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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?      Home login  
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 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 802
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Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?Page 34 of 34    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34)
I believe in DNA testing at every birth.
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 803
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Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 3/3/2012 5:13:34 AM
In some government trials as high as 33% of kids couldnt possibly have been fathered by their "alleged' fathers and that was purely based on blood groups so the number would have been higher when verified by a paternity test

Realistically paternity tests SHOULD be compulsory at birth to remove the need for the father to have to seek verification as its a fairly no win situation much of the time even though in todays socieity its nothing short of a reasonable thing to want to verify, no more extreme than getting sexual health tests

What does need to be factored in is that women who know their partner isnt the father or suspect theres a pretty good chance they arent dont tend to be brimming over with honesty or openness about the fact, especially if their partner is the main earner in the household.

And even ones who know 100% that a child is their partners dont tend to be very realistic nor rational where something like a paternity test is concerned even when they know the suspected rates of paternity fraud

Personally I think ALL men should have paternity tests done on all of their offspring whether they have doubts or not.

Because trusting a partner and having no doubts about their faithfulness doesnt really have much of a link to whether or not they are faithfull same as suspecting someone isnt faithfull doesnt always mean your suspicions are right either

VVVV thats kinda silly and a pretty vapid excuse tbh.

For THOSE people you could either forego it, or better still just keep it secretive in those cases.

But to be fair if theyre soooooo dangerous would the outcome of a test REALLY make any difference?

Infact them ACTUALLY knowing paternity rather than dwelling on supposition could actually remove risk in some cases. But for the other 99.999999999999% of people it wouldnt make any difference
 --Zen--
Joined: 6/29/2011
Msg: 804
Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 3/3/2012 8:03:09 AM
First of all paternity testing needs to be done before birth even with 99% certainty. I believe it should be the law.

This is an interesting case (explains number of responses) 'damned if you damned if you don't' sort of situation. Naturally concealing information from his partner about his virility before conception is the root of the issue. He must confess to that mistake. In order for relationship to be maintained there should not be any shrouds. At this juncture this is between him and the child. Both have a right to know if they are blood related. I believe any reasonable woman will view this situation objectively and would not be opposed to easing up mans fears.
 mak_68
Joined: 2/17/2012
Msg: 805
Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 3/3/2012 8:52:58 AM

You cannot legislate for a procedure that carries the risk of abortion.

The testing can be done after the birth, but before any certificate is signed. No risk of abortion.


You cannot force a woman to reveal potential paternity candidates.

Don't have to. DNA can be obtained from the child to determine paternity. A simple cheek swab would suffice.


You cannot force men to provide samples every time a woman names them as a potential candidate.

I believe that already happens. If the man refuses, he is de facto made to provide support. I believe this does depend on where one lives. So he is on the hook until he proves otherwise.
 --Zen--
Joined: 6/29/2011
Msg: 806
Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 3/3/2012 9:59:29 AM
You cannot legislate for a procedure that carries the risk of abortion.

Risk is minimal with cvs and there are no risks with fetal cell dna tests. With more research and technological development it should be possible to preform tests earlier into pregnancy. This is essential for fathers and mothers rights.


You cannot force a woman to reveal potential paternity candidates.

Unless current child support laws are modified, it should be mandatory.


You cannot force men to provide samples every time a woman names them as a potential candidate.

If potential father is unwilling, he needs to know. If potential father is willing, he needs to know.
 mak_68
Joined: 2/17/2012
Msg: 807
Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 3/3/2012 10:08:08 AM
Why did you take my post out of the context of in vitro testing?

In vitro testing is unnecessary to establish parental dna, as I have shown. Besides, your last few posts didn't mention anything about in vitro, simply paternity testing. Please show where you specifically mentioned in vitro...

Every man should have the right to know whether a child is his or not, just like a woman knows the child is hers. Don't you think he should have the choice of raising some other man's child, if it came to that?


 mak_68
Joined: 2/17/2012
Msg: 808
Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 3/3/2012 11:06:16 AM
You quoted me from msg 822, where I quoted Zen's post regarding in vitro paternity testing, if you'd like to check.

Ah, I see it, thanks.
I really don't see the necessity of establishing paternity before birth occurs. Therefore a cheek swab, or heel prick should suffice.

But I think paternity should be established before birth certificates are signed/registered.
I wonder how much of a problem it would be to allow for a window of time, for dna testing, before signing.. or not, as the case may be.


No, you can't force a woman to reveal paternity.

I believe that the husband can be excluded as the father with only his and the child's dna. It would seem the discovery of who is the father is a somewhat different kettle of fish.

 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 809
Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 3/3/2012 11:53:50 AM

What would you like to see changed about current child support laws?


I believe most men would like to see the laws be equal.

That child support actually be for the child and not to supplement the mothers income.

I raised two of my children w/o any child support mandated by the courts from the mothers.

Not that it mattered as I took the money I was paying before I got custody and saved it for one year.

I was able to provide considerably more for my children than their mothers had with the same money and at the end of one year had enough money left over to take a extended vacation in any country in the world I wanted to choose.

As far as the OP's question there is no doubt that he and any man has the right to perform a paternity test on a child that is supposedly his. W/o telling anyone.

As shown earlier in this thread there are around 1500 children born in the US every day that are not the child of the father.

Which shows this is a very serious problem that receives no press or efforts to brings these facts to light.

I had a vasectomy in 04 in 08 after my divorce a lady I had dated for a couple of months told me she was pregnant. When I asked her who the father was she got all indignant and said I was.

After I informed her of my vasectomy the look on her face went from indignant to shame.

I have read about this same event from many other men here in the forums.

Through out this thread the man that just wants to know if the child his wife bore was actually his, has been vilified just because he wants a test the law says he has a right to have.

Should the welfare of the children be first and foremost?
Of course it should however it should never be at the cost of a person that had nothing to do with bringing the child into this world.

If a woman is so depraved as to get pregnant by a man other than her husband she should be the responsible party..... whether she wishes to expose the true father or not.

If she does then a test should be done to confirm he is the father, then he should be held accountable along with her.
 --Zen--
Joined: 6/29/2011
Msg: 810
Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 3/3/2012 12:35:32 PM
You can't demand that a woman who has been raped by her father, brother, friend, stranger, reveal that information.

This is exactly why it should be mandatory and state funded. Rape is a serious crime and serious accusation. No one likes their home turned into crime scene after a robbery but we submit because withholding evidence is a crime. This type of law will bring justice to victims and reduce false rape accusations.


using up public resources

Who said anything about public resources? It's her body. She can't pay, she can't play with legal system. Obviously at 13 weeks she already made a decision to keep the child. Naturally this apply only to legally bound couples.


Those Draconian methods would make the children suffer primarily.

Existing laws make the children suffer more.


An unwilling father, who is likely to be a poor parent, a poor source of financial support

An unwilling father or mother of the unborn baby should not be a parent. Simple as that. They should not have any rights or responsibilities toward the child.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 811
Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 3/3/2012 12:51:20 PM

Its very common for men to resent paying child support and make assumptions that their money is spent by the mother on herself. On the few occasions I did get a crust thrown my way, I did eat it - it wasn't my daughter that was going hungry. It's always me who went without, which of course he was totally confident would be the case.


I doubt they would resent it if it was actually spent on the child. I know I didn't mind providing for mine and as I said I was able to provide more for them with way less money than the child support I was ordered to pay.

That can only mean the mothers were not spending the money on our children.

If they had there is no way I would have had so much left over after that first year I had custody.


Paying child maintenance is something that a lot of blokes need to come to terms with.


If a bloke as you say has a problem with paying a realistic amount of support for his child then yes he needs some counselling for that.

However when a bloke is paying so much "child support" that he is not able to live a decent life then maybe the system needs to looked at.

Especially if he is paying so much that he is in the poor house while his ex is living far above her means even though the child sees very little of "support".
 ixtlan09
Joined: 12/12/2010
Msg: 812
Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 3/3/2012 6:09:28 PM
According to the last studies I read, if every guy were to secretly have his kids tested, about 25% of the children would turn out to have a different dad. Sad, eh?

But, as Chris Rock says, women have always told the biggest lie: "The baby is yours.".
 ixtlan09
Joined: 12/12/2010
Msg: 813
Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 3/3/2012 6:11:21 PM
One other thing. You say partner. Is this his wife? I ask, because in quite a few states, if you are married to a woman and she has a baby, you are financially responsible for the child, whether or not you are the biological father.

Pretty screwed up, isn't it?
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 814
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Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 3/3/2012 8:11:58 PM
@mjyawn67: Long time no see my friend. Message 831 & 834 on the money. The current laws seem to make only one side accountable on this issue. As you said accountability goes both ways. Great post.

@Maffers: Your story also proves the system needs an overhaul.
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