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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Delusional Expecting to find "Love" at this age?      Home login  
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 sassyscorpiochick
Joined: 9/29/2010
Msg: 201
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?Page 9 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)
I found someone from the local fish pond or I should say he found me here. I really didn't want to do a LDR and I had my doubts that I would ever find anyone because I live in sort of a rural area.

Things are going along great and it sure is fun falling in love again!
 vmg223
Joined: 4/18/2011
Msg: 202
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Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 6/25/2011 4:33:01 PM
To OldLadyPurple,
It's too bad you feel that way, but you have plenty of company. I sometimes feel that way also, and I do think that dating after 45 or so is quite difficult... too much baggage, not enough time, too many different opinions, desires, health issues, money issues, and last but not least, everybody has LESS libido (whether we want to admit it or not) and MORE caution due to past bad experiences, plus we are not as attractive to each other as we once were (everybody still loves to look at a 25 yr old!) and this leads to much less possibility of falling in love, having sex, etc... when you're young, the hormones overwhelm the fear and you go for it. When you're older, you're cautious, picky, tired and these things overwhelm the sex drive.

But, I don't have any stuff on my profile about sweet, sexy, active, alluring, etc... maybe I should add some!
 vmg223
Joined: 4/18/2011
Msg: 203
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Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 6/25/2011 4:36:29 PM
Right on, Dude! Excellent points indeed! Your "finding love" statement might help me reframe things a bit, thanks!
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 204
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 6/27/2011 10:04:46 AM

"What have you found missing in the men you've met so far?" When I thought about it I realized that it was that illusive feeling of "love". I'm looking to "be" loved and "to" love. Am I just being delusional?

I wouldn't say that by itself is delusional. Delusional is believing that you don't (have to) have control over finding someone and the hand of God directs you and there's "just one", etc. Delusion isn't a taste but a false literal belief that can easily be shown not to be true.

What you describe is is being in love with being in love. That can hinder people, most definitely. Their eye (heart) is not on the ball, so to speak, and their emotion is in another direction. It's letting the feeling of loneliness & emotional dependence get in the way or dictate things.

One would be a nut-job, if they were single and hitting the dating scene, wanting to get married. Then they're just looking for a (insert person here) to fill a void.
 BlueTeaPot
Joined: 6/25/2011
Msg: 205
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 7/3/2011 11:50:22 PM
It better still be a happening thing....I would hate to think I have lost out completely.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 206
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Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 7/4/2011 1:05:43 PM

It better still be a happening thing.......... I would hate to think I have lost out completly.



LOVE is still there behind the cholesterol,blood pressure,arthirites..lol
 RichenLosAngeles
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 207
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 7/8/2011 11:24:02 AM
That's the REAL question, what IS love?
If I knew, maybe I could find it.
 jsphn11
Joined: 12/24/2007
Msg: 208
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 7/12/2011 5:49:04 PM
It might be possible, but not probable. You know, some people win the lottery, but what percentage is it out of the ones that play?
 Glenoran1
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 209
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 9/9/2011 10:05:06 PM
Wow! All these folks willing to settle for whatever pale substitute for love they can find. Why in the world should age define whether or not the two most compatible people will find each other and form a couple? True, we tend to meet more people when we're in an educational institution or working than after we've retired, but other than that, I can't for the life of me see why age should make any difference.

If anything, we're more self-aware now. We're more likely to recognize the genuine traits of the person most compatible with us than when lust was at the wheel and we were just along for the ride (though that never happened to me; I was a 'loner' till I was 41).

I don't know if it's just a 'belief system' I'm running on, but my experience has been that life will give you the least you're willing to accept. Therefore, when it is something very important to me, I never settle for anything less than what I truly want. It may take longer, but it's worth the wait.
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 210
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 9/13/2011 2:18:11 PM
Well there is good news that being that I did fall in love in my 50's unfortunately although we both loved one another he was very homesick.. I did not wish to move back to the US with him because I had already done that when he decided it would be best to move here. So not wanting to be a rolling stone we said our goodbyes.. It lasted two nice years though and I have no regrets.. Home did not mean feather your nest in his books it was more like what was the next trip on our agenda.. Hard for me to travel and to be honest prefer sleeping in my own bed.

nativerock
 number_one
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 211
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 9/13/2011 7:57:04 PM
I am sure I will know when I meet Mr Right. I have already but he didn't realize it, broke my heart. Oh well. I'm still looking.
POF needs to advertise big time. POF has left us hanging without new blood to chew on. lol
Judy
 Seacucumber1
Joined: 2/2/2011
Msg: 212
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Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 9/13/2011 9:23:04 PM
You know what the tough part is. Knowing when to transition from a interested to a committed relationship. Most all of us older people have been through relationships that finally died out and we don't want to make a mistake again for both parties involved. However some woman expect you to committ after 2 dates> I can understand that they don;t want to waste a lot of time with someone not willing to committ. What is the proper way to do this? I'm stumped.
 Seacucumber1
Joined: 2/2/2011
Msg: 213
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Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 9/13/2011 9:24:59 PM
Call me nuts. But I would love to fall in love again. And no, not because I want someone to take care of me. Just cause I've never known anything better.
 SthrnButtrfly
Joined: 10/17/2006
Msg: 214
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Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 9/14/2011 8:10:04 PM

Call me nuts. But I would love to fall in love again. And no, not because I want someone to take care of me. Just cause I've never known anything better.


I am right behind you. I may be older and wiser, but I still believe there is someone out there for me...we just havnt caught up with each other yet.
 northcountryfair
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 216
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 9/20/2011 3:53:46 PM
Some days I do feel this is totally pointless and I might as well face the fact that after 4 years of being alone, that's the way it's going to be. Other days I think well, maybe, ust maybe, there is a real being of the male variety out there for me.

I've given up actively searching.I don't look at profiles unless someone looks at me first. If I get an email, cool, if I get a second one from the same person, cooler yet. but I've learned that people can say anything. It's just words on a screen. Aint real til it's real
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 2/24/2012
Msg: 217
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 5/10/2012 10:00:11 PM

You can't enter the same river twice

Not sure how this saying applies. No person is the same as they were 40 yrs ago so 2 people, combined/getting back together wouldn't be, couldn't be, the same river. Not saying it will work out this time. The river may flow the same direction. But, it is not the same river as 40 yrs ago.
 Happy Dude 63
Joined: 5/3/2009
Msg: 218
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 5/11/2012 4:49:13 AM
Personal baggage. As we get older we have many known or worse unknown issues.
1. We are much less willing to put up with any sign of a "prior" stress.
2. We almost all think we look much much younger then we do, there fore we want a younger person.
Or we see a profile and the person looks older then we think fits us. I have buddies that all want to be with
girls from their 20's to early 30's...the same I see ladies profiles looking for guys 15 years younger then they are.
It seems to make us feel younger, if we are with some one younger?? ( but not for me).
3. We want to read a perfect profile and match a perfect picture to it that makes us be in love. Before spending anytime together.
4. We have worries that if we choose a wrong mate this time, it could be our last chance at love.

I think these are real feelings and ok to have. But we need to see them as what they are, distractions from really looking at a person and seeing if they are some one whom you can build something with.

When we were kids, we would do anything to be with our bf/gf....anything. Well as we get older and life happens,
we close that "anything" door more and more. Don't close it all the way!!
 Lionesse19
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 219
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 5/11/2012 5:00:28 AM
Not at all delusional, why bother if there is no spark some would say. i dont imagine the mad giddy falling in love happens at a mature age but if you cant imagine having sex with the guy you meet then I wouldnt waste his time or yours. Companionship and things in common is a must but there has to be some physical attraction if not the starry eyed thing which can make fools out of us anyway. Falling in love is nature's wasy to get us to breed and that become redundant after a certain age. But we can still love and perhaps in a wiser way, as we age.
 luvyduvy49
Joined: 4/25/2012
Msg: 220
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 5/15/2012 8:30:25 PM
aaawww i want to neck all night too
 luvyduvy49
Joined: 4/25/2012
Msg: 221
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 5/15/2012 8:31:21 PM
but not in the first half hour lol
 providence2006
Joined: 9/11/2006
Msg: 222
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 5/20/2012 9:56:13 AM

I was talking with a platonic friend, I met a year ago, from here, last night, and that's what he asked me, "What have you found missing in the men you've met so far?" When I thought about it I realized that it was that illusive feeling of "love". I'm looking to "be" loved and "to" love. Am I just being delusional?


A few years ago I would have said yes to be delusional...Now I believe in love...
I haven't found the person who can has fallen in love with me yet but I did fall for someone and I thought that part of my life was over but this person woke something up inside of me. I'm not frantically searching for love because I believe once the time is right that person will appear...or maybe re-appear.
 tbicon
Joined: 5/6/2012
Msg: 223
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 5/21/2012 9:17:15 AM
I'd like to know just how many people over forty five actually fall in love again. I know lots of us end up in relationships, some of us remarrying. . but do any of us feel that intense feeling of "love" that if we were lucky, we experienced in our youth? I wonder about that. Women get very practical when they get older. They are not looking for love as much as a stable relationship with a guy with at least minimal finances. And guys are looking for women they find attractive, but great sex appeal at our age is few and far between. So I suspect almost all of us settle at this age. Could be wrong of course. Just my opinion.
 Ready_Real
Joined: 12/30/2010
Msg: 224
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 5/21/2012 9:20:30 AM
"Forum Filly" and "Her Dave" did:)

They are my inspiration. I surely hope there are many many more, but at this point since I'm not wired for "settling," I'd be overjoyed with "few and far between"!
 tbicon
Joined: 5/6/2012
Msg: 225
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 5/21/2012 9:24:48 AM
I get it Ready. You want what you have had in the past. Not impossible of course, but I think you realize it is not so easy to meet the right guy/gal at this stage of our lives. People can still "settle" into a warm, caring relationship and still be relatively happy. Is that so bad?
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 226
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Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 5/21/2012 9:42:26 AM
Why settle for that when you can enjoy those you know and want to be with, the adventures, travel, life, with no long term commitment other than respect, understanding, concern and mutual responsibility to and for each other, until the right one does come along, and trust me, you will know it if they do, but the problem is, will they!

The old song works wonders for me at my age now, and that is...."if you can't be with the one you love, love the one you are with".........so, if you are waiting for that one and only, enjoy the one that is now, and treat them with the same respect and kindness that you want and are waiting for.

cd
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