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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Is it possible to "train" a bad kisser?      Home login  
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 deerdog1
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 51
Is it possible to train a bad kisser?Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
i really haven't read all this thread as I am pressed for time this evening ..so I will just put my 2 cents in ..I have kissed a lot of women in my long and sorted life ..and there were a few who I didn't think were good kissers ... I have been complimented on my kissing from time to time and am pretty sure that I am an above average kisser ..there were two women in my life who tried to teach me what they thought I was doing wrong with my kissing ...and they both told me the exact opposite techniques ...some of the women who I thought were lacking in their kissing techniques ..I just didn't care ..my other interest in them overrode that flaw ..and then there were some who their kissing was a deal breaker ..and there were some that when we first kissed it wasn't that great but as we kissed more we learned together and became great kissing each other ..and there have been some knock my socks off first kisses ..where we both just melted together ..what I will conclude is when the first kiss is great for one it usually is for both ..when like in the movie ..what was it ..the one with the Olsen twins ..and Kristy Alley .. over the left field fence ..out of the park ..home run type kiss
 Email Tom Now
Joined: 9/17/2010
Msg: 52
Is it possible to train a bad kisser?
Posted: 12/17/2010 9:47:00 PM
arwen message 34:

The female equivalent is a woman who just opens her mouth and waits as if she has no idea of what kissing is beyond putting her lips on a guys lips. I personally don't think a bad kisser can be trained.
I'm laughing. I've never encountered such a thing. It's weird trying to imagine it.


Tom says:
i had that "kiss" about 2 years ago. we had an ok dinner at the Outback and i walked her out to the car and said goodnite.
i said, "i'm going to kiss you" and she said ok.
i went in with my lips just the slightest bit open. when i made contact with her lips they went WIDE OPEN. i was stunned so i thought well she wants tongue right away so i opened my lips to match hers and ventured forth my tongue. nothing. i moved it forward more . nothing. i stretched the s.o.b. out as far as i could looking for her tongue and finally found it retracted to the rear of her mouth. i touched it and backed out and away. most awkward weirdest kiss i can remember. never saw her again.
 Yew4ics
Joined: 9/30/2010
Msg: 53
Is it possible to train a bad kisser?
Posted: 12/18/2010 5:55:40 AM

i stretched the s.o.b. out as far as i could looking for her tongue and finally found it retracted to the rear of her mouth. i touched it and backed out and away. most awkward weirdest kiss i can remember. never saw her again.


Well that at least makes for a funny story. I think so anyway. The way you told it.
 bilby886
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 54
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Is it possible to train a bad kisser?
Posted: 12/18/2010 7:52:55 AM
Hey ladies, If you have a guy with the ability to "jam his tongue down your throat" then all I can say is :- his face is in the wrong place! ch ch ;-)
know what I mean? nudge nudge wink wink say no more....a nudge is as good as a wink to a blind man....saaaay noo more!

find someone else to kiss but get this one to eat your puskanani
 Email Tom Now
Joined: 9/17/2010
Msg: 55
Is it possible to train a bad kisser?
Posted: 12/18/2010 1:37:45 PM
absolutely true Mz. Yew.

didn't make any sense! wide open mouth and NO TONGUE.

maybe she thought i was a DENTIST and my tongue was one of those hooked metal probes they use to get the stuck food out of your teeth.

well she DID just have a steak at the Outback.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 56
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Is it possible to train a bad kisser?
Posted: 12/18/2010 1:57:47 PM
I asked this question of a 30 year old male friend and he made some comments I found fascinating. He said that men are expected to be initiators and they mistakenly equate initiation with aggression. He suggested this might be part of why I find this too aggressive kissing so common. There was more conversation about when you are young and first start to kiss girls, that guys quickly learn that an unclear or half-baked beginning is usually a disaster. I thought that was interesting. He suggested that *I* try initiating next time and see if that makes any difference. My gut reaction to that was, "Scary!" and at that moment I got a little insight into what it is like for guys who are expected to take that first step.

I love talking to this guy. He always gives me something interesting to think about, even when we disagree.
 DoubleParked
Joined: 10/22/2008
Msg: 57
Is it possible to train a bad kisser?
Posted: 12/18/2010 3:24:50 PM

Someone who is all about themselves, MIGHT kiss well SOMETIMES, but their partner will find sooner or later that they do not kiss INTERACTIVELY. That is, they will never alter how they are kissing to match YOUR mood or changing sensibilities
.
If you're not paying attention to your kissing partners nuances and shifting energies, you may as well be kissing yourself. As this poster so astutely pointed out, kissing is a joint, interactive activity. Pay attention to the feedback you're receiving, and adjust pressure, posture,technique accordingly. Possibly 'bad kissers' are nervous and so the racket in their heads are drowning out the signals their partner is trying to convey to them via body language. Take a few deep breaths, slow down, moisten your lips and try again!
 mermaid140
Joined: 9/29/2009
Msg: 58
Is it possible to train a bad kisser?
Posted: 12/18/2010 4:13:02 PM
NO, it is just the way they kiss.

A bad is kisser can really change the mood to "I need to go home right now".
 Pilose_Wink
Joined: 11/2/2010
Msg: 59
Is it possible to train a bad kisser?
Posted: 12/18/2010 4:42:41 PM

If you're not paying attention to your kissing partners nuances and shifting energies, you may as well be kissing yourself. As this poster so astutely pointed out, kissing is a joint, interactive activity. Pay attention to the feedback you're receiving, and adjust pressure, posture,technique accordingly.


I do agree with this. And while some first kisses may be clumsy, if two people are in tune with themselves as much as the other, it usually doesn't take long to figure out your grooves together. Nervous or not, someone has to go first, but both have to pay attention and respond.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 60
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Is it possible to train a bad kisser?
Posted: 12/19/2010 7:19:50 AM
Another aspect of kissing, especially good kissing, is that it's INTERACTIVE. If someone kisses well, but only in exactly ONE way, and doesn't respond to changes of any sort in the other person, they can STILL ultimately come off as a bad kisser overall.
It's another way that kissing can be a good indicator of what KIND of relationship you actually have with someone. If you get the feeling that every time you kiss your S.O., that they are just "servicing your needs," like a vendor on the street, no matter HOW "good" the kiss is, you'll feel unsatisfied with it.
It's really been quite amazing to me, that I can have had a relationship as I did, with a woman who I knew COULD kiss in ways that made me melt into her, that one day that could all be gone. No matter what happened after she changed how she felt about me, kissing was unpleasant. It wasn't the ABILITY to kiss, or the KNOWLEDGE of how to kiss that made the difference, it was the REASON for kissing.
 hemanmachostudlovegod
Joined: 11/28/2010
Msg: 61
Is it possible to train a bad kisser?
Posted: 12/19/2010 7:44:40 AM
If I was ever kissing a woman and she had nuances and shifting energies then I would have to disengage immediately, run like hell, hoping to escape in time before what comes next. I have seen the aftermath. It's not pretty.
 FoshFish
Joined: 4/30/2010
Msg: 62
Is it possible to train a bad kisser?
Posted: 12/19/2010 2:53:14 PM
I can tolerate hesitance, over enthusiasm and occasional poor marksmanship.

^ i am inclined to say that the marksmanship of a man gains more importance to a woman after the wedding, particularly in the bathroom, than marksmanship in kissing.
 venndiagram
Joined: 10/29/2009
Msg: 63
Is it possible to train a bad kisser?
Posted: 12/19/2010 4:30:08 PM
^ i am inclined to say that the marksmanship of a man gains more importance to a woman after the wedding, particularly in the bathroom, than marksmanship in kissing.


oh no no no - kissing is very important
 FoshFish
Joined: 4/30/2010
Msg: 64
Is it possible to train a bad kisser?
Posted: 12/19/2010 7:55:43 PM
"oh no no no - kissing is very important"

I don't know, i guess you are right. People are different, each one. My wife, which i took as an example, would make me lick it up if the stream was way off target in the washroom. Then of course the kissing was shot for the whole night.

Some guys say, you know one woman, you know them all, and yet i get constant surprises how different they all are, women, in their preferences and personal values. I mean only their expectations of others, when i say values, not even their own behaviour in this instance.
 FoshFish
Joined: 4/30/2010
Msg: 65
Is it possible to train a bad kisser?
Posted: 12/19/2010 8:01:34 PM
glancing at the replies on this thread, it seems some men like closed-lip or slightly ajar lip kisses, and some women too, so if the two meet, it's great. Some men and some women like shark-like gaping kisses, that's cool. and everything else.

so i think a person's kissing style is determined which movies he watched when he was forteen with his girlfriend in the back row of the cinema. If they watched the love scene in the "abyss", with keith hartley and jessica juniper, then they compete who can swallow the other one's head before the other swallows theirs. if they watched "the thin blue line" with gordon maccartenay and courtney langford, then they can play trombone with each other's lips.
 Kranck
Joined: 11/30/2009
Msg: 66
Is it possible to train a bad kisser?
Posted: 12/19/2010 10:26:36 PM

“He suggested that *I* try initiating next time and see if that makes any difference.”

Hey, girl on top, pin him to the mat! (grin)

Lovingly hold his head to the pillow or backrest, so you can control the pace/depth/rhythm & withdraw when you choose. Sometimes men have a hard time receiving/feeling/connecting with their own sensuality.

Kissing is intimate behavior - someone else entering a private body part, highly sensitive, loaded with nerve-endings, taste and olfactory sensors nearby

Maybe some men think they’re expected to be the initiators. Personally, I think women let you know when they’re ready.

If he can adjust his expectations about his role, pay attention to what you like and to his own pleasure, it might be possible to modify his technique. Or maybe change will come from within.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 67
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Is it possible to train a bad kisser?
Posted: 12/20/2010 12:35:24 AM
Some really nice comments here about interaction, responding to changes, etc. Sometimes I wish we had a "like" button on POF forums like you do on FB. You guys are saying some great stuff. Thanks!

I've got to create a situation where I can start testing some of this out. Of course, if the next guys turns out to be a good kisser, I won't *have* to test it out!
 seadoesit
Joined: 12/15/2010
Msg: 68
Is it possible to train a bad kisser?
Posted: 12/21/2010 10:34:00 PM
If its there its there. I would not want to take the time to train that could b a all day process LOL !!! But all jokes to the side yes, u can train the man how u want to b kissed same as what u want and need sexual in bed . Good luck !!!!
 Grrl NextDoor
Joined: 11/9/2009
Msg: 69
Is it possible to train a bad kisser?
Posted: 12/22/2010 9:55:58 PM
I had a boyfriend who just plain didn't like kissing. He really had a difficult time becoming emotionally intimate, and kissing is ll about that. I think kissing is a measure of not only how emotionally close they wish to be, but also of how sensuous they are.
 BentonHarbor
Joined: 3/2/2010
Msg: 70
Is it possible to train a bad kisser?
Posted: 12/23/2010 5:12:15 AM
^^^^How long did that relationship last then? Few days, years---how long?

If I ever encountered someone so phobia I couldn't take it much further than the poor kisser discovery stage.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 71
Is it possible to train a bad kisser?
Posted: 12/23/2010 2:52:22 PM
I'm of the opinion that one can't train a grown man how to kiss. I tried it and it didn't work. When I was in college in my early twenties, I once dated a guy who would open his mouth widely and draw his lips tightly back. He actually cut into my lips and bruised the area around them with his teeth---it was excruciatingly painful, and my mouth was always chapped and sore.

I asked him to relax his lips when he kissed me, and he'd do this for a while---only to tense them up and draw them back again as he became more passionately immersed in the kiss. It got to the point that I dreaded kissing him---and we broke up a few months later.
 seadoesit
Joined: 12/15/2010
Msg: 72
Is it possible to train a bad kisser?
Posted: 12/23/2010 9:42:45 PM
My goodness ! Sounds like u had a hose on ur lips when u two kissed lol !
 platypus_man
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 73
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Is it possible to train a bad kisser?
Posted: 12/23/2010 10:42:11 PM
A long, long time ago, in a land far, far away, I grew up listening to women complain about their mates. And I listened very carefully (obviously too carefully, and became too self conscious and insecure about a lot of things as a teen). And so, I sought out how to kiss. There aren't a lot of books on the subject, especially back when I was growing up. But listening to the girls, and reading, I managed to learn. And learn, I did. I think the main thing is that no two people kiss quiet the same; some girls like it soft, tender, some like it hard fast and passionate. But most like a sort of in between combination of the two. I think it's really a re-active thing; you have to see how someone is responding to what you're doing, and adjust if necessary. Can you teach that? Sure. But the person has to want to learn. As guys, we're told to lead, not ask questions, never ask for help (especially in the romance department), just take charge, 'be confident' (right, ladies?). Over and over we're told that confidence is a turn on for you. So, being confident, we just assume we're doing the right things. Right? Now, how are you going to turn this around and tell us we should not be confident, that we should question what we are doing? You can't have it both ways. If your guy isn't kissing the way you want, find another guy. There're plenty of us out here.
 Kranck
Joined: 11/30/2009
Msg: 74
Is it possible to train a bad kisser?
Posted: 12/24/2010 7:14:14 PM
^^^
Over and over we're told that confidence is a turn on for you. So, being confident, we just assume we're doing the right things. Right?

Well, perhaps. But sometimes the most confident (and intimate) thing a guy can say is “I don’t know.”
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 75
Is it possible to train a bad kisser?
Posted: 12/24/2010 8:47:38 PM
Over and over we're told that confidence is a turn on for you. So, being confident, we just assume we're doing the right things. Right?


Wrong. Confident men don’t need to always be right and don’t worry about being wrong. They tend not to take things personally---instead they think about how to turn things around. When something goes wrong they don’t stand around looking embarrassed. They can laugh at themselves and move forward. They will take responsibility for themselves and for the parts of the situation they had some control over---like becoming a better kisser.
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