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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Delusional Expecting to find "Love" at this age?      Home login  
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Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 51
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?Page 3 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)
Define Love.
Love is patient, love is kind.

Most people talk about it, very few practice it.
 daffie
Joined: 5/21/2010
Msg: 52
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Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/12/2010 8:38:44 AM
not at all...
love is all around,
we just have to be lucky and meet the right one for us...

a couple of my recent dates have been fun and i would have been interested in further meetings but timing and circumstances have intervened...maybe in the future? there is one guy in particular i could fall for but he now lives a few hours away and i'm not at all interested in a ltr...
been there, done that!

our circumstances vary, i know, and it may be easy for some to settle for "anyone" rather than someone special, but don't sell yourself short if you're not entirely happy.
(i did make the mistake of returning to a former boyfriend, a couple of times, because i confused being in a steady relationship with being in love. amazingly we're still friends, even though i caused him heartache.)

keep yourself open to all possibilities. the next person you meet may be the love of your life...
and wouldn't that be grand?...
 URXO2
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 53
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Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/12/2010 9:16:43 AM
We're not teenagers anymore, we've all been on different paths, sometimes you can put a square peg in a round hole and make it fit...
or as the Rolling Stones put it.."You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes well you just might find You get what you need".......
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 54
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Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/12/2010 9:50:22 AM
Maybe if more would take care of their own lives first, and learn to love and respect themselves, loving another might be something that they would be open to accepting.....not demanding!!

The "love" thing is not mandatory in my life, but caring, respecting, and understanding me is! My heart may be protected from past hurts, but it has never needed to treat anyone poorly because of it.

There is a road to take when single and enjoying life, and that means Attraction.....to Chemistry......to a Relationship......and if one travels that road and gives what they expect......the love thing could follow, and if not, why worry about it.......you are in a committed relationship!!

cd.......
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 55
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Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/13/2010 4:13:03 AM
Presume that the people you meet will fall in love with you, and you with them, and you will discover that love is no more than 10 minutes away. Be skeptical, cautious, careful, judgmental and self protective, and love will be as elusive as the Phoenix!
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 56
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/13/2010 4:30:40 AM

Presume that the people you meet will fall in love with you, and you with them


Why would I presume that? Have I gotten such a swelled head that I figure they will be smelling roses in short order.. If so it is most likely my perfume since that is what most people want to know about me..

nativerock
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 57
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Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/13/2010 5:21:17 AM

Why would I presume that?


Its the nature of human interaction that most people create their own future. Its a creative act. You, of all people, should be well aware of the fact that if you don't believe in the success of your projects, they will not succeed.

Its just how things work when it comes to creativity.

As to whether your head has swollen......it may have, but its more likely due to the flu season than the perfume you wear.
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 58
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/13/2010 6:10:11 AM

Its the nature of human interaction that most people create their own future. Its a creative act. You, of all people, should be well aware of the fact that if you don't believe in the success of your projects, they will not succeed.


Do not think this has to do with human interaction.. If I am doing a project success or failure depends on me.. We are dealing with human emotions here and believe it or not some men have stated they do not think they are capable of falling in love again.. So if he is not capable and I am where does this lead???


but its more likely due to the flu season than the perfume you wear.


Well lick your Vitamin D off your wrist, build a strong immune system, wear gloves and wash your hands often.. If you really want full protection wear a mask even though Halloween is over..
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 59
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Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/13/2010 6:18:01 AM

If I am doing a project success or failure depends on me..


I see. And finding true love is not a project? And the success or failure of such a "project" does not depend on you?

I put it to you, and others, that there is no project in live that depends more for success or failure on the participants than to search for love....

Counseling, Karen.....lots and lots of counseling........
 CynthiaSMW
Joined: 9/20/2010
Msg: 60
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/13/2010 6:32:21 AM
I much prefer ladybugs, rearguard .... lots and lots of ladybugs

 SouthBayNative
Joined: 10/15/2010
Msg: 61
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/13/2010 7:09:00 AM
I had made my peace with the fact that for some people love never arrives since what I had when I was younger was lust or infatuation at best. Even obsession if I'm honest. I had tried and not tried to find love and didn't. Then one day when I was least expecting it, grieving over a deep loss, it found me. I'm still in shock I think because it's so peaceful, natural, normal and healthy. But my idea of love has changed to something far more mature and I'm so much more grateful than I ever was in the past. I treasure and nurture this. So, a year ago I would have probably written something bitter and cynical but now, no, I don't think it's delusional to expect to find love at this age.
 jezebellpgh
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 62
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/13/2010 9:23:53 AM
Problem is the older you get the more women than men come into factor. So a man has a harem of girlfriends and doesn't have to have a real relationship. Good luck.
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 63
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Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/13/2010 9:58:44 AM

Actually I had no idea that men were pointing anything like that in their profiles. I just assumed that most people are seeking the same thing; 'companionship, affection, and basically a good buddy you can count on'. So much for my dumb assumptions. All mine says is:


... seeking a relationship with one gal who may have similar interests.


The male profiles containing such immature statements makes it appear as if they are in a meat market. But I do firmly believe that there is someone for everyone. I know it is frustrating, but you are only 58 (sort of young for one so glum) : you will find 'your someone when you least expect it'.


Dunno about other sites, but you haven't been on POF very long at all. There are so many living in La La Land that those of us who aren't are disregarded as being bitter or jaded instead of being realistic about what or who they'd prefer.

FWIW, I've gotten a lot more action from the current revision of my profile than I have from the original, on all sites combined. Not quite sure what that says about what's out there, but then online is Fantasy Land, after all.
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 64
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/13/2010 12:49:18 PM

I see. And finding true love is not a project? And the success or failure of such a "project" does not depend on you?


No I do not see it as "project" how I do see it as two people looking for love and hopefully finding it in one another..
Not everyone dating is looking to fall in love.. they are not interested in that.. Or they don't feel they are capable of it now that they are older and so called wiser

Nativerock
 eastwood969
Joined: 12/21/2009
Msg: 65
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/13/2010 2:09:28 PM
I'ts not delusional at all to expect love from someone at some point in time. Where is your faith. We will either find it here or in heaven. Surely whatever god's plan is for us it's the perfect plan, so let not your heart be troubled. Good luck to you.
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 66
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Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/13/2010 5:18:10 PM
That butterfly feeling doesn't seduce me like it once did. There does have to be a draw though, something that says I can trust this man to be real. I want compatible, fun, free, healthy, comfortable, adventurous yet stable. This covers my sexual choice as well as my partnership choice. I'm now seeing someone with these characteristics and it's turning me on more and more. I'm glad I went for it before it "hit" me or I might still be waiting or he might have been picked up by one of you other gals. Ouch!
Delusional? Just maybe a pinch (in expecting that feeling right away, but not delusional in saying that it won't happen). Happy fishing, and expect the unexpected, just not at first sight, Cheers C
 smittin
Joined: 11/6/2010
Msg: 67
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/14/2010 1:58:19 PM
Maybe it's delusional to expect anything.

But it's not delusional to hope madly. I figured I'd had all the romance I was entitled to and reached acceptance of my solitary status. Then lo and behold, I met him. Choruses of angels, harps, butterflies, and all that.

We've been together for about 3 years now, more in love every day. Love at our age eclipses anything we thought we felt when we were younger. My hope is that everyone finds love at this age.
 jojoaus
Joined: 10/28/2007
Msg: 68
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Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/19/2010 11:08:40 PM
I have read this entire thread with great interest. I do think that love can develop whenever two people connect on several levels (intellectually, physically, socially... ) at ANY age. I honestly believe I didn't truly fall in love til I was 44, and while after 2 years that relationship didn't work out due to family problems... it opened my eyes to how good it really could be.

I absolutely believe that love takes time to grow though... after the initial realisation that yes, this person attracts you on many levels, the deeper connection takes time. It is NOT delusional to want that OP- I have found a new-ish fishie (8 months and loving it) and am experiencing that growth of warm fuzzies all over again. I am happy to sit back and wait for that realisation that wow! I love this wonderful person, while continuing to spend time with him and enjoy where we are right now. In all honesty I think it is easier to fall in love at this age because the pressure to reproduce is off- you are no longer looking for the father/mother of your children and wondering about long term compatibility in regards to parenting and can focus on just the 2 of you. Just my thoughts!!

Happy
 BentonHarbor
Joined: 3/2/2010
Msg: 69
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/20/2010 4:23:09 AM

I was talking with a platonic friend, I met a year ago, from here, last night, and that's what he asked me, "What have you found missing in the men you've met so far?" When I thought about it I realized that it was that illusive feeling of "love". I'm looking to "be" loved and "to" love. Am I just being delusional?


OP if I woke up any morning and thought finding love, happiness or contentment was being delusional I'd not want to wake up another morning. While we might be think or come to believe finding love "later in life" is next to impossible its not IF we're truly open to people, possibilities and not bound to foolish notions of what love and/or happiness really is we're as likely to find it now as we were as teenagers or anywhere in between.

We've learned to love differently, learned happiness and contentment does not always arrive as we think or hope it would, it doesn't look like we expected it to either. Those who don't find it tend to be looking in all the wrong places or ignoring what's in front of them. Perhaps they're the delusional ones?
 URXO2
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 70
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Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/20/2010 4:44:37 PM

the geriatric divorced


geriatric divorced, that description fits maybe Bigfish should open a new forum....
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 71
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/23/2010 7:39:19 PM
When we meet someone we always expect to find that spark, that initial attraction, that connects us and tells us that we can see ourselves with that person. We'd like to reach that connection on every level, but are we delusional to expect to find real "LOVE" at this point of our lives?


No, I don't believe we're delusional at all. I think when we're young and we fall in love, there's a certain giddiness and innocence that's pure and usually unattainable in later years. I think mature love is more practical----but there's a great benefit to it. Each of us has a stronger sense of self, and thus, is more apt to be a better partner. Once in a while, we'll see a mature love that combines all the idealism and purity of youth with all the reality of middle-age.

I'm not sure what all the elements are, but I think both people must be happy alone and not needy for companionship. They can each live by themselves and still explore life with the same energy. Also, both people need to have a positive outlook on life. I think when we live long enough, we all have past events to harp about that can keep some of us grounded in sadness. There are those of us who can accept the past and still embrace the present and future with vitality.

I think real love is psychosomatic. Those who don't believe in real love can never experience it. One can often tell these people right away---they're worn down, jaded, and bitter. I believe there are basically three types of middle-aged people: those of us who still believe with complete conviction in the potential for pure love, those of us who think it's just a big sappy hoax, and those of us that are stuck somewhere in the middle.

The beautiful relationships I've observed are usually between people from the first group. I believe my current partner and I both belong to the first group. I think it's sad to see someone from the first group wasting their time with someone from the second group (a doubter). Really, the doubters deserve each other. People should be introspective enough to look inward and ask themselves which group they are in---and which group they want to be in.
 CynthiaSMW
Joined: 9/20/2010
Msg: 72
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/23/2010 7:52:07 PM

I'm not sure what all the elements are, but I think both people must be happy alone and not needy for companionship. They can each live by themselves and still explore life with the same energy. Also, both people need to have a positive outlook on life. I think when we live long enough, we all have past events to harp about that can keep some of us grounded in sadness. There are those of us who can accept the past and still embrace the present and future with vitality.

I think real love is psychosomatic. Those who don't believe in real love can never experience it. One can often tell these people right away---they're worn down, jaded, and bitter. I believe there are basically three types of middle-aged people: those of us who still believe with complete conviction in the potential for pure love, those of us who think it's just a big sappy hoax, and those of us that are stuck somewhere in the middle.

+1
Proud to believe I'm in the first group.
 blueyesrsmiling
Joined: 6/25/2008
Msg: 73
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/24/2010 5:37:47 PM
I felt love at this age. I still want to believe in love at this age. I need it to be true at this age. I won't allow myself to become bitter I have to have this one thing in life that I really believe can be true. Love to me is hope. And I have to have that hope.
With hope everything and anything is possible.
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 74
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Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/25/2010 10:22:57 AM

When we meet someone we always expect to find that spark, that initial attraction, that connects us and tells us that we can see ourselves with that person. We'd like to reach that connection on every level, but are we delusional to expect to find real "LOVE" at this point of our lives?

I was talking with a platonic friend, I met a year ago, from here, last night, and that's what he asked me, "What have you found missing in the men you've met so far?" When I thought about it I realized that it was that illusive feeling of "love". I'm looking to "be" loved and "to" love. Am I just being delusional?

I think people can find real love at any age. I've gone on numerous first dates where the fellow was just great. There are loads and loads of great people walking around in the world. Just because someone is great doesn't mean you have the compatibility for long term. But how does one discern, on the way in when you don't know each other yet, if the attraction you feel can grow into real love? It's just a risk. It takes time to know someone. Some people have difficulty 'making the switch' from romantic love to enduring love. Some get involved with people who are great but not really compatible and, having gotten involved with them, settle in to make it work... until it is obvious it isn't.

The 'spark' simply indicates attraction, not compatibility. I suspect people relate to the spark as if it were real rather than an indicator of attraction and connection. At the same time, one doesn't (or at least I didn't) want to become a wet blanket who can't allow themselves to feel excitement and anticipation for fear that it won't last.

My problem, one I suspect many people share, is I tended to move into relationship before it had grown into relationship on its own merit from the quality of relating and compatibility. Too much of a hurry to get where you're going. I also tended to think my way through something that can only be felt your way through, likely to attempt to reduce the risk as much as it is also a natural way of being.

The distinction is moving from: "We connect, so we're a couple" to "We connect, so we'll enjoy this and see where it grows". In other words, my cheap advice is focus on relating and not relationship; relating builds connection and compatibility builds enduring connections. Gosh, I've worked hard at relationships; it's very possible to have good relationships with people who are not deeply compatible. But I think the "real love" actually is a catch phrase for deep compatibility.

My sweetie and I have been together more than 3 years now. I could not have imagined him before experiencing him. However, I will not plan the wedding until after the Dec 2012 - why go through all of the work prior to determining if the world is gonna end?
 treselle
Joined: 6/16/2005
Msg: 75
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Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 11/25/2010 4:57:55 PM
You wrote:"I'm looking to "be" loved and "to" love". I am sure that if you met a man who would love you but you did not feel any chemistry between the two of you, you would not love him and may be even would not want him to love you. You want to meet someone who you would be attracted to. You might be seduced by a man, but it does not mean that he loves you or ever will. Many men about your age can not get young girls they would prefer, so they go after mature women just because they:
- do not want to be lonely,
-want a woman for sex,
-want a woman for love,
-need a girlfriend because everyone else has one,
-all above.
You easily can find love. It could be a married man, a guy much much younger than you, someone on POF, but it's not easy to find a man who will love you back at this time of your life.
About that platonic friend you met on POF asking you that question, I bet he wants you to be his whatever, but you turned him into just a friend. So, what's missing in him?
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