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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Delusional Expecting to find "Love" at this age?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Dare to
Joined: 2/11/2009
Msg: 185
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?Page 8 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)

Thank you for sharing
You're welcome, it was my pleasure...
 sassyscorpiochick
Joined: 9/29/2010
Msg: 186
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 5/20/2011 9:38:33 PM
I think if you keep yourself looking nice, you never know when a stranger is going to become a friend. A friend can grow from a friendship to a beautiful relationship if you take your time and get to know the person. Nobody likes it when they get hit on by someone thinking about getting a quickie, when they barely know the person.

We are looking for quality relationships that will grow into love, if it's going to be one of the last ones we ever have, and that takes time to build.
 charlie_girl_2
Joined: 1/2/2010
Msg: 187
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 5/25/2011 2:40:57 AM
In a word, NO!
Love doesn't have an age. Or shouldn't have!
The day that I can not find love, appreciate love, feel love, and be in love, then just take me out back and shoot me!

 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 188
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 6/1/2011 1:16:23 PM
^^^ And a very valid point. I think if I were to "average" the number of men I have met with the number that I wanted to see more than once, it would likely be a fraction of a percent. I have sort of "kept track" of those that I have been contacted by and those I have met in person and it seems to be about 1 in 100-125. Which means that in the past nearly 11 years of this single-stuff, I've meet too many and have forged "relationships" with three. I would go for years without meeting anyone, then frenzy-date a little then I'd get serious about things and back to not at all. I just did what I was thinking was good at that point in time. It took me years and years to meet someone who "gets" me and that I "get" in return. Take breaks, OP ~ don't worry about finding someone and it will happen. It happened to/for me when I was SO not expecting him nor was I looking for him. (Oh, and it didn't happen for me here on POF ~ leave some options open!! I still think off-line works and is almost over-looked now the the net is so accessible. Offline is always an option!!) Best of luck to ya.
 DC1346
Joined: 5/26/2011
Msg: 189
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 6/5/2011 4:06:08 PM
None of us are teens or twenty somethings who sometimes confuse lust for chemistry or chemistry for love. If nothing else, one thing I've learned is that a good relationship has to be built on a solid foundation. After all ... looks fade and passion ebbs but a relationship that's rooted in a strong friendship should weather the passage of time.

You can't force a relationship regardless of whether or not you think there is chemistry. You can't force someone to love you. People who try to force the issue invariably come off as clingy or desperate.

Friendships have to be cultivated and nurtured.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 190
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 6/5/2011 6:47:33 PM
^^^^^^^^Giggity! Alll Riiiiiight!^^^^^^
 Dave of Indiana
Joined: 3/18/2009
Msg: 191
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Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 6/7/2011 7:48:29 AM
Label me as negative but: While all on here want to experience love again I can't help but feel past experience has caused us to be overly causous. We may call the teen and 20 something people naive but they are the ones who find and fall in love much easier than we. I recall as a teen some of the older divorced people (men and women) talk about wanting to find someone but had walls that prevented themselves and perspective others from coming into a relationship were evident to even me as a teen. The requirements were to rigorous. We all have baggage whether we can see it or admit it or not. Some more than others. Most of the older singles I remember in my youth never connected with anyone and died alone (except for immediate family). Do I wish this: no.

When I read profiles of women they write: "looking for my last boyfriend". The expectations seem to be so high that any man who doesn't fit the complete list of requirements need not apply. How often in life have we found that if we had stuck to a rigid formula in something what turned out to be a prize would have been missed. Lower moral standards: no. Develope realistic requirements and be open to people: yes. There are the exceptions but personally I don't think it will happen to many of us.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 192
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Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 6/7/2011 9:16:43 AM

I waiting to find you love


Unfortunately, love is something you create, it can't, strictly speaking, be found. It requires an active participation on your part. Others love you because you love them.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 193
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 6/7/2011 9:25:03 AM

Label me as negative but: While all on here want to experience love again I can't help but feel past experience has caused us to be overly causous. We may call the teen and 20 something people naive but they are the ones who find and fall in love much easier than we.

OK, you're negative and what's even worse is that just pointed out a major problem you could fix. I'm no less ``naive'' than when I was in my 20's and that has been a real plus where dating is concerned.

We all have baggage whether we can see it or admit it

Some of us dump our baggage instead of carrying it with us.

When I read profiles of women they write: "looking for my last boyfriend". The expectations seem to be so high that any man who doesn't fit the complete list of requirements need not apply.

Skip those profiles. They are a waste of time. There are plenty of women who don't do those things.

How often in life have we found that if we had stuck to a rigid formula in something what turned out to be a prize would have been missed.

Since you could equally well ask, ``How many times in life have we gone against our better judgment and made a mistake,'' I would think the key is doing a reality check on any ``formula'' to see whether it's working in the way you think it should. The problem is not a formula, per se, it's not verifying that it does what you expect it to do.

Lower moral standards: no.

I'm not sure what that means unless it really means, ``Moral standards that differ from my own,'' where ``lower'' means different.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 194
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Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 6/7/2011 9:28:08 AM
Dave...there are people of our age, and all ages, who fall in love all the time, many quite continuously. Its really a wonder feeling to let yourself fall in love.

I think a lot of people feel that being in love is a state of uncontrolled emotional excess, and if there is a fear, its that they lose control of their lives.

Nothing, of course, if further from the truth. We are always in control of our lives, and the simple fact that relationships fail or fade proves that the people involved decide to go their own ways.

All of us are in love with parents, siblings, good friends, etc, but it does not leave us out of control.

Don't read the list of requirements. Any woman will decide for herself whether you are acceptable or not, and whether you meet all her stated requirements will likely be quite irrelevant to her decision. It will all depend on your emotional reaction to her and her emotional reaction to you.

Just go for those you want to pursue, and eventually you will succeed.
 magicallaroundme
Joined: 3/9/2011
Msg: 195
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 6/10/2011 10:15:52 PM
It is not delusional to note that it can happen. It is only delusional to expect it to.

Women are just not as attractive as they used to be in younger years. Men... well what can you say? Nobody wanted them back in the day. They are no better now.

It is not unheard of for a select few to buck the odds . You just don't want to have to depend on it.
 DiscreetValor
Joined: 2/11/2010
Msg: 197
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 6/14/2011 3:57:25 PM
If you are over 45 and still looking for the "gift" (something you give) of love.

I suggest you look in the mirror to first learn the concept that you must:

1.) Understand what love is.

2.) Love your 'self'

Before you can ever GIVE love to another person.


BUT...I can guarantee you will never FIND love.


The mere concept of "finding love" implies that you have some control over another's choice of whom they give their gift to. The fault then lies in trying to "take" love as the FINDER of it.

It isn't possible.

(Are there really people who have survived 45 years without even understanding the concept of love while maintaining adult relationships?)

 ukkiwi
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 198
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Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 6/17/2011 3:30:48 PM
I can't seem to find a Forum for "oldies" but will say this. I'm considered a very attractive Lady, late 70's, living in New Zealand (UK born) very active and fit,and as we don't have POF Site in NZ, and as I have been to the States many times and love it there (especially Florida) I have tried and tried over the years to make a genuine and sincere connection with someone. I seldom get a response, but if I do, they seem to suspect me and get the idea that I'm "after something" from them! I have made it very clear in my Profile that everything would be at my own expense to go there to meet, on an noncomittal basis etc. How on earth can I get a decent man to trust me and accept that I'm totally honest and genuine? Can't the men there see outside the square, nothing in life is impossible unless you want to make it so. I'm ready to give up!
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 199
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Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 6/18/2011 3:58:09 AM

When we meet someone we always expect to find that spark, that initial attraction, that connects us and tells us that we can see ourselves with that person. We'd like to reach that connection on every level, but are we delusional to expect to find real "LOVE" at this point of our lives?

Yes, Virginia, you can still expect to find a Love at this age.
But as in 20's, sometimes, things just don't work out in long term.


I was talking with a platonic friend, I met a year ago, from here, last night, and that's what he asked me, "What have you found missing in the men you've met so far?"

It's not so much a problem of missing something in men / women. They all have some good qualities. The real problem is to find all those good qualities in one person.
 southerncharmBBW
Joined: 1/30/2011
Msg: 200
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Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 6/22/2011 7:15:25 PM
I am definately in it for love! And I will find it!
 sassyscorpiochick
Joined: 9/29/2010
Msg: 201
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 6/22/2011 11:06:22 PM
I found someone from the local fish pond or I should say he found me here. I really didn't want to do a LDR and I had my doubts that I would ever find anyone because I live in sort of a rural area.

Things are going along great and it sure is fun falling in love again!
 vmg223
Joined: 4/18/2011
Msg: 202
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Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 6/25/2011 4:33:01 PM
To OldLadyPurple,
It's too bad you feel that way, but you have plenty of company. I sometimes feel that way also, and I do think that dating after 45 or so is quite difficult... too much baggage, not enough time, too many different opinions, desires, health issues, money issues, and last but not least, everybody has LESS libido (whether we want to admit it or not) and MORE caution due to past bad experiences, plus we are not as attractive to each other as we once were (everybody still loves to look at a 25 yr old!) and this leads to much less possibility of falling in love, having sex, etc... when you're young, the hormones overwhelm the fear and you go for it. When you're older, you're cautious, picky, tired and these things overwhelm the sex drive.

But, I don't have any stuff on my profile about sweet, sexy, active, alluring, etc... maybe I should add some!
 vmg223
Joined: 4/18/2011
Msg: 203
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Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 6/25/2011 4:36:29 PM
Right on, Dude! Excellent points indeed! Your "finding love" statement might help me reframe things a bit, thanks!
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 204
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 6/27/2011 10:04:46 AM

"What have you found missing in the men you've met so far?" When I thought about it I realized that it was that illusive feeling of "love". I'm looking to "be" loved and "to" love. Am I just being delusional?

I wouldn't say that by itself is delusional. Delusional is believing that you don't (have to) have control over finding someone and the hand of God directs you and there's "just one", etc. Delusion isn't a taste but a false literal belief that can easily be shown not to be true.

What you describe is is being in love with being in love. That can hinder people, most definitely. Their eye (heart) is not on the ball, so to speak, and their emotion is in another direction. It's letting the feeling of loneliness & emotional dependence get in the way or dictate things.

One would be a nut-job, if they were single and hitting the dating scene, wanting to get married. Then they're just looking for a (insert person here) to fill a void.
 BlueTeaPot
Joined: 6/25/2011
Msg: 205
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 7/3/2011 11:50:22 PM
It better still be a happening thing....I would hate to think I have lost out completely.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 206
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Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 7/4/2011 1:05:43 PM

It better still be a happening thing.......... I would hate to think I have lost out completly.



LOVE is still there behind the cholesterol,blood pressure,arthirites..lol
 RichenLosAngeles
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 207
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 7/8/2011 11:24:02 AM
That's the REAL question, what IS love?
If I knew, maybe I could find it.
 jsphn11
Joined: 12/24/2007
Msg: 208
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 7/12/2011 5:49:04 PM
It might be possible, but not probable. You know, some people win the lottery, but what percentage is it out of the ones that play?
 Glenoran1
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 209
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 9/9/2011 10:05:06 PM
Wow! All these folks willing to settle for whatever pale substitute for love they can find. Why in the world should age define whether or not the two most compatible people will find each other and form a couple? True, we tend to meet more people when we're in an educational institution or working than after we've retired, but other than that, I can't for the life of me see why age should make any difference.

If anything, we're more self-aware now. We're more likely to recognize the genuine traits of the person most compatible with us than when lust was at the wheel and we were just along for the ride (though that never happened to me; I was a 'loner' till I was 41).

I don't know if it's just a 'belief system' I'm running on, but my experience has been that life will give you the least you're willing to accept. Therefore, when it is something very important to me, I never settle for anything less than what I truly want. It may take longer, but it's worth the wait.
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 210
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 9/13/2011 2:18:11 PM
Well there is good news that being that I did fall in love in my 50's unfortunately although we both loved one another he was very homesick.. I did not wish to move back to the US with him because I had already done that when he decided it would be best to move here. So not wanting to be a rolling stone we said our goodbyes.. It lasted two nice years though and I have no regrets.. Home did not mean feather your nest in his books it was more like what was the next trip on our agenda.. Hard for me to travel and to be honest prefer sleeping in my own bed.

nativerock
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