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 AUTHOR
 _Icon_
Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 26
I want to get to know you firstPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
She's too smart for you.

Back to the drawing board.
 Annie was here
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 27
I want to get to know you first
Posted: 10/31/2010 8:56:24 AM
You're only 20 so slow down,take your time and enjoy just dating and getting to know people.Why are you in such a rush?Trust me when you are ready in every area of your life for a life partner then you will find one.

I got married at 19.I loved my husband very much and he me,but during our marriage I often wished that we had waited awhile.I would not of left university to come home if not for him and our marriage.Don't get me wrong I don't regret my marriage to him and our years together,but all I am saying is that there is no harm in taking it slow.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 28
I want to get to know you first
Posted: 10/31/2010 10:44:02 AM

It's now been a month since i've asked her and we're still going out, going on dates, and all the while i'm wondering A) how long do i have to wait before bringing up the subject again,

Never bring up the subject again. You should never need to ask that question. She's not your girlfriend and apparently, does not wish to be. Date other women and don't make her a priority. Then, you can stop wondering about anything.

Again, this girl has a lot on the ball. Pre-med, 2 jobs, and volunteering take up almost all her time. She's told my buddy that introduced me to her hat she wanted me to ask her out. So i did (before our first date). She doesnt really talk about her feelings at all though, and i'm worried i'm just slipping into the friend zone.

A lot of women have a lot on the ball. If you keep pestering her, at best, you'll end up in the friend zone. Date some other women.
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 29
view profile
History
I want to get to know you first
Posted: 10/31/2010 11:34:02 AM
When a woman tells me she wants to get to know me first, I know one thing for sure....I better get in her pants quick, or it ain't going to happen.
 AintNoDeal
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 30
I want to get to know you first
Posted: 10/31/2010 12:01:22 PM
should be plain and simple

Like the statement "I want to get to know you first."

If OP sets the standard for questioning simple statements, I see nothing wrong with questioning his simple questions.

And it seems you see nothing wrong about making rude statements about being rude.
 DemonLeather
Joined: 8/10/2007
Msg: 31
I want to get to know you first
Posted: 10/31/2010 12:22:43 PM
Well,.. I'm not playin' THAT game anymore..You read in all kinds of women's profiles .. "I'm so tired of Games" "Head Game players need not apply" Not into the games & Drama" & yadda, yadda, yadda...PuLeeeeeEEEEEeeeeeaaaaaAAaaZE! Frikkin QUIT!.. most of them are running that, "I wanna get to know ya game", or the "No sex till the 4th,5th, etc etc Game", or the "I don't kiss on the first date game",.. but the key-word here is GAME,. and that, it is..If you so shallow you have to run on the "tradition" game,. You Keep it I don't need it, or you bad enough to be your monkey-through-the-hoops dweeb that has to prove himself worthy, to "KNOW" you Do You, sleep with you .. whatever,. That crap's a joke, a game, and they have to play it,." Look these young guys can play that crap & kiss-up all they want,, Me,. Hell I don't know If I'm going to be here tomorrow or wake up dead. Or get up in the morning & my dikk dies & never works again... YEAH .. Then You'll say "Okies,. I know you good enough now.. "Dew me please" when all along I could have been sexin' up someone that actually liked me enough right off the bat to say here, I'm yours, no if's ands, buts, tests, waiting periods, or expiration date" Get real girls.. please. If yer stuff's that golden, I can't frikkin afford it anyway.. You want to impress me,.. hell Do Me , and show ME what YOU got. Knock MY socks off fer a change! (that's a frikkin rare one!) Show me your an origonal thinker and don't follow the feminine "master mold" because that mold is frikkin moldy (pun intended) and should had died out with the Victorian era...
 cinsav
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 32
I want to get to know you first
Posted: 10/31/2010 12:42:56 PM

Long story short, i met this girl that seems like (so far) my ideal woman. We're both 20. I'm going pre-law, she's going pre-med. We both have a lot on the ball, and are more mature for our age. Most of our friends are about 25.

I've actually taken her on dates, and directly asked if she'd like to continue dating, and she's said yes. I'm very good at reading body language, and i was definitely able to tell she's genuinely interested in me. I can keep her smiling, we talk for hours on end and can easily maintain a conversation. She ALWAYS looks me in the eye while talking. She often has her foot crossed over her leg under the table so if i move whatsoever i'm making contact.

After three weeks, I asked her if she'd like to be my girlfriend. She told me

"I like you a lot, but i want to keep going out and getting to know you first. Is that ok?"

Of course i said yes, but i'm just wondering how long. This response seems to be different than the "i'll think about it" quip, in which i know that's just delaying a NO. It's now been a month since i've asked her and we're still going out, going on dates, and all the while i'm wondering A) how long do i have to wait before bringing up the subject again, and B) Have any girls out there given a guy the same response and actually ended up dating him?

Again, this girl has a lot on the ball. Pre-med, 2 jobs, and volunteering take up almost all her time. She's told my buddy that introduced me to her that she wanted me to ask her out. So i did (before our first date). She doesnt really talk about her feelings at all though, and i'm worried i'm just slipping into the friend zone.


She has all the power - and that's not a good thing.

First, she told your buddy that she WANTED YOU to call and ask her out - so you did it.
Secondly, you go out of your way to make her smile.
Third, you asked her if you could be exclusive.

Seems like she's calling all the shots and you are following along with everything she wants and says. Bad idea.

Making her smile is a good thing - but I'd bet money right here and now that you do most of the making her smile while she returns the favor very infrequently, no?

From what I've read it sounds like the age ole "I'm hot and I know it, he'll do what *I* want because there are other guys who'll take his place...." syndrome. I'd wager she is used to having her ass kissed and getting her way - because "she's pretty..."

Man up and stand up for yourself. Stop going out of your way to make her smile - and yes you DO it - so don't even tell us you don't. Sit her and down and tell her that YOU are ready to be exclusive, that YOU would be more comfortable being in a relationship with her. If she immediately rejects you, then it is OBVIOUS that in her mind it's all about HER and your feelings and wants do fit into the equation. Then my friend you'll have your answer.

There are no rules to dating - there can be NO rules because we're all different. So seriously, sit her down and tell her what you WANT - don't ask her permission - TELL her. If she's not a narcissistic "the world revolves around my princess ass" kind of woman - she'll listen and respect you for standing up and laying it out there. IF she doesn't then you know... she's a narcissistic "the world revolves around my princess ass" kind of woman and you're better off without her.
 Simon4567
Joined: 10/9/2010
Msg: 33
I want to get to know you first
Posted: 10/31/2010 12:47:05 PM
Don't bring up the subject again, SHE will let you know.

Is there any flirting going on? Or do you guys only talk about the weather?
 Stormwolf
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 34
view profile
History
I want to get to know you first
Posted: 10/31/2010 1:28:24 PM
OP,
You suffer from " Nice Guy" Syndrome. You are in the "Friend Zone."
She has to get her "Bad Boy" dosage before she will consider a nice guy like you!
Good Luck!
 _Icon_
Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 35
I want to get to know you first
Posted: 10/31/2010 1:30:55 PM
Do Me , and show ME what YOU got. Knock MY socks off fer a change! (that's a frikkin rare one!) Show me your an origonal thinker and don't follow the feminine "master mold" because that mold is frikkin moldy (pun intended) and should had died out with the Victorian era...


Why in the world would you require an original thinker when all you want is to be "done"? How would the nature of her thought processes affect the purely physical relationship that you claim to crave? It's like saying you want a nitrous oxide tank on a moped.
 DemonLeather
Joined: 8/10/2007
Msg: 36
I want to get to know you first
Posted: 10/31/2010 1:59:26 PM
>SIGH< leave it it to YOU to muss (or is that miss,. same dayum thing)the whole point... BUT.. on the other hand Fly me down the road @ 90mph on that moped, and still get 100 miles to the gallon would be impressive...
 _Icon_
Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 37
I want to get to know you first
Posted: 10/31/2010 2:05:00 PM
Okay. I'm the one who missed the point.

Would you care to elaborate the point?
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 38
I want to get to know you first
Posted: 10/31/2010 5:00:30 PM
It's like saying you want a nitrous oxide tank on a moped.


I think Tim the Tool Man Taylor may have tried that. From another angle Nitrous Oxide is used by dentists and an analgesic and is also called 'Laughing Gas'. I was picturing a couple riding around town in their Halloween costumes inhaling Nitrous and laughing histerically. You never see that listed as a first date suggestion. I guess that comment may have fit in better on the getting drunk on the first date thread. Sorry I was bored.
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 39
I want to get to know you first
Posted: 10/31/2010 5:41:12 PM
^^^RE: Paddy: I think people should voluntarily be administered truth serum on the first date and if they aren't completely horrified at what they hear, they should date with the intent to do whatever works for both: anything from an IE to cohabitation

btw- that's funny-- that beats 99.9999% of the first date ideas I used to read on here
 _Icon_
Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 40
I want to get to know you first
Posted: 10/31/2010 6:37:54 PM
You busy tonight, Paddy? I'll get us some whippets. You bring the moped.
 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 41
I want to get to know you first
Posted: 10/31/2010 7:42:47 PM
Seriously, Pre med, 2 jobs, and volunteering ahm does this sound like a women that has a lot of time to sit and play games with you?
If she is seeing you your doing good.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 42
I want to get to know you first
Posted: 10/31/2010 8:20:47 PM
OP- here's the thing with the "I wanna get to know ya" speech...

Those words are more for HER than they are for YOU.

Lesser men succumb to those words and the girl becomes disinterested.


It means- she's wasted a lot of her time with guys she didn't "get to know" and she's just "HOPING" this time, with you, might be different.


No need to waste your time deciphering her words. Because she doesn't even "really" know what they mean.

Go forth, business as usual- however, if she pushes that issue then call her bluff.

because many times, that's what she's looking for...at least in my experience.
 TerrieLynnC
Joined: 7/4/2007
Msg: 43
I want to get to know you first
Posted: 10/31/2010 8:51:38 PM
OH MY GOD Demonleather!
Like men DON'T play games! Yeah right, and I'm the Queen of England!

I am a woman who says "I want to get to know you"
So what does that make me? Hell no, I'm not putting myself on a pedestal or anything like that. IT IS MY CHOICE to NOT hop in bed with every guy I meet ON THE FIRST DATE. I'm just not like that. Yeah, there's women that are like that and that is good for you Demonleather because that's all you want is to get laid. Just because I want to get to know a man first damn sure doesn't mean I'm playing some kind of game!!

Just go to your bar Demonleather..........I'm sure you'll get lucky there..
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 44
I want to get to know you first
Posted: 10/31/2010 9:40:47 PM
hey op if you didn't kiss her yet. I suggest that you kiss the gal :-)
 Ironman5560
Joined: 3/23/2010
Msg: 45
I want to get to know you first
Posted: 10/31/2010 10:29:26 PM
Thank You cinsav. You've probably been the most insightful. Also, to the woman who posted shortly after me who said she admired what we're doing, thank you.

Up until this weekend you were correct in saying that she returns the favor infrequently of going out of her way to make me smile. Yes, you are correct in the fact that she was controlling the shots. That's why I took this weekend and told her what i want instead of asking for permission. I'm now more than happy with the pace we're at. It is true that relationships don't need an official title, and that they just grow into what they are. However, with all the cheating that goes on in today's society, it's better to establish your intentions of being exclusive to each other.

to the women who criticized my analytical abilities at the bottom of page 1: I'm fully aware of my needs and desires in a relationship. I LIKE going out of my way to make people smile. I get satisfaction in making people happy. It's not as if i haven't realized this yet.

To the rest of you, thanks, but in all honesty, i've realized that handling this on my own is by far the best approach. Every person is different, and should be handled differently. Bottom line, i believe that being genuine is more important than playing any of the games or stupid rules.

Yes i'm romantic. Yes we've kissed. No we haven't had sex yet. If you look at sex as the ultimate goal you're setting yourself up for defeat. And no, she is not a virgin! haha

Thanks,
-David
 Ironman5560
Joined: 3/23/2010
Msg: 46
I want to get to know you first
Posted: 10/31/2010 10:34:17 PM
and archangel.....done and done bro :)
 Cuppey
Joined: 10/23/2010
Msg: 47
I want to get to know you first
Posted: 11/1/2010 3:40:16 AM
Oh yes....you absolutely, definitely, remind me so much of this person I mentioned in my previous post! It's like seeing him 30 years ago.

Well, at any rate, sounds like you have your answers that suit you and are in a confident place, so best wishes to you Ironman.
 sweetest
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 48
view profile
History
I want to get to know you first
Posted: 11/1/2010 4:12:53 AM

She has all the power - and that's not a good thing.

First, she told your buddy that she WANTED YOU to call and ask her out - so you did it.
Secondly, you go out of your way to make her smile.
Third, you asked her if you could be exclusive.

Seems like she's calling all the shots and you are following along with everything she wants and says. Bad idea.

Making her smile is a good thing - but I'd bet money right here and now that you do most of the making her smile while she returns the favor very infrequently, no?

From what I've read it sounds like the age ole "I'm hot and I know it, he'll do what *I* want because there are other guys who'll take his place...." syndrome. I'd wager she is used to having her ass kissed and getting her way - because "she's pretty..."

Man up and stand up for yourself. Stop going out of your way to make her smile - and yes you DO it - so don't even tell us you don't. Sit her and down and tell her that YOU are ready to be exclusive, that YOU would be more comfortable being in a relationship with her. If she immediately rejects you, then it is OBVIOUS that in her mind it's all about HER and your feelings and wants do fit into the equation. Then my friend you'll have your answer.

There are no rules to dating - there can be NO rules because we're all different. So seriously, sit her down and tell her what you WANT - don't ask her permission - TELL her. If she's not a narcissistic "the world revolves around my princess ass" kind of woman - she'll listen and respect you for standing up and laying it out there. IF she doesn't then you know... she's a narcissistic "the world revolves around my princess ass" kind of woman and you're better off without her.


Bottom line, i believe that being genuine is more important than playing any of the games or stupid rules.

^^^Then if you do, adopting the attitude represented in Cinsav's post isn't natural for you.

Regardless of what you hear on this board your natural ways of dealing with her will be what endures,nothing else is sustainable over time; whatever those natural inclinations are.

Don't take what sounds like something promising and reduce it to what I see is a typical misstep with some men here looking for help and advice and that is listen to blanket statements made about many women that she appears like a woman like this or that and needs a comeuppance in order that they don't have all the cards. OP, ifit feels like it's working...then let it work. In truth, it's only her request of needing more time to get to know you, that's incongruent; otherwise I'd say things look promising, especially if you don't ask the question again.
 motown cowgirl
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 49
I want to get to know you first
Posted: 11/1/2010 7:39:21 AM
to the women who criticized my analytical abilities at the bottom of page 1: I'm fully aware of my needs and desires in a relationship. I LIKE going out of my way to make people smile. I get satisfaction in making people happy. It's not as if i haven't realized this yet.


that's funny, i never mentioned a thing about the satisfaction you get from making people smile or whether or not you should keep doing that. and i thought it was interesting that you thought cinsav's advice (a.k.a. "there are no rules but here are my rules in black & white for relationship as power struggle") was the most useful. so again i guess i gotta question your analytical abilities.


my point was not about you being aware of your needs and desires.... because it's plain that your entire problem is all about your needs and desires... this was quite clear from post #1. nor did my point have anything to do with going out of your way to make people smile (where did you even get that). my entire point was about approaching a new relationship in a more open-ended manner than you currently seem to be doing, perhaps with a bit more empathy (that would mean considering her needs and desires too, not just yours). because if she wants to slow down the pace of the thing, your asking how to speed it up to meet your own personal demands is plainly off base. she does seem very interested in you though and i hope it works out for you both. i hope we don't get to read your next post that's all about how you lost the power struggle. ;)
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 50
I want to get to know you first
Posted: 11/1/2010 1:28:53 PM
Op,
I'm glad you did, you out of friend zone for sure. Take the time to get to know her and take things slow.
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