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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Would you end your marriage because your spouse has a disease that ma      Home login  
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 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 301
Would you end your marriage because your spouse has a disease that made it too painful for her to haPage 13 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)
joebleaux, hold on there hoss,what does post have to do with how they make moon shine in Mississippi? or is Arkansas? anyways

A quick google search will reveal 1 out of 1000 people claims they saw Big foot in 2010, so im not sure what your point is ...
Mah daddy done told me everyone deserves happiness and all the fried chicken you can eat too
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 302
Would you end your marriage because your spouse has a disease that made it too painful for her to ha
Posted: 1/7/2011 9:58:25 AM

a quick google search will reveal that most american and western women quit having sex as soon as they have the kids they want. marriage is a one way ticket to loneliness and misery for a man in the west. women in america feel that "all sex is rape" and other such unbalanced crap, so there you go.

Why are you on a dating site, bragging in your profile that you make a "good salary"and claiming that you're looking for a woman to settle down with?

I don't get it - if western women are such soul-sucking she devils, why in God's NAME are you here seeking to date American women?

My head's ready to explode.
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 303
Would you end your marriage because your spouse has a disease that made it too painful for her to ha
Posted: 1/7/2011 10:07:41 AM
joebleaux ...

Your flexible???

Not with a post like that your not!

WOW ... who bit your winkie?
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 304
Would you end your marriage because your spouse has a disease that made it too painful for her to ha
Posted: 1/7/2011 10:08:19 AM

I'm looking for them to actually write something that shows they KNOW what they are talking about.

Well, don't hold your breath. They are taking their ONE experience and applying it to all women. And don't you get t? They're here to play "get the nooky and run",not date or be in a relationship. It's a starving weiner festival. If they REALLY only wanted to find a warm hole to stick their d*ck in, they wouldn't bother with the online scene, they'd just go out and boink all these 20something sluts that are so easy to find ,feel, f*ck and forget. Their posts are pretty much posturing and bluster.
Wanna borrow my cell phone to call someone who cares?
On topic, some medical conditions like MS, fibro, CFS, rheumatoid arthritis, can involve sudden muscle spasms or unexpected bursts of pain amplification. Many people who have mild or slowly progressing forms of these illness DO have good days when sex is do-able(lol),but quite often MS just gets progressively worse, or if it's the "relapsing/remitting" type, the patient loses function with each relapse, that is never regained during a "remission".
Cindy O
 Michaelann
Joined: 9/11/2004
Msg: 305
Would you end your marriage because your spouse has a disease that made it too painful for her to ha
Posted: 1/7/2011 10:58:58 AM

With MS it's not always about positions, a lot of times positions has nothing to do with the pain involved. Do some research on the topic. - TDH49

I was not aware of that, TDH49. Thank you for the correction. I was responding to this quote, in your original post:

But as the disease progressed it got to be painful for her to have sex. They tried switching meds, talked about it with their doctors, but nothing seem to work, sex had become too painful for her, so about 18 months into her illness they stopped having sexual intercourse.

Which does not mention experimenting with other positions. And I know from my own experience that some people are simply not open to trying new things (ie: positions). I should know better by now, than to make assumptions though.
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So what positions would you suggest for the days you are feeling this way??
And.....would you think it's your "duty" to pleasure your S/O on the days you feel this way? - MsMicki

I'd rather not be graphic in depicting other positions in a public forum, MsMicki. And while I might not use the term "duty", I try & make love to my fiance at least once a day, when we are together (we are currently in a LDR), because I love him & his needs are important to me. I've also found that the love & closeness, actually makes my pain less (endorphins, probably).

When I was first diagnosed with arthritis, my rehab therapist loaned me a wonderful book on sex & disabilities. It had hundreds of ideas, for almost any type of physical disability (he was in a wheelchair, was in terrific shape & had a family, post-paralysis). I wish I could find another copy of that book. I found it very helpful.
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I know if I were in that situation, I'd have books and articles and stuff from our doctors and would be able to reference that in this thread. As someone who deals with a chronic condition AND has dated men with conditions, the first thing I do is start researching their condition. I'm curious and I want to be informed. Not one man I was in a relationship with EVER researched what I was dealing with. - happybunny8

Funny how that works isn't it, happybunny8
My fiance is only the 2nd man I've ever known who has done that, although in his case, he already knew much of the research, as he also has CFS & fibromyalgia.
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I've had a couple of girlfriends (and even lived with one) who were psychologically challenged, but I know a lot of women who are sane. Saying that most american women are _____________ is no different than saying most american men are ____________, unless by most, you mean mean most that you meet. If that's your experience, it's your picker that needs a tune up. - abelian

I would definitely have to concur with that assessment, abelian. If he keeps attracting the wrong type of women, he ought to consider what he is doing to keep attracting them & change it, to attract the kind he really wants.
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giving without expecting something in return is perhaps one definition of love? - Fifi47

I whole-heartedly agree, Fifi47
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Yep I know I thing or 2 about pain because of the fact i am in a wheelchair. I do not expect someone to wait on me hand and foot, I do expect to pull my weight in providing for my partners needs no matter and I do not use my disability as an excuse for anything whatsoever and I live to the maximum I can. I am aware that there are compromises because of my disability that things have to be done a little differently and that is cool but it is not fair for me to say I am disabled so the answer is no I can't do this. It is my obligation to make it work and work with my partner to make things work instead of just giving up. - Apollodorus


I believe Appollo is a stubborn man, and, like me, has appreciation for those who tackle adversity with grace and perseverance. We don't give up. Tell me why we should appreciate those who do? - FyrKrakn

I think that in our society/culture (I would include Canada & the US in this assessment), we do tend to take the easy way out & give up too easily. We live in a society that tells us to expect instant gratification (credit buying, for example). Perserverance & loyalty, are important qualities in a LTR or marriage, if it has any hope of being successful.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 306
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Would you end your marriage because your spouse has a disease that made it too painful for her to ha
Posted: 1/7/2011 2:14:43 PM
If you are able to have sex and enjoy it......then you are not experiencing the same kind of debilitating pain that someone with MS has.

I broke a hip once.....and I guarantee you if someone had tried to convince me
I was "able" to have sex.....I'd probabably have shot them on the spot!!
 MichelleRenee1234
Joined: 10/19/2009
Msg: 307
Would you end your marriage because your spouse has a disease that made it too painful for her to ha
Posted: 1/7/2011 3:18:38 PM

broke a hip once.....and I guarantee you if someone had tried to convince me
I was "able" to have sex.....I'd probabably have shot them on the spot!!


Seriously! I've never even been debilitated through any serious injuries. But I've gotten a bad cold or flu in the past where I felt so awful I didn't even want to open my eyes. That's nothing close, I'm sure, to the kind of chronic pain others may suffer from, and even then I'd kick to the curb any ass who thought I was "neglecting" or "abusing" him for not servicing him during that time.
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 308
Would you end your marriage because your spouse has a disease that made it too painful for her to ha
Posted: 1/8/2011 12:31:47 AM

Mah daddy done told me everyone deserves happiness and all the fried chicken you can eat too


There it is again - food references. I'm hungry now.
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 309
Would you end your marriage because your spouse has a disease that made it too painful for her to ha
Posted: 1/8/2011 6:44:23 AM

joebleaux ...

Your flexible???

Not with a post like that your not!

WOW ... who bit your winkie?


Please don't feed the troll.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 310
Would you end your marriage because your spouse has a disease that made it too painful for her to ha
Posted: 1/8/2011 7:26:11 AM


(The extremely witty Arlo, pointing out a fatal flaw in Alliss' argument) *shrug* Since he prefaced his argument with, "Never get married", your response is, well, non-sensical.


(Alliss) Gee arlo, seems you misconstrue what you read often.

Since he said,
“There are always ten others who would be glad to have sex with you, if your wife doesn't want to.”

Get it? He was referring to a WIFE.


What... evah. He also said "never get married", so why weren't you jumping all over him for that logical inconsistency, instead of blithely ignoring it and just *ASSUMING* he meant what you wanted to argue against? Hey? Answer me THAT, Smarty-Pants!


Reading comprehension is not your strong suit.


I don't have pig-tails, so you can't dunk 'em in your inkwell. So sorry!


We know he said not to marry; butt he referred to wives specifically.


*shrug* I don't believe that you did realize that he said "never marry", until you were called on your sloppy, uh, "logic".

Arlo...
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 311
Would you end your marriage because your spouse has a disease that made it too painful for her to ha
Posted: 1/8/2011 9:40:07 PM

shrug* I don't believe that you did realize that he said "never marry", until you were called on your sloppy, uh, "logic


I have no idea what you two are talking about, and really don't feel like going back over these pages to find out.
 revoskeepnus
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 312
Would you end your marriage because your spouse has a disease that made it too painful for her to ha
Posted: 1/8/2011 9:42:29 PM
If I married someone who ended up with a debilitating disease, I would be so thrust forward into finding a cure, that I wouldn't have time to think about sex... I'd prune up right along side him probably...

being diagnosed is not the end... just verification of the problem.

best of luck.
 Ailliss
Joined: 3/16/2010
Msg: 313
Would you end your marriage because your spouse has a disease that made it too painful for her to ha
Posted: 1/8/2011 11:55:58 PM

I have no idea what you two are talking about, and really don't feel like going back over these pages to find out
.

tdh, I posted a response to the wife hating troll’s former comments, (msg 295 & 296). Arlo thinks he needs to defend him.


Many persons willingly take vows of celibacy and most of them keep those vows.
Doing without intercourse would not be difficult in comparison to giving up on a loved one.

Even if one is younger there is a moral obligation to a spouse; anyone getting married should realize this. When children are involved the obligation is even greater. Once the man left did he not realize the extra burden he now placed on his very young children? As she becomes more incapacitated her ability to function, perform necessary tasks, not only for herself but for the children as well, lessens. What happens to these children then? Will the new wife be willing to raise them or will they be farmed out to relatives or State care.

I realize one needs to be selfless in this circumstance and not all are capable of this devotion.



Why are you on a dating site, bragging in your profile that you make a "good salary"and claiming that you're looking for a woman to settle down with?

+1
Maybe he should be reported for having a fake profile?
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 314
Would you end your marriage because your spouse has a disease that made it too painful for her to ha
Posted: 1/9/2011 10:47:36 AM

(tdh49) I have no idea what you two are talking about, and really don't feel like going back over these pages to find out.


Smart man. All you need to know is, I'm right, and Alliss is wrong.\

Arlo...
 MichelleRenee1234
Joined: 10/19/2009
Msg: 315
Would you end your marriage because your spouse has a disease that made it too painful for her to ha
Posted: 1/11/2011 1:28:45 PM

All you need to know is, I'm right, and Alliss is wrong.


Oh boy.
 smilinsally
Joined: 8/15/2010
Msg: 316
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Would you end your marriage because your spouse has a disease that made it too painful for her to ha
Posted: 1/11/2011 2:00:41 PM
Can't help but wonder what the responses would be if it was a woman leaving an ill man (and leaving him with three kids) because he couldn't have sex.
Shoot, if a woman left a healthy who couldn't have sex, she would probably get raked over the coals! The popularity of viagra and other ED fixes is evidence that there have been many men, prior to these "innovations" that were unable to fulfill the "marital relations". How about leaving a man because he can't make money anymore due to an illness?

Hope the new wife doesn't get sick, hope he does and she is of the same character as he, and leaves him flat.
 *JustAnotherGirl*
Joined: 6/18/2008
Msg: 317
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Would you end your marriage because your spouse has a disease that made it too painful for her to have sex??
Posted: 1/12/2011 9:45:16 AM
I'm assuming there was more to the story than just that.

But if it really was "you can't have sex, therefore I don't want to be with you" then of course I don't think he did the right thing.

Were blow jobs and hand jobs not enough? What about something like the fleshlight? His own hand combined with porn? As a last resort, a non-emotional affair might have been better than leaving her if she was okay with it.

As long as I could lay next to my partner in bed and cuddle and pet and make use of a vibrator I would be good for life. Definitely not ideal, but my lack of "real" sex is really nothing major compared to my husband getting M.S. :(

But again, I'm hoping there is more to the story than this.
 cardesi
Joined: 8/5/2010
Msg: 318
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Would you end your marriage because your spouse has a disease that made it too painful for her to have sex??
Posted: 6/13/2011 8:20:51 AM
i would stay with my wife no matter what because it could happen to any one and he was married i guess he lied or has no idea what marrage is, but for me the baby toghether would be enough to stand by her...
 aremeself
Joined: 12/31/2008
Msg: 319
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Would you end your marriage because your spouse has a disease that made it too painful for her to have sex??
Posted: 6/13/2011 4:52:17 PM
no, because later I would feel like a selfish p---k, and I don't like that feeling.

it's tough, but we should try to do the right thing. ha ha whatever that is, eh?
 HFHYR
Joined: 11/23/2010
Msg: 320
Would you end your marriage because your spouse has a disease that made it too painful for her to have sex??
Posted: 6/13/2011 10:24:09 PM
I think there is more to discuss in the scenario. When I was in this situation, I wanted my husband to have an affair. a physical affair. I know it was risky but I loved our life except for the pain our sex life was causing. He never took me up on that and our marriage failed. the issues were more complex than sex but sex was the more obvious and most hurtful of the issues. would it have made a difference, I'm not sure. but sex is and must be discussed as a couple. differences in appetites, pain, sickness, can affect a person's and certainly a couple's well being . but compromise can be worked out to mutual satisfaction and maintenance of the marriage. We've all heard of great couples who haven't had sex for years. That was their way of handling the problem. The love was sincere and intense enough for the sacrifice. but what if each could have had an outlet. I still feel the couple would be together.
 Anthonypie
Joined: 8/2/2009
Msg: 321
Would you end your marriage because your spouse has a disease that made it too painful for her to have sex??
Posted: 6/13/2011 10:31:11 PM
Okay, is anyone else confused that the man married a women six months later and had a kid already?
 UglyFroggieCritter
Joined: 8/21/2010
Msg: 322
Would you end your marriage because your spouse has a disease that made it too painful for her to have sex??
Posted: 6/13/2011 10:34:29 PM

6 months after the divorce the guy gets married again and now has a new born with his new wife.


There is no definite time mentioned from when he remarried and the child was born.
 Consigliori
Joined: 1/7/2008
Msg: 323
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Would you end your marriage because your spouse has a disease that made it too painful for her to ha
Posted: 6/14/2011 11:54:52 AM
No, I wouldn’t leave her. I would expect her to make room for sex toys and small barnyard animals in our bed however.
 Jay504702
Joined: 6/5/2011
Msg: 324
Would you end your marriage because your spouse has a disease that made it too painful for her to have sex??
Posted: 6/14/2011 4:30:46 PM
I dont know honestly. It would depend. There are other ways to be intimate and some couples have open relationships for various reasons. If i truly loved the person I would like to believe I would stay. However, EVERYTHING else would have to be outstanding to give up sexing..
 Cat*Eyes
Joined: 9/13/2006
Msg: 325
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Would you end your marriage because your spouse has a disease that made it too painful for her to have sex??
Posted: 1/8/2012 8:07:12 PM
I did not read your complete essay. I was married to a man , who was 15 years older than me. He had Parkinson . Parkinson can affect younger people . Michael J. Fox has Parkinson, when he was in his 30's. I know everything ,currently known about Parkinson. My marriage ended 12 years ago. That ex is dead . I know I did not spell this word Parkinson correct, but I hope you all know what I am saying.
Question was, "would you end your marriage etc". My marriage was natuarally ended and I had a "No Fault Divorece" so I could marry the man I really "felt" it for. That never happen and that belongs under a different subject.
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