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 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 93
Dumped again I cant take much more.Page 4 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

They`ve been out on several dates. Everything seemed to be going well at least in his mind. They went out last Saturday,where he took her to the Improv, a great 4 star restaurant and than back to her place. They had a night cap, began to kiss and one thing lead to another. They undressed and than BOOM! She stops, and tells him, "she can`t do this". She doesn`t give him any reason,why,but lets be honest it doesn`t take a rocket scientist to figure out what happened.
This assumption just shows how clueless you are about women that the only possible explanation is that she wasn't attracted to the guy. I've declined sex from some of the best looking men I've ever gone out with for a variety of reasons. If there had been zero attraction, I wouldn't have gone out with them in the first place. But if a guy automatically assumes a rejection is due to his appearance, then he might be ignoring the fact that he sucks at oral sex or he smells like a camel or he's prone to saying stupid shit. Unless specifically told, nobody should ever assume they know the exact reason they were rejected so they should consider all the areas where there's room for improvement and work on those.

In the OP's case, his appearance might have caused this problem but it's very possible there was another reason she lost interest (or never really had it) so to keep berating a guy who isn't denying he should lose weight-- he's actively doing so--is just mean.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 94
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/3/2010 1:45:26 PM
I think a lot of women HERE will now say they like men like Drew, but have some reason why it can't be...distance etc..
The reality is they know deep down that the wimp routine would get old real fast....

if you look back at MY posts, you'll see I told Drew its not JUST the weight...but physical improvement will help mental improvement....ever wonder why young men fresh out of Marine boot camp are so obnoxious? Its because they underwent drastic mental and physical change unlike anything they'd ever experienced before....and it wasn't sugar coated! Sure, I'll give a friend advice tactfully when needed, but just like Tony Robbing says of whining....sometimes the whiner just needs to be b!tch-slapped to snap then out of it!
I see the b!tch-slapping that Diesel have is already working... Drew is defending himself now...next step is to admit you've been wimpy. Now...kill the wimp and become the man you know you are!

As for wearing your heart bs...I DO it too...but I don't hand it to everyone I meet...once I'm into a woman and know HER intentions are pure...I will give her complete access to my heart...but to just hand it to everyone is foolish and desperate....it says that HAVING someone hold your heart is more important than having someone SPECIAL.

People value something they earn more than something given away, especially if its being given to anyone.
 Sabrosura089
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 95
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/3/2010 1:45:53 PM
Drew: Ok look guys i have lost 4 stones so enough of the fat jibes, I ve picked myself up so i wear my heart on my sleeve is that a crime. Im not exactly ugly either, but thanks to everyone that had something postive to say.



^^^A lot of assumptions have been made on your physical appearance. However, in my opinion you need to work on your confidence level and how you interact with a woman.

Be selective with whom and the timing of "wearing your heart on your sleeve". Leave a bit of a mystery to your person. Don't be "an open book" for all to read. Don't be predictable (that can get boring), but be consistent with your word. A man's word holds a lot of value to their character.

I would suggest you remove the "4 stones......." comment on your profile. There is no reason for you to share that on your profile. That comment is not going to "reel" the women in. It will mean NOTHING to them. It may deter them from contacting you. Wondering why is this man sharing this??!!!!

It all starts with YOU! now get to it.



P.S. And no you're not ugly nor fugly, but you do need work with confidence. Exude it, but don't be cocky/arrogant (HUGE turn-off!!!)!

 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 96
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/3/2010 2:26:09 PM
Drew, you do need to work on your self-confidence, as well as projecting it more strongly. I think it's great that you removed the sentence, "my image has been rated at 2.85/ out of 10 which means i need plastic surgery..." from your profile, but then you negated it by putting in that clunker about losing 4 stones since your picture was taken.

While it's admirable that you've lost weight, that's really too much information for your profile. Some women might be turned off by it, for fear that you'll pork out on them once they become involved with you. Harsh, but true. Also, you misspelled the words, "describe" and "dining out". You don't want to come across as uneducated. Not all women are as anal about spelling as I am, but you still want to make as good an impression on them as you possibly can.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 97
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/3/2010 2:40:43 PM

I think it's great that you removed the sentence, "my image has been rated at 2.85/ out of 10 which means i need plastic surgery..." from your profile...

Darn, I thought that was funny.

The reality is they know deep down that the wimp routine would get old real fast....

If in fact there is that attitude in person, yes, that would be a problem. But I can't tell without meeting him, so I would certainly do so! However, I don't think he'd meet me, if it were logistically possible. I'm outside his preferred age range.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 99
view profile
History
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/3/2010 3:46:29 PM
Drew, My heart goes for you, you seem to be a real nice guy, and I believe you that you have so much to give.. Looking for a true love is a hard game if you don't know the rules and how to play it ,you always ended on the losing hand. The rule is don't be desperate, if women sense that scent they are turn off and will run away from you. Seeing each 3 or 4 times kissing and cuddling doesn't really mean it sealed the commitment of exclusiveness. Just take it easy, put your hands in your pocket and try to be casual and go with flow.
 jezebellpgh
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 101
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/3/2010 4:30:43 PM
very:

I know I'm not crazy about anyone after seeing them 3 x. If I rode a bus everyday if I saw someone three x and talked to them for the duration of the ride I wouldn't think the person is my best buddy.
 TravelingLight
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 102
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/3/2010 4:33:25 PM
s.diesel,

where do you get the idea she had promised sex?

You:



Lets see! Misleading a man to believe they`ll engage in sex due to the fact in my friends case is that he`s overweight! This is unorthodox and total blasphemy.


he said they didn't have sex, it was too soon, etc. or are you implying he lied to us, didn't want to admit he was rejected, or perhaps didn't even realize she wanted sex but rejected him in the end?
Just because she went to his place, doesn't mean she intended to have sex. They stilled cuddled and kissed.
Just because he's overweight, doesn't mean she was turned off by that. They still kissed and cuddled. She could tell he was big.
Maybe, she was turned off by something.
But we don't know what it is, with what he told us.
 Sweet_Sensations
Joined: 9/30/2005
Msg: 103
view profile
History
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/3/2010 5:41:08 PM
Where do guys (and girls) get off thinking that after a couple dates, you two are going out steady?!

When I became single again, I was dating men, and it seemed that even after the second date, there was a commitment established.... There was a friendship for sure, but no commitment. It seems there is an unspoken expectation of being together forever, living happily ever after after a couple outings.
I would go on a date, then get the phone call to meet up again, and if I already had plans with another friend, they would get all defensive and jealous saying things like... I thought we had something... Well we did.. friendship. Would you give someone an engagement ring on the first date? Probably not, so why expect a long term relationship right away?!

Dude... don't even entertain the idea of FWB. You will be shattered.
 ChillinChill
Joined: 10/2/2010
Msg: 104
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/3/2010 6:08:24 PM
"""The women on this forum are candy coating everything they`re saying to you, for a reason!"""

I don't think my responses for one were sugar coated.

What you seem to fail to comprehend is that neither you or I can play God in this mans life and protest to know exactly what it is that he needs to gain some confidence.

I know a woman that is well over 200 pounds. She is one of the most confident woman I know. To you and I, his weight may seem like his hinderance. He may attract more woman if he chooses a health regimen.... but the question is, is that really what is getting in the way of his level of confidence?

He is the only ONE that can self scrutinize, soul search or pray about why he is going through these feelings. Why he feels less than. Why he lacks the esteem to not be able to brush off this woman turning cold on him. Why he has the fears he has about being lonely. Why he is feeling "crushed". The truth is the bottom line may not be about his weight or his appearance. The truth maybe more deep seeded, something that he is in denial about. It may not at all be the measure of pounds on a scale.

I know women my age that have spent thousands of dollars on plastic surgeries. They
go to the gym. They kept trendy in stylish and expensive clothing. They drive fancy cars. They tan and wear a lot of cosmetics. They spend a lot of time trying to "LOOK" confident......but they have no real confidence. They have no true self esteem. They are doormats in every relationship they get into. The FIX is not an outside job. The FIX was not about perfect measurements or a new set of plastic boobs and some botox. They didn't gain ANY confidence. Infact some of them lost confidence because they thought that they would be more attractive and become social butterflies with their new found transformations, but they STILL were lacking what it truly takes to love themselves and feel like a confident being.

Apparently according to his first post OP has had more than one woman since January, I think he says 5. So woman do go out with him. That's not his problem. He can attract woman and get dates. I don't see a NOODLE. I see a man that was lead on during a hot and heavy weekend and let his guard down to believe that the feelings were being reciprocated, only to be dismissed the next day. That might even confuse a man that had the utmost CONFIDENCE.

My concerns are that he is "crushed" and feeling like he has lost hope over one Flake.
Does that make him a whimp? Not in my book. He is just revealing his lonliness, desire for companionship and that he has some emotions. He is not a type that will engage in sex or near intimacy with no emotions. Some men can f&ck completely detached from their emotions. This man can not. That doesn't make him a whimp or a noodle. It just makes him who he is. To some woman that may be something to be applauded not something that would give them distain or make them see him as "that noodle".

I don't think he needs a slap. I think perhaps some thick skin. Dating isn't easy. I think perhaps some healthier boundaries. I think perhaps some reservation when it comes to the "getting to know someone" process of dating. I think he need to retrain himself on how he thinks about rejection and realize that it is par for the course in the dating arena. I think he needs to understand that woman have different preferences and it's not a personal thing. Those are just my thoughts. The answers are HIS to find.

However that being said. I can know that I do or do not have "romantic" feelings for someone BEFORE I play games with them on the couch all weekend. I think his feelings were justified and valid. She got him all hot and then turned cold on him. That can be disappointing to say the least. Why even GO THERE if you are not the least bit romantically attracted to someone. I think that's wrong.

It's up to him to process the rest. Why these residual feelings have left him so torn.
I don't stay stuck with one rejection. I move on. There are PLENTY OF FISH!!! He just needs a better handle on being rejected.

I agree that the answer to that is gaining confidence.... but I wouldn't play GOD and pretend to know what or why he lacks it. Telling the man he is fat is just an insult. Perhaps that is not what is in his way AT ALL.... He has to embark on the journey to find out what and why he can get caught up so quickly. He has to embrace his lonliness and come to terms with a way to deal with it. He has to find the answer to why his is lacking in the confidence department.

Wearing ones heart on their sleeve is not a "badge of courage" it is just a personality trait. I didn't read that the man is claiming it as bravery, he is just saying that it his nature and I personally don't think that's a bad thing. Infact I find it attractive.
 Sabrosura089
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 106
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/3/2010 7:44:42 PM
^^Drew: Put those stones to rest. Did you even take the time to read/absorb anything other than the stones comment???
 TravelingLight
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 107
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/3/2010 7:49:26 PM
I like how you put it Mistress Chill.


(I wonder who had my post deleted?..)
 lampshade1990
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 108
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/3/2010 8:45:59 PM
I have to agree.. Mistress Chill said it best...
 ChillinChill
Joined: 10/2/2010
Msg: 111
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/4/2010 1:31:17 AM
""There is no need for a self examination of the soul if someone decides you are not a match after a few dates.""

I would agree but read his first post:

"""" But im crushed i feel im going to be more anxious over the time i`ll be out with anyone. Im 42 this month and i have alot to give but i feel like i just cant do this anymore to much hurt.Im sorry all this is just self pitty if im honest but im so hurt as i was falling for her.""""

When you feel like this after being rejected in such a short time there is an obvious "ROOT" problem that would suggest to me that it may behoove the OP to take a time out and some time off from dating and gain some inner insight.

Crushed, anxious, hurt, sorry, self pity? Perhaps it IS time for some introspection.
 Irish Eyez
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 115
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/4/2010 11:49:00 AM
Weight is an issue for society as we live in an environment that promotes obesity.

To those in this thread and you KNOW who you are, who keep bleating on Drew's weight, it's time to recognize that fat as a prejudice is simply not acceptable.

Hang in there, Drew!!

Remember: There are no mistakes...only lessons to be learned.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 116
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/4/2010 12:13:31 PM
Well I could make up all sorts of stories about how I know people
that have met others, dated them and then when it came time to take
the clothes off they disappeared because they discovered after all they
were just too disgusting to sleep with, but we all know how those end.
(the guy runs to the gym, gets himself in shape and lives happily every after)

This thread had NOTHING to do with a weight issue. It had everything to
do with someone not being able to cope with a break up. People handle things
differently...some people like to talk, maybe get a little sympathy or empathy
so they can move on. Sometimes they just need a "snap outta it", but one can
do that without beating the crap out of someone.

Rejection is hard for anyone (usually) and I think it gets worse as some get
older because they are trying too hard and live in fear of being endlessly alone.
I guess if we're not dating and not getting rejected, the next best thing is to
publically flog those that are.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 117
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/4/2010 2:14:28 PM
Drew, I'm glad mistress chill was able to reach you... I disagree with you about Diesel being fide though...he's the friend that'll tell you you have something in your teeth or nose instead of letting you walk around all day displaying it because he doesn't want to be the one to embarrass you.
I call that a good friend...the kind that buys you a beer when you're down...says "Im sorry you're hurtin' dude...drink up! Now quit f*ckin' whining about it and be my wingman already!"
Yeah, that's a friend.... coddlers are people who would rather you stay down than to let the truth sting you sting a little....and snap you out of it so you can move on!
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 118
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/4/2010 5:21:56 PM
Oops....for some reason my phone changed the word RUDE into FIDE......sorry!

How many of you looked up fide to try to make sense of that? LOL
 foreverstacey
Joined: 11/28/2009
Msg: 119
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/4/2010 6:22:56 PM
How can everyone tell he's over weight?? All I see is a pic of his face... but okay lol. How many times on here have people been tricked into a girl having a thin face taken from the top, only to find out she really weighs 500lbs.
Weight doesnt matter in this situation. Nothing wrong with having a little more to love.


but again... i will keep capitalizing this. THIS IS NOT WEARING YOUR HEART ON YOUR SLEEVE.

To whoever said some crap about falling for people faster than you'd like.. not after 3 dates... 3 months maybe, but damn you barely know the persons name after 3 dates. And I can honestly say, I have never liked someone sooooo much after 3 dates that I was crushed when things didnt progress further.
 TravelingLight
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 120
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/4/2010 8:01:16 PM
^^^But sometimes you meet people you have an instant rapport with and feel they are a good match for you. And 3 dates, on 3 different days, not necessarily consecutive, can be more than enough to know if you're with someone promising or not.
Depends a lot on how the two relate and communicate.

I've had the good ones and bad ones happen. Met some women who weren't good for me even though I found them attractive. I knew something was wrong.


It works both ways.
 foreverstacey
Joined: 11/28/2009
Msg: 121
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/4/2010 8:16:44 PM
Thats not REAL to me, and I know enough to figure that out. Instant attraction? Everyones felt that.. it takes longer to know if someone is promising or not. People are ALWAYS on their best behaviour the first couple of months anyways.. its when their true colours start to show that you can truly figure out if someone is good for you or not.
 That Handy Man
Joined: 11/23/2008
Msg: 122
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/4/2010 8:25:59 PM
I would say, your touchy-feely side is causing women to lose attraction for you.

Cool it! Take control of your emotions.

Few men, know or understand the wonderful effects of a man being a "challenge" have on a woman! They only know how to bore a woman or make her want to vomit after revealing his deep feelings for her (early on) ! lol

I think we need a vomit emodicon!

 TravelingLight
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 123
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/4/2010 8:42:51 PM
Thats not REAL to me, and I know enough to figure that out. Instant attraction? Everyones felt that.. it takes longer to know if someone is promising or not. People are ALWAYS on their best behaviour the first couple of months anyways.. its when their true colours start to show that you can truly figure out if someone is good for you or not.



That's not my experience. And a couple of months is a long time to not notice if someones character is compatible with yours. I find out much more quickly. You test and check their responses, it shows up more quickly than that unless they are good deceivers.
 foreverstacey
Joined: 11/28/2009
Msg: 124
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/4/2010 8:52:02 PM
You can figure out in 3 dates if someone is compatible with you or not?

A lot of people are good deceivers.

Again, EVERYONES amazing the first couple of months and can be "compatible" with you. Its when they start letting their guard down that you truly get to know a person. When you get comfortable.
 TravelingLight
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 125
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/4/2010 9:03:17 PM
You may not know everything about them in 3 dates, but their basic character can come out without them always realizing it. Even if it took more than 3 dates, it doesn't usually take long to feel compatibility.

And you have to be a real good actor to cover that up.

And everybody isn't always trying to cover things that badly...

It's possible, but perhaps you have to be more perceptive and intuitive than the average.
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