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 Captain_Random
Joined: 8/19/2010
Msg: 184
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Online dating more difficult than real life!!!Page 9 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
It's the shopping mentality. When you meet someone in person, you aren't in that shopping mode. You're just having a friendly conversation. But online, it's "OMG I HAVE TO FIND THE PERFECT MAN/WOMAN." And then they meet the person and get disappointed by imperfection.

And before you hate on me and tell me I'm clueless, it's been proven that the shopping mentality causes people to increase their standards when it comes to online dating. Really, they should be lowering their standards, but, amazingly, they go in the opposite direction.

The result is that superficial, petty things like height and job title take center stage.

It's one thing for a jackass like myself to come on here and say "waah people are too picky," it's another for brainiac university professors with PhD's who've spent thousands of hours studying this crap to conclude "yes, people on the internet are indeed too picky."
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 185
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Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 2/24/2011 4:45:44 AM

It's one thing for a jackass like myself to come on here and say "waah people are too picky," it's another for brainiac university professors with PhD's who've spent thousands of hours studying this crap to conclude "yes, people on the internet are indeed too picky."


Not being snarky or disagreeing, but can you provide links or references to support this?
That would be interesting reading . . .
 Captain_Random
Joined: 8/19/2010
Msg: 186
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Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 2/24/2011 4:44:34 PM

Not being snarky or disagreeing, but can you provide links or references to support this?
That would be interesting reading . . .


Sure.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/01/29/science/29tier.html
 Here_In_Florida
Joined: 4/4/2011
Msg: 187
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 6/4/2011 10:07:09 AM
I would have to say there are additional hurdles when it comes to online dating.

You have to be able to bypass additional hurdles. In a lot of cases, I find it like pulling teeth to even get a lunch or drink meet for 30 mins. It's as if some of these (or a lot) enjoy the online pen-pal correspondence, but when you try to get them to meet you in person...they clam up or find an excuse not to.

I think it's better to have met someone through a circle of friends, through socialization, where people become familiar and comfortable with you over time.
 Janet_Always
Joined: 12/7/2010
Msg: 188
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 6/4/2011 11:44:51 AM
There is no such thing as online dating. ALL dating is done in real life.

It's as if some of these (or a lot) enjoy the online pen-pal correspondence, but when you try to get them to meet you in person...they clam up or find an excuse not to.

I've had that same experience as well. I think they are in the camp that think online IS dating, and they prefer it to IRL.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 189
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 6/4/2011 8:54:15 PM
"So frankly, if I think it's tough now to get childless women to respond to me on POF, wait until I get in my 40s!"

Um no. 1) everybody that is behaving the way they are now, will continue to do so, they will just be older with you - 2) as someone in their 40's everything that you complain about now, changes not one wit when you reach 4o. (if you doubt it cruise over to the 45+ section and see the same played topics)
1 Man cant start a revolution . Meh. Who cares what the happy F the rest of the dating pool does. go find your bliss where you can, And everything that you think is 'hard wired' by 'biology and 1000000 years of 'evolution' CHANGES the moment you leave this hemisphere.
Visa-> Passport-> Plane Ticket -> Get Abroad. Bonus points for learning the language and an understanding of the culture.
beat the rush ;)
 sand_water
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 190
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 6/6/2011 1:11:47 PM
Online dating can increase your potential dating pool. But I think real life is better. I think most first dates with someone from a dating site don't lead to a relationship or perhaps even a second date. Sometimes you end never meeting the other person face to face. You may discussing going out on a date. But when you try to confirm / finalize plans, the other person does the disappearing act or keeps making excuses about why they can't go out on a date.
 Here_In_Florida
Joined: 4/4/2011
Msg: 191
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 6/6/2011 2:27:59 PM

Online dating can increase your potential dating pool. But I think real life is better. I think most first dates with someone from a dating site don't lead to a relationship or perhaps even a second date. Sometimes you end never meeting the other person face to face. You may discussing going out on a date. But when you try to confirm / finalize plans, the other person does the disappearing act or keeps making excuses about why they can't go out on a date.


Sand_Water, I don't see how anyone would not want to meet you face-to-face, you're smile is intoxicating and I would think anyone would look forward to seeing that. :)
 sportsgirl7700
Joined: 5/22/2009
Msg: 192
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 7/20/2011 10:47:52 AM
I agree with the OP that "real life" is much easier-(for me at least) in attracting attention. I use POF as a supplement and I do not get many messages from people that I would be interested in getting to know. If I do send someone a message(which rarely happens), it is about 50/50 that I will even get a reply...

In real life I am out and about all the time and I generate alot of attention(from men I am in turn attracted to)...perhaps my pictures are not very good on here, or it is just the mentality of online dating that there is always someone better etc. I like to think it is because in real life I am out having fun and my personality along with my confidence and body posture is all working for me.(I tend to meet men in social situations like sporting events, concerts and festivals etc).
Problem is that both in real life, where I get tons of attention and online, where I don't get much attention men turn out to be the same in that they are not on the same page as me. Which is why I continue to keep my profile up and I continue to keep active socially.

Just my 2 cents.
 sportsgirl7700
Joined: 5/22/2009
Msg: 193
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 7/21/2011 3:23:53 PM
3 more things that i wanted to comment on:

With regards to my statement above: It wasn't always this way- when I first became single 2 years ago(for the first time in my adult life), I didn't know how to approach or respond to men when I was out and about...I also didn't have too much self esteem after my last relationship ended- so it took a little while for me to build my confidence back up.

"The vibe I get is that most women would be fine with dating single fathers. I've only seen a few profiles where women say they refuse to date a man who has kids. And even then, it's not because they hate kids, it's because they've had prior dating relationships with single fathers, and became attached to the kids. And when the relationship didn't work out, it was hard to say goodbye to the kids."

I am one of those who has the "I do not date men who are fathers" in my profile and I assure you my reasons are not because I had a relationship in the past with a single dad and became attached to his kids...

"A lot of the dating books that I have read usually indicate that meeting people through friends or groups is the best method. This of course requires an active social life and at least a significant number of acquaintences so you can get invited to parties,etc. As we get older though and are out of school focusing on careers it gets harder for the average man to keep a wide social network on hand, unless he's got a sense of charm about him. A lot of us guys just like to do our own thing and we don't socialize as much for whatever reason. This is where women have an advantage in that they maintain more numerous social relationships throughout their lives. They bond over their emotions,etc. That's probably another reason why a lot of the women can afford to be more selective on internet dating sites (they have more options in general irregardless of the venue)."

This is SUPER true!! I have a huge group of friends and in turn those that have husbands and boyfriends have introduced me to their friends etc. I have dated from this pool of people as well. In having such a large group of friends single and non single, I am out and about quite a bit doing social things and therefore I meet more people. Again- just my 2 cents :) Happy fishing!
 Naadirah
Joined: 6/3/2011
Msg: 194
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 8/6/2011 11:28:53 AM
Sportsgirl,

You are single, no children, and live in an area (my home town) where there are a lot of opportunities to meet people. You really shouldn't need POF at all. I never had a problem with dating back home, unless you are attracted to tall men.

Not everyone is an extrovert, nor do we live in happening cities. My social circle is pretty much void of single men. It's this or nothing. Although nothing looks better every day.
 sportsgirl7700
Joined: 5/22/2009
Msg: 195
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 8/6/2011 11:50:12 AM
Well, hello to another Buffalo gal (former Buffalo gal)! Very true about the tall men thing!

I think POF is a great avenue to meet people! I hope I'm not coming off as "anti online"!
 sportsgirl7700
Joined: 5/22/2009
Msg: 196
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 8/7/2011 4:58:40 AM
First of all, Becks- this is NOT my thread. I do appreciate the attention though! Secondly, I have a ton of confidence and dating is not hard for me- I have no clue where you are getting that idea from. You lost me when you started talking about children...who is it you agree with?
 Virgo1055
Joined: 11/20/2010
Msg: 197
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 2/29/2012 8:00:03 AM
This post may be old but it still caught my atention. I dont know why you guys have to treat the man so bad hes just speaking his mind.....freakin trolls.
 damsel19
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 198
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 3/1/2012 2:43:35 AM
Yeah if you were all that successful in the real world why are you here?
It is the way it is on dating sites, women are wary and picky. You outnumber us by about 30-1 they say. So go back to where you are successful, or so you say.
 Darkbutcomely
Joined: 4/20/2011
Msg: 199
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 3/1/2012 5:36:41 AM
I think a great many of the men on here think the women are desperate and looking to take advantage of that situation. Now when they learn the women aren't near as thirsty as they hope they start to complain and whine about women getting too much attention. They send out 30 emails a day hoping he will be the only one emailing a pretty woman let lone an average woman, upon, he learn he is on of maybe 30 other guys who did the same thing he gets mad. Now a lot of guys state they are looking for a relationship, but few want that relationship to last longer than three dates. That is a limit before they expect sex.
 --Zen--
Joined: 6/29/2011
Msg: 200
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 3/1/2012 6:59:56 AM
I really don't see why extroverted, social and confident people would need online dating sites.


You outnumber us by about 30-1 they say.

a common misconception. actual gap is much lower.
 N2H20
Joined: 11/30/2008
Msg: 201
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 3/2/2012 7:29:34 PM

And women tend to be better at banding together and getting something accomplished than men do.


Tell that to the women's team on Survivor.
 What_He_Said
Joined: 1/11/2012
Msg: 202
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 3/7/2012 8:04:23 PM
For some yes, for some no.

here is Makus Frind's take about success on the issue....

http://www.onlinepersonalswatch.com/news/pofcom-the-business-of-finding-love.html

As with all things, you may interpret it as you want.
 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 4/2/2018
Msg: 203
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 4/22/2018 4:22:10 AM

Take an average guy, have him make a profile and message the kind of women he finds attractive for a few hours. Odds are he'll get zip. Now take that guy, dress him up and send him out to clubs or bars with a smile on his face and a few dollars in his pocket. I will bet that he has a lot more fun that way even if he doesn't close escrow.


Spot on. You sir, win the internet!
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 204
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Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 4/22/2018 6:18:22 AM
It works, if a guy can make a stunning profile, and back it up with thoughtful opening messages.

IRL, it takes the ability to talk to anyone. To dress well, be entertaining, and to ooze confidence.

Do none of those things, you have a guy that learned to be self entertaining, pursues his own interests, and can live a life free of the petty annoyances that irritate most people.
 Braylen99
Joined: 4/19/2018
Msg: 205
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 4/22/2018 4:05:12 PM
Dinner dates are rarely turned down, so I usually offer that in the first volley of messages
 prettybrwneyedone
Joined: 6/1/2017
Msg: 206
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 4/24/2018 2:24:38 PM
^^ Hopefully you don't troll those you desperately try to entice into going out to dinner with you. I'm not sure what type of woman would take a chance and go out with a troll with no pics.

You're in Miami and intimidated by cleavage? Maybe you're stuck in the closet. It's 2018, you can come out now. Miami is the land of breast augmentation, while I'm all natural, since you have continued to go on and on about my cleavage.

Maybe you want a pair of breasts, so you can have cleavage too, again you're listed in Miami, go see Dr. Miami, I'm sure he can hook you up with a pair, while you're at it get your hormones stabilized - you seem to have way too much estrogen.

And, maybe your mom is a thot, as such a reason why you assume that you can get away with trolling and being so bitter.
 Braylen99
Joined: 4/19/2018
Msg: 207
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 4/24/2018 3:52:01 PM
Please leave me alone. You clearly have a hard time accepting crticism.
 prettybrwneyedone
Joined: 6/1/2017
Msg: 208
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 4/24/2018 6:37:43 PM
^^ No, you seem to be the one that's having a hard time accepting criticism and have the audacity to be trolling. You can't take honest criticism, I guess the truth hurts. Now take your own damn advice.
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