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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Delusional Expecting to find "Love" at this age?      Home login  
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 zs815prime
Joined: 6/19/2011
Msg: 276
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?Page 12 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)
I refuse to accept the notion that great romantic love becomes impossible to experience after a certain age. I think I would completely die inside if I allowed myself to think that way.

However, I have come to realize some inconvenient truths about getting older, at least for me. I find that as every year passes, I have less and less in common with women. Or so it seems. My interests and passions become ever so much more refined and unusual in their composition, and I imagine the same is true for everyone else. Finding any degree of significant overlap is becoming increasingly difficult.

I am a "young" 46, which is to say that while there is the part of me that is rather intellectual and fiscally responsible and all those other drab adult-like things, there is also the part of me that is still a kid at heart. The nerd who, even though he is most definitely all Grown Up, refuses to Grow Old. The problem is that most women my age that I meet don't exhibit much youthful exuberance, as if it has been beaten out of them by the rigors of Real Life.

I don't want to date women too much younger than me because I'm not keen on repeating all the pointless melodrama that comes with the territory of being in one's 20s and 30s. But where else do I find that spark of unburdened glee except in the hearts and minds of women I can't relate to due to massive age differences?

I have to believe that The Big Love is still possible at my age, but by the same token, I'm not blind to the apparent improbability of it.
 BlueTeaPot
Joined: 6/25/2011
Msg: 277
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 7/3/2011 11:50:22 PM
It better still be a happening thing....I would hate to think I have lost out completely.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 278
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Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 7/4/2011 1:05:43 PM

It better still be a happening thing.......... I would hate to think I have lost out completly.



LOVE is still there behind the cholesterol,blood pressure,arthirites..lol
 mike922a
Joined: 5/7/2011
Msg: 279
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 7/4/2011 2:04:45 PM
I sure dont want to be one of those guys I want a women for the long run. Iam not good a sharing so it is either just me or the highway. I believe in 100% honesty!
 RichenLosAngeles
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 280
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 7/8/2011 11:24:02 AM
That's the REAL question, what IS love?
If I knew, maybe I could find it.
 ChainOfDestiny
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 281
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 7/8/2011 3:27:33 PM
In reply to message 323...

“NOW is your time to be selfish. Act in your own best interest or risk a very bad set of circumstances.”

There is nothing wrong with being "selfish" when it is in the appropriate context.

http://advice.eharmony.com/blog/2011/06/20/in-praise-of-the-selfish-dater/?cid=2091&aid=0706115

I hope everyone who is looking to "find" love and be willing to "give" the gift of love does so in a "selfish" me first way...caveat emptor.

Best wishes to each and everyone of us.
 Natgoat
Joined: 3/24/2011
Msg: 282
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 7/11/2011 12:11:11 AM
Not delusional at all..!!
Unlike people half our age...~Love~ is a Shared experience.
We all have our own tastes in 'attraction'...physically...which is how connections are made (or Rejected) here.
I may have to contact twice-again as many ladies as I already have, to find
ONE
that finds me as attractive to her.
I only hope that I don't get totally disenchanted with the whole process (prematurely) and
chuck the whole kit-and-kaboodle right into the trash.
Losing a genuine Soul~Mate is a trasgic event....
I only hope that I may have Just One More Chance...!!
 Beez243
Joined: 2/26/2011
Msg: 283
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 7/11/2011 10:03:28 PM
Its not hard to find...its impossible.
 jsphn11
Joined: 12/24/2007
Msg: 284
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 7/12/2011 5:49:04 PM
It might be possible, but not probable. You know, some people win the lottery, but what percentage is it out of the ones that play?
 femaleandflirty
Joined: 7/16/2011
Msg: 285
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 9/9/2011 7:52:49 PM
I dont think you are being delusional but perhaps after a certain age the chemistry doesnt happen as it is the mechanism by nature to get us to breed. The falling in love that really doesnt last in that state.........

However some spark has to be there otherwise why bother? I dont believe that it develops over time, it has to be instantaneous... We can rationalise and so on but that special connection is something that cant be manufactured, predicted or analysed and thankfully...
 femaleandflirty
Joined: 7/16/2011
Msg: 286
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 9/9/2011 7:54:38 PM
Intellectual counterpart is fine but that doesnt mean it is love.....I want more with a man as I can intellectualise with my friends..That sexual attraction and excitement is worth waiting for and if it doesnt happen then it doesnt. Hopefully we have our youthful memories to sustain us.
 Glenoran1
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 287
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 9/9/2011 10:05:06 PM
Wow! All these folks willing to settle for whatever pale substitute for love they can find. Why in the world should age define whether or not the two most compatible people will find each other and form a couple? True, we tend to meet more people when we're in an educational institution or working than after we've retired, but other than that, I can't for the life of me see why age should make any difference.

If anything, we're more self-aware now. We're more likely to recognize the genuine traits of the person most compatible with us than when lust was at the wheel and we were just along for the ride (though that never happened to me; I was a 'loner' till I was 41).

I don't know if it's just a 'belief system' I'm running on, but my experience has been that life will give you the least you're willing to accept. Therefore, when it is something very important to me, I never settle for anything less than what I truly want. It may take longer, but it's worth the wait.
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 288
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 9/13/2011 2:18:11 PM
Well there is good news that being that I did fall in love in my 50's unfortunately although we both loved one another he was very homesick.. I did not wish to move back to the US with him because I had already done that when he decided it would be best to move here. So not wanting to be a rolling stone we said our goodbyes.. It lasted two nice years though and I have no regrets.. Home did not mean feather your nest in his books it was more like what was the next trip on our agenda.. Hard for me to travel and to be honest prefer sleeping in my own bed.

nativerock
 number_one
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 289
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 9/13/2011 7:57:04 PM
I am sure I will know when I meet Mr Right. I have already but he didn't realize it, broke my heart. Oh well. I'm still looking.
POF needs to advertise big time. POF has left us hanging without new blood to chew on. lol
Judy
 Seacucumber1
Joined: 2/2/2011
Msg: 290
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Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 9/13/2011 9:23:04 PM
You know what the tough part is. Knowing when to transition from a interested to a committed relationship. Most all of us older people have been through relationships that finally died out and we don't want to make a mistake again for both parties involved. However some woman expect you to committ after 2 dates> I can understand that they don;t want to waste a lot of time with someone not willing to committ. What is the proper way to do this? I'm stumped.
 Seacucumber1
Joined: 2/2/2011
Msg: 291
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Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 9/13/2011 9:24:59 PM
Call me nuts. But I would love to fall in love again. And no, not because I want someone to take care of me. Just cause I've never known anything better.
 SthrnButtrfly
Joined: 10/17/2006
Msg: 292
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Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 9/14/2011 8:10:04 PM

Call me nuts. But I would love to fall in love again. And no, not because I want someone to take care of me. Just cause I've never known anything better.


I am right behind you. I may be older and wiser, but I still believe there is someone out there for me...we just havnt caught up with each other yet.
 pinkoleander
Joined: 8/16/2011
Msg: 293
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 9/14/2011 10:30:30 PM
Not delusional at all. Why? Only teenagers can fall in love?
 onegoodman247
Joined: 7/30/2010
Msg: 294
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 9/15/2011 4:59:10 PM
I agree with you on the continuing to look scenerio. I met what I thought was a great lady on Match, was with her for 4.5 years and found she had similar habits. Well since I got back into internet dating a year and a half ago I have been continually seeing women that say they are looking for a committed relationship, the last first date etc, but are dating 5-8 men at all times. I have been on a date where the gals phone is ringing off the hook with texts to the point she got embarrassed and shut the phone off. I stopped for gas, went into the mens restroom and then approached my vehicle from a different direction (was trying to ask if she wanted something to drink etc) and saw her frantically texting. Dropped her off that night, deleted her number and email and hoped I would find my mate the next time.
I have also seen numerous female dating "authorities" on the advice portions of the sites advocating this type of behavior. Like an endless game of 7 card dating rummy, draw a card and discard the lowest one in your hand. Over and over, continually looking for something better. I am sure some men do this too. I have actually met and briefly (1-2 dates) dated as many as 3 women at a time just due to overlap, scheduling etc, I have always looked for one woman to focus on. So far no good. Something flawed with this process. Gotta figure it out for both the women and the men and then we all win. I don't want to be on this site for years
 northcountryfair
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 295
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 9/20/2011 3:53:46 PM
Some days I do feel this is totally pointless and I might as well face the fact that after 4 years of being alone, that's the way it's going to be. Other days I think well, maybe, ust maybe, there is a real being of the male variety out there for me.

I've given up actively searching.I don't look at profiles unless someone looks at me first. If I get an email, cool, if I get a second one from the same person, cooler yet. but I've learned that people can say anything. It's just words on a screen. Aint real til it's real
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 2/24/2012
Msg: 296
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 5/10/2012 10:00:11 PM

You can't enter the same river twice

Not sure how this saying applies. No person is the same as they were 40 yrs ago so 2 people, combined/getting back together wouldn't be, couldn't be, the same river. Not saying it will work out this time. The river may flow the same direction. But, it is not the same river as 40 yrs ago.
 Happy Dude 63
Joined: 5/3/2009
Msg: 297
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 5/11/2012 4:49:13 AM
Personal baggage. As we get older we have many known or worse unknown issues.
1. We are much less willing to put up with any sign of a "prior" stress.
2. We almost all think we look much much younger then we do, there fore we want a younger person.
Or we see a profile and the person looks older then we think fits us. I have buddies that all want to be with
girls from their 20's to early 30's...the same I see ladies profiles looking for guys 15 years younger then they are.
It seems to make us feel younger, if we are with some one younger?? ( but not for me).
3. We want to read a perfect profile and match a perfect picture to it that makes us be in love. Before spending anytime together.
4. We have worries that if we choose a wrong mate this time, it could be our last chance at love.

I think these are real feelings and ok to have. But we need to see them as what they are, distractions from really looking at a person and seeing if they are some one whom you can build something with.

When we were kids, we would do anything to be with our bf/gf....anything. Well as we get older and life happens,
we close that "anything" door more and more. Don't close it all the way!!
 Lionesse19
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 298
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 5/11/2012 5:00:28 AM
Not at all delusional, why bother if there is no spark some would say. i dont imagine the mad giddy falling in love happens at a mature age but if you cant imagine having sex with the guy you meet then I wouldnt waste his time or yours. Companionship and things in common is a must but there has to be some physical attraction if not the starry eyed thing which can make fools out of us anyway. Falling in love is nature's wasy to get us to breed and that become redundant after a certain age. But we can still love and perhaps in a wiser way, as we age.
 luvyduvy49
Joined: 4/25/2012
Msg: 299
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 5/15/2012 8:30:25 PM
aaawww i want to neck all night too
 luvyduvy49
Joined: 4/25/2012
Msg: 300
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 5/15/2012 8:31:21 PM
but not in the first half hour lol
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