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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?      Home login  
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 moonbeamlover
Joined: 9/19/2010
Msg: 51
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?Page 3 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

"Red clanging bells" is a great way to justify bigotry to oneself. I should use that trick myself when I don't like someone. This way I won't need a rational explanation as to why I'd treat someone differently. It just is.



oh for God's sake.. now more people are projecting. There must be a lot of people with history of this, and that's too bad.

DIDN'T say the red clanging bells were because of a race. I not only have many friends of other races, not only have dated from just about every race, the person I most admire EVER happened to have been born and raised in Uganda. Most amazing person I will ever have had the privelege of knowing. I travel tos ee other cultures, LOVE learning about people from all over the place; it broadens my world. Date people without having seen their picture and think nothing of it. I don't CARE what people look like, what they do or what country of origin their genealogical tree comes from.

I love almost everybody and I talk to almost everybody. If you had ever seen me in person you would know I'm the least bigoted person you will ever know. It is NOT because of looks, it is not because of race, it is NOT because of appearance. It i an internal thing. I'm Scottish and Irish... and some say they are sensitive or something. It's a "gut" thing. I've learned over my life that when I don't listen to it, bad things happen. Found it out the hard way.

so quit projecting stuff on me that ain't there.

I try and be fair. And right now, I'm not seeing a lot of that in here. there are a lot of assumptions and a lot of presumptions. Ironically, while faulting the OP for doing exactly the same thing.

Just find that not really fair... for people who are faulting HER for not being fair.

imvho.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 52
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/1/2010 7:32:01 AM
I didn't read all the replies...just mostly the posts from the OP.
I don't understand what is happening here, although I have a feeling
it has more to do with the guys age and looks than it has to do with a
creepy factor (I can understand where older unattractive people can
sometimes come off as "creepy").

I don't assume that everyone who smiles and says hello
to me is attracted to me and wants something more than a smile back.

If you live in a "friendly" building or neighborhood, why wouldn't you
be friendly with your neighbors? Why not just say hello and let your
conversations and body language take charge of the situation? No need
to get flirty or friendly with the guy, but nothing wrong with a hello and
happy thanksgiving. We don't have to like everyone we
come in contact with, but there's not need to be rude without reason.

Takes about 2 seconds to respond to someone's hello with a hello and then
move on.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 53
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History
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/1/2010 7:55:27 AM

He did more than just keep staring and smiling. .he tried to make some comments about what was in my laundry.

And you failed to mention this in your opening post........why?
If he had said he wanted to sniff your panties you would have told us this
from the get-go.
Face it......you are judging someone unfairly you don't know.
You didn't like it much when I threw it back at you, now did you?!
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 54
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/1/2010 8:41:11 AM

He is getting on her nerves and creeping her out
Doesn't matter if she is "justified" in anyone's eyes
Mine or anyone elses

He could be the sweetest thing or a serial rapist WE don't know
We haven't been around him

She has a right to say BACK OFF ...rude or not


Great idea, from now on whenever I see someone I don't like. I will just tell them to BACK OFF, it really matters not what my reason is, if they "creep" me out, they "creep" me out.


I would rather be a rude biotch and be done with it than have some "creep" lurk around and make me feel uncomfortable around where I live


Yea, the guy comes across the OP 3 times in 3 weeks and they are neighbours. Once when he was talking to others neighbours and she butted in. Once when he saw her in a laundry mat two weeks later. And another time when she was on her way out on thanksgiving...... Man that is some serious "Lurking" considering they live in the same building. Call the Cops the guy is dangerous.

Some posters keep talking about how the OP has a right to be comfortable where she lives. Does this poor guy not have the same right? How do you think he feels after saying "hi" to the OP and her break out running to get away from him? Do you think that's making him "comfortable" where he lives?.
 jeepwmn
Joined: 8/14/2009
Msg: 55
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/1/2010 9:04:17 AM
Thanks for the replies and advice, again. Wow, I didn't know finding someone else unattractive was considered a sign of having an overinflated ego and being delusional. Thanks for the tips. I'm just going to pass over the "this coming from someone who is actually attractive" Way to go! Nothing like getting your jabs in while they're down! As far as stopping to talk to someone I don't feel comfortable around. .isn't that going just a little too far to make them feel comfortable. And I didn't "butt" in. .a group of them were in the hallway, and I happened to pass through. (It's a narrow hallway) Would have seemed rude if I didn't make small conversation. As to why I wouldn't converse with this person, past experiences from trying to just converse/make small talk with someone who seemed to be interested have resulted in those individuals taking that as a sign I was interested. Basically, they tried to pursue things further,and then things were blamed on me. .just because I was tried to do that. .just be friendly.

By the way, I'm not trying to make this person's life a living hell. .some of you go too far and assume I'll spread rumors about this man. . .reference to the "drama queen" comment. Yes, I guess that's why friends/family know when they tell me something, I won't be repeating it to anyone else. I just don't want to feel uncomfortable when I run into this person.
 REDDRAGON.
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 56
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/1/2010 9:11:15 AM

Once I saw he was looking at me, I quickly looked away, and everywhere but at him. I guess he must have taken that one time I looked at him as encouragement for him to try and strike up conversation with me. I didn't even look at him as he was talking to me, and hurried out. Then, a couple of days ago, as I'm leaving my apartment to go to a Thanksgiving dinner/party, I hear this voice, and it's him, trying to strike up conversation with me. Once I saw who it was, I quickly looked away, and walked as fast as I could. This man can't seem to get the clue that I'm not interested. .some people say I should just say the truth, that he's too old and not my type. I'm not sure what else to do. This man gives me the creeps.


You need to be more like me........when I don't like some one I bring it to their attention.
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 57
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/1/2010 9:51:55 AM

By the way, I'm not trying to make this person's life a living hell..some of you go too far


Let's see now. You break out running when a neighbour you find unattractive says "hi" to you in a building where you BOTH live. And you are accusing us of going too far?
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 58
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/1/2010 10:05:20 AM
Wow jeepewmn you are really getting reamed in here!Don't let it bother you.Some people have no one to unload too or on in real life so they come in here,and as for a particular poster calling you unnattrative,well consider the source of that insult..

It doesn't matter why you feel creeped out it only matters that you do.If more people paid attention to their gut reactions we would all be better off.



Procol harem the horse is long dead so stop beating it.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 59
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/1/2010 10:17:00 AM

Wow, I didn't know finding someone else unattractive was considered a sign of having an overinflated ego and being delusional.


See this is where I (and possibly others) found fault with the original op.
It suggested that you didn't want to even acknowledge the guy because you
found him unattractive, and you thought that because he was talking to you
it meant he was attracted to you.I say hello and smile to unattractive people all thetime
(heck I'm one of the unattractive ones myself) and I don't expect anything from
these people except maybe a hello and smile back.

I'm guessing (since I didn't read the entire thread) that you went beyond your
original post and found other faults with this guy. Your original post didn't suggest
you tried to be friendly with the guy at all....it suggested you did everything to avoid him.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 60
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History
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/1/2010 11:09:44 AM

And I didn't "butt" in. .a group of them were in the hallway, and I happened to pass through. (It's a narrow hallway) Would have seemed rude if I didn't make small conversation.

But it's ok to be rude to this man because he's not attractive, or possibly just to shy
to say Hello.


As to why I wouldn't converse with this person, past experiences from trying to just converse/make small talk with someone who seemed to be interested have resulted in those individuals taking that as a sign I was interested.

You are assuming he is interested in more than being neighborly. That is why
the comments about your ego!
And...So what if he asks you out on a date.......you just politely so No Thanks.
God forbid you handle it like an adult.

I just don't want to feel uncomfortable when I run into this person.

You haven't given us one "fact" that would account for your being uncomfortable.
Your assumptions are feeding your over active imagination.
 Worbug
Joined: 4/23/2009
Msg: 61
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History
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/1/2010 11:25:13 AM
The Bottom Line is, the OP started a TROLL/RANT thread, There was never a question asked by the OP, just a Rant. Therefore everyone posted as they interpereted the statement(s) of the OP. Yes please do consider the source of my comment (Post# 60). I never called her ugly, I just do not see an overwhelming beauty that would automatically beckon such behavior. So therefore, yes, I do call Bull Sh1T concerning the OP'S Statements. She probably thinks anyone who visits her profile and is unattractive is Creepy. Well I did visit her profile to get a feel of the OP, and trust me OP, I am not stalking you.

The Fact the OP is 34 and cannot deal with a situation that she describes, also screams she does not posses the necessary Social skill set to deal with other people.

And yes, I call "Bull Sh1t" on the supporting facts that she tried to introduce during the thread to further colaborate her story. If these facts, did in fact exist, I think they would have appeared in the opening thread, and not later, after everyone called her on her shallow behavior.

Treat people as you would like to be treated, judge upon the merits of other, or should I say, do not judge at all. OP did not like anyone judging her at all, she actually got a little miffed, but it is alright for her to do so.

No body, is by any means, telling the OP to disreguard if there is a real threat, but rather make sure there is in fact a threat.
 Sabrosura089
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 62
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/1/2010 12:07:59 PM
The Fact the OP is 34 and cannot deal with a situation that she describes, also screams she does not posses the necessary Social skill set to deal with other people.


I got the same perception by her response to straight up tell this man "she does not want to talk to him or him talk to her".

I've dealt with odd characters in my building. I had no need to verbally tell them not to speak to me, etc....If I can handle matters w/o it getting hostile or my being rude, I will take that route. Particularly, if they live in my building and I'm going to bump into them on occasion.

There are many people that have issues that aren't visible on the outside. Therefore, we should not assume this or that. Which is why I responded as I did to the OP.

That's not to say you should NOT be cautious and aware of one's surroundings at ALL TIMES. You may want to get a mace spray or such for protection, but don't go around macing people just because they are old/bald and ugly now. Sorry, couldn't help myself!
 NarcissusTemple
Joined: 4/23/2009
Msg: 63
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/1/2010 12:57:58 PM
The guy doesn't sound too bright.
Based on that assumption, he could easily be fooled.
So here's what I'd do...

Get a few life-size, full-body pics mounted on poster board.
Stand them up in various places around your complex...one in the laundry room of course, one peaking out of your front window...you get the idea.
Then, just like a duck decoy, he'll stare at the posters and you'll be free to move about your complex without worry.
It worked for me.
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 64
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/1/2010 1:33:05 PM

Get a few life-size, full-body pics mounted on poster board.
Stand them up in various places around your complex...one in the laundry room of course, one peaking out of your front window...you get the idea.
Then, just like a duck decoy, he'll stare at the posters and you'll be free to move about your complex without worry.
It worked for me.

^^^^^^^^^^^^OMG Lmaoooooooooooooooooo

I mean it MAY work..

And every time you open the door yell Fernaaaaaando I'm home.........
While checking your mail mumble "Dam that Fernando and his *****ing bills"!!




We used to have couple of single ladies ride with "dummies" in the pass seat with a ball cap come in the service drive with no legs .The techs thought is was crazy.

I thought it was freaking funny as hell.

Op you will come up with something between all this sane and sometimes insane sounding ideas.....................Never know
 pasmal
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 65
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/1/2010 2:14:52 PM
OP should just ignore the guy vs listen to the feedback she's supposed to be friendly to all her neighbors. He'll catch on. You don't have to be direct though, try to be nonchalant. I know it's a primal kind of fear--the home is where you should feel you can feel comfortable.
Just be distant, keep moving, don't answer personal questions from anyone unless you are friends. Boundaries make good neighbors. If he asks you out,diplomatically say no because you'll feel better about that, without explaining or say you're in a rush.
Op is not obligated to be friends with everybody, and can pick and choose whomever she prefers or feels comfortable--that is how it is, vs what these boards say.
I think a bit of anonymity helps in a bldg, as there is nothing worse than feeling you don't have privacy or have gossip around you.
 Mikey7619
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 66
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/1/2010 2:41:37 PM
I say hi to everyone. " How are you.. have a good morning or good evening" Anyone that thinks I'm hitting on them because of that needs to seriously get over themselves
 DudeistPriest
Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 67
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/1/2010 5:04:26 PM
I don't get it. He's new to the area, as he just moved in. Two of you were properly introduced by neighbors and had some friendly conversation, albeit as part of a group of neighbors. So why is it "creepy" that he would recognize you at the laundromat or try talking with you when passing in the hallway? Do you always think that every man that talks to you is hitting on you, or that recognizes you does so because they are obsessing over you?
IMHO your jumping to conclusions and being rude. No one says you have to like the guy, but you can still be polite.
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 68
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/1/2010 5:09:39 PM
Is there something about me that makes you think I want to interact w/you? Because I don't


Never has someone with so little to be proud of, been more proud of the little they have.

If you ask me the "creepy" neighbor is not this poor guy, but rather the much too full of herself OP. I would put up my place for sale in a heart beat if I had her as a neighbor.
 *Just Jim*
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 69
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/1/2010 7:11:35 PM

Yeah...god forbid a guy just wants to be friendly to a woman who is a neighbor.
I swear...you people scare the shyt out of me sometimes.
How the fck do you interact on a daily basis?


They come here to the fora!lol

You peeps have done good here as I took the bait at first & did not read between the lines.
 womaninblack
Joined: 11/9/2010
Msg: 70
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/1/2010 9:47:24 PM
Poor kid! And she thought it was her neighbor she had to worry about!
She's not vegetarian too, is she?

sorry, inside joke.
 jeepwmn
Joined: 8/14/2009
Msg: 71
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/1/2010 11:04:35 PM
No kidding :P. .the forums should really come with a warning sign as well: watch out for sharks. .
Or maybe some of those holographic images would be great in the laundry room . . I'm kidding. .As far as not being able to deal with the situation, don't most people use these boards as sounding boards? Just because they say they're going to do something, doesn't necessarily mean that.
TDH49: Still harping on the belief that I'm full of myself. .yes, a person with low self esteem is so full of herself!. She engages in friendly conversation with other neighbors in the building. I'm starting to sound like a broken record here, but whenever someone says "hi", I take it as just "hi" However, when they stare at you repeatedly in the laundry, stare at your laundry, and proceed to make comments about it, oh wait, I'm being full of myself, right?
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 72
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Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/1/2010 11:20:04 PM

...He just kept staring at me. And yes, I do get that creepy vibe from him, and it's not just because I'm not attracted to him. I do think I will tell him that I don't wish to talk to him, and for him not to talk with me anymore, if I run into him again.


Is there someone at your complex that you are close to, friend wise? Perhaps someone that could step forward for you, and speak to the guy, and tell him that you are simply are not interested?

I would REALLY stay away from letting the guy know that you are creeped by him, as that may trigger him to purposely creep you more. You've already displayed a sign of weakness, by your avoiding looking at him and leaving the immediate area where he and you are at. I am reading what you wrote that you are quite flustered and disturbed to be around him..I am fairly certain that you've displayed that when you two have met, as you have written.

There are some in our society who will use that sign of weakness to their advantage and be bolder..he doesn't need to know that, he only needs to know that you don't want to engage him in conversation or be around him..period.

See if there is someone who he knows, that you know, and they can act as an intermediary for you.
 womaninblack
Joined: 11/9/2010
Msg: 73
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/1/2010 11:22:33 PM

However, when they stare at you repeatedly in the laundry, stare at your laundry, and proceed to make comments about it, oh wait, I'm being full of myself, right?


So what if they stare? Let them admire all they want.
Just smile and keep walking with your head held high, shoulders back, chest forward and heart open ... after all you never know what you may be missing when you close yourself off!
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 74
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/2/2010 3:32:42 AM

Frankly, I think acting all freaked out whenever someone even looks at you, and running away when they try to speak to you is acting a lot more creepy than a new neighbor making the effort to get to know the other residents of the building they share.


I was thinking same...he likely goes home and talks to friends about this creepy neighbour who acts like he is chasing her for no reason....

OP, you just dont know what his motives really are unless you speak with him and find out.

Everything you posted sounds harmless to me. He looked at your laundry...in a laundry room...how innapropriate...NOT. Its called using whats in front of you to make conversation. If you ran into him by the mailbox, hed likely comment on the mail...yaknow?

She has the right to feel safe, but not at the expense of judging and making him feel bad. She can easily march around her building with a false little smile, nod and wave to folks and carry on with life, as we ALL DO day to day. If she thinks she is in danger, than stow mace in the hamper when doing laundry...maybe if you feel some sort of power you wont be afraid of smiles and hellos. We are all responsible for our own safety, and I would never suggest anyone not listen to thier gut. But to carry on such as this, start a thread such as this seems way over the top based on the actual account she has posted. Nothing strange has actually happened, except for her assumption that he is being sneaky and creepy....he is doing laundry and being pleasant...innocent until proven otherwise is called for here, and her taking responsibility for her own safety is called for...thats all. She SHOULD be doing that ALL the time, not just when confronted with 1 man who 'creeps her out'. The nicest, best looking man, can assault too you know.

This is what the forum is picking up on here. She is ONLY worried abut her safety because she finds him physically repulsive. In reality, women are raped more often by acquantances that never creeped them out at all. They never saw it coming.

I deal with all sorts every day. Do I like every person who is nice to me and wants to talk to me? No, I dont. However, it does me no harm to be pleasant and cordial while knowing my bear spray is hanging off my keychain. lol. I have been creeped out, only to find out later I was grossly mis judging...had met that person on a day they were having issues completely unrelated to my encounter with them.. He is likely harmless, not at all your kind of person, and you'd likely never be freindly in any other environment...however you live in the same building and a little effort is needed for both to remain cordial.
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 75
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/2/2010 5:49:56 AM

If he were attractive and stared at her in the laundry room she would have flirted back.
She would have been polite in the hallway when he tried to say "hi".

But since she'll never be attracted to him he's "creepy"

It's pretty clear.

Are you still beating that long dead horse?

You know attractive people can be creepy too!A family members husband is extremely attractive.Someone you would call a hottie and ever since I was a little girl he has creeped me out for some reason.He never did or said anything,but still I felt creeped out,then one day when I was 12 he made an unmistakable sexual pass at me.My gut feeling of his creepiness was right all along.
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