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 sweetest
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 48
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I want to get to know you firstPage 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

She has all the power - and that's not a good thing.

First, she told your buddy that she WANTED YOU to call and ask her out - so you did it.
Secondly, you go out of your way to make her smile.
Third, you asked her if you could be exclusive.

Seems like she's calling all the shots and you are following along with everything she wants and says. Bad idea.

Making her smile is a good thing - but I'd bet money right here and now that you do most of the making her smile while she returns the favor very infrequently, no?

From what I've read it sounds like the age ole "I'm hot and I know it, he'll do what *I* want because there are other guys who'll take his place...." syndrome. I'd wager she is used to having her ass kissed and getting her way - because "she's pretty..."

Man up and stand up for yourself. Stop going out of your way to make her smile - and yes you DO it - so don't even tell us you don't. Sit her and down and tell her that YOU are ready to be exclusive, that YOU would be more comfortable being in a relationship with her. If she immediately rejects you, then it is OBVIOUS that in her mind it's all about HER and your feelings and wants do fit into the equation. Then my friend you'll have your answer.

There are no rules to dating - there can be NO rules because we're all different. So seriously, sit her down and tell her what you WANT - don't ask her permission - TELL her. If she's not a narcissistic "the world revolves around my princess ass" kind of woman - she'll listen and respect you for standing up and laying it out there. IF she doesn't then you know... she's a narcissistic "the world revolves around my princess ass" kind of woman and you're better off without her.


Bottom line, i believe that being genuine is more important than playing any of the games or stupid rules.

^^^Then if you do, adopting the attitude represented in Cinsav's post isn't natural for you.

Regardless of what you hear on this board your natural ways of dealing with her will be what endures,nothing else is sustainable over time; whatever those natural inclinations are.

Don't take what sounds like something promising and reduce it to what I see is a typical misstep with some men here looking for help and advice and that is listen to blanket statements made about many women that she appears like a woman like this or that and needs a comeuppance in order that they don't have all the cards. OP, ifit feels like it's working...then let it work. In truth, it's only her request of needing more time to get to know you, that's incongruent; otherwise I'd say things look promising, especially if you don't ask the question again.
 motown cowgirl
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 49
I want to get to know you first
Posted: 11/1/2010 7:39:21 AM
to the women who criticized my analytical abilities at the bottom of page 1: I'm fully aware of my needs and desires in a relationship. I LIKE going out of my way to make people smile. I get satisfaction in making people happy. It's not as if i haven't realized this yet.


that's funny, i never mentioned a thing about the satisfaction you get from making people smile or whether or not you should keep doing that. and i thought it was interesting that you thought cinsav's advice (a.k.a. "there are no rules but here are my rules in black & white for relationship as power struggle") was the most useful. so again i guess i gotta question your analytical abilities.


my point was not about you being aware of your needs and desires.... because it's plain that your entire problem is all about your needs and desires... this was quite clear from post #1. nor did my point have anything to do with going out of your way to make people smile (where did you even get that). my entire point was about approaching a new relationship in a more open-ended manner than you currently seem to be doing, perhaps with a bit more empathy (that would mean considering her needs and desires too, not just yours). because if she wants to slow down the pace of the thing, your asking how to speed it up to meet your own personal demands is plainly off base. she does seem very interested in you though and i hope it works out for you both. i hope we don't get to read your next post that's all about how you lost the power struggle. ;)
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 50
I want to get to know you first
Posted: 11/1/2010 1:28:53 PM
Op,
I'm glad you did, you out of friend zone for sure. Take the time to get to know her and take things slow.
 JohnP199
Joined: 6/17/2010
Msg: 51
I want to get to know you first
Posted: 11/6/2010 1:00:28 PM
(In my best Freddie Fender voice)
"aWasted days and wasted niiiights...."

Back off a bit. Go out with other girls. If she mentions it, tell her they're friends. "Unless you want to be exclusive. I'd like that."

I've seen women, 20 - 50, lead guys on forever and turning them into lost puppies. Don't see her so much and let her call you every so often. When she says "call me" you can say "No. You call me". Remember that the woman has to want you too. If she doesn't, you're wasting your time.
 y_not
Joined: 10/31/2010
Msg: 52
I want to get to know you first
Posted: 11/6/2010 1:11:12 PM
I haven't read all the posts, but I did read the original one. Sounds to me like she's playing the field and doesn't want to settle down yet with just one person. I hope I'm wrong... Good luck...
 sharptack
Joined: 9/25/2010
Msg: 53
I want to get to know you first
Posted: 11/6/2010 2:10:10 PM
I agree with sowrite:

BTW- as far as mentioning it again---I wouldn't. She knows where you stand and she will show you through her actions. There will come a time when it just naturally occurs and is brought up- likely by her since the ball is technically in her court.

Plus, you are both young and busy. Now is the time to have fun, spread your wings and find your way in life. You should keep your options open also. Maybe you should ask other girls out and not tie yourself down too fast. The last thing you want to do is appree desperate. You can be sincere in your affection for her, but keep your masculinity about yourself and go out with other girls, even if it is just for friendship. For that matter, it doesn't even have to be other girls, just stay busy with friends and activities and try not to second guess her feelings. Project confidence! Good luck.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 54
I want to get to know you first
Posted: 11/6/2010 10:34:52 PM
when a girl says "I need to get to know you more"

it means 1 of 2 things.

1- you need to work your game better.

2- talk me into getting to """KNOW"" you better


make sense?

don't be phased or confused by what she says to throw you off.
 Smarts and Heart
Joined: 12/15/2009
Msg: 55
I want to get to know you first
Posted: 11/7/2010 7:18:40 AM
Have any girls out there given a guy the same response and actually ended up dating him?


Yes, and I actually ended up marrying him as well, 2 years later!

She is dating you, that's what "getting to know you is". What does "wanting to be your girl friend " mean to you? Having sex with you? At 20 if she hasn't had a lot of sexual experience, it means that she really just wants to get to know you first and feel comfortable with you. With developing feelings and comfort, the sexual intimacy will come on it's own. You have to decide if you want the 'girl' because she's special, or just the concept of a 'girlfriend' and the sex that comes with it.

I dated my ex for 6 months, at around that age, before we were intimate. In the first 3 months I thought of him as a friend. As I got to 'know' him my feelings got deeper.Had he pushed it before that, we probaly wouldn't have had a relationship. Regardless of how we ended up, we were together for a total of 31 years from beginning to end with 3 great kids in there.
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 56
I want to get to know you first
Posted: 11/7/2010 7:29:04 AM

With developing feelings and comfort, the sexual intimacy will come on it's own. You have to decide if you want the 'girl' because she's special, or just the concept of a 'girlfriend' and the sex that comes with it.


I fully agree.
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 57
I want to get to know you first
Posted: 11/7/2010 7:34:21 AM
sorry - double post
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 58
I want to get to know you first
Posted: 11/7/2010 3:37:33 PM

Except in Junior High, I've never had a guy ask would you "like to be my girlfriend". [/quotet]

i asked my current girlfriend if she'd like to be my girlfriend! ..of course it was because were were FWB's so the change needed to be clarified.
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