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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Delusional Expecting to find "Love" at this age?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 FMaj7
Joined: 4/24/2011
Msg: 226
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?Page 10 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)
^^^^^^
Stay feeling guilty or take down your profile. Or be open to him as to why you keep your profile up. If you are keeping your options open I don't think you need to worry too much about this man. You can't care that much and this will die on the vine.

Twas a time we stuck by people through the good and bad. After a only a month and a half this may be too much to ask of someone you are just getting to know. It does seem like a trend however people bolt at the first sign of trouble. A sign of our age, or a sign of the times, dunnoh.

It's likely he will land on his feet and survive this. Wanting to move away not to hurt you? Sounds childish and dramaesque.

You don't want to mess this up. Put on your big girl pants and make the decisions people in their 40s have to make. Make the decision and get on with it. No one here can make the decision for you. You are going to get conflicting advice, and further confusion.

As to the OP's question. No it is not delusional. I agree it is more difficult at our age, for many of the reasons already stated. But I do see people our age in LTRs and see the odd marriage. Given all the competing time demands on the modern adult, the correct timing, and finding that mutual person, it does seem to be an enormous task.

Most importantly folks is we have the control over cynicism and hope. Choose to be cynical and you can rest assure you won't find love. Live with hope and love will find a way. So there !!!
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 227
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 5/2/2011 5:14:45 AM

My issue is that I'm holding back sexually because I don't want to lead him on and later change my mind and hurt him. He's a great guy in a crappy stage of his life.

If you don't want to f*ck it up, then just accept what you have and run with it. All relationships last as long as they last. If you want a chance at one with this guy, stop looking and go for it.

I know we both feel like breaking it off and running away at times. That's what sucks about this age, we've all been burnt so many times that is almost like we're lead by fear!

``Being this age'' has nothing to do with it. Thinking like old people does. You can't get what you want without taking a risk.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 228
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 5/2/2011 1:13:44 PM

the typical forum user has long ago given up all his or her allusions, delusions, illusions and bilusions to find anyone.



Totally disagree.

Forummites come in all shapes and colors. Some are and have been in long term relationships. Others found someone online, or in real life but remain here because of the intellectual exchange. Others, yes, have given up and come in the varieties of negative, resentful, at peace with themselves, positive, and happy with who they are.

In my case I, I was in a relationship. Split. Now I am dating. I am actually not even looking because I went out with this one incredible lady and, well, let's see where that will go.
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 229
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History
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 5/2/2011 1:51:23 PM

Where do these people find these incredible other people to date? I am curious, because in my six years or maybe more, that I've been a participant on dating sites on the Internet, I have not once scored a relationship, a recurring date, or even a kiss. One woman date once gave me a ten dollar bill, that's all I have to show for my dating site activities.

So good for you and all you happy people. I feel your happiness, even though I am not priviledged to share in it. But still. This is good stuff.



I met two men in person from dating sites. One relationship lasted approximately 2 months before he said he wasn't over his ex. The other guy although he was still going through a divorce at the time was through the emotional separation long before we met. It's been just over 2 years since our first date and we are happily in an exclusive relationship now. I never thought I would find love on a dating site but I did and was on them for less than a year. I'm only on this site for the forums which is clearly stated in my profile.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 230
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 5/2/2011 2:18:51 PM

Where do these people find these incredible other people to date? I am curious, because in my six years or maybe more, that I've been a participant on dating sites on the Internet, I have not once scored a relationship, a recurring date, or even a kiss. One woman date once gave me a ten dollar bill, that's all I have to show for my dating site activities.


I guess our problem is that we are happy.

I don't know dude, but I've had my share of rejection, but with each rejection, I leaned something. And in these last 6 years I went from having ZERO dates, to being someone that had 3 dates a week, to then have one LTR with a lot of drama, cancer, fights, the whole works, to then be here again with a totally different interest and outlook.

I think that if you search for positive, have a positive outlook and have fun, the universe will realign to grant your wishes. But first you have to wish, second you have take the risk and then you see what happens.
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 231
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 5/2/2011 7:08:41 PM
Let's see- great chemistry, great communication. He's taken his profile down.

You're still talking to other guys. Your biz, but I feel that you're deliberately sabbotaging this because you think that it won't work--a self-fulfilling prophecy if you continue down this road.

Put yourself in his shoes- what if you lost your job? Wouldn't you still be you,,,but just be in the job market??? ----

If what you've been doing isn't working, try something new--like giving this a whirl and seeing where it may go. You might surprise yourself. ;)

BTW- re: the delusional expecting to find love at this age: nah, I'm just in a good place and will know when a good guy comes along who will have interest and we hit it off.
I'm saving myself lol.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 232
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 5/3/2011 6:33:27 AM
the fountains of love dry up almost instantly, they even make a sound like "sslpt" as they do.


And what is that? A rejection.

The elusive gateway to happiness will never reach you my friend. And as harsh as that sounds to you it is your truth. Because it is the only truth you want to believe. Anything that I say here, then will be an argument, or point that you will use to prove me wrong, and prove your pessimistic outlook to be right. You will prove your point, thus I lose and you win, and while you will win that battle, you will lose the war.

Your glass can be half full, or half empty, whatever you decide right there and where you are going to go resides in your mind. I chose to be out of my mind because in that quest I can find that happiness is not a destination but a pathway. And that pathway, no matter what, will lead me to experiences that even through pain, suffering, the tears of seeing someone in your arms scream for their life as they are consumed by cancer, or the joy of finishing a 100 mile ride on my bicycle, or seeing that person beat the cancer...it all makes that glass half full, and filling all the time.

How do you acquire a rejection? YOU TRY? You fail, you try again, you fail again, you try. You can give up, you can now be filled with fear or resentment, or accept your lot, and never try again. Then you never understood a thing. Or you get up and you try again. This applies to EVERYTHING.

So are you still trying? Or have you given up?
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 233
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 5/3/2011 8:05:47 AM

How does one aquire a "rejection"?

You're either trolling or you are just hopelessly obtuse. It's easy to ``acquire a `rejection.''' Send a message to a woman on pof and if you don't get a reply, you've been rejected. If you lack the skills to send a message to a woman, online dating is not for you.

But it won't be easy for you to teach me that, since I won't lower my standards of honesty and forthrightness.

The only reason you won't be easy to teach is that you are willfully ineducable. Honesty nd forthrightness have nothing to do with it.
 Smarts and Heart
Joined: 12/15/2009
Msg: 234
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 5/3/2011 8:08:36 AM
How does one aquire a "rejection"? I haven't graduated to that level yet.


You have graduated and majored in rejection and depression. You have made it your life aspiration.


It takes some skill to be rejected, it seems. I do contact people, like on the forums, but as soon as it is revealed I am very short and fat, with no money anywhere, and that I suffer from borderline personality disorder, the fountains of love dry up almost instantly, they even make a sound like "sslpt" as they do.


If every person on the face of this earth who was short and fat thought like you, then o the only people who would procreate, would be tall, and thin. Look around you 1000's of short and fat people find relationships in life. Your profile states you're a mechanic. You have a trade which can offer you a good salary and living. What you do with your skills and your money depends on your life choices. Depression and personality disorders can be dealt with therapy.

You are responsible for your lot in life, not you stature, nor others around you.


So please tell me how to obtain that elusive gateway to happiness, "rejection". But it won't be easy for you to teach me that, since I won't lower my standards of honesty and forthrightness. I will always disclose my most obvious and most horrible traits and qualities, that is a given.


You must begin being honest with yourself and raising the standards you hold yourself to, before you can be honest with anyone else, and talk about "high" standards. The standards you hold yourself to seem to be the lowest. You are solely responsible for your traits and qualities whether good or horrible.

Would you involve yourself with a female version of yourself? You have to love yourself before you can expect someone else to love you.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 235
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 5/3/2011 10:24:15 AM
Actually, folks, I think agapos is a smartass- possibly a bigger smartass than I am-and that's saying something.
If he wants to require a rejection, why doesn't he look on eBay or Craigslist...I'm sure he'll find a category for "rejections"-on eBay I think it's right next to the grilled cheese-sandwiches that look like Jesus, The Virgin Mary or other famous people.
On Craigslist I think it's right below the "serial killers" category.
Cindy O
 shimmy2010
Joined: 2/18/2011
Msg: 236
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 5/3/2011 4:17:25 PM
Thank you all for all your comments. You're right, I'm a woos! Two years ago I made myself a promise to dare to be different and never look back. I guess I froze for a minute. I'll pursue this one. If it doesn't work out, I'll be back to whine. :)
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 237
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 5/3/2011 4:41:15 PM
Well Shimmy he is a lucky guy.
And if you go thru this with him, maybe a winner for you.

Being jobless is the same as being helpless in ManWorld.
We don't like being that way
and would prefer to just crawl into our man cave alone to deal with it.

However it is when we are down that we realize what is important and who is on our side.
Bonding then...in a such a state...often leads to a permanent thing.
So be patient...be there for him....and good luck!
 shimmy2010
Joined: 2/18/2011
Msg: 238
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 5/3/2011 7:27:30 PM
Thank you Stray cat :)
I was unemployed for 5 months and as a single mom it wasn't a day in the park, let me tell you, but I agree with you. I would sit at the unemployment office among tons of males that had lost their sense of worth and identity along with their jobs. I tend to talk to whomever sits next to me - a habit I picked up from my grandma :) - and one after the other they had the same story to tell. I work at an addictions clinic now and to this day I have not seen in any of the addicts I talk to every day the despair and desolation I saw in these jobless men.
 JewelsnTools
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 239
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History
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 5/13/2011 10:12:24 PM
I certainly hope not! It does seem, though, as I've gotten older that the definition/meaning of "love" has changed...or simply become more realistic.
Now, it's more about a warm, loving, mutually supportive tag-team-ness (I made that word just for you!)----instead of needing to do a whole lot of huffin' and puffin' and getting all starry eyed. Used to be an elegant dinner with candlelight, witty conversation, and lots of crystal....now, a big dinner salad with a game of Scrabble works just fine!
Finding "real love" at this point in our lives is still a viable idea, I think. Especially when you see two old folks laughing together, while he helps her on with her coat. Does it for me, every time!
Official press release version: "No, it's not delusional-- it makes more sense than ever, now that we've begun to truly know ourselves at this age!"
Jewels
 Dare to
Joined: 2/11/2009
Msg: 240
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 5/19/2011 4:53:05 AM
Delusional?? I think Not!! 3 weeks ago at 49 years young i married the most wonderful, loving 54 year old man i've ever met.... Not once during the 2 years i was searching for him did i think it was all over for me and that i would never find love again!. The first year wasn't the easiest, we both had issues left over from previous relationships, but we both knew we had something worth fighting for and now I have never loved anybody more than i love him and have never felt so loved... Our looks may have changed but our capacity to love has not...

Some people our age do think 'old' and some of us think 'young', you just have to find someone who thinks the same way as you do.. Some of us think it's all over and will settle for someone they are not suited to just to not be alone.. IMO that's a recipe for disaster.. Physical attraction is still important to me.. I love that i can watch my husband walk across the room and think..YUMMM i'm gonna have some of that later... He may not be everyones cup of tea, but he is MY cup of tea....

More than 4 years since we met (on this site) I still get butterflies in my tummy when he comes home form work, we still hold hands when we sit on the lounge watching TV, we still send each other the most tender loving messages throughout the day by text... Too late for us?? I think not!!
 redheadedvikingprincess
Joined: 4/26/2011
Msg: 241
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 5/19/2011 5:55:14 AM
This has been one of my "cons" of on-line dating for a long time. It makes it just too easy to give up and trade someone in for a new one. This has taken the effort out of making a relationship succeed. There are always going to be problems, issues, "baggage" and dull times. In the days before on line dating you worked through these things. Not anymore!
 Blue_Barracuda
Joined: 2/20/2011
Msg: 242
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 5/20/2011 5:45:05 AM
Ohhhh...Thanks for sharing! Sometimes it feels like it will NEVER happen to me...
 Blue_Barracuda
Joined: 2/20/2011
Msg: 243
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 5/20/2011 5:48:08 AM

More than 4 years since we met (on this site) I still get butterflies in my tummy when he comes home form work, we still hold hands when we sit on the lounge watching TV, we still send each other the most tender loving messages throughout the day by text... Too late for us?? I think not!!

Sorry I didn't quote it ...It was in response to Dare To
 Smarts and Heart
Joined: 12/15/2009
Msg: 244
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 5/20/2011 8:03:19 AM
Dare to....that's inspirational! Congratulations and may you experience a life time of happiness and joys! Thank you for sharing!
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 245
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 5/20/2011 8:47:51 AM
Dare To, that is such a nice story, and its nice to read some thing positive
my hat's off to you and your hubby, well if I was wearing a hat that is
but still thumbs up to the both of you.

 Dare to
Joined: 2/11/2009
Msg: 246
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 5/20/2011 11:49:02 AM

Thank you for sharing
You're welcome, it was my pleasure...
 sassyscorpiochick
Joined: 9/29/2010
Msg: 247
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 5/20/2011 9:38:33 PM
I think if you keep yourself looking nice, you never know when a stranger is going to become a friend. A friend can grow from a friendship to a beautiful relationship if you take your time and get to know the person. Nobody likes it when they get hit on by someone thinking about getting a quickie, when they barely know the person.

We are looking for quality relationships that will grow into love, if it's going to be one of the last ones we ever have, and that takes time to build.
 charlie_girl_2
Joined: 1/2/2010
Msg: 248
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 5/25/2011 2:40:57 AM
In a word, NO!
Love doesn't have an age. Or shouldn't have!
The day that I can not find love, appreciate love, feel love, and be in love, then just take me out back and shoot me!

 vtsnowflake
Joined: 1/21/2011
Msg: 249
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 5/31/2011 10:17:30 AM
That was beautiful, Dare to. Thank you for sharing.
I try to not focus too heavily on finding someone that I forget to enjoy life.
I have been stood up on a date 2 times. Sometimes I want to give up and face the fact that no one will ever want me...but then this little dream finds its way back into my heart.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 250
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 6/1/2011 1:16:23 PM
^^^ And a very valid point. I think if I were to "average" the number of men I have met with the number that I wanted to see more than once, it would likely be a fraction of a percent. I have sort of "kept track" of those that I have been contacted by and those I have met in person and it seems to be about 1 in 100-125. Which means that in the past nearly 11 years of this single-stuff, I've meet too many and have forged "relationships" with three. I would go for years without meeting anyone, then frenzy-date a little then I'd get serious about things and back to not at all. I just did what I was thinking was good at that point in time. It took me years and years to meet someone who "gets" me and that I "get" in return. Take breaks, OP ~ don't worry about finding someone and it will happen. It happened to/for me when I was SO not expecting him nor was I looking for him. (Oh, and it didn't happen for me here on POF ~ leave some options open!! I still think off-line works and is almost over-looked now the the net is so accessible. Offline is always an option!!) Best of luck to ya.
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