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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 726
Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?Page 30 of 34    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34)

-shouldn't the "approximately 20% of males at least attempt a sexual assault" scenario,by that same token, be a basis to demand a DNA sample of all males to be kept on file for the use of law enforcement-because a whopping 20% of men(and that may well be a LOW figure, given the under-reporting of sexual offenses) will at least ATTEMPT a sexual assault at some time in their lives??

In the U.S., the fourth amendment would prohibit that.

I'm absolutely certain that the 18 and 20 percent stats ARE huge to those who've been victims of paternity fraud,sexual assault, and even those who had a close brush with either issue,but it's just not always good sense to let compassion cloud the bigger picture.

20% means the odds are 1 in 5. By comparison, the odds of rolling a 7 in craps are 1 in 6 or 16.6%. The odds of being dealt 2 pair in a 5 card poker hand are 7.6% or 1 in 20. Draw your own conclusion.
 CheshireCatalyst
Joined: 9/14/2007
Msg: 727
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Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 12/29/2010 6:30:34 PM

But the point remains that having one's DNA obtained and kept on file by a government agency or entity is pushing the envelope of privacy rights regardless of your gender.


I think it's only kept on file for a couple of years - hospitals have retention schedules for this. This is an issue the ACLU has been involved in as well.
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 728
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Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 12/29/2010 6:56:44 PM

You must have not read my posts

Well, you have posted an awful lot ... but I think I got through most of them. Let me see if I can summarize your points:
1. You agree that a motility test is a good idea, along with a DNA test to prove he is (or isn't) the dad.
2. You think she's up to something because she won't agree to a screening test for some un-named disease that occurs in his family.
3. You think the likelihood of his having actually fathered a child is pretty small, since he's been told that his swimmers are duds.

I wonder if the hubby has a brother, or a male cousin? Cause if she got the sperm from some relative, the DNA test wouldn't exclude him from being the papa - but it still wouldn't be *his* kid.


20% means the odds are 1 in 5. By comparison, the odds of rolling a 7 in craps are 1 in 6 or 16.6%. The odds of being dealt 2 pair in a 5 card poker hand are 7.6% or 1 in 20. Draw your own conclusion.

Ummm .... most people who gamble on cards don't win? So ... most people who gamble on that kid being someone else's .... are wrong?
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 729
Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 12/29/2010 7:20:58 PM
I wonder if the hubby has a brother, or a male cousin? Cause if she got the sperm from some relative, the DNA test wouldn't exclude him from being the papa - but it still wouldn't be *his* kid.

Maybe yes. Maybe no. However, if you understand what DNA testing does, then you should know that DNA evidence is an exclusionary test by nature. It can only tell you if two samples are NOT a match. Anything other than that requires an inference based on the odds that two samples which test the same could still be from different individuals. (Exclusions are absolute, except in some very rare cases of chimerism, in which a person carries two sets of DNA. Those are interesting but wouldn't apply to a paternity test.)

If he argues for additional proof of paternity knowing the the odds are only 1 in 1,000,000 that he's not the father, I'll agree that he's gone off the deep end. We're talking about a DNA test here, not clairvoyance. If he gets the DNA test done, he got what he asked for. Arguing that it isn't perfect is not an argument against doing it.

Ummm .... most people who gamble on cards don't win? So ... most people who gamble on that kid being someone else's .... are wrong?

People who gamble long enough don't win in the long run, but that's obvious. If you have 1 in 6 odds of rolling a 7 and you roll 10000 times, you are fairly likely to roll 7 about 1660 times. Do you understand anything about statistics? If so, then you ought to know that even with odds of 49.99% of winning, you'll still lose in the long run and that's almost a coin toss. How much would you be willing to bet that I won't roll 7 in a single roll given only 16.6% odds of rolling 7? $100.00? $1000.00? Your house? What about 2 rolls?

So ... most people who gamble on that kid being someone else's .... are wrong?

No, but if the 20% figure is accurate, apparently, 1 in 5 are wrong. I wouldn't bet anything I couldn't easily affort to lose on 1 in 5 odds.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 730
Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 12/29/2010 7:27:34 PM

I wonder if the hubby has a brother, or a male cousin? Cause if she got the sperm from some relative, the DNA test wouldn't exclude him from being the papa - but it still wouldn't be *his* kid.


WRONG! The DNA would differentiate between brothers w/o any trouble!

IE......

Im pregnant by one of two brothers will their dna be the same if i have a paternity test?
i slept with two brothers do they have the same dna they are not twins but do have the same parents




No, they don't have the same DNA.
unless they are IDENTICAL twins.
even faternal twins have differnet dna.


So see even if she slept with his brother the DNA will tell the tale!


How accurate is it? The odds of two people having the same DNA sequence are estimated at 6 billion to 1--unless they're identical twins. However, identical twins do produce different iris and retinal scans, making eye scans a slightly more reliable biometric.


So she would have to sleep with at least 6 billion.......That is 6000 million men to find one that MIGHT match her hubby and get pregnant by that one.

Now you see why the DNA test may scare her so much.....No way to beat it!
 CoolBreezez
Joined: 8/20/2006
Msg: 731
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Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 12/29/2010 7:59:38 PM

I wouldn't bet anything I couldn't easily affort to lose on 1 in 5 odds.


I don't think I would like to do that either- doesn't make much sense does it.

And based on what I see from the reactions in this thread, I'll say that there's about 50% chance that the woman is question will be quite upset if he tells her that he's getting a paternity test. That's a pretty large risk and expensive. I sure wouldn't want to be in his shoes right now.

So - to more address the question of the thread-
Should this man be logical and discrete or "moral" and courageous?

The old saying "Discretion is the better part of valour" comes to mind right now.
 barefootkitten
Joined: 12/17/2009
Msg: 732
Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 12/29/2010 8:20:21 PM

Yes they are barefootkitten you just don't want to admit it.....Just like the PCOS is controllable by diet when you said it was genetic.
PCOS is caused due to genetics, but when one has it, diet is an important step in CONTROLLING it. Poor diet doesn't cause PCOS at all. Someone with poor diet but without a genetic predisposition to it WILL NOT get it, but someone who does have a predisposition to it CAN CONTROL the disease through disease.
There is a difference. Just as the examples you provided have NOTHING to do with specific actions on the part of the wife.
 sentback
Joined: 12/22/2010
Msg: 733
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Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 12/29/2010 8:32:41 PM
I myself have live cohabitated with a few women. The last relationship I was in 11 years ago we were not married. I lived with this woman for 5 years.When I met her she had 2 children. they were very young. She was an attractive woman and had low morales. After the relationship ended I VOLUNTARILY paid CHILD support for 9 years. Since I bonded with those 2 kids I could NOT abandon them. We all make choices in life just because the mother was a slut why should the kids pay for her actions. I even paid for one of the girls college. What I have seen in this day of age. If I ever got back into a relationship I would DEFINATLEY get a DNA test done if my second half said she was pregnant. As the adage goes Nice guys finish last. and I am tired of it. It was easy to end the relationship because the woman was NO good.. But when you have bonded with a child thats a LOVE that can NOT be taken away easily every time I got visitation I could not stop crying when I had to send them back to their mother NOW thats the toughest thing in a relationship thats gone sour.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 734
Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 12/29/2010 9:10:20 PM

PCOS is caused due to genetics, but when one has it, diet is an important step in CONTROLLING it. Poor diet doesn't cause PCOS at all. Someone with poor diet but without a genetic predisposition to it WILL NOT get it, but someone who does have a predisposition to it CAN CONTROL the disease through disease.


You say it is genetic the medical websites I found say the following......


What Causes PCOS?
Unfortunately, the cause of PCOS remains a mystery to health care professionals. There are a number of theories as to what may cause the disorder, but no one theory has been sufficiently proven:

* Genetics: PCOS may be the result of faulty genetics. The disorder tends to run in families suggesting a genetic component to PCOS.


"Suggesting a genetic component" is not the same as genetic!

Bearfootkitten I am sorry but you are not up on the facts.

You even thought that a brother or cousin could have the same dna as the presumed father.
When the truth is the chances of two people having the same DNA is ONE in 6 billion!

I mean you are free to believe anything you like.

However my points have at least as much merit as your feelings/beliefs.
Because you have ZERO proof she didn't cheat.........while her actions and his condition are known and makes the parentage suspect.
 barefootkitten
Joined: 12/17/2009
Msg: 735
Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 12/29/2010 10:00:37 PM

"Suggesting a genetic component" is not the same as genetic!
Not a lot is currently known about pcos, and research is constantly coming up with new information about it. Even among people with the disease, it presents itself differently in each patient and affects some more than others and in different ways. Last I talked to my specialist about the disease less than a year ago, he said CURRENT research is going with it having a genetic link.

There are MANY sites online about pcos and many contradict each other because the doctors can't even agree on the specific cause. I'm sure you could find any number of sites to support the point you are trying to make, as I could to support mine, but I'm not going to simply because it is so off-topic to this thread that it's pointless. You try to insult anyone's intelligence who disagrees with you, but I simply won't indulge you anymore.


You even thought that a brother or cousin could have the same dna as the presumed father.
When the truth is the chances of two people having the same DNA is ONE in 6 billion!


That was not me that posted that. Try to keep people straight before you point fingers.

Identical twins have the exact same dna and it would be impossible to determine paternity if two male identical twins slept with the same woman in the same time frame. In fact, if my identical twin sister took a test comparing my child's dna to hers, it would come back that she is my child's mother, and I would come back GENETICALLY has HER children's mother because we have the same dna. If someone IS NOT an identical twin, there isn't anyone else in the world they share their dna with.


I mean you are free to believe anything you like.
Yes I am, and so are you.


However my points have at least as much merit as your feelings/beliefs.
I never said you don't have a right to your feelings or beliefs, but that doesn't mean that I have to believe anything you say. I personally feel you allow your own personal experiences to bias you against women in every thread I've seen you, but that's MY observation and interpretation of what I see as consistently bitter comments made about women. You are welcome to believe that women are evil creatures who are mostly out to screw men and take their money and sleep around, and that's your right to that belief, but it doesn't mean I have to accept it as truth.


Because you have ZERO proof she didn't cheat.........while her actions and his condition are known and makes the parentage suspect.
And you have ZERO proof that she did! What actions, taken by the woman have hinted that she cheated? Let's see.....she had a baby and won't allow the husband to test for an UNKNOWN to us disease. TO ME, that's not proof at all that she cheated, but to you it is. We are different creatures, I try to give others the benefit of the doubt, you do not.

This is all apart from the fact, that I've never stated once that he doesn't have reason to have a paternity test done. In fact, I've stated MANY MANY MANY times that HE SHOULD, but that he should tell the wife he wants one. I feel the more prudent action is to retest his sperm first, but again, that's my opinion, to which I have a right.
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 736
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Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 12/29/2010 10:19:18 PM

You even thought that a brother or cousin could have the same dna as the presumed father.

No, no ... you got it wrong! BFK didn't say that, I did. And it's not that they have the same DNA, its that a relative might be mistakenly included as a possible father through DNA testing.
"Since family members are more likely to have similar genetic profiles, when two alleged fathers are related, the probability of paternity may be lower than in standard tests. In such cases it is always best to test both alleged fathers ..." (http://www.dna-geneticconnections.com/paternity_testing.html)
"however, if the biological Mother does not participate in the DNA test by supplying samples, it may cause inclusive results to be incorrect when only testing one brother"
(http://www.dnatesting.com/dna-testing-blog/2010/12/identigene-paternity-dna-testing-question-of-the-week/)
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 737
Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 12/30/2010 10:03:03 AM
The QUESTION posed in the OT was NOT,"should a DNA test be done"-rather, it was whether the mother of the baby,who is married to the man questioning her childs' paternity,should be informed of the test. The only bearing this genetic predisposition has, is that someone apparently tried to use testing for it as a roundabout way to possibly identify paternity. So here's this mother, who I'm sure WANTS to hope her child doesn't have some medical condition,but if the child DOESN'T have it, she's going to be accused of cheating? Wow, talk about having to decide whether you want to be shot or hanged!
If the circumstances were different, I'd be inclined to AGREE with the poster who cited discretion as the better part of valor. However, we have no way of knowing how many people Daddy Dearest Blabbermouth has discussed his issues with,or how deeply his family has THEIR beaks stuck into his business. So in this particular individual case, I feel that it's in everybody's best interests that he TELL the wife that he's getting a paternity test done on the kid. What I and other posters have also tried to get across!- is that his wife may be quite upset at having her fidelity questioned, very possibly even more so if she is a very honest and ethical person.
Also, and this is also just my personal feeling-this implied accusation of infidelity is, IMO, a very grievous accusation to bring against someone and I believe she has the right to know of this accusation,regardless of whether she is exonerated or convicted by the "evidence".
Think about the justice system...no matter how strong the evidence may be against somebody, even if the person's crime was witnessed by a busload of nuns and the Dalai Lama, the person can't just be tossed into prison. They have the right to defend themselves.
People, there is a CHILD-an infant-in the middle of this mess! IF mama does have reason to fear that the DNA test might show that someone else is the daddy, I think she has a right to know that she's being "investigated", so she can have some kind of contingency plan in place for the childs'-and her own-basic survival needs. While nothing has been definitively said, I get the impression that the woman is not currently employed and that the baby is quite small. I think,regardless of what she may or may not have done, that she's entitled to know about this "investigation",so that IF there is a chance the baby was fathered by another man,she can start planning to defend herself and the baby against being homeless or in the path of abuse. OR, conversely, if she knows damn well that nobody else can possibly be the baby's father, she can sort out her feelings about whether she stays with this suspicious and distrustful man and his family/friends. She'll have time to either reconcile herself to staying in a damaged marriage, or to start hunting for good representation in the event that she feels divorce is required.

Cindy O
 sentback
Joined: 12/22/2010
Msg: 738
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Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 12/30/2010 3:09:46 PM
Look lady If the husband has doubts and wants a DNA he should have it done,he should tell his wife also. Regardless their will be ramifications either way. If it is NOT his lets get a divorce NOW!!!!!! If it turns out its his child and she wants a divorce well then so be it. the LAWS are written for women anyways. Example A African American man from NEW YORK went to Africa to find his bride, they got married and they had a baby. after 4 years of marriage bliss a co worker( a white man) drop a word into the African Americans man ear. telling him he is NOT the father, he said he to was with his wife also. So the African American man had a DNA done behind her back. Turns out the White guy was telling the truth. In the divorce proceedings (DNA dont lie) Wifey says its another mans child. To bad the judge says exhubby pays alimony and child support because its detrimental to the child. Yes its a womans world alright.
 sentback
Joined: 12/22/2010
Msg: 739
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Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 12/30/2010 3:24:16 PM
Yes the USA is great for North American women. All MEN please read this, then you know what I am talking about http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20101227/...wife s e mail Its crazy but thats the way it is.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 740
Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 12/30/2010 4:29:32 PM

Look lady If the husband has doubts and wants a DNA he should have it done,he should tell his wife also. Regardless their will be ramifications either way

That's pretty much what I SAID.

the LAWS are written for women anyways.

No, they are written to protect those who can't protect themselves...CHILDREN.
In the situation you describe, what I think about it is neither here nor there. It is the best interest of the CHILD, who needs food, clothing and shelter. If the childs' mother was a stay-home mom, the alternative to requiring the exhubby to pay alimony and CS would be for the State to be cutting the mother a check every month. Thats' the SECONDARY best interest that the non-criminal courts are concerned with, the TAXPAYERS,who are footing the bill for unknown, absentee, and deadbeat noncustody parents.

Unfair as it may seem, the court systems,whether criminal or civil, are set up so that those less able to defend themselves unaided have a at least a semblance of a level playing field. Children can't defend themselves at all. If the 2 adults presumed to be caring for them are at odds, it's the kids that are going to suffer.
Yes, I know, simple justice would make it seem like a cuckolded male could put the offending woman and her offspring out of his home and his life-end of story. But there is a child in the middle of this who certainly cannot fed for itself, and is not responsible for how the mother went about conceiving him or her. The child needs an adult looking after him or her...if it is NOT the man's child, should the courts put the fraud-committing mother in jail and FORCE the male who was paired with the mother to be solely responsible for the child's care? I cannot say for sure, but it seems that what I've been hearing is that often the "alimony" is a temporary, closed-end allotment to protect the woman and child from utter destitution while the stay-home mom gets herself into gainful employment.
No, it's not a 'woman's world.alright'. ANYONE, male or female, who choses to include a 'Significant Other' "date seriously", cohabit, marry, takes a risk. Having children also presents risks. If anyone feels like the whole deal is rigged in favor of the other gender, then that person should simply not pair-bond and/or procreate.
Statistics seem to indicate that even with child support and a woman's own employment, when a marriage breaks up, the woman and the childrens' living standard takes a pretty significant hit, in most cases. I realize that the CS money is coming out of the man's wallet, but the last stats/reports I saw certainly seemed to indicate that,generally speaking, the man made a quicker re-adjustment to stable finances.
The bottom line,IMO, is anybody who figures the opposite gender is playing a game rigged in their favor, should simply limit their investment in/committment to the game.I don't see anybody holding guns to people's heads MAKING them date, get into relationships, marry, have kids, or any combination thereof.
Cindy O
Cindy O
 errant71
Joined: 4/4/2009
Msg: 741
Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 12/30/2010 5:08:28 PM
Thought I'd add to the PCOS tangent in this thread, fully recognizing it isn't exactly on topic! Here's the"latest and greatest" on PCOS from UpToDate, a site used by medical professionals to access well-researched, evidence-based information on medical topics ...

"PCOS is now thought to be a complex genetic trait, similar to cardiovascular disease, type 2 diabetes mellitus and the metabolic syndrome, where multiple genetic variants and environmental factors interact to foster the development of the disorder. Principal genetic targets for the responsible variants proposed include genes regulating gonadotropin secretion and action, insulin secretion and action, weight and energy regulation, and androgen biosynthesis and action"

No specific causative single gene has been identified. Many women are diagnosed with PCOS cannot identify a specific family member with the same diagnosis. To say it "runs in families" would be a bit simplistic.
 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 742
Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 12/30/2010 6:15:12 PM

WRONG! The DNA would differentiate between brothers w/o any trouble!


Uhhhh, not quite....

I have a buddy who had a twin brother. They were both banging the same woman. The woman got pregnant. My buddy didn't know his brother was banging her too until the woman filed for CS.

His brother had died about the time the paternity was being determined by DNA sampling, so my buddy was held responsible for paying the CS because there is virtually no difference between twin DNA.

Yes, you ARE your brother's... erm, possible-brother's-kid's... keeper....

 CheshireCatalyst
Joined: 9/14/2007
Msg: 743
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Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 12/30/2010 6:45:15 PM

Yes the USA is great for North American women. All MEN please read this, then you know what I am talking about http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20101227/...wife s e mail Its crazy but thats the way it is.


Your link doesn't work. How about sending us one that does for the facts on the free, automatic, parental DNA testing done by the state of Oregon and the 18% rate of cuckholdry in that state.

Otherwise, you know, I might be inclined to disbelieve you.
 CoolBreezez
Joined: 8/20/2006
Msg: 744
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Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 12/30/2010 7:42:33 PM

If the circumstances were different, I'd be inclined to AGREE with the poster who cited discretion as the better part of valor. However, we have no way of knowing how many people Daddy Dearest Blabbermouth has discussed his issues with,or how deeply his family has THEIR beaks stuck into his business. So in this particular individual case, I feel that it's in everybody's best interests that he TELL the wife that he's getting a paternity test done on the kid. What I and other posters have also tried to get across!- is that his wife may be quite upset at having her fidelity questioned, very possibly even more so if she is a very honest and ethical person.


That would be the way to go if he did involve lots of people at this point. I would say its bad form and kinda stupid really. At this point he can't really be certain either way about anything.

But- since we don't really know exactly how he handled it- what if he has kept this tight to his chest and told few or no one? Could he not be saving his wife a lot of pain and anguish by not telling her and then finding out he was wrong? Yes he's obviously avoiding some pain himself, but really given all we see here he has a 80 percent chance of being wrong. Could this not be considered the right thing to do?

God what a mess. It makes me want to go out and get a vasectomy.

Oh wait- those aren't a guarantee either are they-
 sentback
Joined: 12/22/2010
Msg: 745
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Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 12/30/2010 10:07:09 PM
That link does work I google it. try again. If you cant get it... Its about an UNFAITHFUL WIFE cheating on her husband. Hubby gets her password and reads the E-mail. They get a divorce and NOW she is charging him for going into her E-mail invasion of privacy. Its a felony and the man has been charged and could go to jail or get a fine.. More than likely hes getting a big fine... WHY?????? Because you can NOT put the meal ticket in jail. some ones got to pay Child support alimony and the mortgage payments for the home so the wife can live in the same life style with her NEW lover. Yeah that makes sense after all it is North America.
 CheshireCatalyst
Joined: 9/14/2007
Msg: 746
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Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 12/30/2010 10:19:13 PM
^^ "Article not found or expired on Yahoo! News"

Of more importance..........I guess we can't expect any actual info on this supposed mandatory free DNA parental testing in Oregon?
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 747
Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 12/30/2010 11:25:42 PM

So she would have to sleep with at least 6 billion.......That is 6000 million men to find one that MIGHT match her hubby and get pregnant by that one.

That's not true for the case at hand. The child's DNA is a mixture of the mother's and father's DNA. DNA testing is not a matching test, per se. DNA is an exclusionary test, so that to obtain that degree of certainty, you need DNA from the child, the father and the mother. First one matches the maternal DNA to child's and then matches what is left to the father's DNA. The maternal and paternal DNA then should matche the child's DNA. In this case, all you have is the paternal DNA. What's left coud be only the maternal DNA or it could be the difference between what you presume to be the paternal DNA and the biological father plus the maternal DNA. Without the maternal DNA, estabilshing paternity is less certain and I would imagine distinguishing between two related males might not be very reliable.
 ronosaurus
Joined: 7/22/2007
Msg: 748
Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 12/31/2010 6:40:33 AM
In response to Msg: 768 and Msg: 769.
Paternity testing done by profiling requires samples of the purported father and the "child" (that is, the presumed offspring). The mother's DNA is not necessary, but can be helpful.
See web site below.
http://www.geneforum.org/node/247
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 749
Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 12/31/2010 6:50:31 AM
Thanks i tried saying that they needed both to test and was told i was wrong that they didnt need the mothers. Thus why my comment was made that if someones DNA is being collected they SHOULD be able to say yes or no.

He can have it done without the maternal DNA and still be excluded as the father, but if the test doesn't exclude him, I'm not sure of the extent to which he could consider a match to mean he is the father. Although he could, in principle, use saliva from a drinking cup, I'm not sure if that would work for this since a lab processing DNA for paternity testing may do things differently than when processing DNA for forensics analysis. In any case, he gets what gets.

The mother's DNA is not necessary, but can be helpful.

Right, but the test is more complex without the maternal DNA and I'm not sure that the result will differentiate between close matches, e.g. blood relatives. Again, DNA testing can only tell you for certain that a man can NOT be the father. A positive match only gives you a probability that a man IS the father. Paternity testing also doesn't translate into odd of 1 in billions. It's more like 1 in 100.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 750
Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 12/31/2010 10:47:02 AM

But- since we don't really know exactly how he handled it- what if he has kept this tight to his chest and told few or no one? Could he not be saving his wife a lot of pain and anguish by not telling her and then finding out he was wrong? Yes he's obviously avoiding some pain himself, but really given all we see here he has a 80 percent chance of being wrong. Could this not be considered the right thing to do?

Well, we know that the man in the center of this tempest in a teapot is a FRIEND of the O.riginal P.oster,so the man has discussed his concerns with at least ONE friend. In a later post, the OP reported that a couple of the mans' sisters were running THEIR mouths. In another post the OP mentioned that his friend stated he had no OTHER reason to suspect his wife, only the history of infertility,with at least a couple of years having passed since the last special effort/procedure/treatment was made to achieve conception. The annals of family and OB medicine are FULL of cases where conception occurred naturally once the couple relaxed and quit obsessing/trying so hard. It's apparently not at all uncomon for adoptive parents to subsquently concieve a biological child. Whether or not every single one of these 'miracle' babies was tested for paternity, I'm sure I couldn't say.
But your question was about whether or not the guy should keep the test a secret-(unless of course it shows that he CAN'T be the father) or whether he should inform the wife.
Setting aside all the ethics, morals ,rights and wrongs, shouldas and oughtas, IN THIS SET OF CIRCUMSTANCES, I think he needs to be right up front about this testing. Too many people either know about HIS concern, or have doubts of their own. Wasn't it Ben Fanklin who said, "Two can keep a secret- if one is dead." I don't know how anybody else feels, but I'd much rather have the guy open the smaller can of worms that would be attached to informing his wife-than I would the 100-lb. sack of snakes he'd open if he had to OFF his friend( the OP), a couple of his sisters, and Lord knows who else!
Cindy O
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