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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > What's Up With NO PHOTOS?      Home login  
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 gettnstartd
Joined: 9/20/2007
Msg: 249
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What's Up With NO PHOTOS?Page 11 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
it isn't the no photos that get to me it's the pics of the 'wiener dogs" some guys want 2 send so why do ya think I want 2 see that if i can't put a face 2 it. besides if I want a pet I got 2 shih-tzu's right here n there probably a lot more faithful than the "hounds" who want 2 see if I got a webcam or want them 2 turn on theirs for me ,be warned folks. so if u don't want 2 post ur pic thats fine, just don't think I'd rather see what your "pet" looks like than u.
 ladydelaluna
Joined: 5/10/2007
Msg: 251
What's Up With NO PHOTOS?
Posted: 10/7/2007 10:07:59 AM

i wouldn't even suggest a meeting for at least 5-6 months of chatting, maybe even longer.


Are you serious? Isn't the point of being on a dating site to actually meet people and go on dates?

Isn't the point to work on developing a relationship (whatever kind it is that you're looking for)?

I'm sorry, but people can hide way too much about themselves behind a computer screen... and I need to know if I can interact with someone face to face before even thinking about developing any kind of emotion for them. ESPECIALLY if they refuse a photo. I don't have (or want to have) six months or more to talk to someone only to find out that they've got yuckmouth or have barbaric eating habits and wear the same mustard-stained shirt 3 days in a row. I'm 30 years old, never married, and no kids. I don't have time to mess around with internet and phone based relationship building!

I'm the kind of woman who doesn't mind chatting a little, talking on the phone a little, but dammit I want to meet you if I gather by the chat/conversation that I think you're a decent person I might be interested in. Preferably within the first week after initial contact, given that we've actually had conversation.

And yes, I do ask for photos. Again with the physical aspect of things - people are attracted to what they're attracted to. I'm no stick figure, and don't expect Superman at the coffee shop, but if I don't think you're even moderately attractive TO ME, why go through the motions? I don't expect every man out there to see through my extra weight to fall in love with the "real me" - This IS the real me... lumps and all, take it or leave it. So I put that out there ahead of time. If you can't deal with a "fat chick" please, move along, you know? I'm not offended and I'm not going to judge you as a jerk for it.

There are women out there who prefer tall, lanky men just as much as there are women who prefer cuddly teddy bear men. Women who will only date a guy who works out 5 days a week and other women who don't much care so long as you're not a slob living a slob's lifestyle.

Get over your insecurities - EVERYONE likes confidence!
 CaliforniaGuy79
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 252
What's Up With NO PHOTOS?
Posted: 10/7/2007 12:46:40 PM
I had photos, the only reason I took them down, because I felt like it wasn't the best, & that's why I thought it wasn't getting me any responses, either that, or possibly where I live, but I'll put one back up soon, & hopefully I'll have some new pics on here soon.
 forums1
Joined: 5/14/2007
Msg: 253
What's Up With NO PHOTOS?
Posted: 10/7/2007 1:46:41 PM
I pretty much *always* send my pic with an email reply (well, the first time anyways). If nothing else, I know I like having a face to go with the person I'm talking to.

Not having it "public", well, I've kinda given up on POF as a place to be "looking"... I do enjoy the forums, and if someone emails me they get my pic and I'll chat with them. But not having one public does cut down on the emails from random people, its usually people who like something I said on the forums and are commenting on it.
 An argonaut
Joined: 11/20/2006
Msg: 254
What's Up With NO PHOTOS?
Posted: 10/9/2007 2:38:42 AM
Not much personal experience here but I've found that some of those without recent pictures appear to be unhappy with some aspect of their personal appearance.

Raises questions their acceptance of themselves.

I understand those that are looking to be known by their personality rather than their looks.

How about having a picture on your profile that is only available to those you email?
 Arclite
Joined: 9/3/2007
Msg: 255
What's Up With NO PHOTOS?
Posted: 10/14/2007 9:22:37 AM
Hey, I've got no problem posting my pic, even though I'm in the Witness Protection Program... lol lol lol.. not really! But, I think it's an important part of the profile - personally the eyes and the smile tells me a lot about a person and I compare that with what is written in the profile and that helps me make my decision to contact someone or not. Maybe that's just me, but I had a lot of years of reading body language and the eyes don't lie... that's my opinion.
 good_catch77
Joined: 3/28/2007
Msg: 256
What's Up With NO PHOTOS?
Posted: 10/14/2007 3:19:08 PM
I personally have it set to my email that no pics you cannot email me I want to know what you look like
 fcw2007
Joined: 9/22/2007
Msg: 257
What's Up With NO PHOTOS?
Posted: 10/14/2007 4:13:01 PM
My photos are recent and really not that great.I have professionally done shots that have no place here because I'll never look that good again without major help :) I'd rather you be pleasantly surprised when we meet.

My goal is to meet people in person. Chatting on email to get an initial feeling for the person's personality is necessary. But I'd rather meet within a few conversations to decide if there is enough chemistry to try dating, perhaps just be friends, or go our separate ways. Not having a photo to post or send one with your email seems rather counter-productive.

I've met some lovely men without pictures, and some complete pigs with very accurate pics . So that isn't really an accurate filtering process. I do request that you send me a photo when you email me, but it doesn't have to be on your public profile.

I'm more likely to reject you based on your spelling, grammar and attitude than your looks.
 cjscuba
Joined: 10/9/2007
Msg: 258
What's Up With NO PHOTOS?
Posted: 10/14/2007 4:27:05 PM
I just went to a POF dance and I couldn't recognize anyone from their picture on their profile. I went back and added a variety of shots on mine. And by the way photo here is a few years old LOL.
 FunAngler1970
Joined: 8/18/2007
Msg: 259
What's Up With NO PHOTOS?
Posted: 10/14/2007 4:45:01 PM
Ok hey don't beat around the bush girl you like every guy and girl on here want to know if there is an attraction .That is ok to say.Unless you are a woman that is going to get 100 emails a day because um you are a super model.My last seriouse relationship was with a woman that wanted to get to know a guy to see him for him being real .She wasn't proud or a snob she knew she was gorgeous and that made it hard for her to meet a true guy.Ya know a man will lie and chase a pretty face to be with her so she was carefull.Otherwise nope post the pic and be yourself guy or girl .Who cares what people thnk anyway ya know
 corindan
Joined: 7/13/2008
Msg: 260
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What's Up With NO PHOTOS?
Posted: 9/29/2008 10:52:48 PM
Photos are over rated. Do you think serial killers/married guys post no photos, and sane, available, guys do? Do you think a guy-or gal-who does post a photo can't be a serial killer, or married? Photos can be misleading...especially when they are so wide angle, and from so far away, that they show nothing of a person's face. Photos which are many years old-HS, college, first anniversary from first wedding, etc-don't show you like you are, so what is the point of posting them? Yet, many people do. I had two good, close up, photos of myself on my computer...which are too large to fit on most sites like this; even after I have shrunk them down as far as I could...so I hadn't bothered to post a photo on my profile page. When a woman wanted a photo, I emailed one from my private email address to her private email address, and that worked fine for all concerned. One 'woman' I once encountered-on another site-had two photos posted. 'She' looked middle aged, and pleasingly plump, and claimed to live about 200 miles away from me. After we had been emailing for awhile, and seemingly getting to be friends, 'she' told me she had visited Nigeria, and been stranded, and needed $3,000.00 to get home...and hoped I could send it to 'her'. My family is full of law enforcement types, and some of them checked on this. 'She' was a man, in his twenties, whose full time job was posing as a woman, and getting acquainted with men, and sending these begging letters...hundreds per week. So...photos aren't all they are cracked up to be. I'm not shallow enough to only communicate with beautiful people, so looks are not that important to me, so I do not care who does/doesn't have photos, or what they look like in their photos. As for me, I can say right now that I am NOT a celebrity look alike. You won't be able to sit across from me, in a restaurant booth, and con yourself into believing you are dating Tom Sellek, Leonardo Decaprio, or whomever. If you want to play such head games, do please go elsewhere. I have, recently, had some new-not so close up-photos taken of me, and put on my computer. I think they would fit if I tried to put them on a site like this. They are head to knee images, so they give some idea of my face, and extra weight build. I am in the closing phase of one reationship, and will include a photo in my profile when this soon to be done relationship is fully over, and I make my profile visible again. It had been made invisible awhile back, because I had found someone, and started a relationship with her, and wanted to concentrate on her alone, rather than dating others while being involved with her. Aren't I nice? However, that relationship is not working, and we have decided to end it, and are just taking the next while to get our stuff seperated, and such. We had been in business together, so that complicates things a bit. Even though I will soon have a photo on my profile page, when it is again visible, I will still not require that a woman have a photo posted before I will communicate with her. Looks are nice, but they aren't everything. The inside counts more than the outside, and a plain-or even homely-face may go with a beautiful personality. Honesty, fidelity, sense of humor, and general compatibility, matter more than do looks...and photos can't show those things. Photos are over rated.
 kane stays
Joined: 6/8/2008
Msg: 261
What's Up With NO PHOTOS?
Posted: 9/30/2008 5:37:43 AM
I decided there was no point. I knew I wasn't putting forth much of am effort on meeting anyone so I took it down. Maybe I'm not as ready as I thought I was when I joined this site. The more I read the more confused I become and the thought of an actual date,well that just about sends me into a near panic attack. I stay now for the forums.
 acitalriwt sixela
Joined: 5/5/2008
Msg: 262
What's Up With NO PHOTOS?
Posted: 9/30/2008 5:57:10 AM
Looks are nice, but they aren't everything. The inside counts more than the outside, and a plain-or even homely-face may go with a beautiful personality. Honesty, fidelity, sense of humor, and general compatibility, matter more than do looks...and photos can't show those things. Photos are over rated.


You want to choose personality instead of look. I want both. So seeing his picture is important.
 FlynFree67
Joined: 9/16/2008
Msg: 263
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What's Up With NO PHOTOS?
Posted: 9/30/2008 5:54:43 PM
Can't speak for everyone, just for my lack of photo. I have nothing to hid just no pic as of yet. I will be adding one, just wanted to see how this site was before putting my face on it.
 Wholehearted5
Joined: 12/27/2008
Msg: 264
What's Up With NO PHOTOS?
Posted: 1/11/2009 9:08:28 AM
I try to understand why a person would NOT post their photo to a profile. Since you have no control who is viewing your profile, concerns may exist because your photo may be seen by criminals, deviants, neighbors, co-workers or family members. However, other than these possible situations, a photograph should be part of the total profile package. I always include several "recent" photographs within my profile, both face and body shots. The photos should be an accurate and truthful representation of yourself, which ultimately removes the pressure when meeting your date in person (he or she will have already accepted your physical appearance). Whether right or wrong, most online daters do not want to risk meeting someone online, only to find out there is no physical attraction after meeting in person. While pictures should not be the final factor in the decision to contact someone, they do play an important role. If someone truly wishes to hide their photo, they should include a "private" photo within a subsequent e-mail message. This way, the person controls who is viewing their photograph.
 it_gal
Joined: 8/16/2008
Msg: 265
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What's Up With NO PHOTOS?
Posted: 1/11/2009 10:39:34 AM
I agree with you that it does seem like a lot of men are not posting a photograph of themselves. I know for myself, I want to know who I am speaking with. I have taken the step to require that a photo be sent with any communication to me.

I believe that it is a natural curiosity for every one to want to know what the other person looks like. There also has to be some sort of a physical attraction between each person for a relationship to develop.

I know for myself. I don't judge a person by their looks because they tend to fade and if that is all the person has and is going to bring into the relationship, No Thank You. I like the real person. Someone who knows who he is.

I met someone through a friend on-line and he is a great guy.. but he would never send me a picture and that drove me crazy. I couldn't understand what the problem was. I knew everything else about him.. except what he looked like. Obviously we never met in person, he is not local. Finally, he sent me a pict... and it didn't change anything. Now I know who I am speaking with. Makes things so much easier. lol.

I don't understand. I know for myself, I like my photos there and if someone isn't interested... so be it, keep on moving.

Just my thought on that.
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 266
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What's Up With NO PHOTOS?
Posted: 1/11/2009 8:34:08 PM
I would suspect that men (and women) who have profiles with no photos have experienced the unwarranted (and unnecessary) snide comments from people who seem to think they have the absolute right to offer snide comments in the interest of "honesty" on the photos on our profiles.

I have been told that I should remove the photo of me in a red jacket because it makes me look like Ronald McDonald; I should remove all photos because no one wants to date a "fat old broad;" need to lose weight, etc. etc. etc.!

The bottom line is that I post pictures that I feel good about - and if someone wants to know why they can ask!

But - you need to have a pretty thick skin to post photos if you happen to be over 45, more than 10 pounds overweight; not have the most photogenic face; or frankly just not really like getting your photo taken!

I am totally supportive of someone who doesn't feel comfortable putting themselves out there for that kind of abuse!
 spicynicegirl
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 267
What's Up With NO PHOTOS?
Posted: 1/11/2009 11:08:45 PM

Thanks for posting this OP. Hopefully those without photos will read this and finally understand what I've been whinging about....................LOL.

I like to see who I'm talking to and as I pointed out to one guy I'm not looking for Brad or Tom but it helps to know if there is some type of attraction.
 lelathecat
Joined: 6/14/2008
Msg: 268
What's Up With NO PHOTOS?
Posted: 1/12/2009 11:00:09 AM
I'm just here for the forums so no need for a photo. I did have one up for a little while though.
 chanel048
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 269
What's Up With NO PHOTOS?
Posted: 1/12/2009 11:17:31 AM
epsilonbj,

I totally agree. You hit it right on the head!
 Italian_Guy1Up
Joined: 9/22/2008
Msg: 270
What's Up With NO PHOTOS?
Posted: 1/12/2009 1:57:57 PM
Okay first, if the guy has no photo just move on. (common sense). Second, like its been said a million times, some people feel uncomfortable, are looking for people that aren't shallow, or just don't have the option. In the defense of the lady who posted this thread though....Being shallow and knowing what you want are different things. Being shallow is when the only thing you care about is the persons looks bottom line. You won't date anyone who weighs more than 120 or has a scar, isn't tan, whatever. Knowing what you want is when you don't want to date someone who is over weight because you simply would prefer someone who weighs less than you, takes good care of them self, is in good health, ect. Its a preference just like height, eye color, hair color, skin color, shoe size, ect. Its about what the person prefers in what they want not because they think the person doesn't deserve love or whatever lol.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 271
What's Up With NO PHOTOS?
Posted: 1/12/2009 4:09:00 PM
I have mine up sometimes when I am online; otherwise I shut it off. 90% of the time it's off.

In some ways; it is refreshing to have someone take the time to find out what kind of person one is without it; I have appreciated people who were interested in getting to know or say hi because they appreciate what kind of person I am. They truly are interacting because of who I am, not just what I do or don't look like. With a picture up all the time; literally about 3/4s of the people who wrote didn't read a word of the profile...

I appreciate people who write because of what they read. Means they care what's below the surface.
 Shyava
Joined: 11/22/2008
Msg: 272
What's Up With NO PHOTOS?
Posted: 1/12/2009 4:17:09 PM
no picture========>hiding something from someone ( wife, g/f, boss, family, friends...the IRS, the fbi/cia........)

That is what I think.
 Call me Ginny
Joined: 12/28/2008
Msg: 273
Is it better NOT to have a photo?
Posted: 6/24/2009 11:46:03 AM

Seems like there is a trend on POF where men (I don't look at the profiles of too many ladies, so can't comment on women) are deciding not to post their pictures. It sure makes communication a lot nicer to know who you are responding to...know what I mean?


Actually, I disagree. I think as the post below says;


In some ways; it is refreshing to have someone take the time to find out what kind of person one is without it; I have appreciated people who were interested in getting to know or say hi because they appreciate what kind of person I am. They truly are interacting because of who I am, not just what I do or don't look like. With a picture up all the time; literally about 3/4s of the people who wrote didn't read a word of the profile...

I appreciate people who write because of what they read. Means they care what's below the surface.


Note: I did a thread search for this because I couldn't get a new thread going. Wanted to put it on the Dating Over 45 and couldn't get it there either.

My view is that so many people aren't good with photography or don't have the "Glamour shots" and end up with poor quality pictures of themselves with friends or from family ablbums, etc. would do better to let thier profiles tell the story first.

I have had my photo up and I've had it private. I tend to get more genuine interest when it's private. Less of the "Hi Sexy" and more of the "I read your profile and found ...... interesting."

Any thoughts?
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