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 jamie9562
Joined: 7/15/2007
Msg: 103
What would you do if your significant other told you this?Page 3 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)

I agree with many others who have said that his language was not insulting or even insensitive. This highlights once again, the difference between the guys and the gals.
From the responses I can see a distinct split between a lot of the female opinions(not all)
And most of the guys(not all). That is; the women prefer the kind of talk style that emphasizes feel good messages. The guys; truth and accuracy.
I agree as well that While women say they want an honest guy, topics like this make one wonder just what it is some women view as "honest".



and then there was light,,,


i have actually taken the liberty of supplying the women who claim they want an honest guy with what they seek,,,the truth,,,,,
i read their profiles and then i tell them the truth about either something they have written somewhere in their profile or just a general truth about men,,the world,,,you name it..
and i provide the correct answer..
i tell them the truth,,,,

they never respond by thanking me??????? why is that? i was being honest to a fault,,,
i don't get it,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,unless............................
they see the truth differently then men do.......but,,,,,how can that be,,,,,

of course,,,,you have to consider,,they are the mothers of us all,,,,,and if you have that burden ,,perhaps it is better that you don't see the real truth that is out there....
perhaps it is better you sugarcoat the horrific things your offspring do....perhaps it is better you live in denial when your children commit acts of violence and horror...

perhaps you see the truth in a different way,,because if you didn't.......you would have to hate your own children,,,
Charles Manson,,,,,Hitler,,,,,Stalin,,,Mao......Dahmer.......they all have mothers....
and all their mothers say the same thing when asked about their sons.....

"not my baby!" "my baby would never do such a thing!"

"but......there are mountains of evidence! signed confession! video! go ask him he will tell you he did it!"


"not my baby!"

thus is the truth averted......
truth is for men,truth is cold and ugly and brutal,there is no room for "feel good" messages when you deal with the truth,,

compassion,empathy and understanding ,and huge fake smiles,these are the things women use to fight the horrible ugliness of truth....
or they just hide from it,,ignore it..........."hey mom guess what i did at the party last night!"
"i don't want to know!"

h0w many times has your mother said that to you? how many times have you heard "i don't want to know" from women in general?

fascinating :)
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 104
What would you do if your significant other told you this?
Posted: 11/29/2010 7:59:04 AM

Obesity is an epidemic, but again, speaking from experience, telling people that they are fat will not accomplish much.

Maybe that should be, "...speaking from my own[/] experience..." The day someone told me I was fat, I realized I was. I was 155#, at 5'1" (normal weight 100-105) when someone told me their thoughts on the subject. He wasn't nearly as nice as this OP indicates her BF was. He was right. I was fat. I did something about it. I not only lost 50 pounds (that I've kept it off 20+ years ~ I also lost 175 pounds of azzhole when I moved own with my thin self.) Guess that would mean not everyone is going to respond to basic criticism/observations the same way.

Incidentally, I find that semi-literacy is an epidemic, as well. People simply do not know how to spell or, apparently, use spell-check. They don't know how to use correct grammar or compose a sentence/paragraph that is clear and easy to read and understand.

When I mention this to people who suffer from these semi-literate traits, they have almost always responded huffily, calling me a "smart ass" and even a "****."

Maybe people respond that way because what you are doing, in essence, is exactly what this OP's BF did. Except you aren't usually very kind or tactful (rather snide, most of the time) when you say these things to complete strangers. My question always is (when I read your comments of this nature) "Why does it matter to her how someone writes?" Seems to me it's just a reason to berate/belittle. But that's just how I view it.

Go figure! You would think that they would appreciate some guidance!

From a complete stranger in forums on a free-dating site? Pretty self-explanatory why most don't care about your guidance: they don' t know you. What's here doesn't matter in their everyday lives. And they likely take your verbiage (guidance as you call it) as sarcastic/glib. I don't know many that would take that very seriously, here or in the offline world. Maybe that's just those I know ~ maybe you've had success in changing others ~ I somehow doubt that, however. JMO

~OT~ Personally? This OP's rendition of the events that day, in my opinion from the limited information, speak much more loudly of her insecurities than the actual words that he reportedly said to her. He thinks they BOTH should lose weight. Her knee-jerk reaction is to post a thread here and withhold sex. I don't think that had much to do with what he said, much more that she's unhappy with her body and now believes he is also. JMO
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 105
What would you do if your significant other told you this?
Posted: 11/29/2010 9:29:51 AM
Wow-just wow.
Where to start?
OK, in the grand scheme of things, this is NOT a long-term relationship. I really do not think that the OP's bf really had much business jumping on her( however much he tried to gloss it over) about her weight. Nothing in the OT indicates that the OP is blind-or stupid. Her bf is NOT a husband, parent or family member(even family members should consider carefully when admonishing another adult family member).

The fact that AFTER he makes the comment about putting the OP on a diet, he tacks on a comment about his own weight really means nothing except "sugar coating".

He had taken her out to breakfast,FFS! If he's REALLY that flippin-ass worried about their weight problems, then he should have fixed her and himself protein shakes for breakfast and suggested they go for a walk. I would say that the OP's more effective response, rather than withhold sex, would be to refuse any excursions that involved eating and propose an exercise based date instead. She should pick up his challenge and run with it, and I guarandamntee that it will soon become clear whether he spoke out of genuine concern or whether there's something else going on.

You'll get no argument from me about the 'obesity epidemic',but I don't think that gives every freakin' anorectic with the power of speech an entitlement to be "fat police".

Not directly on topic, but apparently there was a comment about "damage" in a post and another poster responded back "yet here you are". Guess what? We all pick up SOME emotional damage, unless we exist under an emotional glass dome . But there are some people who land in the dating pool due to things they couldn't help. Since they didn't come out of a big fat angry war with an ex, they actually have a different perspective, at least at first. Many explore online dating because ,obviously, for someone in their 40s &50s, the dating pool just isn't that large and not everyone cares to relocate or conduct long-distance relationships . Many are shocked to find that even though they are more than willing to accept some wear&tear,dents&dings, mostly what's out here, is emotionally speaking, battered wrecks barely held together by baling wire and spit. It ain't a dating pool, it looks more like the cleanup after all of NASCAR was allowed to participate in a PLANNED demolition derby.
I think that the OPs bf should be good and damn grateful that he can find a reasonably decent woman willing to f*ck him on a regular basis,and if he is genuinely worried about appearance and health he should steer in that direction and take the initiative in "finding things to do other than eating". Actions ALWAYS speak louder than words.
All I can advise the OP to do, IF she wants to work on this relationship and see where this is REALLY going-is to start refusing food-related dates, insist on healthy snacks when cosied up in front of the DVD player, getting more exercise and eating healthier. That way, if what this "you-oops! I mean WE-need to lose weight" really is about control, or engineering an exit strategy-the OP will be slimmer and fitter and won't have to "settle" for fatheaded boyfriends.
Cindy O
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 107
What would you do if your significant other told you this?
Posted: 11/29/2010 9:53:07 AM
I don't think he was insulting, I think he worded in such a way that he spoke for her. It's her choice to lose weight, eat healthy, work out. Only she can be happy or not with herself. He can hope she wants what he does, but he can't do much else. I guess it was a bit presumptuous. He didn't ask her what she wanted to do, he sort of told her what she was doing...since "she" is a part of "they" that still applies.

It seemed less like a discussion and more like an individual concern disguised as a team effort.

I'm all for honest, if it's solicited and relevant. If I ask someone what they think of how I look, then I can't complain about the answer I get. If I only worry about how I feel about myself and don't ask - why would someone randomly tell me?

Tell me you want to lose weight and that you want to start exercising more and why. And then hope I jump in and agree and want to join you. THEN you can throw around all the stuff you want about what we should both do to achieve it.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 108
What would you do if your significant other told you this?
Posted: 11/29/2010 9:57:27 AM
People don't always know how to approach sticky subjects with perfect finesse. If my partner's weight were creeping up to the point that my feelings of sexual attraction for him were starting to diminish, I would probably say something to him along similar lines. The breakfast table is just as good a place as any to broach the subject.

Blunt honesty can sting, however I believe it is sometimes necessary in order to motivate someone enough to enact a positive change. Sorry your feelings got hurt, OP, but isn't it better that he was upfront about the weight issue rather than turning to thinner women for companionship? If you penalize him for that comment, he may be hesitant to be honest with you in the future.
 damassteel
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 109
view profile
History
What would you do if your significant other told you this?
Posted: 11/29/2010 10:18:52 AM
I think one of the key things in their interaction was intent. Unfortunately, we have no way of accurately assessing this from her account alone. Notably missing are sense of timing, tone of voice, general mood at the time etc. Soooo...It's kind of difficult to get an accurate read on this without more specifics, some of which are quite intangible in the print media.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 111
What would you do if your significant other told you this?
Posted: 11/29/2010 11:36:42 AM

the bottom line, in my opinion... He noticed they are in a rut and its effecting them both, so he brought it up to discuss it to see if they could both come up with new activities. She took offence to it & took it as an insult

He could have handled it differently and gotten better results.
I don't know about anybody else, but I'm a grown woman that is perfectly capable of making decisions about priorities, issues, and how to handle them. A guy who comes at me and tells me he's going to "put" me on a diet, a budget, an allowance, a schedule-is going to get "put" on the curb. If he has a legit concern there are ways to create a dialogue that doesn't imply I need a supervisor "putting" me on a diet.
Actually, I've seen it written both ways "anorectic" and "anorexic".

not all skinny/slim people are anorexic or do not have to worry about their weight.
I know that. I used the word for effect.
Many slim people were over weight at one time but changed their lifestyle to lose that extra weight yes and slim people can experience medical situations,rx medications or other factors that force lifestyle alterations and cause weight gain. I know of very slim people who stay that way with a regime of caffiene and nicotine, that couldn't fight or run their way out of a wet paper bag.

But that isnt what this thread is supposed to be about.. LOL

No, it's not.
I understand that the bf was not incorrect to voice a concern about weight gain. But to take the OP out to breakfast and then say he was going to PUT her on a diet? Why didn't he say what he said later, about a concern that food was becoming too big a part of their relationship and he was concerned about taking care of HEALTH,rather than about body weight alone?
No, IMO he did intend to insult her in a CONTRIVED 'subtle' manner. If the OP is concerned about her weight she should consult her physician and put herself on the path to a healthier lifestyle. Then find a bf that sees a relationship as something that occurs between 2 ADULTS who discuss potential issues, not one "putting" the other on a regimen to correct something that (s)he views as an issue.
Cindy O
 sweetest
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 112
view profile
History
What would you do if your significant other told you this?
Posted: 11/29/2010 11:43:10 AM
Entering into conversations about weight with women will often be minefields for men. The bf as depicted in this brief post seems to have in my opinion, acted without malice or intent to harm--that's important to understand. Of course the timing might have been better, but there's no way of understanding from the OP if there had been other more subtle attempts on his part to address this previously.

A relationship of over a year is long enough to have conversations on issues that are important to one or both, or that address what one partner feels or is experiencing as something of a material change which could in turn, put the relationship in jeopardy.

It's easy to understand how the Op feels here and why. However she asked how we'd react. There's not one woman that I know who wouldn't have been aware of those changes in herself first---well in advance of the man realizing it or having it get to the point where it would be 'an issue'. Further, it's been my experience that most men tend to be very unconcerned with a true and accurate, 'few extra pounds'.

When weight becomes an issue, it's often because there is a crossing over from that area into this new foreign territory....where weight is mounting, attitudes about body image and intimate interaction is changing between the two, and maintaining that initial attraction is becoming inconstant and challenging.

It's not to suggest that people won't ever change...of course they do, but there is that one part of the Op's post that plays in here..which she indicated that it was important to not "take him for granted" and he also said that "he wants to look good for me too." I have to wonder why the Op has allowed herself to keep gaining. Sometimes people partake in activities on one level that inadvertently sabotage what they suggest they want.

That said, the Op's bf has indicated a strong investment and commitment to her and the relationship, but his passion for her is being challenged. What would I do? I'd definitely take him up on those offers and make sure that our future activity/food choices are ones that are supportive of us getting back into fighting form. It needed to be said, and he stepped up said it. I'd not be holding on as close to the hurt and using this as 'ammo' which imo, will only work against a long term positive outcome for them.

This event, has the possibility of becoming the issue that from this point forward creates this 'unevenness'...this 'breach' from which it is almost impossible for him to recover and regain ground with her. He is therefore banished to this place where he is now constantly trying to appease her for this 'breach'. After a while that activity grows tiresome....as does the imbalance.

There are always going to be some hard truths that come to light in course of any relationship, along with people who won't want to hear them.

edited
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 113
What would you do if your significant other told you this?
Posted: 11/29/2010 12:00:32 PM

Does he know you have an visible profile on a dating site?
Should he be trusting YOU??

why should he worry about his chubby girlfriend that he feels he is obligated to "put on a diet?"
Hell, she probably comes here for some intelligent adult conversation.

Oh yeah. Oh HELL yeah, let's take the woman who has just had her intelligence and ability to make decisions for herself, and question her relationship ethics as well.

I guess I never noticed that the OP has a huge tendency to come and post questions about various problems with her "great relationship". There are many people who frequent the forums who credibly profess to being in committed relationships.
But yeah, if the OP has been posting for advice about problems quite often, I would question the soundness of her perception of what a 'great relationship' is.
Cindy O
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 119
What would you do if your significant other told you this?
Posted: 11/29/2010 3:52:17 PM

Sometimes we get really 'nervy' and think our happiness matters as well.

of course it matters and many posters here are totally in support of the OP's bf and the way he handled the issue.
I think he's entitled to be happy and if a chubby gf isn't his cuppa tea, why doesn't he get his ass out there and find something more to his taste? If he honestly wants to stay he could have handled this better. If he REALLY meant what he said about his own weight, why didn't he just start doing something about THAT, and encourage the OP to join him in a healthier lifestyle? Why didn't he just INITIATE that their activities be something OTHER than eating?
No, I think that while his intentions might be good, the way he handled it was not. And since he approached it from a "looks' standpoint rather than a health standpoint, I cannot help but think he's building an escape hatch into the relationship.
The OP should certainly try to take good care of her health and if losing weight makes her feel better, makes it easier to move, breathe, results in better control of cardiovascular and metabolic factors, that's excellent. But after reading some of her other posts, I'd have to suggest that she needs to lose this boyfriend as much, if not more, than she needs to lose weight. I think he has a screw loose...I'm not going to deflect this thread by bringing over commentary from other threads to support my statement...but that is my opinion.
Cindy O
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 120
What would you do if your significant other told you this?
Posted: 11/29/2010 4:25:03 PM
SF, I think what is actually going on here is a guy who has glommed onto an insecure woman that he can manipulate and control. I do not think this is a 'tempest in a teapot'.
If the OP thinks this guy is the greatest thing since sliced bread I'd hate to see her idea of a r*tb*stard. Ah well, takes all kinds to make a world.
Any guy that told me over breakfast out that was HIS idea, that he was gonna PUT me on a diet would have been WEARING the meal.
If he's on the chubby side himself, then he should have put himself on a diet and encouraged the OP to participate with him. Unless he's considerably younger than she, they BOTH should have some concern for having a more healthy lifestyle,with improved looks as a bonus.
Cindy O
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 121
What would you do if your significant other told you this?
Posted: 11/29/2010 4:55:05 PM
OH, DAMMIT TO HELL.
let's Not start a freakin catfight and get this thread yanked.
I think its' definitely a topic worth discussing as a general situation of how many flaws to you put up with in a SO,should you try and guide to improvement, and how do you handle that guidance.

I didn't like the line " he said he was going to PUT me on a diet". OMFGWTF? She's fifty-flippen years old...it isn't his business to PUT her on anything. If he is honestly concerned about her health that would be a slightly different story.

If changes in appearance were such a big ass downer, then everybody over the age of 45 would be getting divorced/breaking up.
It's one thing to be concerned with diet and exercise to maintain good health, but as I said, I've known stocky women who could run circles around a slim one that is slim by dint of undernourishment and over exercise. When people get up in their 50s, various physical, medical, and practical situations can come into play that impact people's appearance.
I haven't by any means made a PROJECT of reading the OP's history, but right from the start I thought "there's more to this". Even if there wasn't, there are tactful ways to handle an issue and I think this one was a PLANNED failure. Yes, it certainly was a failure. The OP cut his sorry ass off and she's here in the forums asking for advice. She's so hurt she'll probably eat MORE. But that's part of the PLAN, the bf is building either a stronger control mechanism or an escape hatch-maybe both.
Cindy O
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 123
What would you do if your significant other told you this?
Posted: 11/29/2010 5:07:34 PM
I think he's entitled to be happy and if a chubby gf isn't his cuppa tea, why doesn't he get his ass out there and find something more to his taste?

Well, perhaps that is what he intends to do.

If he honestly wants to stay he could have handled this better.

Yet another one of your anti-male diatribes.

Many explore online dating because ,obviously, for someone in their 40s &50s, the dating pool just isn't that large and not everyone cares to relocate or conduct long-distance relationships . Many are shocked to find that even though they are more than willing to accept some wear&tear,dents&dings, mostly what's out here, is emotionally speaking, battered wrecks barely held together by baling wire and spit. It ain't a dating pool, it looks more like the cleanup after all of NASCAR was allowed to participate in a PLANNED demolition derby.

Really? My dating pool has only gotten larger with age and I haven't had to deal with anyone who is an emotionally battered wreck. I ran into a few, but I didn't need that crap. Perhaps those who find their dating pool shrinking ought to consider the possibility that their attitudes are the problem.

I think that the OPs bf should be good and damn grateful that he can find a reasonably decent woman willing to f*ck him on a regular basis,

I'm not sure why that is. If I thought I should feel grateful that someone would f*ck me on a regular basis, I'd just go find someone who wanted to f*ck me on a regular basais instead. Any woman who feels like a guy ought to be grateful for sex is going to find her dating pool shrinking.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 127
What would you do if your significant other told you this?
Posted: 11/29/2010 6:08:53 PM
Really? My dating pool has only gotten larger with age and I haven't had to deal with anyone who is an emotionally battered wreck. I ran into a few, but I didn't need that crap. Perhaps those who find their dating pool shrinking ought to consider the possibility that their attitudes are the problem.

I don't particularly have a problem, I'm commenting on my general experiences and observations,and what I hear from others. There may be larger numbers available in and near major population centers. It's not finding people to date for dating's sake, it's finding ones that you really want to be with. And I've heard just as much complaint from MEN who want a healthy, 2 adults-in-an-equal-partnership situations.
The interesting thing I found is that often the desire to date is greatest when the person is still trying to get back into a comfort zone of being half of a couple,and perhaps may be more willing to overlook damage. Until they really stop and take a good hard look.

Any woman who feels like a guy ought to be grateful for sex is going to find her dating pool shrinking.

Well, men who think women OWE them sex don't do well either, from what I hear. It should be a mutually enjoyable and rewarding experience, and from some of the OP's other posting history that's really NOT what's happening in their relationship. But the OP is probably so sold on the idea that she has no human validity unless she's half of a couple, that she'll stay with him. I don't think it sounds like all that great a relationship, it's actually DAMAGING the OP's self-confidence,IMO.
Cindy O
edit to add
I'm a fatty. It's mostly around the middle, so parts of me are excellent, but I know how unhealthy that kind of fat is. Sometimes I almost get completely rid of it, and I know how to do that, but it's really, really hard to stay at a healthy weight.

I hear ya!
I was a freakin muscular twig LOL. In my case it was medical conditions/medications- and I get stabilized, get a better fitness level and body weight...and then another flare and another battle back to a fitter condition. 105? Pfft...I would literally be a skeleton.
I guess it's open to interpretation, whether the OPs bf meant well and just could have handled it more gracefully, or is it another undermining/manipulation tactic? I still say if it was REALLY about their mutual well-being, he could have led more by actions.
Agree also that cutting the bf off is not an effective tactic but I think it speaks to some of the other issues that bubble under the surface of her other topics.
Cindy O


 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 131
view profile
History
What would you do if your significant other told you this?
Posted: 11/29/2010 6:39:21 PM
Good Lord........sure seems like alot of you woman look for any excuse to "man hate"
A man calls ya Darlin in a message.......he's a creep
A man pays for dinner.......he's wanting sex
A man doesn't call for 2 days......he's cheating
Calls too much....he's a needy ba$tard
Cares enough to worry about your health.........a control freak

I've been accused of "thinking like a man" a couple times in these threads.....
I'm starting to think that's a good thing!!
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 135
What would you do if your significant other told you this?
Posted: 11/29/2010 11:16:50 PM

Ms Cheevious don't let them bother you they are so use to all women practicing misandry that they do know what to do when one thinks for herself.

I'm not sure it's thinking for herself that landed the comments, rather typing out loud. Shame shame shame. (I totally agreed with her post and I'm not even a dude.)

~OT~ I'd much rather have the man in my life tell me I'm fat than to tell his friends that I'm fat. The way I figure it? If he's not talking to me about stuff that bothers him, he's talking to someone else. JMO
 jamie9562
Joined: 7/15/2007
Msg: 137
What would you do if your significant other told you this?
Posted: 11/30/2010 12:55:27 AM

Eating too much generally makes you fat. Simple as that!


generally? why are you still sugar coating the issue !!!!!!!! you women!
you are so in love with food you can't bare the thought of it being the ONE AND ONLY way to gain weight....

so you live in denial,,,,,generally......no.........absolutely!

it is simple science,,,i'm sure there are those that can explain it in more scientific terms than i can,,but it boils down to this,,,,,,,
it is impossible for a human body to be able to store massive amounts of fat without fat being introduced into the body...period!

you cannot get fat by not eating,,,,,you may gain weight for some odd reason,,perhaps for a day or two,,,,but eventually you will begin to lose weight if you do not eat,,,this includes all members of every species that uses food for fuel on the planet ( i think? well most anyways)



eating too much food does not "generally" make you gain weight,,it unequivocally does,,,



 I-am-Rei
Joined: 9/11/2009
Msg: 139
What would you do if your significant other told you this?
Posted: 11/30/2010 1:37:53 AM
Really, some people thinks the BF is controlling and manipulative. Then what do you think of this?
I told him that "he won't have to worry about seeing me naked for a very long long time."


Also, some people thinks that because she is 50, she doesn't need to be told, that she is an adult. Adult? Then why the need to say the sex card, that aside from being manipulative is immature? Why having these thoughts?
I guess I can either lose some weight and keep seeing him or lose some weight and see someone else.


If she is a responsible adult, no matter how hurt she is she will know a good retort if she feels her BF is going overboard.

I say if you want to be treated as an adult act as an adult.
 jamie9562
Joined: 7/15/2007
Msg: 140
What would you do if your significant other told you this?
Posted: 11/30/2010 1:41:11 AM

If you read Cindy's post, you would see there can be medical reasons. Ergo "generally"


Cindy can claim that you can only gain weight by talking to leprechauns,,this does not make it true....
i am aware that there are medical conditions,,ie:glandular in nature,,that can cause you to gain a little weight in the short run...kind of like water weight or what happens after a good meal...
but,,,,,

please link the information about the medical condition that causes someone to gain weight ,,and sustain this weight,,without intaking food....
why are we discussing this! it's a ridiculous argument!
next you will be telling me about the medical condition that causes you to breath without oxygen,,,,or how you can tan your skin with out ultra-violet radiation.....
are you crazy???? lol j/k

but seriously,,enough with the denial already.....food=fuel................over eating food =fat,,, no food at all=death

please stop trying to change physics and the laws of nature just so you can squeeze in one more jelly doughnut and be able to still convince yourself it will not cause you to gain weight,,,it will,,it does,,,end of story
 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 144
What would you do if your significant other told you this?
Posted: 11/30/2010 5:34:41 AM
"what would you do if...?" (OP asks)

Well, if I take out the "put you on a diet" part and keep in all the rest,
(and because I'm already trying to lose weight),
(and because I wouldn't be with a man for a year if we couldn't say whatever we felt we wanted to say),
I'd simply say to him "oh cool, working on that together could be fun, let's start with a long walk this morning (or some other suggestion)."

But "put you on a diet"?
If he was saying that with a silly smile on his face.. my answer remains as above,
(and I think that is the way it would go, because I wouldn't be with the following type of man for a full year).
If he was saying that with a smirk on his face.. I'd ask him to which weight-loss retreat/spa HE was going to pay for me to go.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 145
What would you do if your significant other told you this?
Posted: 11/30/2010 5:35:26 AM
I strongly agree with all of the points you have made here. As I said in msg. 150, I think the remarks made at the breakfast table that morning were actually just the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back. At the time that they emerged from bed, it's quite possible that the OP was feeling sexually frustrated because she is having difficulties being able to climax with him.

And you think this is quite possible because you own a Ouija board or perhaps you are projecting? I never cease to be amazed at how apparent bitterness manages to manifest itself as clairvoyance and the late life development of an ability to perform Freudian phsychology using extrasensory perception to fill in paragraphs of minute details about sexual frustration and lack of an ability to climax and whose fault it is (the guy, of course), based on a sentence like, ``After sex this morning, he took me out to breakfast.'' Really, if you glean the details you posted from what little the OP wrote, you need to be using your talents to operate a psychic psychology hotline with a 1-900 number.

No one thing is the sole cause of problems in most relationships... Unless of course, you WANT it to be...

That rather trite statement could easily be made completely general, since nothing in any relationship is a problem unless someone wants them to be. However, there are lots of single things that most people want to be problems, like cheating, for example. I want some things to be problems because I don't like those things and I don't think I have to put up with those things.

I can tell you quite honestly that if I was a year into a relationship and my "great guy" was magnifying a sexual problem every time he got the opportunity and doing or saying things that he KNOWS will turn me off... THAT MOMENT would have blown the lid off of my frustrations and he would be mere toast to me from then on.

If a woman turned such benign comments into my sexual problem every time I (or any other guy with a little common sense and some self-esteem) said something that was less than flattering, I wouldn't be around long enough to get to that MOMENT. If you're that sensitive and defensive, date a sycophant.


There is nothing "man-hating" about the OP's distress or about the honest responses many of us are trying to give her.

I'd agree that the OP was just being defensive, but the responses you and a few others have posted are just filled with misandry.
If he was saying that with a smirk on his face.. I'd ask him to which weight-loss retreat/spa HE was going to pay for me to go.

That would be a great way to dig yourself into a hole. Be careful what ask for.
 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 150
What would you do if your significant other told you this?
Posted: 11/30/2010 7:04:52 AM

That would be a great way to dig yourself into a hole. Be careful what ask for.
Hahahaha!! I'm aware of any holes around me, whether dug by me or by anyone else. Don't worry yourself about me.
In case you didn't notice, I first said: "I wouldn't be with the following type of man" ..
so again, don't worry yourself about me.
 jamie9562
Joined: 7/15/2007
Msg: 151
What would you do if your significant other told you this?
Posted: 11/30/2010 7:14:07 AM
"Why is he taking her out for a greasy meal then criticizing her?"


sigh...............................didn't you read the message right before yours? you could not have because you did exactly what TDH said people are doing......

(It's always this way when a weight thread get started. When it comes to weight some people just refuse to see fact no matter how they are presented. They can't argue the message(being over weight is unhealthy)so they always without fail turn their attention to bashing the messenger.)

why are you attacking the guy? he did not,,,i repeat,,he did not CRITICIZE her! alright..not going to quibble semantics with you,,,but if you read the original message on this thread ..it is clear the guy presented it in the best,,least offensive way he could,,,and why did he have to be so careful......

BECAUSE OF PEOPLE LIKE YOU WHO WILL THEN CLAIM IT IS DEROGATORY WHEN IT CLEARLY IS NOT!

sorry for the yelling,,,but how can you not see the guy was sensitive to the stigma
attached to discussing weight and may have indeed been thinking of himself foremost when he mentioned it....

i am someone who constantly is aware of what i eat and how much i eat ,,i control my eating by doing things in moderation,,,,but i see some of you!

you can't control your urges! this is the real problem,,,,,,,, "i want more mommy! gimme gimme!"

urge control for god sakes!!!!! moderation!!!!!! say no to the cookie! just say no! and don't get mad when the person you live with CAN control themselves and wonders why you can't.... so he has to ****foot around trying to tell you,,"listen,,hun,,you gotta slow down with the eating"

this is not and has never been about obesity,,,or ripping on fat people,,,it is all about self control.........being able to see that by saying no,,you will be healthier,,more attractive to a large percentage of the opposite sex,,you will fell better in the long run,,,,,,by slowing down in the short run...
you will probably live longer and feel better doing it......
just by practicing this one thing


moderation
 SpecificTruths
Joined: 9/19/2009
Msg: 154
What would you do if your significant other told you this?
Posted: 11/30/2010 8:09:45 AM
Next time "she" is trying on a dress and asks "do I look fat?"
I'm going to be honest about it.
When I say "no" I'm a liar and told I need to be honest.
When I say "yes" I'm an ***hole and have no compassion and/or understanding.

Honestly, if I was losing attraction to a woman due to weight gain, I'd just use some other reason to break it off. No sense in beating dead horses to death.

No matter what "we" say, we're...
- Wrong
- Mean
- Lacking in empathy
- Lying

What's the point of guys' being honest anymore? Gets us nowhere...
 jamie9562
Joined: 7/15/2007
Msg: 155
What would you do if your significant other told you this?
Posted: 11/30/2010 8:18:47 AM
"Well Jamie, I couldn't read your editorial so I may be wrong but I did scan it and your profile. So here's how it works: for women weight is an issue like penis size and income for men. So if your gf one day when you were pulling out your [small] wallet said something like "honey, I think you should go back to school and get some more education so you can get a better job than lab assistant and we can have a better lifestyle and I"m going to take a few classes too," you'd go ballistic. If someone posted it on here you'd be foaming at the mouth about it. So it's simply a matter of what pushes people's buttons. I'm sure you'd be pissed about someone complaining about your income (which is under your control-get more schooling or a second job) so weight pisses women off. My point was about sabotage, which some people do to each other."


why couldn't you read it? i could,,,penis size and income? i will give you income,,,income is something you can do something about,,,but penis size,,,,not the same thing,,,,,you can't eat something and make your penis bigger (if only!) so i don't get that analogy....

but the income one sure,,,,,,she could suggest that one day,,and i would be totally receptive to the thought,,,why wouldn't i be? of course making more money would be better and i admit i am unmotivated as i am...but i am motivated to be as healthy as i can be so i can be poor for years to come,,,

the bottom line is,,i would never ask someone to do something i myself was not willing to do,,period,,,
call it what you like....i'm a man,,,,this is what we do

so i'm sorry ,,i do not think like you do...i would not react to your scenario the way you would like me too,,because i wouldn't in real life

i'm not pissed,,,i live within my means,,i live with a code of moderation...i do not succumb to my basic urges........


mybad:)
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