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 smittymo
Joined: 5/21/2010
Msg: 26
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?Page 2 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
I think you have to be really careful though and not just offer this to him unsolicited... I kind of get the feeling you would be doing this just to satisfy some psychological need you seem to have for him to be aware that you are uninterested. If it is, in fact, unwarranted, as many here seem to feel your desire to do this may be, you will come off as impolite and unfriendly at best... pretensions, stuck up, or even crazy at worst. If it is really as friendly of a community as you make it out to be, that will most likely come back to you in some form... you may get singled out or "shunned."
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 27
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Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 11/30/2010 6:56:56 PM
"a fairly frequently stated feminine truism states a woman can always tell when a man is attracted. that's what the op has asserted about her neighbor. yet many women are checking in on this thread to tell her she may have him all wrong.

could it be that women DON'T always read our intent correctly? could this even be remotely possible?"

Totally. That's the thing though, "reading" people, first off isn't totally accurate. Secondly, some people do or say things unintentionally that many WOULD interpret as creepy. Thing is noone knows. Geez, if I could always read men's intently correctly, all the time, well I guess you can fill in the rest....haha. I DO know that at times when men (in my case) are interested or attracted, they don't always know how to express it in a way that jives with my comfort level. I'm sure this happens to men, too. He could have been looking at a clock, when she was right under the clock and thought he was staring at her. Point it all of it is theoretical and assumed.

I DO know when I have the creeps, I always trust my gut and do what I feel I can and need to for my personal safety. It could mean walking out of a store, taking my son with me to go get my soda or fill up with gas.
 Molly Maude
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 28
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Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 11/30/2010 6:57:58 PM
Jeep ... you wrote that you are getting a creepy vibe from him ... and you're thinking you will tell him that you don't wish to talk to him and for him not to talk with you any more ...

I GET that you're feeling creepy around him and you should never distrust that feeling ... if you're feeling creeped out ... listen to that feeling ... maybe he reminds you of someone who ridiculed you in the 2nd grade or something!

NEVER ignore your own feelings!

BUT ... you also don't want to hurt someone's feelings ... he might just be a high functioning autistic ... or socially inept ... awkward ... low feelings of self esteem ... maybe he stutters ... he might be a completely nice man who's never done anything but smile at you and let his looks linger too long for your taste ...

while I'm NOT advocating you become friends with someone who creeps you out ... I think you should just consider the possibility that, while you don't want him for a friend ... you also DON'T WANT to create an enemy ... especially since he lives so close ...

it's a balancing act ... but I'd recommend that you don't rush to be brusque or rude to him ...
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 29
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 11/30/2010 7:02:08 PM
There's a man who lives in my building, who is much older(15 years, maybe more), who I am not attracted to at all,(he's thin, balding with dark hair, a little taller than me) and will never be


I think it's pretty cut and dried what's driving this bus.



The way she is describing it feels like the very very early stages of stalking


Oh wait, you were serious? Really, you were serious?. A guy that lives in her building, happens to run into her twice in 2 or 3 weeks, and he is now a potential " stalker"?. Man I have to go take out restraining orders on ALL my neighbors. How dare they try being nice when we cross paths in the hallway or elevators.
 Worbug
Joined: 4/23/2009
Msg: 30
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Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 11/30/2010 7:02:16 PM
Maybe he was in the military and you remind him so much of the "Buy me Drinky" . girls around the base. You are talking about stereotypes right, you have already judged him without merit, maybe he has judge you with out merit as well.
 jeepwmn
Joined: 8/14/2009
Msg: 31
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 11/30/2010 7:17:36 PM
Yes, there is a balance that needs to be weighed out. . we do live in the same building, and it's a small community. I didn't mean that people are too friendly for wanting to talk to each other. .I'll give you an example of what I meant by too friendly. You can google the thread "what do retired people do all day". .my neighbor is one example of that. Trust me, I was in the military, and he doesn't seem like he would have joined. If you actually read what I wrote (obviously you didn't), you'd be able to tell I was born and raised here in the U.S. , as were my parents and grandparents. The individuals who reflect that stereotype clearly are not. And no, I don't go assuming that everyone who looks at me is attracted. But you wouldn't keep looking at someone who you were repulsed by, would you?
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 32
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 11/30/2010 7:27:50 PM
I don't go assuming that everyone who looks at me is attracted. But you wouldn't keep looking at someone who you were repulsed by, would you


I would, I do it everytime I go to a circus. I keep paying to see the bearded lady, or the 900 pound woman.... And I keep right on looking until they tell me my time is up.

So far I have read not one single example of why you think this man if attracted to you. All I get so far is a guy being a friendly neighbor and a woman with a possible overactive imagination, driven solely by her repulsion, or lack of attraction to said neighbor.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 33
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Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 11/30/2010 8:12:44 PM
It can be intimidating as a female to communicate to someone she doesn't know why she feels the creeps. I know it's happened to me before, but it wasn't totally based on the fact that the male was "respulsive". From that, I take it physically unappealing.

Based on that alone, it wouldn't be something that would give me the "creeps" it's more their actions or what they say, and sometimes it can be someone who's very physically attractive. Great looking men can give me the creeps, physically unattractive men can give me the creeps, the "creep factor" isn't based on what they look like AT ALL, in my experience. I can only speak to what I know and have experienced. When someone says "creepy" for me it clicks on my own personal safety antenna.

When someone I call "creepy" it is because it is someone or something that kicks in my protective factor of my personal safety. For me and I'd hope for everyone else of either gender, their personal safety should always be something that is of the utmost concern, and not a time to ignore their gut reaction. It's never been just because someone is physically unappealing, for me what sends my radar up, my "gut" has been more often, those that are just physically appealing, but do or say something that I get up quietly and get the heck out.
 foreverstacey
Joined: 11/28/2009
Msg: 34
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 11/30/2010 8:32:38 PM
Who hasn't stared at someone a little long... maybe he was off in his own little world, and when he came to he was staring at her? That happens to me all the time.. I'm sure ive set peoples "creepy" vibes off too.. doesn't mean they're right. Specifically when in her post she states all physical attributes that make him unattractive... unattractive does not = creepy. Looking at someone does not = creepy... some people read wayyyy too much into things.


and just an edit... if someone is really REALLY unattractive, everyone stares too... its like a car accident.. its bad, but everyone has to stop and stare anyways.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 35
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Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 11/30/2010 9:09:40 PM
You and he were introduced by other neighbers.
A couple weeks later you see him at the lauundromat and he's grinning at you.
You......instantly think the man is "interested in you"......instead of thinking
the new neighbor is just being friendly. How dare him attempt to say Hello to
a neighbor?!
Then, on Thanksgiving......he tries to be neighborly again.......and you can't even spare
a Hello on a Holiday for a neighbor. Maybe he just wanted to wish you a
Happy Thanksgiving.

So tell me...........what action of his have led you to believe he wants to date you?
Are you so egotistical that you think any man that smiles at you automatically
"wants you"?

Personally.....egotistical, rude women creep me out far more than thin, balding older men that try to be nice to neighbors.
 jeepwmn
Joined: 8/14/2009
Msg: 36
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 11/30/2010 9:19:08 PM
And women who don't know the whole story/weren't there also creep me out, as well. He did more than just keep staring and smiling. .he tried to make some comments about what was in my laundry. If it were any other neighbor, I would have stopped and talked to them. And no, I don't think that any man that smiles at me automatically "wants" me. Thanks to having low self esteem, I don't think that. When we first met, he kept staring also. .there were others around me as well. .he could have stared at them.
 foreverstacey
Joined: 11/28/2009
Msg: 37
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 11/30/2010 9:23:41 PM
Everyone here only knows what you share with us.. we aren't mind readers.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 38
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/1/2010 3:02:51 AM
OP...this is silly. Just because he is not attractive to you doesnt mean he will go on to do something sinister because he tries to engage you in talking.

If he creeps you out, then write him a note and slip it under his door, telling him you notice he stares alot and it makes you uncomfortable. Or next time you are in a group setting like where you were introduced, joke with him and make a funny comment about his staring....You are the one with the issue, do something about it. Even a lie about a boyfriend would help.

In all liklyhood he is socialy awkward, thinks you are cute and wishes you would speak to him. While doing routine tasks such as laundry, why not just make small talk, be polite and through that process let him know you are not available, but can be a pleasant neighbour? Cant you steer a conversation to drive home a point? Every communication has a back and forth....you scurrying away like some mouse from a cat is not taking responsibility for your side of the communication. Talk to him, tell him in so many words you are not interested...and maybe you will find out you look exactly like someone he once knew or something silly and his staring was not lustfull at all.

End of day, people look at what they like to see. You cant stop that. Take it as a compliment, one day you will lose your looks, as we all will and you'll wish for the days when men would stop what they are doing to take a peak at you. Just because you dont see him as attractive doesnt mean its less of a compliment.
 Worbug
Joined: 4/23/2009
Msg: 39
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Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/1/2010 3:24:19 AM
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
OP This is good advice and it is coming from someone who is actually attractive, go figure, so it might fit in your dillussional world.

I would just just merely have a conversation with him, after reading your profile and post's here, I doubt any one would be very interested after talking to you briefly. You don't sound like as pleaseant person to know.

What ever you do, Please do not start spreading rumors about this poor guy in an effort to feed your precious little ego. Alls it can take is for one little "Drama Queen "such as your self to turn this man's world upside down.

And heaven forbid, you EVER need this neighbor's help on some dark night when a real predator comes along.
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 40
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/1/2010 3:51:14 AM
He is getting on her nerves and creeping her out.
Doesn't matter if she is "justified" in anyone's eyes.
Mine or anyone elses.

He could be the sweetest thing or a serial rapist WE don't know.
We haven't been around him.

She has the right to say BACK OFF..Rude or not .

I would rather be a rude biotch and be done with it than had some "creep" lurk around and make me feel uncomfortable around where I live.

If verbal lashing isn't enough........ go with intimidation of another kind.

OP A big solid broom handle cut off and black/elec tape around the grip end
painted bright red with LONG 3 inch nails THROUGH the SOB where they stick out all around in every directionsthat has in black Letters..FICK YOU STICK is my fav.



Works visually with most humans and will cold C0CK the hell out of a big dog..


Every gal living alone should carry something when going in and out of her home/apt/car what ever..esp at night and holidays.

If you have the cash..get a personal alarm..SOME are So painful to the ears its unbelievable..but when I worked after dark ..Oh man.. That thing was like an air horn and shrill.

Your feelings about this are relevant to YOU..You need to feel safe unfounded or not.


{quote]I DO know when I have the creeps, I always trust my gut and do what I feel I can and need to for my personal safety. It could mean walking out of a store, taking my son with me to go get my soda or fill up with gas.
^^^^^^^^^^^^ Exactly



 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 41
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/1/2010 4:19:20 AM
Yes, she has the right to say back off...scurrying off like a timid little mouse and or biatching to neighbours is not an option that will solve anything. It will only make this experience longer and more painful.

OP should get to the bottom of it, if for no other reason than to settle her nerves. She may be surprised to find out it isnt about her 'beauty' at all, and more about something to do with him. Maybe a rumor is going around about the OP and he finds it funny...never assume people are looking at you with admiration, just because you are a pretty one...some people can see through to the inner ugliness (if there is any inside), and feel compelled to stare at it when confronted with it. lol
 maddermax
Joined: 6/14/2010
Msg: 42
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/1/2010 4:22:29 AM
I hear you OP, I can't believe a few of the women's responses. It's called women's intuition people! Anyone can sense when somethings not right.
Worbug, u wouldn't like the OP as u stated because you realize u look old too so the OP wouldn't give you the time of day haha.
OP, next time you catch him staring give him a how rude look and say is something wrong? hi its not polite to stare.
Also, u should work on your self esteem. Take some ballroom dance classes something to help u build feminine confidence. Creepy men do usually stare at pretty girls who don't know they're pretty. Hold your head up n excude confidence.
Take care n try to shrug off the freaks!
 Worbug
Joined: 4/23/2009
Msg: 43
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Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/1/2010 4:35:46 AM
"Maddermax" Yet another comment about looks from someone with no picture. But thank you for the compliment, I am glad I look my age, because yes I am Old. but I embrace it, with that age has come wisdom and experience. and second , I desire women, in my age group.

However, conserning you post, you obviously have some attraction for the OP considering how agreeing you are with her. But just remeber, she will probably be calling you creepy, I mean someone lacking in ht, and prefer not to say on bodytype, so if you do not like your body, then she most likely will not, which in her eye's makes you creepy. So keep waiting for that message from her that you are fishing for.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 9/19/2010
Msg: 44
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/1/2010 5:47:29 AM

Oh wait, you were serious? Really, you were serious?. A guy that lives in her building, happens to run into her twice in 2 or 3 weeks, and he is now a potential " stalker"?. Man I have to go take out restraining orders on ALL my neighbors. How dare they try being nice when we cross paths in the hallway or elevators.



Oh for God's sakes.... talk about reading something and TOTALLY twisting it. Reading with a preconceived mind set? NO I didn't say he is a potential stalker; I said the feelings are the same feelings someone who stalks creates in the early stages (obviously outright terror is the feelings in the later stages). Think about stalking, what is it?

They are just "there". They don't come closer, they don't approach. What harm do they really create? But the feelings are real.

People are analyzing her and judging her (some, you very much so) because of her feelings. She did unfortunately use a few negative comments on his looks so people assume the feelings are based solely on his looks. She is called vain. she is called ridiculous. She is called presumptuous. She is told he's harmless and no big deal, she is being told she's too ugly for anyone to really want to approach her, he might consider her a trainwreck, he could be socially awkward and she should just shake it off and quit being stupid. Some of the comments have been personal, hurtful and incredibly mean.

Very few are taking the feelings into account as anything but disgust with his physical appearance (which it was unfortunate that it was included; I think had she not included that paragraph this would be a very different thread).

I smile at everyone and I am EXTREMELY friendly and polite. And yet, there have been times I've gotten that creepy feeling and I've gotten the heck out of a place as fast as I could. If I was consistently getting it from someone I came into contact with more than once, in a place where I lived? I can't judge her for her feelings, because I've been there. (and a couple of the poeple where I got the strongest creepy feelings were physically incredibly good looking; it was something else, NOT physical revulsion. Something felt very "off".

I hope it's nothing and he is just socially awkward. My nephew LOVES women but he's autistic and extremely freindly and has no idea how the rules are played. Many people are aspergers now and don't know how to socialize or approach; or what polite rules are. It COULD be something like that.

Or she could be sensing something that makes her uncomfortable on a deeper level. WHATEVER the reason; I agree she doesn't want to make an enemy of him, he is in her building; I also agree she shouldn't say anything in her building based on her assumptions; but she should make it very clear the staring is making her a little uncomfortable and ask him to stop, (while still wishing him a good day).
 *Just Jim*
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 45
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/1/2010 5:48:31 AM

This man can't seem to get the clue that I'm not interested. .some people say I should just say the truth, that he's too old and not my type. I'm not sure what else to do.


op, imo it's time to put on your big girl pants & maybe bring a friend along as security &
have a chat with him about this creeping you out to set the record straight once & for all.
And if you can't then this fear you have of him will continue. And that is no way to live.

You got to nip this in the bud now. You will feel so much better once you do.

Bad things happen when good people do nothing. good luck
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 46
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/1/2010 6:00:38 AM

I hear you OP, I can't believe a few of the women's responses. It's called women's intuition people! Anyone can sense when somethings not right.
Worbug, u wouldn't like the OP as u stated because you realize u look old too so the OP wouldn't give you the time of day haha.


Oh my..Smoozing up to the op AGAIN??
Watch out she will start to notice like WE do and you will "creep" her out.


However, conserning you post, you obviously have some attraction for the OP considering how agreeing you are with her. But just remeber, she will probably be calling you creepy, I mean someone lacking in ht, and prefer not to say on bodytype, so if you do not like your body, then she most likely will not, which in her eye's makes you creepy. So keep waiting for that message from her that you are fishing

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^Exactly LOL.

Op. I find it very hard to believe you really need advise in how to shut a man down.
Haven't we been doing that since we were 13????
I mean unless there's some issue.


Thanks for the fun while it lasted............
Good luck with "your creeps"
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 47
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/1/2010 6:27:26 AM
Or she could be sensing something that makes her uncomfortable on a deeper level


Yea, like her over inflated ego telling her this unattractve guy just wants her so badly he will do anything to get her?.

About 6 months ago I moved into a 8 unit townhouse complex. I am one of no more that about 10 African Americans living in my little city. Needless to say I was the only non caucasian living in my building. On top of this I was the only unretired person living in the building. Saying me moving in made some of my neighbors uncomfortable would be the unstatement of the decade.

When I first moved in, if my door opened and someone was in the hallway, they would literally start a jog to get to their door, open it as fast as possible and you literally hear the slam, and the locks twisting. If they were getting out of their car in the garage and I was pulling in, they would pretty much drop everything they were doing to make a mad dash for the elevator. If they come in the building and I was waiting on the elevator(we would exchange uncomfortable "Hi') and they would pretend to be fumbling for something in their purse, or need to check the mailbox, or they forgot something in their car, anything to make sure they didn't get in the elevator with me.

My moving in this building, through no fault of my own had made my neighbors uncomfortable where they live. And by them being uncomfortable, it in turn made me uncomfortable. I went around my building for months walking on eggshells. Finally after months of this it stopped, I guess they finally figured out that their preconcieved notion of what I was about was totally off. Now I get the same people that use to run from me, holding the elevator door and waiting for me to get in, and we have pleasant chit chit on the way up. One of my neighbors who used to do the Carl louis everytime she saw me, now ask me for help when something goes wrong in her unit.

So when I read about some ego maniac doing the same thing to her new neighbor. And I hear other's agreeing with it and telling her to follow her instincts and make this poor guys life a living hell, it pisses me off. Why? because I can relate.

The guy has done nothing to this woman. Her running everytime she see him like a mouse from a cat is her issue not his. What exactly has this guy done to warrant her overreaction? My neighbors was overeacting because I was a 6'5' African American, She is overreacting because this poor guy is unattractive in her eyes. They might be different issues but they still boil down to the same thing bigotry.

I guess if one of my neighbors was on POF and started a thread about how I "creeped" them out. They would have gotten the same flood of " Follow your instinct" bs. Run from the black guy run. Run from the unattractive guy run.
 SouthBayNative
Joined: 10/15/2010
Msg: 48
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/1/2010 6:40:09 AM

And women who don't know the whole story/weren't there also creep me out, as well. He did more than just keep staring and smiling. .he tried to make some comments about what was in my laundry.

Well, then you're quite obviously creeped out far too easily thus proving the point that you seem paranoid as well. My God, he commented on your laundry!! Why didn't you post that in the first place? That would have cleared everything up and you would have gotten more sympathetic responses. I think you can get a restraining order based on that alone. I think you should do that. Let us know the outcome.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 9/19/2010
Msg: 49
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/1/2010 6:55:42 AM

So when I read about some ego maniac doing the same thing to her new neighbor. And I hear other's agreeing with it and telling her to follow her instincts and make this poor guys life a living hell, it pisses me off. Why? because I can relate.


ah, so now I understand the filter. When I talk about something being 'off" I am NOT talking about prejudice. (racial or looks). It's funny; I can relate too (one of the times I WAS creeped out at my apartment and hitailed it out of there; there was a rape a week later in teh same general vicinity. I always wondered if it was the same guy but it probably was a total fluke coincidence. when I talk about "inner radar" it is not revulsion or aversion, it is what I call "red clanging bells". It can't be verbalized or explained, it just is. Had it with one person and a friend of mine didn't; I ran; she didn't. He messed her up. Bad. Then one time I DIDN'T have it when I was working, and everyone else did. I told them they were being prejudice and paranoid; and i helped the people that asked. Turned out I got robbed. They were a wallet stealing ring, and I was the too nice patsy who was taken advantage of because I trusted and was kind to strangers. i'd still have done it again; but I would not have been quite so angry with people's warning me to be careful when I thought they were being ridiculous.

That was why I said DON'T tell other people about the guy and don't be impolite. What happened to you was unfair, totally wrong and I'm glad they finally figured out what they should have known all along.

But in your scenario, I am really really sorry you had that happen. I t isn't right, it isn't fair, and for you to literally feel that uncomfortable in YOUR own place.. well that's just wrong. that is NOT the type of uncomfortable I was talking about; if someone had expressed being creeped out because of a person's race, my response would have been VERY different. Because that's not intuition; that's prejudice.

imvho.
 clockwork lime
Joined: 8/12/2009
Msg: 50
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/1/2010 7:19:02 AM

I always wondered if it was the same guy but it probably was a total fluke coincidence. when I talk about "inner radar" it is not revulsion or aversion, it is what I call "red clanging bells".

"Red clanging bells" is a great way to justify bigotry to oneself. I should use that trick myself when I don't like someone. This way I won't need a rational explanation as to why I'd treat someone differently. It just is.
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