Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Advice Please about work situation with younger lady      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 WaywardWynde
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 4
view profile
History
Advice Please about work situation with younger ladyPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
One Saturday morning I was having breakfast at a diner with my daughter. (She's very much an adult now, with her own life, so we meet every so often, far less than when she was a very young woman with all kinds of questions for Dad.)

I was complaining about how women my age showed near zero interest in me (my preference is by far for women my age or a little less), yet younger women often showed rather greater interest. In fact, I complained about two such women who were seven and eight years younger than she. She said, bless her soul, "Dad, don't limit yourself. If a (young) woman wants you ....."

Last night, a woman 40 years younger than I offered to buy me a drink.

If a woman wants you ....

On the other hand, if your social calendar is booked solid several months out with women your age, dump the youngster.

ACTUALLY, __do__ keep in mind what changing diapers is like, and ask yourself if that is an experience you want to repeat.
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 5
Advice Please about work situation with younger lady
Posted: 12/10/2010 5:36:46 PM

As you can probably guess I have been stupid enough to let my feelings change, I think about her all the time


THAT seems to be your issue.. Good news, that is something YOU can deal with..

Advice from experience: Enjoy your FRIENDSHIP with her, don't focus on her as GF..

Become more active socially in your common interest social groups so you meet others to possibly develop a relationship with...
 WaywardWynde
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 6
view profile
History
Advice Please about work situation with younger lady
Posted: 12/10/2010 6:19:59 PM

From what I see....she is only interested in a friendship.


I guarantee ya, the girl wants more, whether or not she knows that is good for her.

Everyone of us on this site, everyone of us on this planet, have an ancestors where the woman was young and the man was an old coot.

Childred born to a young woman with a much older father is so common as to be cliche. I went to college with a woman who father was born in 1890 with _his_ father born in 1830. Anthony Quinn the actor sired two children when he was past age 78 something (the last past age 81). In fact, his wife divorced him as the woman was pregnant with the second telling him it was time to "marry her", which he did. Picasso the artist and Segovia the muscian each died in their 90's while watching television with their respective teen-age sons. Junior Johnson the NASCAR race car driver (age 79) has two children under sixteen years old.
 Irish Eyez
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 7
Advice Please about work situation with younger lady
Posted: 12/10/2010 6:25:01 PM
I think you're simply flattered by her showing some interest in you.

Not to be confused with her wanting to date you.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 8
Advice Please about work situation with younger lady
Posted: 12/10/2010 6:42:20 PM
OP- you're a man, if you want to know if a woman likes you for more than a friend, all you gotta do is make "moves" on her to further the relationship as to something else. ie dating, screwing, whatever.

you'll only know then.

it is not out of the question that a 31 year old woman would be attracted to a 49 year old man. remember, women find attraction differently than we men do.

its the natural order of things.

aside from the work situation- i say go for it.

you might find a young hottie in your bed that wants to be with you forever.

not a bad parting prize, huh?
 WaywardWynde
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 9
view profile
History
Advice Please about work situation with younger lady
Posted: 12/10/2010 6:45:53 PM

I mean, we're not talking about WW's idiocy in believing a 24-year-old would have the hots for his 64-year-old self.


Unfortunately, and I MEAN unfortunately, it is not an idiocy. It IS an unfortunate reality of age 55+. MOST females past "a certain age" are little girls in grandmothers' bodies.

Introduce me to an "age appropriate" woman with a lust for a man's life, a man's body, a man'soul deep in the nether regions of her soul and I'm all ears.

Know any woman like that? Do me a favor (perhaps, her too?), if you will, introduce us.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 10
view profile
History
Advice Please about work situation with younger lady
Posted: 12/11/2010 6:36:14 AM
IN sorting this out for yourself, I suggest you begin by cleaning out the "chatter." That is, DISCARD all the talk from the other people at work about "what a special relationship we've got and other things". Discard, for the sake of THINKING THIS THROUGH, that you have a bit of a crush on her. Take into account that you are SEPARATED, and so will have a TENDENCY to seek a new mate more quickly than you should (to replace the lost affection and comfort of your ex). Especially keep in mind that WORKPLACE romances are fraught with dual dangers: the obvious one, that SOMEONE will need a new job if it goes awry, and more subtly, that the work environment is ARTIFICIAL, and can make things SEEM better than they would be had you become acquainted outside of work.
It is also quite possible that she is adopting you as a sympathy project, since she (I assume) knows you are separated.
All of this is not meant to say that you should run away, or dash all hopes, it is meant to say that you need to GROUND yourself in reality.
 Smarts and Heart
Joined: 12/15/2009
Msg: 11
Advice Please about work situation with younger lady
Posted: 12/11/2010 10:51:51 AM
OP when at work, keep in mind that we sometimes spend more time with our co-workers than we do with our loved ones. As a result, close platonic friendships can develop.There are numerous men in my office who hug me and tell me they love me whenever they see me; we have coffee and lunch together sometimes and talk about everything under the sun, including family and relationships.

Realistically speaking, 18 years is a generational gap. When you're 59 she'll be 41, just entering her prime and you won't be anywhere near yours. You're old enough to be her father. You're separated and in a vulnerable time of your life where lonliness and fantasy is probably running hand in hand in your mind. In a work situation you're going to create an ackward and difficult situation if you've misconstrued her feelings. Let it go and look around for someone more appropriate and out of your work environment.
 WaywardWynde
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 12
view profile
History
Advice Please about work situation with younger lady
Posted: 12/11/2010 10:57:08 AM

so, we can look at another option, where you are:

c) Being taken for a mug.


Yes, some women are hookers even if they don't hang a red light outside their door.

Still ...

... far and away most women aren't.

Nothing OP said gives the impression the woman is a user; Nothing OP said gives the impression he is a chump.

Maybe -- just maybe you understand -- the woman is a decent human being who somehow found her gaze lingering on that nice older man she works with.

Could there be problems in such a relationship not ordinarily part of a relationship of two people nearly the same age? Yup. But if they like each other, let 'em work it out. If they do, good for them. If not, well how's that different from any other budding relationship that went south.
 Smarts and Heart
Joined: 12/15/2009
Msg: 13
Advice Please about work situation with younger lady
Posted: 12/11/2010 11:13:11 AM

Could there be problems in such a relationship not ordinarily part of a relationship of two people nearly the same age? Yup. But if they like each other, let 'em work it out. If they do, good for them. If not, well how's that different from any other budding relationship that went south.


Normally I'd agree, but in this situation the fact is that it may affect his/her work environment and livelihood, I believe some discretion and thought should be put into persuing this. He's separated. possibly lonely, flattered, attracted to a young woman, and fantasizing as to the possibilities.
What are the chances of success vs failure. I'd put my money on the latter.

What are the success rates of finding new and equal employment for a 50 year old person?
 WaywardWynde
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 14
view profile
History
Advice Please about work situation with younger lady
Posted: 12/11/2010 2:09:05 PM
^^^If the intention is to cause OP to make the decision to stay away from the young woman ....

..... calling attention to the potential he could end up with changing diapers again as the beginning of a brand new 20+ year committment to children .......

......might be more likely to cause him to make that decision .....

.... than calling him a chump for noticing the young woman as a potential partner.
 Beachdrifter
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 15
view profile
History
Advice Please about work situation with younger lady
Posted: 12/11/2010 3:21:46 PM
Thanks for the advice good or not what I wanted to hear.

I ve just read what I wrote and yes it does sound silly but I was just trying to be honest.

Right the rugby tickets. At our office we but each other crimbo prezzies. I really didn't know what to get her, I know she likes rugby and being welsh so do I. Seeing as her team is playing 40 miles away I thought it would be a nice prezzie. I did offer to give her both tickets so she could take someone else (and pay me for the extra ticket) but she said no and has even said how much she is looking to it and spending the day.

Inviting me back to her house to see the dogs, I had a dog , she talks about hers a bit, she still lives with her parents still. But this is not the first time she has asked I've just always turned it down before and when I was there it wasn't awkward and it was me who after a while made my excuse to leave. She even wanted to cook.

Asking me to go shopping. We were doing overtime on a saturday morning, she asked me the day before and turned her down then asked me again and told me she was serious. She we don't work next to a shopping centre and had to drive about 20 miles, she said she had to be back to walk the dogs but then dragged the afternoon out.

Look as I say I have no false illusions about myself, I realise that we probably are realy good friends but sometimes not so sure. She has told me a lot of very confindential stuff which I have and will keep secret. But people who work with us have actually commented on us, on what an amazing working relationship we have and how well we get on. When she first asked to go for a coffee she just said now we can go for lunch did I want to go for a latte? I don't always pay, she bought lunch when we went shopping.

I don't think I'm vunerable being on my own, it's just the way she looks at me when we talk, I have to turn away, lots of little things .

I now the majority of office relationships cause problems but, and I know a lot of you may not believe this is not all about sex or lusting after a younger women, I enjoy her company.

I know just friends
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 16
view profile
History
Advice Please about work situation with younger lady
Posted: 12/13/2010 12:40:17 PM
I too am going to go with friendship. Chances are that because you work together and that you are considerably older than her, and I am assuming, have never made a pass at her, she considers you safe. She sees you as a friend, she started a tentative friendship and you reciprocated it, so you are now friends. She probably also considers you a very good friend if she is confiding serious things in you as she obviously trusts you enough to share personal information. IMO, women who are seeing a man with a romantic eye do not confide things in them like a girlfriend, they flirt with them, they laugh and say and do things that entice the man to make the next move. None of what you are talking about indicates a romantic interest IMO.
 Beachdrifter
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 17
view profile
History
Advice Please about work situation with younger lady
Posted: 12/13/2010 1:35:03 PM
Sorry guys but whats OP (Old Person??)
 Irish Eyez
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 18
Advice Please about work situation with younger lady
Posted: 12/13/2010 1:45:40 PM
OP = original poster. In this case, it would be you. ^^
 Beachdrifter
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 19
view profile
History
Advice Please about work situation with younger lady
Posted: 12/13/2010 2:30:38 PM
Thank gawd for that. Though it was an abbreviation for something else.
 Beachdrifter
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 20
view profile
History
Advice Please about work situation with younger lady
Posted: 12/19/2010 3:29:57 PM
Just go to show that some so called signals can be deceiving.

Thought there was something there which wasn't.
 Beachdrifter
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 21
view profile
History
Advice Please about work situation with younger lady
Posted: 12/19/2010 4:23:56 PM
Right I suppose as I got a lot of help and advise from this post I'd better explain.
Since starting this post a lot has happened, not all good.
We have met up a coupe of times for coffee and had a good time and spoke of going late night shopping. A week or so ago she has been off work ill, she sent me the occassional text and thursday and friday night we were chatting on line. On thursday she was down because of her illness and i was trying to cheer her up and was u til 1.30 in the morning. On friday, her parents were involved in a minor accident but she sent me a text at work as she was upset I rang her and we spent a few minutes chatting. We spoke on line later in he evening, we were just talking and she said she has to get out of the house tomorrow has she was feeling a lot better and needed to get out of the house she was bored and going into town the next day, and fancied a coffee. I said I was going into town to get some prezzies and she said if she went she would text me. I got the text and we met, I thought just for coffee. When we mat she said she was hungry so went for some lunch, while we were eating she said that we were still going for coffee and we spent the afternoon just looking round shops together. While we were out she asked me what I wanted for christmas as I'd got her the rugby tickets, I told her nothing I didn't buy the for something back so she said she would get me something boring. She sent me some text this afternoon about rugny matches that were on.I thought about this and decided to be brave. I sent her a message to ask if rather than buy me something boring, did she want to go away for the day or even the weekend and I STRESSED that I meant seperate room s to go to markets gallery etc. She came back to say she was shocked and that she had just booked a holiday and it has to be paid for and was buying tickets to see Take That so would think about it maybe later in the year. It wouldn't cost a fortune. I know it was a put down I apologised for making the situation awkward as I didn't intend to. She finished by saying that she was going back to work tomorrow and that she had to do her hair , for Rick who is another lad who works there and we left it at that.
I fell awful know, everyone at work says she's been giving signals and how close we were so I acted. I feel like crap now. She asked me to go for a drink after work a few weeks back I said I'd go and maybe late night shopping. Now I don't know if I want to go, I'm not sure if I want to take to her to the rugby now. Feel really depressed and stupid now, wish I hadn't asked, not sure If I can work there.
Any other advice
 Smarts and Heart
Joined: 12/15/2009
Msg: 22
Advice Please about work situation with younger lady
Posted: 12/20/2010 1:44:50 PM

Any other advice


OP ....only ask for advice when you intend to consider it. Somehow everyone hears only what they want to hear.
Go back to work and keep everything friendly but professional. Don't cross boundaries. It never pays. You really have no other choice. Hope you listen this time around.
 Beachdrifter
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 23
view profile
History
Advice Please about work situation with younger lady
Posted: 12/20/2010 2:20:12 PM
Hey Thanks Ruby. You have a good one too!!

No I did listen to the advice but it's hard The way you feel always bubbles the surface . She was off with bronchitus pretty down and I spend hours online trying to cheer her up. I don't think shes trying to use me. I when I asked her away the term I used was "Don't put 2 & 2 together and make 5" and said in bold caps "Seperate rooms" and it wasn't a date.What I'm a bit confused about is whats the difference to me saying lets go to London for the day or Brighton for weekend to her saying will you spend the day shopping or texting me saturday to meet for coffee and we spent the afternoon together??
 Beachdrifter
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 24
view profile
History
Advice Please about work situation with younger lady
Posted: 12/20/2010 3:50:49 PM
Hey guy?

Desperate?? Don't think so, well depends what way you mean desperate? Ha
She has always said she doesn't see the age gap, (probably means I'm inmature) but probably an a father figure. I was meant to be going into town with her Thursday now this is the strange bit we're having more snow than usual here in the UK. She should have been seeing a girl friend tonight and when I went online sent me a message saying she couldn't go coz of snow. I said that rather than go into town thursday with me to meet her friend, I'm not fussed She didn't reply for ages but then just said I'm going to sleep night and went off line??
 Beachdrifter
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 25
view profile
History
Advice Please about work situation with younger lady
Posted: 12/25/2010 5:30:30 PM
So this is christmas and what have I done.

Well a few things have happened. She was back at work last week after her illness, Very chatty as usual, getting me to go down the coffee machine with her everyday at 11.30, even thought I offer to go on my own, I need a hand with the doors apparently. She mentioned to me about going late night shopping last thursday. At lunchtime we arranged ages back to go for coffee, she sent me a email in the morning saying she was asking a work mate to go, I just said cool I'l cover the lunch and she replied straight away no "YOU AS WELL!" In the evening a few of us went for drinks after work and I made sure I didn't sit near her to see how she would react, nothing major . Kept making jokey comments to everyone about me, then out loud asked me what time we were going. We had a good evening , even took me into a clothes shop to get my opinion on clothes, went for something to eat and again we laughed a lot, we always do.While we were looking at cd's she mentioned song she loved and I told her I loved it too, which I do. It's a slow one and we saw the album for sale in a 2 for £10. She suggested that we both buy the album, am I looking for something there ? I drove and on the way back I don't know how but we started to talk about falling for people and relationships. I mentioned that you can work with someone and not like them then suddenly change, trying to give a hint about me liking her. She didn't react good or bad to that. Said yes she knew, and that to her initially looks are important, well forget that with me. But at any time I didn't feel like she was putting me down or off and when we got back asked me in for tea which I said no to. Now bear in mind I work in a office where 95 % of the staff are female and a lot of them coem up to talk to me and she aways has to join in. One comes up and rub my shoulders, there is a young 22 years old who always puts her arms around me and hugs me, she actually encourages her to do this and says to her to give me a kiss, which I do find uncomfortable and try to play down. The woman who sits next to me has only been there 3 months but ( jokingly) says I'm the office lothario.... I don't think so but so many of them bought me a present so there must be something about me they like.
On the the night shopping she said on more than one occassion about looking forward to going to rugby, although I did put a note in with the tickets if there was someone else she would rather go with they could buy the ticket off me. Finally I have watched how she reacts with other male colleagues and she is very friendly, different to the way she id to me, I think so. We were doing a christmas quiz at work together, our supervisor some how called her into the office and ended up doing the quiz with her and she actually called me in to be involved, and still wrote my name as the contact I was a little jealous though.
Well there you go.....any clearer
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 26
Advice Please about work situation with younger lady
Posted: 12/28/2010 5:01:20 PM
I'd go for the drinks.
Just to be sure.
Look, the way you asked her was kindof....not the best way to go about it.
but you cleared the air.

and to answer this:
"I'm a bit confused about is whats the difference to me saying lets go to London for the day or Brighton for weekend to her saying will you spend the day shopping or texting me saturday to meet for coffee and we spent the afternoon together??"

The difference is how you spend the time.
shopping while wondering if she likes you...as opposed to shopping and wooing her to like you. heheh.

tis up to you to make the pitch and cinch the sell.

Look, what you are trying to get from her is an ironclad yes~put~it~in~text~I~want~to~date~you signal.
It's rare to get that.
Cus women often aren't sure themselves.
Often a woman may like you....
Even romantically....
but still can't commit to such finality before actually dating.
Cus it depends on how you are...
how you date her.

I'm sure she got that your intent is good and honorable.
but can you be romantic?
be fun to hang with and to date?

Since she does know you want to date her.
I'd go and do drinks.
Be fun to hang with.
don't mention it and don't expect anything.
and see if she pursues you some afterward.
Then you'll know.
 Beachdrifter
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 27
view profile
History
Advice Please about work situation with younger lady
Posted: 12/28/2010 5:51:49 PM
Hey Guy thanks for the comments and advice.
Don't know how to write paragraphs, whatever. I'm not here to for my posts to be marked but hey very witty

The trouble with this, and yes I started it , is that the way I see it and write my views and the way it is read may not be perceived the same way. I think I have said before I don't always pay. I'm not that pathetic. We take it in turns, seriously. Whenever we do anything it'd 50/50 or take turns, even buying cakes for overtime.

I think deep down I know it's friendship, how could she fancy someone like me, and I'm not fishing for compliments. Yea I am very confused and I do post a lot but every time I think I know where I am she says or does something that makes me wonder. But I suppose I am looking for someone to say what I want to hear.

I have been seperated for 2 years and just about to get the divorce finalised, and this is the first time I have felt like this, can't seem to shake it off.

The comment about the "office lothario" bothered me a bit, hope I don't coem across as the office perv certainly don't go round chasing every girl going trying to touch them. Id I touch them accidently I apologise.

Anyway ALL your comments have been appreciated, friendship it is and a new job .
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 28
view profile
History
Advice Please about work situation with younger lady
Posted: 1/1/2011 7:49:24 PM

Now bear in mind I work in a office where 95 % of the staff are female and a lot of them coem up to talk to me and she aways has to join in. One comes up and rub my shoulders, there is a young 22 years old who always puts her arms around me and hugs me, she actually encourages her to do this and says to her to give me a kiss, which I do find uncomfortable and try to play down.


Your workplace is extremely unprofessional.

She is your *coworker.* And young enough to be your kid.

Just because the people around you behave in an extremely unprofessional manner doesn't mean you have to, too. She sounds immature. You sound not real bright - letting your imagination run wild with a young coworker who doesn't know how to behave like a coworker.

This all sounds like a train wreck waiting to happen.

Get your mind back on your work. Do your dating outside of work.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Advice Please about work situation with younger lady