Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  >      Home login  
Joined: 7/31/2010
Msg: 3
view profile
No success for me?Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Well OP, if it makes you feel anybetter, I would date you in a heartbeat, but you live in another country :P
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 4
view profile
No success for me?
Posted: 12/6/2010 2:33:51 AM

Is it demographics?

Mmmm, somewhat. You could say that it doesn't matter what site you go to because people are people regardless of the site. If there's tons of biases that prevent any given person of any walk of life from success on one site then they certainly can be on other sites. It's also the site itself. POF doesn't do any hand holding for the user. It basically gives you a box to say whatever you want which is a daunting task for many people in their profiles. The result is endless amounts of people who can't textually get themselves across very well.

Aside from that you have to keep in mind the huge user base of POF. There's so many people at the user's fingertips that passing you or me up in favor of someone else is the standard procedure. So at least that much can kind of explain why these "semi-intelligent" people could be looking the other way. With less choices more people would be making contact and hopefully would be meeting and actually relating.

My advice to you would be to take this site with a grain of salt. The more you take it seriously and get repeatedly disappointed then the more your perception of people and possibly yourself alters. It's so easy to be convinced that you're hideous to the POF population when in reality your viewers simply aren't on your wavelength. Use the site less to take breaks and get away from the monotony. Vent about it to your friends or somewhere else for the sake of it. Write a different version of your profile and put up a different theme to just see what happens. Do a barrel roll or whatever you need to lessen the frustration.
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 6
view profile
No success for me?
Posted: 12/6/2010 4:52:05 AM
"I get tons of responses, mostly from people who haven't bother to read my profile"
Okay, so I'm not losing THAT much of my aging eyesight, you are cute as a button. In fact most buttons aren't cute at all, so I have no idea why people say that, but anyway...
Given that you ARE picky ENOUGH to have rejected over 4,000 pounds of human(I'm assuming) males already, perhaps the solution is for YOU to make first contact with the ones who's profiles YOU find attractive.
One other point, in case you haven't learned it yet: many of us guys, of all ages, have never learned how to express ourselves TO WOMEN in a way that shows we are capable of rational thought. This is especially and increasingly true, the more attracted we are to them. POSSIBLY some of the guys you rejected, weren't as awful as you first thought ( I wouldn't know, having never even TRIED to date guys). Did you review their profiles? That probably wouldn't help much either, if they are like most guys in your age range (again, except for us writer types, guys usually don't do verbiage stuff all that well).
So anyway, I'd say the thing for you to consider is that you are alone because you are turning away everyone who IS contacting you, and aren't in turn taking things into your own hands. And yes, it is VERY unlikely that all of the guys you WOULD like in your area are on any single dating site, or on dating sites at all. So the advice to look into other venues is a good one too.
Joined: 8/15/2009
Msg: 7
view profile
No success for me?
Posted: 12/6/2010 5:29:44 AM
At your age it should be so easy to meet men off line that on line should be just a BS time killer for when you are super bored.

Then again, I say that is likely true of most all women, regardless of age.

POF has lots and lots of members, and men outnumber women (the last I heard/read) so it makes rational sense that it would be easy to find someone half way decent. That has never been my experience either. For quantity, on line fits the bill. If I disregard everything about what I'm actually looking for then I can find a date for tonight from here if inclined. However, I have never met a quality person from on line. Those type of gents I have only ever met off line. Fortunately in enough quantity that unless I go through another phase of needing 3 new dates a week then POF will remain a BS time killer for me.

Your experience is pretty common. I would guess that those who do find quality mates on line are more the anomaly. Sure, it can happen but odds are pretty low that it will.

I would suggest concentrating on the guys you meet out and about and don't actually look to on line to find anything but your own amusement. If it pans out that you meet someone great, then wonderful. If not, then you haven't really invested much into the experience to be disappointed over.
Joined: 7/21/2005
Msg: 8
view profile
No success for me?
Posted: 12/6/2010 6:41:23 AM
Not in all cases, but often times when people say they aren't picky, when you begin to examine the specifics of what they want, it becomes clear that a number of their expectations are not so much unreasonable generally, as they are unrealistic. Some places you live simply won't have enough available of the type you're interested in, so that can add to the unrealism in that context. At that point it becomes a decision to whether you want to hold out for that type to happen across you, or begin to try other avenues.

I'd also like to add that even with a person being young, similar rules and the challenges of social circles and social availability still apply no matter what your age is, no matter what amount of money you have or how attractive you are. Granted, there aren't a lot of young-attractive-wealthy people hanging around dating sites (and I mean that as a 3-part package; there are plenty of young people, attractive people, and probably some wealthy people, too), but having those things going for a person doesn't mean they've found love or happiness either. A closer look and one will find that many of those types go through the exact same struggles with these things as everyone else does, and in many cases even moreso.
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 14
No success for me?
Posted: 12/6/2010 12:18:37 PM
You do realize that your profile says hang out, right? You are not stating that you are looking for any type of dating or relationship. This could be the a problem.

Also, I'd use both online and real world. You shouldn't have a problem in either case.

I believe this is your issue, change what you are looking for and be pro active in looking for it.

Good luck..
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 24
view profile
No success for me?
Posted: 12/6/2010 9:54:57 PM
Maybe its not supposed to be easy. In their twenties semi-literate and fun guys might be tricky to spot. I mean- I'm at polo tonight with a team I don't play with often, a few are near olympic level or ex, and they're all asking each other, "how are your bees doing?". "Fine- they're settling down with the snow-I think they'll be very good". WTF? What is that? I don't know- I meant to ask as I do know people who keep bees on a farm by the river - but why would so many unrelated people on the team keep them separately?

It wasn't that different in my twenties. A bunch that turned out to be wise were working in sawmills, getting kicked out of university, struggling with courses. Dumbness ensued - it was decades before they ended up running organizations, took over high tech outfits and became gurus. (of a sort). Its maybe the same with women. Lots that I thought weren't anything special seem very wise now. Of course that's from someone who's basically the slave to a cabal of'em. Still, with women I didn't see as much of an abject foolish stage that might vanish completely leaving no trace.

.. I don't think you're picky. I've the opinion that pof works, but as you've opinioned elsewhere my opinion isn't tweaking your sense of 'that's right'. Whichever good luck, and good night.. late night babbling turns never to wisedom- don't get the idea I'm trying to say anything that's gonna seem sensible by morning.. I wanted to say,..'yeah- that sucks'.
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 27
view profile
No success for me?
Posted: 12/7/2010 10:03:44 PM
This is meant to be constructive, and simply my opinion, k?

I'd change your wanting to "hang out" to wanting to "date".

What you have written in your post, differs on the surface, to what your profile says.

I enjoyed reading your profile, and think you want to have fun, but what you have written here, makes me believe you want a meaningful relati0nship with someone. That differs, in my opinion, from what your profile says.

How about..if the choice of words here on POF bother you..that you put in your profile, what you want? Nothing wrong with that. If someone is interested in you, and someone out there patient..they will come along. Really, they will.

Hang in advise I can give you.
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 31
view profile
No success for me?
Posted: 12/8/2010 7:54:38 PM
To be straight, I'm not actually trying to provide good advice, just advice:

Recalling roughly what Mors Kochanski says in Bushcraft, "that good spot is rare. You may have to feel around in the dark under hundreds of trees before you find a dry place to rest."

The bugs you're looking for are not under each rock and you may have to poke a few gourds to see what crawls. In short widen your limits, explore: Verne Troyers to Shaq, Bieber to Hef, Street bums to Branson and Pink to White Stripes. All excellent threesomes.

Like Clinton get junk happening that forces comments: wear makeup to truly look like a boy (with somethings..) dye gold tips on blue fleur de lis in that spikey hair, wear a big "speak french to me" placard. Smile and say hi to everyone you meet;(best avoid that trick on the metro and dress Christmas-sy so its not bizarre).

Hunt where the prey lives. Let them know you're there. Carry a spear. TO has a mobile animation festival, volunteer as a beer girl at something huge, artsy and full of guys with the oppposite problem to yours.

You'll do fine. As Zapp Brannigan says, "That young man fills me with hope. Plus some other emotions which are weird and deeply confusing."
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 38
No success for me?
Posted: 12/20/2010 9:18:56 PM
OP, Miss attention seeker....LOL

I don't date white girls....not really - its been more than a decade for me.

but if you were closer, I'd make at least an initial date with you.

2nd date? well, that depends on the 1st date...

so now, do you feel better?
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 39
view profile
No success for me?
Posted: 12/20/2010 9:51:14 PM
Most even slightly attractive young women are showered with guys looking at them all the time, so you may be numb to that. You're profile says your a student; at any co-ed college, there are plenty of guys, so you'll have to be on the lookout for those who are looking at you with interest, and perhaps make a friendly remark or two, to spark a conversation. But there's always this: marketing. Think of the 'customers' you want to attract, and what you're doing to attract them. Sure, if you like having your hair cut short like a guys, then fine. But know that you're cutting down your 'customer base' considerably by doing so, most guys prefer long hair, and everything else being equal, they're going to go with the girl with longer, prettier hair. Same with everything else. While most people like to think that we should ignore stereotype looks and behavior, well, there's a good reason why those stereotypes exist: They work. Sure, somewhere there are guys that are attracted to women who don't like to dress pretty, don't like make up, don't like feminine long hair. But there aren't a lot of them. Be thankful that you can change things about your appearance that will make a very significant difference in how many people you attract; lots of us have things we can't change. Remember, people always say 'just be yourself'. But if that's not working, we can change.
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 45
No success for me?
Posted: 12/23/2010 8:52:28 AM
I agree with Coma...the girls that have messaged me...I've gone out with them...with the exception of a copule...cuz they were awfully unattractive and overweight...

but the ones that I've found attractive...lets go!
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 53
view profile
No success for me?
Posted: 12/29/2010 9:47:42 PM
Is the message settle, go for the gusto with no fire?

I like that, .. hotties for olderviille,,.. wait there are reports from section Alpha, a margarita spritzer battle, they've taken island four - got our Caelis and the adult diapers. Consewella can't take out those under agers before they've the cards to our rooms, enama and Androgel supplies. Have to hole up in the elevator, hope they've too young to realize someone might be using anything other than stairs in a three story building.

Preaching for pof is like being an eHarmony dwork. Without the "w".

However the real show up. People read your profile, digg nuggets from photos and find what is going on. They're not perfect or sensible but fits happen. I don't mean spastic or public problems but ease; that sense of "I can turn my back a sec and still know what's up", or the opposite, "she's totally snakeoid but that's a wonder".

Specifically. Over a decade five matchs have contacted me. ICQ, youtube, here-some were satanic wildones, total wild lesbians. But true occurs. Please See it when its there. I made one MaJor\ error not realizing. Try not to make that mistake and no.. I am not that non-mistake guy.
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 54
view profile
No success for me?
Posted: 12/30/2010 1:33:27 PM

Don't get me wrong, i'm not looking for the one, i'm just look for someone. I'm basically looking for what ever girl wants: a semi-interesting, semi-literate,semi-intelligent, semi-attractive man.

^^^If it were really that bare bones as to what you're looking for, you'd not be posting this. You are being picky---but that's okay and important, there's no need to settle--ever.

I'm going to suggest that you've already met that 'semi' man, but he simply isn't doing it for you. The missing piece or what flips the switch is often something quite intangible and it doesn't often show up as ordered with the full complement of desired traits in tow.

You wanted advice. I'd suggest that you start dating every once in a while with a few those that you feel come close but who you believe are missing what you'd consider 'the icing on the cake' bits.

Have faith...I think you can get mostly what you're looking for, but I doubt it will manifest in the exact way you'd like, so these dating experiences will help you understand how firm your personal deal breakers really are.

Also, I think you need to translate some of what you're writing here onto your profile---successful fishing is in large part knowing how to bait your hook. Your profile is your hook in this realm, and imo you've not capitalized on that nearly enough here. You need to translate what you want to your target because they'll readily self-identify and suggest that resonance with you around those traits.

While POF is ideal for looking for finding men that have the traits you're looking for because it's a medium that emphasizes writing, don't forget your offline appeal too...expand your network.

Finally, I completely get the "ick factor" with respect to older guys-...I was the same way around your age until that day when I wasn't. (Btw, I still get contacted by men who are seriously older than myself but that's because I choose not to use restrictions)

At 31 or 32 I realized that I started to be consistently attracting men in their early-to- mid-40's or so. They often matched that intellectual compatibility and confidence level that I wanted and found attractive, but were really much older than what I thought I wanted or for my comfort level.

Of course as is often the way with intransigent thinking, everything eventually changed with one man----a man that had the kind of intellectual, charismatic and emotional qualities and chemistry that really 'got me', with a body, energy level and appeal that I quickly realized wasn't the least 'old'...
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 57
view profile
No success for me?
Posted: 1/2/2011 11:29:07 AM
Since i'm so braindead for ideas, maybe a game of "I rather" is in order. Okay, i'll start:
- i have no idea what i am doing with this.

Are simply describing yourself or are you looking for a guy that has similar tastes to your list here?

As for the semi-whatever you're looking for, you meet those type of people every single day of your life. That's probably not what you're looking for.
Joined: 9/10/2010
Msg: 62
No success for me?
Posted: 1/26/2011 3:34:32 PM
Hey OP, I'm not sure what you are looking for in your woe-is-me post, but if I were your age, I would find you very attractive, and being the old guy I am, I believe you are gorgeous. Whatever issues you are having is not your looks. Good luck.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  >