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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?      Home login  
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 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 126
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?Page 6 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
Really? Enlighten us.

I have already given examples.If you have chosen to not read my entire post then I am not going to write it out again.Don't complain because you pick and choose what you want to read.


slutty" behaviour should be laughed off?

Care to point out where I said that slutty inappropriate behavior should be laughed off and just put up with??



So many people jump to the conclusion that people are malicious, instead of maybe just socially clumsy.

Nowhere did anyone say that this is what was going to happen or that she should even fear it,in fact I went out of my way,which you chose to ignore,that this probably was not going to happen. I even said that our gut reactions are sometimes wrong but they are also sometimes right.So as far as how I will react to my gut feeling about someone it to be safe rather then sorry.My creepiness detector has served me well many times in the past.I will not abandon it out of politically correctness.

And, has been said, would it KILL the OP to shoot the breeze for a few minutes with her neighbour? I don't think so...

When someone truly creeps you out you have no idea just how terrible it is to even stand anywhere near them for any length of time let along talk to them.
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 127
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/4/2010 1:20:43 PM

What a nice attitude. Good thing the majority of people don't feel or act this way. Since when did you get the idea that you have the "right" to be rude & hurtful to someone? Who do you think you are?

As I already said my point was not about what is right and wrong it was about what we can and can't do legally.Legally no one is obligated to be nice,just like you and many other are not being nice to the op at all.What I was trying to tell her was that if she wanted to just ignore him she can do that.She is not obligated to speak to anyone.I don't go around being rude and hurtful to people.If I don't like someone I just don't speak to them.Oh and if you don't like anything to do with my post including comparisons and personal experiences feel free to completely skip over my post completely.You are not legally obligated to read anything I post.
 jeepwmn
Joined: 8/14/2009
Msg: 128
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/4/2010 1:30:32 PM
To Ice Queen :
Yes, of course because I happened not to include the fact that he commented on my laundry, (because I was expressing frustration at receiving unwanted attention from someone) you and a couple of others choose to call it BS. Of course, you know better because you were there, right?
 jeepwmn
Joined: 8/14/2009
Msg: 129
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/4/2010 1:44:49 PM
A little behind on the reading, are we? A post after I had mentioned that said that just because someone says that they're going to do something, doesn't mean they will. No, it's not worth the energy to think about this person any longer. .just as I'm sure it's the same in my case. .ie. he won't think it's worth talking to me. Nice try there, but I don't pick on disabled people, or unemployed. Yes, I'm such a princess to desire to be left alone.
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 130
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/4/2010 3:16:59 PM
I'm just curious, Ray. Would be oh-so-quick to defend the OP here if her original post didn't reference his looks but instead maybe said something equally as derogatory as "eeewww, he's disabled and unemployed and there's noooooooooo way I'd ever date him, and he was looking at me, and tried to talk to me........." Someone I think if that were the case, you'd be singing a different tune.

Why would I care why she was creeped out by him? Besides as I have stated before most of the times we really don't know why someone creeps us out.The whole gut reaction thing is not based on anything solid and logical.That's why many times it's wrong.
By the way I get what you are trying to do here with your jab.For someone who was so upset over the fact that no one has to be nice to everyone you sure know how to be not so nice.I guess your niceness is reserved only for those you deem worthy.So very nice of you.NOT!
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 9/19/2010
Msg: 131
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/4/2010 3:17:29 PM
(moonbeamlover) hello dr. es and viewing public.
i wasn't talking about him BEING the stalker. I talked about how the FEELINGS were the same feelings as the beginning of stalking.

A distinction without a difference.
think about it... stalking shouldn't be that big a deal either...
I can't believe you just said something so monumentally foolish.

"The first thing you should do when you're digging yourself into a hole, is to stop digging."
I can understand why you took it the way you did... now maybe you can TRY and undersatnd what it was i was trying to say that was misunderstood as well?
Sure: I couldn't see any difference between being a "potential" stalker, and being in the "very very early stages" of being a stalker. Does it depend on how many "very"s you put in front of "early"?


um, HE wasn't teh potential stalker, he WASN'T int he very very eary stages of being a stalker. SAID the FEELINGS were the FEELINGS generated in the very early stages that are the same as a stalker. that is a HUGE distinction that anyone who isn't reading it with a totally biased filter would catch.

I have BEEN stalked. More than once. One of them they never showed themselves; they only obscene phone called every day, while getting more explicit; until the last day where they described EXACTLY what my ex was wearing, less than fifteen seconds after he walked out the door, before describing exactly what they were going to do to me. THAT was the time where teh rape happened a week after that phone call. Was it the same guy or not? don't know, but where the rape occurred was EXACTLY where he had to have been sitting when he watched my ex leave.

Once I was stalked where it was half in person and half email/phone. They would call 30 times a day, they would leave numerous voicemail messages AND they would show up at the end of my driveway. When they started leaving more messages it was annoying. When they showed up without having met me WITHOTU my having told them where I lived, it went past creepy to extremely upsetting.

I have had someone text 15 times a day for almost a year and a quarter, no response. again, more annoying.

when in the early stages where someone starts to show up and doesn't do anything, just smiles innocently while there, there is nothing youc an SAY that will rationally explain why you are uncomfortable. I f you try and verbalize it? You sound ridiculous.

that is EXACTLY what i am trying to convey and you are deliberately, repeatedly ignoring in my posts. You are picking and choosing words without seeing the most important part of my words; the "feelings" part. I am NOT saying he is stalking. please repeat it after me. I am not saying, implyign or in any other way at all whatsoever saying what he is doing in my opinioon IS stalking. I am saying the feelings he is engendering in her are THE SAME as what a person feels in teh beginning of being stalked. And if you try and make them verbalize them? they will always sound like an idiot. That's why stalking laws are so archaic. Until actual threat has not only been spoken but acted upon, no one will do anything. Which is why so many stalked people end up dead. by the time the threat happens? The threat is completed.

And as someone who has been stalked, I know the feelings intimately. As someone who has narrowly avoided being attempted raped by someone who creeped me out who my friend took at face value and WAS overtly mauled, as someone who ALWAYS is friendly even if I do "bolt quickly", I can not say enough how unfair I think it is people so blatantly disregard that innate sense of danger because someone can not verbalize articulately what "exactly" that person did to make the hair stand up on teh back of our neck.

But you aren't going to see it. You just want to pick a fight. so whatever. you win, believer whatever you want. Call me foolish or whatever the heck you want; you aren't hearing me correclty anyways; so whatever.

have it your own way.

But having BEEN there, and knowing how frustrating it is in laws especially for women where they can't be protected when there has not been anything overt that can be definitively verbalized and people are belittled, derided, put down or otherwise disrespected without that other person even PRETENDING to hear what a person is intending to say because they are so "sure" of the other person's being "ridiculous"...

Whatever... communication moat with sharks apparently, so have fun continuing to completely miss what I'm trying to say while calling me a fool and not hearing a single word about what it's like being in that particular place. Hopefully you will never experience it for yourself. having someone judge you overtly while blowing you out of the water, on their platform of complete self righteousness, not having a clue what it is like being unable to articulate, but not being able to be comfortable either, with a situation that has you not only on edge, but beyond that. Especially if it DOES escalate. Easy to judge. Not so easy to understand. You want her to understand. While not even pretending to try and do so yourself. A little hypocritical, in my point of view.. but then I do try and be fair (and yes, i would be cordial; I would not be rude to the person. but i would also be careful).

(and don't need to respond; i don't want mine nit picked again; if you aren't even going to pretend to try and understand the distinction of feelings where you can't articulate it but where it feels just as real; it isn't dialogue anyways; so peace. You already made up your mind, so knock yourself out. just hope you never experience it yourself in at any point where you have those same hairs stand up on the back of your neck; for nothing concrete; where people around you call you a paranoid idiot. it's not a fun feeling being judged wheen you're already uncomfortable).
 jeepwmn
Joined: 8/14/2009
Msg: 132
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/4/2010 3:36:44 PM
Ice queen: Yes, because we're never supposed to notice details about the people who talk to us, are we? And not everyone is ms perfect and includes/doesn't include details. Sorry, I didn't know we were being graded. Hmm, stability, that's a new one.
 clockwork lime
Joined: 8/12/2009
Msg: 133
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/4/2010 3:44:10 PM

Most stable people don't evaluate the date-worthiness of the person who creeps them out.

Precisely.
And further to that, they wouldn't start a thread about them on a site in a forum called "dating experiences".
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 134
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History
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/4/2010 6:50:03 PM
jeepwmn What a thread, I just wanted to tell you I think you've handled it all very graciously. While I do understand why some men have made the comments they have, they've never been a woman (I'm assuming...haha). This is just one of those things that IS different for women. They don't get it because they just can't.

I've been stared at, and I don't assume it's because I think "I'm just so HOT", gak...geez, I don't think it's fair for you for some men to have made that assumption.

There's some women that have given me the creeps, sometimes I can't even explain, nor do I feel the need to, because I TRUST my gut. I totally suggest to anyone and everyone they do the same. I always err on the side of caution when it comes to me and my gut feelings. This is something about men that men can't and won't be able to understand. It's just not worth the risk. Don't feel bad about what you've done at all.
 Dan99993
Joined: 11/29/2010
Msg: 135
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/4/2010 7:33:42 PM
^^^Correction. She doesn't necessarily think he's interested in her. She may think it's a possibility and want to deal with it, in case it goes any further.

And even if she did think he was interested, how do you know she hasn't picked up on his possible feelings/desires?
Are you implying she can't tell? It's not always hard to tell if someone's interested. I can tell. And I'm a man. lol Not always, but sometimes it's obvious. In this case, she had enough contact with him to make picking up on interest a relatively easy task.

You're making this into a bigger issue than it has to be.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 136
view profile
History
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/4/2010 7:47:54 PM
" bucsgirl, do you mean to tell me that anytime a man you've previously been introduced to tries to speak with you in passing, or runs into you in a common public place, that you assume he's "interested"? "

Read my post again. I don't assume, I have been aware of behaviors that creeped me out. Did you read the OP? He lives in her building, he was in the laundry area and made a comment about her laundry. If someone's making a comment about MY laundry, other than where did you get those towels...

Give me a break, men don't talk to women about their laundry...what world are you in orbit in?

I don't assume anything, had you READ either my post or the OP's the question wouldn't have been asked.
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 137
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/4/2010 9:34:28 PM

he was in the laundry area and made a comment about her laundry. If someone's making a comment about MY laundry, other than where did you get those towels


With all due respect OP is making stuff up as she goes along. Besides all she said was the guy made a comment about her laundry. For all we know it could have been " Where did you get those towels". He didn't comment on her undies, because if he did she would have said something about that in her Op.

I tend make my assessment of a thread mostly based on the opening post . I usually don't put too much weight on thing's added by the OP AFTER they see which way the wind is blowing in a thread. If there was ANYTHING to this " He commented on my laundry " thing, it would have been in her OP, She waited until the tar and feather came out before she started tossing crap against the wall, hoping something will stick.
 jeepwmn
Joined: 8/14/2009
Msg: 138
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/4/2010 10:15:37 PM
Thank you, bucsgirl. .

As for ice queen, and the others who think I'm just pulling BS out of my a**, I'm not going to explain/defend any further. This is getting really old, and frankly, I have better things to do. Think what you will, and have fun with it and thank you for demonstrating once again why people should rethink coming here for advice.


Also, I don't think that he intentionally sought me out any more than I intended to run into him.
 JRodriguez81
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 139
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/5/2010 1:54:47 AM
Bucsgirl stated:

jeepwmn What a thread, I just wanted to tell you I think you've handled it all very graciously. While I do understand why some men have made the comments they have, they've never been a woman (I'm assuming...haha). This is just one of those things that IS different for women. They don't get it because they just can't.





I see what you TRIED to do here, but sorry, it failed miserably for the simple fact that many females in this thread also agree with the males in this thread. This isnt a simple case of males vs females, in our point of views.


So try again.
 I-am-Rei
Joined: 9/11/2009
Msg: 140
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/5/2010 3:03:37 AM
he tried to make some comments about what was in my laundry.If it were any other neighbor, I would have stopped and talked to them.

What exactly was the comment? Because I can't see anything odd making comments about my laundry when we are in the laundry area. It might be odd if he commented or asked about what's in my kitchen or in my living room where he hadn't been.

Also when you said if it were any neighbor you will stopped and talked to them, therefore it has nothing to do with the comment because you were still willing to talk provided it was not him. Therefore again, the laundry comment is not important detail to predict creepiness.

 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 141
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/5/2010 7:00:11 AM

While I do understand why some men have made the comments they have, they have never been a woman(I'm assuming...haha). This is just one of those things that IS different for women. They don't get it because they just can't


You are just way too intelligent to be making this statement, if infact you actually read this entire thread. The fact is quite a few women have been VERY harsh to the OP about her stand(see Ice Queen 211, just to name one). Just as quite a few men (who just don't get it because they just can't) have come out in support of her for their own reasons. This thread is far from a male versus female thread, and it insults our intelligence you attempting to paint it as such.


Also, I don't think that he intentionally sought me out any more than I intended to run into him


Yea, we already know this. If a neighbour was intentionally seeking you out they would be knocking on your door. But of course that didn't stop you from running from him when he tried wishing you a happy thanksgiving.

 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 142
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/5/2010 7:13:25 AM
Im curious OP, what makes this guy so creepy? because he stares at you and made a comment about your laundry?

Why do you assume he's interested in you? I haven't read the entire thread so im not sure if you answered but just from your initial post it comes across as 1) he's not your type 2) you dont welcome the attention from him, has he asked you out? or just making conversation because maybe that's what he's like and is trying to be friendly.
 Email Tom Now
Joined: 9/17/2010
Msg: 143
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/5/2010 7:52:41 AM
i hate to say it but it's the OP who i think is creepy.

no human emotion of saying "hi".

no friendliness to a man who has not even said anything untowards to her.

no wonder some men are shy and afraid to talk to women.

what makes this woman think she's so desirable that every single man is romantically or sexually interested in her.

IT'S THE OP WHO IS THE CREEPER!
 Sabrosura089
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 144
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/5/2010 10:42:59 AM
So what piece of clothing did he comment on? i.e. your thongs, bras............and what exactly were his comments?
 jeepwmn
Joined: 8/14/2009
Msg: 145
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/5/2010 11:35:19 AM
email tom:I knew this comment would come up. .missing some reading, are we? Yes, according to you. .every woman has to respond to any man that talks to her, just as you're obligated to speak to every woman that speaks to you, I suppose? Yes, try and blame the problem on women. . "No wonder some men are shy and afraid to talk to women" Not my problem.
The idea that of how desirable/not desirable doesn't matter. .it's that I don't want to talk to this man.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 146
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/5/2010 11:40:03 AM
The long and short of it is, at least in my case, I find the OP's hypocrisy to be objectionable.

If it was attention from a welcome source, it wouldn't be "creepy". A warm, inviting smile on George Clooney's face (or whoever does it for OP) suddenly becomes "grinning like an idiot" when someone OP is NOT attracted to, does it.

Don't insult my intelligence by pretending that there's some objective standard of what constitutes "creepy".

Dr. ES...
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 147
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/5/2010 11:45:52 AM

(moonbeamlover) when in the early stages where someone starts to show up and doesn't do anything, just smiles innocently while there, there is nothing youc an SAY that will rationally explain why you are uncomfortable.


When *I* feel uncomfortable, I certainly don't start threads on PoF b!tching about what a creepy person the source of my discomfort is... YMMV.

Dr. ES...
 Sabrosura089
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 148
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/5/2010 4:43:01 PM
^^^^It does appear as the questions that are probing into finding a reason as to what makes her believe this person is "creepy" is being overlooked.

At which point, the person's credibility is in question.
 jeepwmn
Joined: 8/14/2009
Msg: 149
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/5/2010 5:50:19 PM
Ok, to settle this. .even before I happened to run into him doing laundry, he kept staring at me while the other neighbors were there. The staring and smiling started before the laundromat incident, but I've said that before in a previous post. As to what he specifically said, "How old is your baby?" Ok, that's an insult right there. He's basically saying I look like I had a baby, which implies I need to lose weight.( No offense to anyone, I'm just saying what it sounded like to me. And I'm well aware that there are plenty of women who've had children who are thinner/in better shape than myself) I'm trying to do that, but that's besides the point. By that time, I was completely turned off. I told him curtly, " I don't have one. " "Oh, you don't?" No apology. That is why I find that creepy. .and him as well. What person stares at someone on a continuous basis, and looks at their laundry,and insults them in that manner, but doesn't apologize?
Yes, I do realize you are 11 years younger. .You seemed to imply that my not handling the situation in an ideal manner was related to my age.
Also, calling some "creepy" and a "b**ch" are entirely different. Both are derogatory, but there's another label that can be applied to men, which I don't use. Even in arguments I've had with friends, we've never called each that. Ever. And we're talking about 15 year friendships.
 jeepwmn
Joined: 8/14/2009
Msg: 150
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/5/2010 6:08:15 PM
Because you and a few others might find me childish if he commented on the stuffed animal that I had in my laundry. Therefore, the omission of facts. And I've never run into anyone who kept looking at someone long enough to determine what was in my laundry. Yes, I'm on the shy/reserved side, and might be "potentially" socially awkward, as someone put it, but I at least know that staring at someone for a period of time, and then commenting on things in their laundry would creep them out.

Once, again, for the umpteenth time, NO, anyone who makes idle chit chat is not interested in me. That was a mistake on my part of including the man's physical description, as I was venting at the unwanted attention. I've had conversations with men who were older than this man, but I believed they were talking to just talk to someone, and they didn't give off the same vibe.
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