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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Delusional Expecting to find "Love" at this age?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 26
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?Page 2 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)
Take this:
The only way to impress me is with sincerity and honesty. I'm looking for an intelligent, stable man, with a ready smile, healthy mind and body and a kind heart


Right now there are likely 100s of men with most of those qualities within a 5 mile radius of you..

However, most don't look like George Clooney or Brad Pitt.. Maybe more like George Costanza from Seinfeld.. Still interested?

Are you going to go out where they are, bars or local social groups, take the time to mingle with them and spend time talking and having fun while you get to know their character?...

That feeling of "Love" you seek comes from within you.. None of those men can provide it for you...
 RubyWaxxx
Joined: 10/23/2010
Msg: 27
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/10/2010 8:49:44 PM

Well, I'm one that is thinking there is no hope for me,
so no positive up-beat post from me, sorry.
I have become disillusioned... just about totally.
It would be neat.. but I can't see it happening.
Certainly not according to every male profile I happen upon.
I'm not what they're looking for!

Yeah but Purple, are they what you are looking for? I didn't think so!
 soicat
Joined: 3/3/2010
Msg: 28
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/10/2010 9:39:08 PM
As we get older we have so much history we drag around with us, so much judgement. It's hard for us to open up to love the way we did when we were younger. I did start to fall in love despite this not too long ago; it was a feeling I'd almost forgotten. Thing is, the girl was only eighteen. She was just so full of life it opened my wicked old heart.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 29
view profile
History
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/10/2010 9:39:38 PM
I'm in the "getting up there" group too, but I will testify that I still am as prone to crushes and falling in love as I've always been. What's changed with time, is that I learned long ago not to think that BECAUSE I was in love, that the feelings either dictated my response (I should MARRY that wonderful woman!), and nor did they have any magical powers to make the woman and I compatible enough to live together and be a couple. That's the detailed way of saying I'm more selective and careful than when I was young.
If it's delusional to keep looking until I DO find both a woman who I can be in love with AND who is in love with me, then I'm committed to that delusion. But really, I think the only folks I'd criticize as deluding themselves, or being unrealistic, are those who demand that "love conquers all..." the ones who come here or elsewhere, complaining that prince or princess charming should get off the horse, ignore all the things that they were ACTUALLY looking for in a mate, and "make all their dreams come true."
 Smarts and Heart
Joined: 12/15/2009
Msg: 30
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/10/2010 10:13:59 PM
Right now there are likely 100s of men with most of those qualities within a 5 mile radius of you..

However, most don't look like George Clooney or Brad Pitt.. Maybe more like George Costanza from Seinfeld.. Still interested?

Are you going to go out where they are, bars or local social groups, take the time to mingle with them and spend time talking and having fun while you get to know their character?...

That feeling of "Love" you seek comes from within you.. None of those men can provide it for you...


What's wrong with George? My father is an 80 year old look-alike...with a much better character and more intelligence! I should be so lucky as to find someone like him! Lol!

I'm certainly not an Angelina.... if Pitt or Clooney comes by, hey....I might give them a chance if they're " an intelligent, stable man, with a ready smile, healthy mind and body and a kind heart! "
( But on second thought, I don't think I want a guy who's prettier than I am! Lol!)

TALL-IQ2 if you knew me you wouldn't have to ask. Looks are at the bottom of my requirements.
Selfless love between 2 people really does exist....I have seen fine examples.
 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 31
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/11/2010 5:23:09 AM

...From your postings you display a quick wit and intelligence.
Thing is, THAT isn't something that men put they're looking for on their profiles, lol!
I read .. over and over and over.. that they're seeking someone along the lines of who they were seeking 25 years ago (and I don't mean age).
I guess they figure what the heck, put it out there and maybe they'll get lucky.
It's their dream to find what they could find 25 years ago (and again, I don't mean age), so maybe on a dating site their dream 'girl' will reply.


Yeah but Purple, are they what you are looking for? I didn't think so!
You're right, they're not what I'm looking for simply because of their hoping to find what they could find 25 years ago.
I think, ohhh he seems interesting... then I read just one line about "sweet-sexy-active-alluring" (whatever! pick your choice of words), and I think nope, he's got his head in the clouds and I don't feel like dealing with that.
 Crabby_McCrabberson
Joined: 8/11/2010
Msg: 32
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/11/2010 5:47:48 AM
I'm sure OP must factually know of more than one couple >45 who found love.

So the question reads to me more like an expression of despair. I can relate to that & to the experience of encountering a seemingly endless stream of men who seemed to be a reasonable choice for companionship, but who I knew I couldn't Love.

If you can't help feeling discouraged time to time, try to at least resolve to bounce back, have fun, stay in the game, and go down swingin'

I wasn't expecting Love when I logged onto POF in March 2008. I was having issues. Was cranky. Had got snowed in while house-sitting. Started yacking with strangers to pass the time.

One of the yack-buddies turned into a correspondent, and although I had the thought "I could see us actually becoming friends," the idea of True Love had allllmost begun to seem to me like some far-off fantasy (delusion).

Then we met. He hit me like an avalanche, and I ain't planning to try to dig out of it.
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 33
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/11/2010 6:56:49 AM

From my experience in life it has always been something that grew.


My experience as well..
So you can't hurry love
You just have to wait

Nativerock
 tinselribbonwind
Joined: 10/3/2010
Msg: 34
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/11/2010 9:51:50 AM
@Purple
Actually I had no idea that men were pointing anything like that in their profiles. I just assumed that most people are seeking the same thing; 'companionship, affection, and basically a good buddy you can count on'. So much for my dumb assumptions. All mine says is:


... seeking a relationship with one gal who may have similar interests.


The male profiles containing such immature statements makes it appear as if they are in a meat market. But I do firmly believe that there is someone for everyone. I know it is frustrating, but you are only 58 (sort of young for one so glum) : you will find 'your someone when you least expect it'.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 35
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History
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/11/2010 9:58:18 AM
Not delusional whatsoever, and definitely possible. I found it, using a dating site of all things!
 frienddougie
Joined: 10/10/2010
Msg: 36
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/11/2010 11:13:52 AM
Anything is possible and almost nothing is impossible IMO--even to love and be loved.

Is part of the delusion for the OP and some other women due to the number of nice and genuine men showing interest in them now is a lot less then when they were 20+ years younger?

Not every man over 45 is looking to only get laid, or for a twentysomething girl. Some men actually want to meet a woman to be with on all levels for all the right reasons. Hard to believe, I know, but it's true.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 37
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/11/2010 11:59:45 AM
The problems I have encountered, especially with on-line dating, is that I've not met one guy who didn't continue looking. And I'm sure there are plenty of women guilty of the same thing. It just seems impossible to keep someone's attention longer than a date or two before they get distracted by something they perceive as a better deal


I've noticed that too. I've gone on meet-ups/dates that I "thought" went fairly well only to discover that I was obviously not on the same page as they were...lol.

Just last Friday, I went out with someone and I really, really thought the evening went well. There were no awkward silences, converstaion flowed, we shared a few laughs. Easy breezy. He even kissed me goodnight (hmmm, maybe I'm a bad kisser?)

Anyhow, I sent a note the next morning thanking him for the evening (he insisted on paying for the shared pizza) And, in the note... expressed my enjoyment. That was it.

No acknowledgement of the e-mail what so ever. Even though I noticed he was on-line many times since recieving it..

I was irked...I will admit it. So four days later I sent another e-mail... I wasn't rude or anything. I just wanted to let him know that after meeting him, I was a little disappointed in his behaviour.... I would have expected better.

He still has not even opened the e-mail Aarrrgh!!!!! I never do stuff like this...wish I hadn't sent the last e-mail. I should have let it drop.

But....in spite of all the crap that happens in dating land....I still try to remain optimistic. I still am hoping to find that elusive relationship. Delusional....maybe. * Big sigh*


...mae
 Macgyver_Spider
Joined: 9/26/2010
Msg: 38
Looking for love in all the right places.....
Posted: 11/11/2010 4:28:09 PM
By the time we reach our 50's we may be a little jaded in our quest for lifelong bliss. That tends to make us look at each new possible suitor with unfair bias. First, as we communicate through pof, they have to pass the typing test. Correct use of punctuation, not too many spelling gaffs, know when i comes after e, all this leads up to the phone call. Now we get to put a voice to all those emails. It's hard to talk and act normal when you know your whole "potential relationship" could be jeopardized if you laugh at the wrong time, or even worse, don't laugh at the right time. If we get through this we then get to meet. Some crowded coffee shop or restaurant, looking for someone who halfway resembles the 10 year old picture they have posted. Then you see her. Your eyes meet hers. ( you take a quick look behind you to make sure it's you she's looking at) You go to shake her hand, she goes to hug you. You end up grabbing her boob by mistake. You laugh, mainly because she didn't smack you, but also because she's smiling. You sit down, the small talk comes easily, almost naturally. You order. Salmon on a cedar plank, she orders a steak, bloody. Hmmmm. We both seem to have full control of our utensils and neither one of us does anything too embarrassing. My napkin kept falling off my lap ( which wasn't funny the second time, it looked like I was trying to cop a look up her dress) so I tucked it in. I think I heard her burp after she drank some soda but I pretended not to notice. All in all the first meeting went better than I could have anticipated. I felt like a schoolboy on a first date, which in a way is a great way to feel on a first date. I'd been on several other first (and only) dates before this one that almost felt like business meetings. This one had the spark. It's been almost 3 years since that first date and i'm happy to say it's my last first date cos we're getting married next March.
So in answer to your question, No, it's not delusional. If it can happen to us it can happen to anyone. Just keep on casting till you get your keeper, and don't settle for anything less than what you want..
 Dave of Indiana
Joined: 3/18/2009
Msg: 39
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History
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/11/2010 4:32:19 PM

Same for me...I'm not looking anymore either. I'd rather swim alone than waste my time on someone who is always


Perhaps the rolls have changed. Seems to me, when younger, the women were always fishing.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 40
Looking for love in all the right places.....
Posted: 11/11/2010 6:09:11 PM
...Msg 39. Wondered where you were going with all that. Loved it... Gives us all hope. Thank-you for sharing.



...mae
 Pilose_Wink
Joined: 11/2/2010
Msg: 41
Looking for love in all the right places.....
Posted: 11/11/2010 6:33:49 PM
Wonderful gandalfthewizard, sounds a lot like my last first date except the smile I got when after she fumbled to remove the orange wedge from her whisky sour with the straw, I just said, oh go ahead, reach in and grab it! The smile said it all.

Delusional? Nah!

Congratulations on your upcoming marriage.
 frienddougie
Joined: 10/10/2010
Msg: 42
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/11/2010 6:44:33 PM
*mae* flowers wrote:


<div class="quote">Anyhow, I sent a note the next morning thanking him for the evening (he insisted on paying for the shared pizza) And, in the note... expressed my enjoyment. That was it.

No acknowledgement of the e-mail what so ever.

What he did was so wrong. If he's not interested in pursung you, he should say so at the end of the evening or when he should have replied to your email.

If I had a date with a wonderful woman and she wrote to thank me for the evening, I'd be thrilled beyond words.

But at what point does the man and woman become "something" and still looking is no longer acceptable behaviour? I would think if the man replied and, if he doesn't have your phone number and calls, writes that he'd like to see you again (soon). I, for one, would have said so near the end of our first date and hope you would smile and like that as well.
 CynthiaSMW
Joined: 9/20/2010
Msg: 43
Looking for love in all the right places.....
Posted: 11/11/2010 6:52:38 PM

You go to shake her hand, she goes to hug you. You end up grabbing her boob by mistake. You laugh, mainly because she didn't smack you, but also because she's smiling.

He didn't attempt to shake my hand but we've come to call that first hug the "inappropriate hug" in that there was none of this bend at the waist and pat the other's back, it was full body contact hug with his knees bent around my legs. I might have smacked another man who did that but

hit me like an avalanche, and I ain't planning to try to dig out of it

It's been a little more than a year and I ain't planning to try to dig out of it.

It's been almost 3 years since that first date and i'm happy to say it's my last first date cos we're getting married next March.

Whooo hooo!! Congrats you two. Couldn't happen to nicer (or funnier) folk.
 Smarts and Heart
Joined: 12/15/2009
Msg: 44
Looking for love in all the right places.....
Posted: 11/11/2010 7:25:18 PM

This one had the spark. It's been almost 3 years since that first date and i'm happy to say it's my last first date cos we're getting married next March.


Congrats and Blessings to both of you! You gave me my chuckle for the day!
 man with a job
Joined: 4/29/2009
Msg: 45
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/11/2010 7:46:15 PM
for me delusional is the right answer. i have given up on finding love. especially on dating sites. nothing but excuses and no replys. i'm going to to start phoning the escort services in 2011. love is just a phone call away with them.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 46
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/11/2010 8:36:08 PM

for me delusional is the right answer. i have given up on finding love. especially on dating sites. nothing but excuses and no replys. i'm going to to start phoning the escort services in 2011. love is just a phone call away with them



Oh oh....that bad eh? I know what your problem is...you live in Regina. Let me know how you make out. But first I want to see if Sanata comes through for me this year.

...mae
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 47
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/11/2010 8:41:40 PM

What he did was so wrong. If he's not interested in pursung you, he should say so at the end of the evening or when he should have replied to your email.


I think so too. I would have respected that.


If I had a date with a wonderful woman and she wrote to thank me for the evening, I'd be thrilled beyond words.

But at what point does the man and woman become "something" and still looking is no longer acceptable behaviour? I would think if the man replied and, if he doesn't have your phone number and calls, writes that he'd like to see you again (soon). I, for one, would have said so near the end of our first date and hope you would smile and like that as well.


He had my phone number. There was a number of options, but he chosem to act like an adolescant. What can I say? I was sooo wrong about him.

...mae
 TravelingLight
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 48
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/12/2010 2:51:01 AM
I've met women who were into their 50s, even over 60, that I could have fallen in love with. I'm 47. I found them attractive.
It must be possible.


 snipehunter77
Joined: 6/25/2010
Msg: 49
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/12/2010 5:26:37 AM
Sure didn't work for me, I found that expecting to find attraction was too much to ask. Was single a year. Didn't meet one person in my age group that I was the least bit attracted to. Didn't go on one date.

Went nearly insane from loneliness and took my ex back. I really hate that I had to give up. But the feeling of alienation was awful and I was seeing no light at the end of the tunnel, nothing was working. It's nice to not have the thoughts of a single man. I have better, more productive things to do with my time than to worry about meeting someone and dating. Wasted effort. My search for love and a perfect partner is a bust. But there are other things in life that I'm actually good at, and it's good to just concentrate on those things.

Good luck. But I think love is mostly for the young and foolish who are still capable of seeing another person as ideal.
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 50
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/12/2010 6:08:09 AM
I think finding just the right man is more difficult at our age.. However certainly something to look forward too when and if it does happen...

What I find most difficult is they seem to be on a different time clock the speed at which they want the relationship to develop and also the late hours they are keeping..

I like to go to bed early and get up early.. and move slowly but deliberately.. When am exploring one man I do not date others.. Chances are we are only going to date once or twice and I can wait to open my dance card again.. If he lasts longer then that my dance card maybe removed.. lol

nativerock
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