed guys a chance.


This is very interesting, I've encountered this somewhat; however I'm starting to wonder if this is a man vs. woman vs. online vs. real life. Do women feel there is something missing in the online meets vs. real life connections? Do men feel it is the same? Maybe it is an individual thing?
 venndiagram
Joined: 10/29/2009
Msg: 94
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 2/5/2011 10:35:23 AM
When I was looking, I was looking for someone I could connect with. I didn't have a whole lot of requirements regarding looks, etc.

I don't find it easy to meet someone I do connect with. I have a feeling I wont meet that person in a dating situation, whether online or off. In the meantime, I read forums, lol.
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 95
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 2/5/2011 8:21:08 PM
^^^Oh wow, I've never actually met any really bad guys like that in person. Or if they were, they hid it on the first date!

The guys I've met have been pretty okay and many are now married or in LTR - I don't seem to have a problem meeting good guys - I just have some things going on with me that some men can't handle, which is fine and something I've been dealing with since I was a child.

I am pretty selective on who I used to contact on here and who I chose to go out with and if I see something that sends a red flag, I find ways to ask questions to get responses that answer my "reliability" test. The worst I've encountered is men lying about mundane stuff just so I'll continue dating them (some you can weed out by email, others you find out they lied on their profile once you meet - oh joy LOL. Which is stupid because they are hiding their interests and who they really are. To me that reeks of desperation and shows a lack of self-awareness and I'm not interested in dating men like that. I found this more rampant online than in real life.

The men I have met usually have worst stories than I do to tell about online dating.


*Some people aren't as articulate in writing as others are. They may be a hoot in real life, but online unless they're a good writer, they may come off as boring, or uninteresting.

* Choice - It is in the woman's favour on here, by a very big margin. So unless you can prove youre more interesting than the next guy, sorry but youre playing against loaded odds.


Very true and until women start contacting men more, this is how it's gonna be. Shrug. What I have always noticed is that many regular forum posters were and still are in relationships. If you want to score a hot woman with a well written profile, you'd best match her effort. After all, she can expect what she can offer.

There are a ton of forums on here about this, with some of the men who were successful on this site offering advice.
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 96
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 2/5/2011 9:49:50 PM
^^ Of course there are serious people out there (in general,) that are serious But the thing is with POF, the site is FREE, therefore, we get what we AREN'T paying for.

I didn't join POF to find a serious relationship, so I'm not stressed out over finding the right kind of guy.
 trinity818
Joined: 9/1/2006
Msg: 97
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Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 2/6/2011 6:23:07 AM

But the thing is with POF, the site is FREE, therefore, we get what we AREN'T paying for


In my experience, match has just as many players as POF. You would think that since they are paying sites, that would not be the case. But that's not what I saw. I was much happier here than any other site I tried. Granted, this was 1-2 years ago. Maybe things have changed.

I had difficulty meeting people IRL. I work from home and don't particularly care for the bar scene. Internet dating was my only choice...(in my mind.)
 twightlight2
Joined: 12/14/2010
Msg: 98
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 2/6/2011 7:15:43 AM
I have found the same exact experience .... so much so that today I changed my profile to as little as POF would allow, if it was up to me I would have just put in Hi ... lol ... It seems like all the guys want a barbie doll with the house, car and jet!!! Yet what do they have to offer??? Some of the people on here have been on a very long time and also are on other dating sites -- and you have to ask yourself why? - but when you try to contact them you get no response -- do they just want something to do every day by going on these sites looking at the pics and never really wanting to find someone to seriously date and have a relationship with? I always reply to an e-mail even if it's just to say thanks or hi - more than 1/2 the people I e-mail do not acknowledge with a thanks for the kind words I say - I think I'll just meet people the old fashion way - LOL
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 99
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 2/6/2011 7:28:31 AM
Pay sites are a load of crap as well, based on many threads here. I was in no way indicating that those sites are any better than free online dating.

Frankly, I've never given pay dating sites a try, therefore, I wouldn't exactly know how they operate. It doesn't matter to me either way, because I don't have to shell out money to date and find a relationship.
 BigBadNIrish
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 100
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 2/6/2011 10:57:50 AM
I've done most of the large paid sites...and have been off and on POF for 2 years...my experience is that neither one are good or bad...if one uses decent pictures and produces a good unique profile....and follows up by reaching out to the opposite sex...then dating is possible...

If you think about it there's only a few differences between on-line and IRL....

IRL...we're in contact with many people (or were back in the day)...our internal filter screened potential members of the opposite sex. We were capable of hearing all the verbal aspects of their speach....saw all the non-verbal communication they made with their bodies...we really knew with a certianty whether or not that the person would accept an invitation for a date before we even asked.

On-line...we look at as many pictures as people we filtered in IRL...but, we've no idea what they think before we contact them...unless they contact us first...still...there's no verbal signal...non verbal signal...that lets us know more...

But, its way easier to get the gumption to contact multiple members of the opposite sex then we used to IRL..it's just a different process.
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