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 foreverstacey
Joined: 11/28/2009
Msg: 126
Dumped again I cant take much more.Page 5 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
You aren't even CLOSE to knowing everything about someone in 3 dates. Yes, the main word being can. It doesn't take a good actor to lie to someone.. it just takes a dishonest person with no heart, which apparently is a lot of people out there (I have yet to really run into a liar...that I'm aware of at least!) (reading the forums has been fantastic for figuring this one out)

and sure its possible.. I can know within 10 minutes of talking to someone whether I want to persue more with them or not, but I can spend a month getting to know someone only to find out they werent really what I initially thought.
 TravelingLight
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 127
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/4/2010 9:18:55 PM
Yes, but I'm talking about basic compatibility, the stuff that makes you feel the two of you are in sync or not.

Not everything about them. You don't always have to know all that. I'm talking about character, their nature. If that part jives, and assuming they don't have split personality with terrible secrets, then yes it's possible to begin falling for them, to know they're promising.

And a good candidate isn't full of secrets (lets you get to know them a bit).

I'm not saying you'll always know but it can definitely happen.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 129
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/4/2010 11:32:08 PM
I second the call for a vomit emoticon!
Maybe a pimphand or b!tchslap emotion too!
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 130
view profile
History
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/5/2010 12:28:42 AM
Do you think that they would want a man who expresses feelings for them.


I think a lot of women want that. But I think it also scares some of them, because they think if they show feelings for a guy, they end up getting hurt. There's a middle ground. It's no good to be a chump who plows right into bad situations. But it's no good, either, to be so gun shy that you always find some reason why anyone you're attracted to and like just isn't for you.

Being a hard case toward the OP is sort of like whistling past the graveyard. Some people seem to want to believe that if you're just tough enough, and play things smart enough, you can always master your emotions. When you get hit, you'll always get right back up--nothing to it. Maybe. But no matter how gradually you get close to someone, you can't do it without showing them how you feel.


Liberation has made women as cold and callous as men


That's too bad for those who are, not only for themselves, but also for the children they're around. Men, especially, may sometimes have to be very cold and determined, in a tight spot. Sometimes our safety shouldn't count too much. But comforting scared children, protecting the weak, and helping their wives or girlfriends are also things men do.
 REDDRAGON.
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 131
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/5/2010 2:17:52 AM
But today she txt`d saying she didnt have any romantic feelings for me, dont get me wrong she was very nice about it. But im crushed i feel im going to be more anxious over the time i`ll be out with anyone. Im 42 this month and i have alot to give but i feel like i just cant do this anymore to much hurt.Im sorry all this is just self pitty if im honest but im so hurt as i was falling for her.


I'm gonna lay out some tough love, ..............seriously grow a pair!! or get you're mancard revoked it's your choice.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oAVoQfoU0dQ&feature=related
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 134
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/5/2010 7:11:47 AM
Yeah, the tough love is getting old. People of all sizes and shapes manage to find
others everyday.

Not being overweight gives you no guarantees that you'll automatically find
someone. Looks and personality still come into play.

So some people are screwed no matter what they do frankly.

 ChillinChill
Joined: 10/2/2010
Msg: 135
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/5/2010 7:18:33 AM
I don't find Diesel "fide" * wink* or rude. Infact his approach would work best with me. I had an Uncle Shames who would just hand it to me tough. That's what I needed.
I kept a stride though. It was never when I was crest fallen or completely "given up" and Drew admits to being filled with self pity.

After two heart attacks I needed a healthy regimen of excercise and diet. I needed a hard core trainer who had to tell me to JUST DO IT. I get Diesel.

I agree with Pirate. One of the best ways to realize how fortunate you are is to go and help someone less fortunate. Serve at a Soup Kitchen. Go read to some elderly person who has been abandoned by family and dwells in lonliness. Go to church and teach children about God. Go to homeless shelters and donate time and money and things to families struggling. I went to detoxes, jails, institutions. I found a greatful heart by reaching out to others.

BUT... and first and foremost ONE HAS TO GET OFF THE STINKING PITY POT.

The only way I did that was to "clean house". To find the DEMONS. To get back up on my two feet and find courage, self love and esteem. I had to be councelled. Figure out what was getting in my way. Walk through some history that was painful but REAL and that would always have haunted me if I had not found a way to RECANT my past and
GET OVER IT. I found the way to relive it and then retell it so I no longer had resentments and regrets. This took therapy and was hard work.

The demons had to be expelled and then I moved on to other ways of self improvement and found myself as a valuable person in the community and found myself motivated to lose weight and RESPECTED myself enough to maintain my body as a temple.

ONE RARELY DOES THIS WHILE STILL SITTING ON A PITY POT.

So while my advice seemed to coddle the man to some. I still believe it is the starting point. No one resolves a problem that they are UNABLE to admit it. The first step to
a problem is admission.

I can not not any other poster can scrutinize for DREW exactly what that is, we can all only sit in here in speculation. Make positive suggestion. Tell him what has worked for us. The resolve remains: It's HIS MISSION....and he has to pick himself up and make the choice to begin. Stop feeling sorry for himself and find his demons. Find the path to truly recognize his self worth. Without this, there are very few in the throws of depression that are motivated to do anything BUT feel sorry for themselves.

We can't help him, until he begins to help himself.

You can lead a horse to water ..........
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 136
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/5/2010 7:48:18 AM
Drew didn't come here asking for help with his weight or his looks.
He came because he was feeling badly about a break up. We have no
idea whether or not the woman broke up with him because of his weight.
Some of us are just guessing because they took a look at his picture and
decided no woman in her right mind would be interested in a guy that looks
like that.

So he was whinning about his break up. Big freaking deal. Give him a snap
outta it slap and move on. Maybe all he needed was someone to listen to him
and tell him it's not the end of the world and to move on.

I seriously don't know where some of you guys get off suggesting that because
you're overweight, you're never going to find someone. He said he's been working
on his weight...he really didn't need anyone to tell him he needed to do that.

But just out of curiosity, if weight is drew's problem, what is the problem will all
these self professing atheletic good looking people?

You guys aren't here to help people. You're here to be entertained and to help
feel better about yourselves by bringing others down. It's a common theme of
the threads, anyone who has been here for a while knows this.

With that said, I do believe there are sincere, caring people here who do try to
help others and you know who you are.
 SpecificTruths
Joined: 9/19/2009
Msg: 137
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/5/2010 8:04:45 AM
My brother wears his heart on his sleeve.
When he got dumped last time, he took about 2 and a half years of the single life just having fun with his buddies.
Maybe 2 and a half years is too long for you, but take some time.
Read books, take walks by yourself with no iPod and just daydream about life while breathing a little fresh air.
I took a cooking class after getting dumped once; the next one really appreciated that!

I dunno, people have probably already told ya to just occupy your time doing something good for yourself already, those are just some ideas.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 138
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/5/2010 8:14:55 AM

My brother wears his heart on his sleeve.
When he got dumped last time, he took about 2 and a half years of the single life just having fun with his buddies.
Maybe 2 and a half years is too long for you, but take some time.
Read books, take walks by yourself with no iPod and just daydream about life while breathing a little fresh air.
I took a cooking class after getting dumped once; the next one really appreciated that!

I dunno, people have probably already told ya to just occupy your time doing something good for yourself already, those are just some ideas.


Kudos! Great advice...helpful AND kind.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 139
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/5/2010 9:43:44 AM

I second the call for a vomit emoticon!

There is one. In fact there are two. The second one only does its thing once upon loading, no repeats, so you might have to refresh the page to see it happen:



You can find these and many others here:
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts1485062.aspx
 That Handy Man
Joined: 11/23/2008
Msg: 140
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/5/2010 10:48:02 AM
First of all, anyone who knows anything about human nature, should know how we just love to kick someone when they are down! Almost like they deserve it! It's a built in punishment system, that is maybe intended to make us stronger. Just my own ideas for the moment. I can't help but notice how animals do the same thing. You fuk up and we're going to kick your ass! We might even kill you, so you don't reproduce and weaken our species! Fortunately their isn't such a button on our keyboards! The "Delete" post, I guess is the closest thing for now! lol

I am very much against people hiding from their troubles.
Engaging in other activities or what have you. NO! It's important the we face our demons or at least have an understanding of what is REALLY going on. How else is a person ever to grow?
 SpecificTruths
Joined: 9/19/2009
Msg: 141
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/5/2010 11:05:24 AM

Engaging in other activities or what have you. NO! It's important the we face our demons or at least have an understanding of what is REALLY going on.

Why can't a person do both? Sometimes, doing other things helps us understand ourselves better.
One of my suggestions was to take walks without music and just daydream, breathe some fresh air. That always works for me, allows me to inflect within myself and just have some "me" time, all the while getting out of the house.
 That Handy Man
Joined: 11/23/2008
Msg: 142
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/5/2010 2:29:24 PM
The latter part of the subject "I can't take much more" would be more appropriate if the former said something like "All this chemotherapy"!!
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 143
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/5/2010 4:09:06 PM
I don't see how anything being said here could be construed as kicking the man when he's down any more than saying a mosquito completely drained all your blood!

The namby pamby bleeding hearts think telling someone the truth is somehow mean.
Truth is that good friends and good people let thehelp sting if its going to sting rather than saving feelings and ultimately letting the person suffer.

Fortunately doctors prick us with needles or surgery to save us rather than sparring us the pain and letting us die!

Fact is that everyone was telling Drew he needs more confidence... it was mentioned that ONE way for him to gain confidence was to lose weight...why? Because, without knowing him, its the OBVIOUS thing he could do to better himself and build confidence. If we knew him in person we may have suggested something to do with his speech, hygiene, humor or any other perceivable flaw he may have.

Of course there are overweight people who are successful in dating, Hell I'm one of them....but I wasn't crying about giving up because I'm not successful...if I HAD, I would be expecting people to tell me to lose weight, get a better job, improve my education or a myriad of other things people may see as flaws....fact is I have no lack of confidence, am aware of my shortcomings and have a positive Outlook on dating...so I'm successful with it....should I lose my confidence...I would look to speed up improvement in one or more of those areas.

Drew needs confidence to change his predicament... end of story!
No one here has taken pride in being harsh with him.... some MEN are direct and to the point... personally this world needs MORE men like diesel.....our world has gone to pot because society wants to shut men like him up in the name of correctness......no one can handle having their little feelings hurt anymore....Bah!
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 145
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/6/2010 2:22:32 AM




2) You are a big fat pitiful slob who pees in his pants. Lose the pity party, axxhole. and your photo is not so great so you need to do something about that. Stop being a a crybaby.


If you can't see the differnce, then there is no hope. Unnecssary, gratuitous unkindness is not required for advice or "directness."



Now THIS is truly pathetic......in order to make your argument work you resort to MAKING UP harsh comments...show us WHERE and in what post this was said!


You can't!

No one has advocated or defended being harsh...only pointing out that no one HAS BEEN harsh!


This was really lame Donald... I though you had more in you than to resort to having to set up straw men to knock down.....
 soicat
Joined: 3/3/2010
Msg: 147
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/6/2010 12:14:02 PM
I don't know why nobody ever mentions this. But you should always try to date more than one person at once.

That way you don't so much get "dumped," as people sort of drift away and you hardly notice.

Dating shouldn't hurt. It's relationships that hurt.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 148
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/6/2010 12:22:46 PM
Well Donald .... you haven't told us which post the harsh comments you quoted came from! You can't because they didn't happen...YOU made them up! The only thing YOUR last comment shows is that when called to task for YOUR comments...you side step.



No one said there's no such thing as instant connection...heck I even said I get that, I just don't feel destroyed if its not returned.

In fact, what everyone here has been saying to Drew is that his reaction/over-reaction to the circumstance is where the problem lies. It shows a desperation that is best remedied by gaining self confidence and control. That's not harsh...its true!
 REDDRAGON.
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 149
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/6/2010 12:52:10 PM

VERSUS

2) You are a big fat pitiful slob who pees in his pants. Lose the pity party, axxhole. and your photo is not so great so you need to do something about that. Stop being a a crybaby.

If you can't see the differnce, then there is no hope. Unnecssary, gratuitous unkindness is not required for advice or "directness."


Unless you have a psychology degree we don't know about sitting in you're closet, letting some one wallow in their own self pity isn't the answer either.

but if you must........ feel free to coddle.

maybe holding some hands and a hug might help.
 TravelingLight
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 150
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/6/2010 5:20:31 PM
What happened with s.diesel's posts? Were they removed?

Well to the jco of the world, yes Drew was told he was fat, unattractive and couldn't get anyone like that.

diesel was kind of unhelpful with his comments. He wasn't alone, he had some people agreeing with him and approving his uhh, style.

But the minute you tell someone, you're fat you'll never get women that way..you automatically discredit yourself a bit.
You sound like you don't know too much about life and shouldn't help people who've suffered.

And you confuse people who try to do it -help- with tact and kindness with namby-pambies.. you're kinda clueless there.
 JohnP199
Joined: 6/17/2010
Msg: 151
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/6/2010 6:34:34 PM
Wow.... If a woman brings candles to my place, I'm throwing her my silk PJs. lol

I mean come on folks. Do you honestly believe you don't know what she wanted? He didn't put out, so she moved on.

Wow.
 TravelingLight
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 152
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/6/2010 6:50:27 PM
If she's a vampire she prefers natural light to artificial one, I tell you Drew did the right thing by kicking her out!
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 153
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/6/2010 7:18:01 PM
WELL Travelinglight. I'd say I have more business giving dating advice than you...your 47 and have only been in a 3 year relationship... I'm at 19 and four....so...

And...if I remember correctly diesel never said Helloooooo never get girls being fat...he said his chances will improve as well as his confidence.
 Sabrosura089
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 154
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/6/2010 7:50:11 PM
jco415: WELL Travelinglight. I'd say I have more business giving dating advice than you...your 47 and have only been in a 3 year relationship... I'm at 19 and four....so...



Travelinglight's Profile: The longest relationship TravelingLight has been in was over 3 years long.


^^This isn't part of the OP, but the longest relationship (the length of the relationship was not identified) was OVER 3 yrs ago. Is this how you are measuring if someone's participation holds any value to the Forums/relationship discussions? Seriously.....makes zero sense.

Sometimes we need to keep in mind that we are strangers to each other/just mere words on the WWW. Thus, to make assumptions over an OP's life/dating experience(s) other than by their opening comments/a profile is not very keen.

Hopefully, we can get back on track with the OP vs. being combative with one another and nitpicking at each other's profiles.


Hey Drew! I see that you appear to have some enlightenment with some of the forumites advice. What have you been doing to take a proactive approach in the right direction??



VVV - Duly noted, Jco. Travlinglight "fails"..................lol
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 155
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/6/2010 7:58:49 PM
^^^^No, traveling said people like me have no business giving advice because I agreed with diesel....I pointed out that his longest relationship was only three years so if he's going to make judgements as to who's qualified...he fails.....
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