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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Delusional Expecting to find "Love" at this age?      Home login  
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 DC1346
Joined: 5/26/2011
Msg: 251
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?Page 11 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)
None of us are teens or twenty somethings who sometimes confuse lust for chemistry or chemistry for love. If nothing else, one thing I've learned is that a good relationship has to be built on a solid foundation. After all ... looks fade and passion ebbs but a relationship that's rooted in a strong friendship should weather the passage of time.

You can't force a relationship regardless of whether or not you think there is chemistry. You can't force someone to love you. People who try to force the issue invariably come off as clingy or desperate.

Friendships have to be cultivated and nurtured.
 poferette
Joined: 2/11/2011
Msg: 252
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 6/5/2011 6:32:53 PM
Maybe I am alone in this, but reading threads, I don't think so. Looks don't fade. I find as I get older, I find men around my age attractive. I don't find men in their teens, 20's and early 30's really all that attractive. Yeah, they can have a great body and be cute as heck, but it isn't the same as a man over 40 imo. Something about the graying hair, the experience in their face, the laughs from years around their mouths, a twinkle in their eye showing the boy is still in there. Gosh, I like being a dreamer, but I don't dream of a young man, but a mature man. Give me someone I want to look at and have them be all that inside...please.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 253
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 6/5/2011 6:47:33 PM
^^^^^^^^Giggity! Alll Riiiiiight!^^^^^^
 poferette
Joined: 2/11/2011
Msg: 254
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 6/5/2011 7:14:31 PM
I waiting to find you love
 Dave of Indiana
Joined: 3/18/2009
Msg: 255
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Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 6/7/2011 7:48:29 AM
Label me as negative but: While all on here want to experience love again I can't help but feel past experience has caused us to be overly causous. We may call the teen and 20 something people naive but they are the ones who find and fall in love much easier than we. I recall as a teen some of the older divorced people (men and women) talk about wanting to find someone but had walls that prevented themselves and perspective others from coming into a relationship were evident to even me as a teen. The requirements were to rigorous. We all have baggage whether we can see it or admit it or not. Some more than others. Most of the older singles I remember in my youth never connected with anyone and died alone (except for immediate family). Do I wish this: no.

When I read profiles of women they write: "looking for my last boyfriend". The expectations seem to be so high that any man who doesn't fit the complete list of requirements need not apply. How often in life have we found that if we had stuck to a rigid formula in something what turned out to be a prize would have been missed. Lower moral standards: no. Develope realistic requirements and be open to people: yes. There are the exceptions but personally I don't think it will happen to many of us.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 256
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Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 6/7/2011 9:16:43 AM

I waiting to find you love


Unfortunately, love is something you create, it can't, strictly speaking, be found. It requires an active participation on your part. Others love you because you love them.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 257
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 6/7/2011 9:25:03 AM

Label me as negative but: While all on here want to experience love again I can't help but feel past experience has caused us to be overly causous. We may call the teen and 20 something people naive but they are the ones who find and fall in love much easier than we.

OK, you're negative and what's even worse is that just pointed out a major problem you could fix. I'm no less ``naive'' than when I was in my 20's and that has been a real plus where dating is concerned.

We all have baggage whether we can see it or admit it

Some of us dump our baggage instead of carrying it with us.

When I read profiles of women they write: "looking for my last boyfriend". The expectations seem to be so high that any man who doesn't fit the complete list of requirements need not apply.

Skip those profiles. They are a waste of time. There are plenty of women who don't do those things.

How often in life have we found that if we had stuck to a rigid formula in something what turned out to be a prize would have been missed.

Since you could equally well ask, ``How many times in life have we gone against our better judgment and made a mistake,'' I would think the key is doing a reality check on any ``formula'' to see whether it's working in the way you think it should. The problem is not a formula, per se, it's not verifying that it does what you expect it to do.

Lower moral standards: no.

I'm not sure what that means unless it really means, ``Moral standards that differ from my own,'' where ``lower'' means different.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 258
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Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 6/7/2011 9:28:08 AM
Dave...there are people of our age, and all ages, who fall in love all the time, many quite continuously. Its really a wonder feeling to let yourself fall in love.

I think a lot of people feel that being in love is a state of uncontrolled emotional excess, and if there is a fear, its that they lose control of their lives.

Nothing, of course, if further from the truth. We are always in control of our lives, and the simple fact that relationships fail or fade proves that the people involved decide to go their own ways.

All of us are in love with parents, siblings, good friends, etc, but it does not leave us out of control.

Don't read the list of requirements. Any woman will decide for herself whether you are acceptable or not, and whether you meet all her stated requirements will likely be quite irrelevant to her decision. It will all depend on your emotional reaction to her and her emotional reaction to you.

Just go for those you want to pursue, and eventually you will succeed.
 poferette
Joined: 2/11/2011
Msg: 259
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 6/7/2011 7:59:35 PM
It sure is found. I find a man I dig, I find him to be interesing, Ifind us spending much time together, and I find I'm in love. Just because you find your love doesn't mean they will love you in return. They don't love you because you love them, one person can fall in love and the other not. Once person can fall out of love too. Hopefully he will find me.
 magicallaroundme
Joined: 3/9/2011
Msg: 260
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 6/10/2011 10:15:52 PM
It is not delusional to note that it can happen. It is only delusional to expect it to.

Women are just not as attractive as they used to be in younger years. Men... well what can you say? Nobody wanted them back in the day. They are no better now.

It is not unheard of for a select few to buck the odds . You just don't want to have to depend on it.
 poferette
Joined: 2/11/2011
Msg: 261
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 6/11/2011 7:35:22 AM

Women are just not as attractive as they used to be in younger years. Men... well what can you say? Nobody wanted them back in the day. They are no better now.
Really? My taste in men has matured as I have. I see men in their 20's as little boys, not someone I would want to date. I know things happen beyond your control in marriages. Not all men are divorced because they are creeps or women either.

I do think if you are open, it can happen. I don't know that it will, but I am hopeful.
 vtsnowflake
Joined: 1/21/2011
Msg: 262
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 6/11/2011 1:00:57 PM
Wow, Poferette that's so true. I'm not looking for or am I attracted to anyone 30 or younger. I see them as children, lol. My taste has matured. I don't mind if they have a little thinning hair or bald, a little tummy etc as long as they have that sparkle in the eyes
 Graciepoo
Joined: 5/24/2011
Msg: 263
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 6/14/2011 9:04:07 AM
The problems I have encounted, especially with on-line dating, is the I've not met one guy who didn't continue dating."
go
Bulleye! When I waa young, you met someone and if there was a connection, you dated that person to see if it held the possibility of a relationship - at least I did and so did the men I dated. You focused on that relationship until it got serious, or you decided it didn't have enough to keep you together. If a person specifically states that he/she's looking for long-term and comittment, that's the least you can do to at least give it a chance. If someone puts their goal as 'dating', you should also respect that and if it's not all you want, then don't pursue it. But be honest and don't put looking for long-term if you're not really serious about it. I believe alot of people are in the wrong category. They're not ready for comittment, and that's fine. Leading people on so that you have something to do while you're still searching for the next one is deplorable (unless you've been honest and told the person that's what you're doing). I've had a husband and a boyfriend both 'cheat' on me with someone online and I know it's very common, but that doesn't mean it's okay.
 DiscreetValor
Joined: 2/11/2010
Msg: 264
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 6/14/2011 3:57:25 PM
If you are over 45 and still looking for the "gift" (something you give) of love.

I suggest you look in the mirror to first learn the concept that you must:

1.) Understand what love is.

2.) Love your 'self'

Before you can ever GIVE love to another person.


BUT...I can guarantee you will never FIND love.


The mere concept of "finding love" implies that you have some control over another's choice of whom they give their gift to. The fault then lies in trying to "take" love as the FINDER of it.

It isn't possible.

(Are there really people who have survived 45 years without even understanding the concept of love while maintaining adult relationships?)

 ukkiwi
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 265
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Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 6/17/2011 3:30:48 PM
I can't seem to find a Forum for "oldies" but will say this. I'm considered a very attractive Lady, late 70's, living in New Zealand (UK born) very active and fit,and as we don't have POF Site in NZ, and as I have been to the States many times and love it there (especially Florida) I have tried and tried over the years to make a genuine and sincere connection with someone. I seldom get a response, but if I do, they seem to suspect me and get the idea that I'm "after something" from them! I have made it very clear in my Profile that everything would be at my own expense to go there to meet, on an noncomittal basis etc. How on earth can I get a decent man to trust me and accept that I'm totally honest and genuine? Can't the men there see outside the square, nothing in life is impossible unless you want to make it so. I'm ready to give up!
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 266
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Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 6/18/2011 3:58:09 AM

When we meet someone we always expect to find that spark, that initial attraction, that connects us and tells us that we can see ourselves with that person. We'd like to reach that connection on every level, but are we delusional to expect to find real "LOVE" at this point of our lives?

Yes, Virginia, you can still expect to find a Love at this age.
But as in 20's, sometimes, things just don't work out in long term.


I was talking with a platonic friend, I met a year ago, from here, last night, and that's what he asked me, "What have you found missing in the men you've met so far?"

It's not so much a problem of missing something in men / women. They all have some good qualities. The real problem is to find all those good qualities in one person.
 LoveTheThunder
Joined: 1/29/2011
Msg: 267
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 6/18/2011 8:47:58 AM
If you find someone that you "click" with, he likes you and you like him, why wouldn't you be able to find love at ANY age?
 Natgoat
Joined: 3/24/2011
Msg: 268
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 6/21/2011 6:20:11 PM
I'm still hoping to find LOVE ....
When I lose that hope, I'm going for a long walk...and just keep on going....
(There IS hope...on the horizon.... )
 southerncharmBBW
Joined: 1/30/2011
Msg: 269
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Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 6/22/2011 7:15:25 PM
I am definately in it for love! And I will find it!
 sassyscorpiochick
Joined: 9/29/2010
Msg: 270
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 6/22/2011 11:06:22 PM
I found someone from the local fish pond or I should say he found me here. I really didn't want to do a LDR and I had my doubts that I would ever find anyone because I live in sort of a rural area.

Things are going along great and it sure is fun falling in love again!
 vmg223
Joined: 4/18/2011
Msg: 271
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Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 6/25/2011 4:33:01 PM
To OldLadyPurple,
It's too bad you feel that way, but you have plenty of company. I sometimes feel that way also, and I do think that dating after 45 or so is quite difficult... too much baggage, not enough time, too many different opinions, desires, health issues, money issues, and last but not least, everybody has LESS libido (whether we want to admit it or not) and MORE caution due to past bad experiences, plus we are not as attractive to each other as we once were (everybody still loves to look at a 25 yr old!) and this leads to much less possibility of falling in love, having sex, etc... when you're young, the hormones overwhelm the fear and you go for it. When you're older, you're cautious, picky, tired and these things overwhelm the sex drive.

But, I don't have any stuff on my profile about sweet, sexy, active, alluring, etc... maybe I should add some!
 vmg223
Joined: 4/18/2011
Msg: 272
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Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 6/25/2011 4:36:29 PM
Right on, Dude! Excellent points indeed! Your "finding love" statement might help me reframe things a bit, thanks!
 hairdI
Joined: 3/19/2011
Msg: 273
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 6/25/2011 7:32:58 PM
I agree, I agree, I agree. After many years in a very negative marriage, I FEAR to lose what I've gained since my divorce. I actually LOVE LIFE again. I am not a zealot, but I come home knowing I am not going to get yelled at or criticized. What a relief!!!

I also agree with a lady here who said love comes with time--gestures of kindness, observations of that person with others, how they treat nature, etc. My problem is, like I said--well, for one, I don't date a lot. I always think of a reason NOT to. But . . . now I forgot what I was going to say . . . . ha, ha.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 274
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 6/27/2011 10:04:46 AM

"What have you found missing in the men you've met so far?" When I thought about it I realized that it was that illusive feeling of "love". I'm looking to "be" loved and "to" love. Am I just being delusional?

I wouldn't say that by itself is delusional. Delusional is believing that you don't (have to) have control over finding someone and the hand of God directs you and there's "just one", etc. Delusion isn't a taste but a false literal belief that can easily be shown not to be true.

What you describe is is being in love with being in love. That can hinder people, most definitely. Their eye (heart) is not on the ball, so to speak, and their emotion is in another direction. It's letting the feeling of loneliness & emotional dependence get in the way or dictate things.

One would be a nut-job, if they were single and hitting the dating scene, wanting to get married. Then they're just looking for a (insert person here) to fill a void.
 tekkgirl
Joined: 2/27/2011
Msg: 275
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 6/27/2011 1:47:59 PM

If you are over 45 and still looking for the "gift" (something you give) of love....
BUT...I can guarantee you will never FIND love.....
The mere concept of "finding love" implies that you have some control over another's choice of whom they give their gift to. The fault then lies in trying to "take" love as the FINDER of it.


Well said!



I think it is very easy to forget that we have to be ready to "give" before we "get". True love is given without any expectation of return, if you are lucky it is returned but you have to be willing to give it unconditionally. In this day and age of "baggage" and "damage" I am afraid many have forgotten that. They wait to see if they are loved first before they open their own heart.
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