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 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 47
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Christmas Cheer?Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)

I haven’t been thoughtful with a Christmas gift in 18 years, does that make me some how less of a thoughtful person?


No, but it would make you the wrong person to date for a person who wanted to receive a gift at Christmas. It's not that black and white, if you aren't a gift giver and you are with a person who sees your actions as your gift and is happy with that, then no problem, the problems come in when two people who express themselves in ways that hurt the other person, meaning to or not, then yes, that's going to be seen as thoughtless. No harm, no foul on either's part, just a bad match up.
 AintNoDeal
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 48
Christmas Cheer?
Posted: 12/23/2010 11:54:59 PM
Geez.....dating women in the 21st century is like walking out in broad daylight while she lines up her sniper rifle from the grassy knoll just looking for an excuse to fire and terminate your pitiful efforts at being a likable guy.

Is it possible to let a relationship peak and ebb away naturally instead of killing it with extreme prejudice like a horse with a broken leg?

Ease off the trigger, OP....

 CynthiaSMW
Joined: 9/20/2010
Msg: 49
Store bought love?
Posted: 12/24/2010 12:02:12 AM


I haven’t been thoughtful with a Christmas gift in 18 years, does that make me some how less of a thoughtful person?

No, but it would make you the wrong person to date for a person who wanted to receive a gift at Christmas. It's not that black and white, if you aren't a gift giver and you are with a person who sees your actions as your gift and is happy with that, then no problem, the problems come in when two people who express themselves in ways that hurt the other person, meaning to or not, then yes, that's going to be seen as thoughtless. No harm, no foul on either's part, just a bad match up.

I agree with daynadaze that 2 people in a relationship should have similar 'style' or attitude toward gifts-as-proxy for regard or affection. This is a compatibility issue that goes well beyond the holidays becaue it goes to a fundamental question of how each person expresses regard or affection and it can become a daily sore spot in a relationship.

I was married a very long time to a 'gift giver' who couldn't understand that what I really wanted was his time and attention, to feel like he was my partner rather than someone who ran through whatever store was open on Christmas eve and grabbed something off the shelf.

By contrast, my SO and I had been together not quite 2 months Christmas last year, we didn't get each other gifts per se, but he did so many little things that showed he thought about me, what I might like, and what might make me feel cared about. How did he know this would be 'ok' with me? How did I know it would be 'ok' with him that I didn't bring a gift? We talked, a lot, and really listened for each other's 'love style' (for lack of a better term).

After a month, OP could have known what kind of guy she was dealing with (I'm not presuming he is or is not a gift giver, only that OP doesn't know). Especially this time of year with the incessant pressure to buy gifts for anyone and everyone, it could have come up quite naturally in conversation. So to OP's question, I think OP overreacted expecting a gift. Not because of what she expected (a gift) but because she expected more from him than she was willing/able to do for him - she expected him to read her mind when she didn't/couldn't read his.
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 50
Christmas Cheer?
Posted: 12/24/2010 4:21:34 AM


But as it happens, we DO know what happened to the OP --

She has e-mailed me a fiew times since she has been on the site. And She recently told me she left because the guy DID give her a gift! A GREAT BIG HONKIN’ DIAMOND ENGAGEMENT RING!!!!

He wisked her off to meet the folks with a companion fare -- and she accepted!

They’re both off the site, now!!!!


So Ha! I say, Ha! And Ha! To all you ol’ nasty grinches! I leave you with this gift=

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^LOL

The op is here

Thanks for the laugh. I beleive you...........

I like the cookies/brownie idea.
Who wouldn't appreciate that?

Plus it isn't up to interpretation Of "OMG what does this mean"???

I give the mailman cookies..
 L_LuuLuu
Joined: 8/2/2009
Msg: 51
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Christmas Cheer?
Posted: 12/24/2010 7:02:54 AM

Thanks for the laugh. I beleive you...........




Oh come on msg 50, if someone she'd dated for a month asked her to marry him and gave her a huge engagement ring he'd be one crazy dude and she'd be crazy to accept. Of course you are just making up BS hoping to bytch slap the people you think are nasty grinches, but really lame don't you think.




Yup! Little LuuLuu has been found guilty as charged of drunk posting and bad tongue in cheek humor!

But hey! It was a good laugh, and -- as intended – a bytch slap to the rudest of the rude!



So, again


And, I hope the OP – and all the rest of you (good or bad!) get your Christmas wishes this year. (But play nice in the New Year, Kiddies.)

 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 52
Christmas Cheer?
Posted: 12/24/2010 7:03:53 AM
^^^ WooHoo for cookies!

The only problem is, my pants are getting too tight.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 53
Christmas Cheer?
Posted: 12/24/2010 7:29:20 AM

That should be the thing that gives you more of a clue as to your level of importance.

People have relatives out of town they may spend holidays with. Should they cancel plans they made to see family for someone they met a month ago? To use that as a test of importance is absolutely ridiculous. People have lives in place before relationships start. Happens every day. People can't give a new SO attention every second. Sheesh.
 nada100
Joined: 11/7/2010
Msg: 54
Christmas Cheer?
Posted: 12/24/2010 8:31:21 AM
hey i am in the same boat but we have been seeing each other several months. everyone is different and i dont think anyone shld be condemmed because they didnt buy someone a gift, remember its more blessed to give than receive. i am not dating the guy i am dating for gifts but for his time and care. why all the pressure, i say go with the flow!!! i have to agree with the poster who said dating is like going out and getting sniper fire!! geez!!! just cause he doesnt buy you a gift doesnt mean he doesnt care, smae if she doesnt buy a gift.
 Friendly widow
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 55
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Christmas Cheer?
Posted: 12/24/2010 8:40:49 AM
I gave a "new" friend a gift and he thanked me but said that was not supposed to happen.I felt he paid for my room so we could visit and I did not expect more.Maybe he was a bit embarrassed that he had no gift but I felt that the time we spent together was gift enough.
Merry Christmas to all!!!
 JRodriguez81
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 56
Christmas Cheer?
Posted: 12/24/2010 8:47:35 AM

Oh, but he DID give you a present. He gifted you with his family jewels---the most precious gift of all!



Bingo. Some of these broads around here are SO ungrateful.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 57
Christmas Cheer?
Posted: 12/24/2010 10:51:55 AM
It sounds like another case of women assuming men can read minds and the guy is suppose to know that she will be giving him a card and/or gift and is expected to do the same in return. Why do women do this-expect a guy to know exactly what's on a woman's mind at all times? And why do women get peeved off at guys when they don't know what a woman is thinking at every moment?

The guy's first mistake was bragging about all of the gifts he got for his family and relatives and making OP jealous that she wasn't getting one. If a woman was to break off with me for not getting her a trinket or card, so be it. Blame Walmart and Hallmark for brain-washing people into believing that the only purpose for Christmas is to buy stuff and make them rich.
 niagara45
Joined: 8/15/2010
Msg: 58
Christmas Cheer?
Posted: 12/24/2010 11:07:50 AM
I think a small token would have been nice, but it's not a big enough deal to make a big deal over. Different people "gift" differently. I tend to get gifts for one and all-- from my boss to my house cleaner. That's just me, though. Some people see gifts for family and very close friends only. If he didn't give you a pressie next year, that would be an issue.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 59
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Christmas Cheer?
Posted: 12/24/2010 11:23:49 AM

It sounds like another case of women assuming men can read minds and the guy is suppose to know that she will be giving him a card and/or gift and is expected to do the same in return. Why do women do this-expect a guy to know exactly what's on a woman's mind at all times? And why do women get peeved off at guys when they don't know what a woman is thinking at every moment?


Not really, it's the holidays, they are dating and having sex, so really would it be that out of line for a guy to know to get the woman a little gift? Are you saying that guys can't function without a woman telling them what to do? I think that's a slam against men, most men know, the ones saying they don't so they don't have to do anything are not fooling anyone. I would imagine this guy must have thought about giving gifts since he's told her all about his gift giving quest for his family. No, he did not know she was going to bring a card/gift, but what, she was suppose to text ahead and say she was so he'd bring one too? He didn't, that's what she has to work with, is this alright with her or not. That's the point, how does she feel about this situation and where should she go from here.
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 60
Christmas Cheer?
Posted: 12/24/2010 2:03:16 PM

Blame Walmart and Hallmark for brain-washing people


Naw....... Everyone knows "Every kiss begins with KAY" LOL

Op missed THAT commercial it seems.

Bet she won't put the kiss before the KAY next year............LOL



Is it possible to let a relationship peak and ebb away naturally instead of killing it with extreme prejudice like a horse with a broken leg


And miss all THIS dra ma? To easy and simple.


Christmas Cheer?

Is different things to different people.

I think having met a new guy I liked that may have potential in the future would be a great gift..


If he had stopped and gotten a card.Would the op have been happy?

NO.
Me thinks not.


 womaninblack
Joined: 11/9/2010
Msg: 61
Christmas Cheer?
Posted: 12/24/2010 2:51:30 PM

Should I be taking this as a sign that I'm not very important to this man?

Yes, it is a sign.
If you were important to him Christmas offers a good opportunity to let you know. That's what we do at Christmastime in this society.

I presume OP left the pof "JerrySpringer" show because she got tired of the derogatory comments and did not want to be another one those "people we love to hate".
What she doesn't know perhaps is that this thread will live on and on in spite of her absence, continually resurrected by ... hate.

Interesting title you picked BlueAcara:

Christmas Cheer?

How ironic.

May love and peace surround us all during this season and always

 *topchef*
Joined: 8/2/2008
Msg: 62
Christmas Cheer?
Posted: 12/24/2010 8:27:11 PM
^^^or....she made it all up!!

Who knows! Why anyone would leave the site when they are incognito anyway is a mystery. I suspect this has all been a bit of a story to provide fodder for the forums!
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 63
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Christmas Cheer?
Posted: 12/25/2010 3:33:38 PM


Not really, it's the holidays, they are dating and having sex, so really would it be that out of line for a guy to know to get the woman a little gift? Are you saying that guys can't function without a woman telling them what to do? I think that's a slam against men, most men know, the ones saying they don't so they don't have to do anything are not fooling anyone.

the problem is when rigid either/or correlations are assumed. the thought process the op was trying to confirm was 'since everyone who cares gives a gift at christmas, everyone who doesn't give a gift doesn't care.' that's a false correlation, because absence of feeling or caring is not the only reason a gift might not be given.

if the guy was worth banging, he was worth cutting a little slack for. unless the op attaches little significance to the banging, in which case she can't in fairness expect a token that he did.

i personally cannot stand the holidays and all their enforced rituals for many reasons, and primary among them is the one the op personifies: the assumptions about the state of relationships that accompany any deviation from the ritual. it's a formula for manufacturing drama, and it's exhausting. jeez, do we have to look any further than what happened here?
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 64
Christmas Cheer?
Posted: 11/13/2011 9:38:03 AM
well I think if a man has some sort of relationship, what does it hurt to give her a little gift? Esp. if he goes on about what he got his family
 egowitch
Joined: 6/5/2011
Msg: 65
Christmas Cheer?
Posted: 11/13/2011 4:50:36 PM
I generally agree with other posters here - good comments.

I'm also thinking that isn't the point of giving a gift to be ... well ... GIVING ? And to do it without expectations of "getting one back" ?

Yes - it was thoughtful of you , though perhaps abit premature. But hey - it was YOUR choice.

I'd say relax , let things unfold at their own pace. Try not to over think all this .

While he's away - maybe he'll miss you ! You may have a great reunion then !

 Arteest1650
Joined: 11/8/2011
Msg: 66
Christmas Cheer?
Posted: 11/13/2011 4:53:10 PM
Discuss, never assume.... especially when you might be on the thin end of the stick....
 charlie_girl_2
Joined: 1/2/2010
Msg: 67
Christmas Cheer?
Posted: 11/14/2011 9:14:05 AM
Why resurrect a thread about something that occurred or didn't occur last year? Besides that, the OP has long since exited POF stage right!

However, gifts at Christmas, IMO, should be for someone you are in a relationship with, not following a date or two, and certainly not several months in advance! I am not referring to all those others who have entered our lives and our hearts, such as family and friends.

 free4all131220
Joined: 10/28/2011
Msg: 68
Christmas Cheer?
Posted: 11/15/2011 6:11:59 AM
I wouldn't worry too much about the fact that you gave him something and he didn't. In fact it will be great because, if you two get married it'll be something you can bring up and throw in his face for years to come LOL
 BLONDE_ANGEL845
Joined: 6/30/2012
Msg: 69
Christmas Cheer?
Posted: 11/23/2012 6:21:35 PM
This is the reason why people should not get intimate right b4 the Holidays...it causes all kinds of situations that can lead to resentments...
 CheezyChick
Joined: 9/23/2009
Msg: 70
Christmas Cheer?
Posted: 11/23/2012 6:22:58 PM
A true gift is given with the intention of 'giving', not 'getting. Period.
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 71
Christmas Cheer?
Posted: 11/23/2012 7:47:26 PM
Exactly..

I am thinking about this right now.

I already know what i want to get my guy and that won't change if things change in certain areas of our relationship. Although I do not think they will.

I don't expect anything back from him.

We will be just past the 2 month mark when Christmas hits and he's going out of town. So it's a similar situation. I'm just gonna follow my heart and let him take the lead.

What else can you do?
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