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 AUTHOR
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 727
increasing numbers of women are marrying men for their moneyPage 30 of 32    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32)

There's a couple of guys who post these forums who've had a divorce, got the kids and pay neither child nor spousal support - yet they are far more bitter than you! Were I not 105, fat and taken, you are the kind of man I'd be looking for - character ahead of finances. In a relationship situation, I would be happy to contribute my finances to "our" team effort for a better life for us both, which by extension would include your kids.


My oh my, this is the second time you've complimented me, as soon as I find out where your based, taken or not, I'll have to ask for permission to take you to dinner
If all women did think like you did, hell, if all people behaved logically like people, I don't think we'd have much left to argue about on forums. And I wouldnt have been single the last 4 years..!
Here's hoping this happens someday!
 HarDayKnight
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 728
increasing numbers of women are marrying men for their money
Posted: 11/22/2011 1:54:39 PM
A woman doesn't have to be looking to marry a rich man, for financial concerns to be a deal breaker. Most women expect to marry a man who makes more than she does. (Even today.) As women make more money for themselves, this makes finding an acceptable mate harder. Though being financially independent does give a woman more time to look for a mate. Enough time to spend a lifetime alone.
 RAMPERBILL
Joined: 2/16/2010
Msg: 729
increasing numbers of women are marrying men for their money
Posted: 11/22/2011 2:01:39 PM
Perhaps you missed this: You will feel financially abused, and the girl will say that you did this to her if either of you lie about your selections.

Ladies, I appologize. Men are morons. Ladies, what are his chances of getting the hottest girl in class. Should he keep dreaming, or shut off the alarm.
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 730
increasing numbers of women are marrying men for their money
Posted: 11/22/2011 2:17:40 PM

A woman doesn't have to be looking to marry a rich man, for financial concerns to be a deal breaker. Most women expect to marry a man who makes more than she does. (Even today.) As women make more money for themselves, this makes finding an acceptable mate harder. Though being financially independent does give a woman more time to look for a mate. Enough time to spend a lifetime alone.


LOL Man, you must be Gandhi or Yoda or something, you used the Force, I couldnt have said it better ;-)
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 731
view profile
History
increasing numbers of women are marrying men for their money
Posted: 11/22/2011 2:54:03 PM
Though being financially independent does give a woman more time to look for a mate. Enough time to spend a lifetime alone.


Well, I suppose, if a lifetime means not being able to find a man who makes the same or less or more, who doesn't believe his self-worth is tied solely to his bank account. Nah...she won't be alone. There are all kinds of guys out there with self-worth and apparently even more becoming available all the time - you know - the ones who get out of marriages and relationships where that's all the woman he's with is after *snickers*.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 732
increasing numbers of women are marrying men for their money
Posted: 11/23/2011 4:49:58 PM
Msg #728- I think a line in msg 730 sums it up.



I can sense some hostility eminating from you. lol.

Yeah.No shit.

I don't disagree that the system can be manipulated in such a way that it becomes an instrument of torment for the NCP( which I acknowledge still tends to be the father), but the standard here in most US jurisdictions is "the best interests of the child(ren)".
But here again this tends to take the topic off on a tangent.

We are discussing the concept that a certain researcher has stretched statistics about differences in education level in couples marrying NOW, and using that stretch or leap to make a conclusion that actually may not be supported by the appropriate stats!

Women marrying men who have more education is not direct proof that women are marrying men for money.

Yes,it seems a sensible conclusion that higher education=higher $$$, but the only way that the author of the article could REALLY make that claim( "increasing numbers" of women are marrying men "for their money") is if she provided statistics about the annual INCOMES of women and men who are currently embarking into marriage.
The core issue the author of the article seems to be promoting(IMO) is an attempt to prove that women are not obeying EQUALITY. I'm not going to go back to the link and read that benighted article yet again-but my short term recollection of it does not recall any discussion of of divorce and child support.


no offence, but whose fault is they ALL choose irresponsible men without moral character?!


Well, how the HELL do you suppose THAT ever happened-since we have this article written by a credentialed female researcher/author, that women are marrying men for their money?



were these women "fair" to their men and treated them well?


Oh, so now the custodial parents' chances of getting child support depend on some subjective opinion that (s)he was "fair" to the non-custodial parent and " treated them well"? What entity or agency makes the assessment and pronounces on "fairness" and "treating them well"?



Previous lady was stating that whatever I was or wasnt doing was necessarily MY fault for my predicament.

I said no such thing.
I ALWAYS say/suggest to someone who is raging about some kind of unfair/biased or unduly harsh treatment- that they consider their options for fighting against the situation.
Unfortunately,since people don't tend to have their bank balance posted on their foreheads, I have no way of knowing whether fighting back is an option-and yes, I do recognize that all too often, fighting back when one is wronged DOES come down to whether someone can afford to fight back

In fact, let me amend my agreement to message #730-after giving it some though, I believe message # 728 is actually based in FRUSTRATION,which can easily come across as anger or hostility.



Life is a vicious cycle that keeps repeating itself. Because the world is choc-full of retards lol. But what can you do. You chug on everyday, hoping you live long enough to see everything get together. I just want my kids to live happy lives like I don't have,


I'm sorry that you have come to have such a sad, defeated viewpoint of life. I would explore that further but it would probably be taken the wrong way-AND it would be even further off topic.



he even thought about kidnapping and moving to another country, but watch all the bad press he'll get.

If he truly believes that his child is being put in dangerous situations, then perhaps taking the child and leaving the jurisdiction is something that NEEDS to be done. If it is truly as bad as you say, it seems to me that "all the bad press" would be WORTH protecting his child.
From all I read on these forums, Canada IS behind the 8-ball on true fairness and equality in matters of child custody. But again, the topic here is a supposed trend involving women marrying men for their money-not fights over divorce and child support.



Sadly, when ladies behave like my ex has and other men hear about it, that's what starts them behaving exactly that way.

Exactly what way? Hyper-protective of their wallets?

Look , I'm NOT siding with any particular person or gender here. I most certainly do NOT support, condone or excuse any custodial parent, regardless of gender!- who tries to manipulate things so that the non-custodial parent is thrown into dire poverty, nor do I condone the behavior of custodial parents who mis-spend child support payments.

But, there is nothing that I can do except to remind the parent who is being victimized, to look for ways to put a stop to the victimization-provided this can be done WITHOUT victimizing the children any more than what they are already experiencing.

But, OTOH-and back to the TOPIC!-for a couple contemplating marriage( or even jst cohabitation), considering the matter of finances is not wrong. And if children are part of the planned future, the maternal instinct is going to be in play when a young woman chooses a husband and father to create a family with. Some women are so firmly convinced that males cannot be trusted to remain in the family as a good partner, that she WILL seek a career or occupation that will permit her to care for her children independently.
I can't even begin to remember any situations in my personal life the last few years,involving a young couple getting married, where both weren't already in a career or occupation, and planning for both to continue working. In fact, among middle-aged or even older couples I know who've gotten married, finacial parity is the norm, NOT situations of an impoverished woman marrying to get socioeconomic upgrading.

If I think of the percentages, young couples and families I know, where both work,considered against young families I know with the traditional roles, the percentage of families with both parents working is much greater that that of young families with a stay-at-home parent.

With reference to message #739, what I'm seeing, and what seems to work best these days, is couples, regardless of age who have similar educational backgrounds and fairly similar incomes. Yes, I can understand a young woman who wants children looking for a husband who has a stable occupation that could meet the necessities should something arise with the pregnancy or with the child that might keep her out of the workforce longer.
I cannot speak to "spending a lifetime alone"-but I do have to ask-why is it so negative if a woman who is capable of independence is "alone"( if she really IS "alone")? What about all these fearful men who are so very certain that women are only after money, that they "spend a lifetime alone"-or is that somehow OK for men to" spend a lifetime alone", but is a deficiency in women?
I bet there are a lot of women here who have had to end an abusive relationship, or a parasitic relationship,where a "lifetime alone" looked like a much better option. I'm sure there are women who've had a good relationship with a partner who passed away,who are finding that what's now available requires a lot of sorting,who don't regard "spending (the rest of) a lifetime alone", as some horrible fate. And what exactly is considered "alone"? Lots of women social date, have relationships or FwBs that don't involve marriage/cohabitation-or is everything that isn't marriage/cohabitation "alone"?



There are all kinds of guys out there with self-worth and apparently even more becoming available all the time - you know - the ones who get out of marriages and relationships where that's all the woman he's with is after *snickers*.


And if he has a good head on his shoulders, a good work ethic, a positive outlook,he and a financially stable woman will find each other.
Where the problem seems to be, at least in my observation and experience, is that so many men are coming out of these marriages where the woman was" just out to get his money"-and they are angry, hostile, frustrated, frightened, looking to "get even" with almost the entire female gender. They don't WANT a relationship, they want to have their cake and eat it too, they want revenge, they want to be a player, a "hit and run" specialist.
Or, they are so financially strapped that any independent woman, in her own self-interest, has to be concerned if the romance is really about him wanting to be with her, or is it about pulling himself up by HER bootstraps???

I won't use the term "gold-digger", BUT-there are men who are looking for relationships to get themselves back into a better lifestyle...and if this independent woman has an obligation to HER children, or considers it an obligation to HERSELF ,to stay financially stable and not end up an old lady eating cat food-then she MUST give consideration to his resources- what he "brings to the table".And that concept is not just about the cash in his wallet, nor is it necessarily that his income, assets, resources be LARGER than hers.

The other thing that perhaps men cannot appreciate,(because they're not women,lol) is that, in the case of the more mature man, there are still men who aren't comfortable with a situation where the woman has equal or greater resources. It isn't just all womens' fault that they want men that have more income/resources-there are still men out there who have trouble having a relationship with a financially equal(or more) woman.

Bottom line, in an environment where a woman starts feeling that the world is divided between men looking for socioeconomic rescue(or at least shelter from the storm)-and men whose egos will not tolerate a financial/occupational equal SO,I'm sure independent women all have periods of time in their lives when "alone" is like a freaking all-expenses paid trip to Club Med.
Cindy O
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 734
increasing numbers of women are marrying men for their money
Posted: 11/24/2011 8:56:22 AM

I was nicked pretty good


Im not even going to reply to that super long text, save to say that is gave me a headache to read, and that it confirms to me someone will only accept their views and will never in a billion years accept someone who has different opinions or real life experiences than theirs. And who'll misquote you to make a point. But hey, thats the way the world turns.
And dont you dare feel sorry for me. I sure as hell dont. My views on life and the way I see mine have absolutely no bearing on the way I live. Its normal to want a better life for your kids than you do, every parent can tell you that, unless their stuck up enough to think their life rocks so much its what everyone should dream of. Anybody who's not self-conceited would think otherwise. Besides, I dont look for approvals in opinions, its not a contest. I really couldnt care less if someone agrees with me or not, is sad with me or not, is peed at me or not.
Its I view, and I have it. Its not right, its sick, its insane, its logical? Too bad, I have it, sue me. I'm not saying its right or wrong, I'm saying thats the way I see it. But what I do say is not everyone has it, and I'm fine by that.

And on hostility and anger, thats another can of worms. People seem to think its something to be shunned. Its an human emotion, and it can be VERY productive and usefull. Youve got a right to anger and hostility as much as anyone else. I have the right to hate, and I take it
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 735
increasing numbers of women are marrying men for their money
Posted: 11/24/2011 3:05:29 PM
Umm-
I was nicked pretty good


was something OyVey said-not me.


And dont you dare feel sorry for me.


Well, If I've" got a right to anger and hostility as much as anyone else"-then it seems to me that I also have the right to say that I am sorry to hear that another person has adopted a defeatist attitude about life.


And dont you dare feel sorry for me. I sure as hell dont.

I don't "feel sorry" for you, I AM sorry to hear that you seem to be resigned to a situation where you and your children are being wronged( if you are paying out all this money and your kids aren't getting proper dental care, the children-AND you-are in fact being wronged.) And, with all due respect, I must state that I disagree with you on the " I don't feel sorry for myself."

If there are instances/situations where the childrens' needs are being neglected and the child support payments are being mis-spent, haven't they got anything in Canada that functions as Child Protective Service does here in the US? Is there no assisting agency such as Friend of the Court that oversees child-support payment matters? Is there no "pro bono" organization such as Legal Aid that offers some legal assistance in civil and family law matters to persons who have limited means?
If you are working 3 jobs and can barely afford survival-level food and shelter due to excessive child support payments, it seems to me that you are entitled to defend yourself-I most assuredly AM NOT supporting, excusing or condoning women who push their childrens' fathers into abject poverty, nor am I in any way supporting or excusing women who truly are mis-spending child support funds!
However, I also have to point out that anybody can claim that they are getting screwed over in child custody/support matters, the division of assets in divorce,etc-and most people in those situations DO. Probably there is some basis for these claims, because the reality about the financial dynamics of one household becoming TWO households, is that EVERYBODY LOSES...even though it may SEEM like the other person is getting a WAAY bigger half of the pie.

I'm not taking ANYBODY'S side here-except maybe the children who now have 2 parents that seem to be working against one another.
I also realize that sometimes people need to vent...but-when one woman wrongs one man, one man wrongs one woman , or one man and one woman wrong each other, that does NOT mean that every other blessed individual of the offending gender is also going to behave in the exact same wrong way.

I honestly still cannot figure out how the author of the article cited in the OT has come up with this "increasing numbers" thing-since the 1940s-PEOPLE have increased in numbers.
More people are now pursuing higher education, completing degree programs, etc.

However,IMO- there are still factors in play that come from very longstanding social conditioning-women looking for a mate that can provide well for offspring, and...from what I hear, there still IS a bit of an ego thing going on with a fair amount of men, despite what they may CLAIM-that men don't want relationships with women who out-earn them.
So maybe these women are marrying men with higher education(that MIGHT lead to more money) because the men that they are educationally and financially equal to, or ahead of, don't WANT to marry them, they want to marry women with less education and lower income than themselves.
Cindy O
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 736
increasing numbers of women are marrying men for their money
Posted: 11/24/2011 4:08:23 PM

I was nicked pretty good
was something OyVey said-not me.


I KNOW...I forgot to quote on it but it just applied to my current situation

I`m not going to read that long post either, I got a huge headache. But, your right I`m wrong and I`ll shut up now.

Women are angels, men are a*sholes everyone treats everyone else equally and all`s fine and dandy in the world, world peace. Just dont give me advice before jumping a few weeks in my shorts (not litterally mind you, there only room for me)

Group Hugz all around
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 737
increasing numbers of women are marrying men for their money
Posted: 11/24/2011 4:55:30 PM

I`m not going to read that long post either, I got a huge headache. But, your right I`m wrong and I`ll shut up now.

Sorry about your headache-I think it's mostly self-inflicted, but that's just an observation.

If you read my post, you'd know that I'm NOT taking sides here, as far as the divorce/child support thing.

And I keep trying to point out that this topic isn't actually ABOUT divorce and child support- it's about marriage, and(as far as I'm concerned) the article cited by the OP is skewed and distorted to serve someones' sociopolitical agenda.

However, some people are just so emotionally and mentally abraded that any statement, comment or observation that does not completely support their particular grievance, is seen as opposition.

Once more-I'm not supporting,excusing, or approving of anyone who brings vindictiveness into matters of child custody, support, or other financial matters of divorce/break-ups.
And-once more, this topic is NOT ABOUT divorce, child support, unfair divorce/child support rulings...its about the front end-when people get married. Guess what? Between 50%-70% of marriages still DON'T end in divorce. I don't know if any person, agency or entity has ever undertaken to study if there is a significant financial common denominator in marriages that endure? Now that would be an interesting thing to study.

I still say, that people marry the person they marry due to a number of factors. Hopefully, BOTH people do give consideration to matters like education, earning potential, and a fiscal attitude of shared responsibility.

But, if someone has a point or theory that they want to "prove"-it's not that difficult to find statistics, information,etc to support their allegation. And thus it was with the article that inspired the original topic of this thread.
Cindy O
 sschooly
Joined: 3/29/2011
Msg: 738
increasing numbers of women are marrying men for their money
Posted: 11/25/2011 1:02:04 AM
I make my own money and I'm continuing my education to make more. It's annoying to have someone tell me how much they make, what their assets are, etc. It's why I have a job and make my own money. I like being financially independent. As long as the man works and can pay his bills then why does the question of who makes more have to be an issue?
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 739
increasing numbers of women are marrying men for their money
Posted: 11/25/2011 9:20:31 AM
Cindy:
I honestly still cannot figure out how the author of the article cited in the OT has come up with this "increasing numbers" thing-since the 1940s-PEOPLE have increased in numbers.


Cindy, your logical post prompted me to go back to page one.

From the OP:


In todays' News, there is a study that shows more women are marrying for money than in 1940


Really. I’m a bit skeptical that someone conducted a door to door or snail mail survey of married women in 1940 and asked them, what exactly? “Why did you marry your husband?” Was it a multiple choice survey? Were there other options?

Who the heck is gonna say, then or now, “Oh, yes….I married for money.”

There’s more:


The author of the report, Dr Catherine Hakim, says "there is a myth that women invariably choose to have a relationship of total equality. More and more women are choosing to marry men who are substantially better educated than them, and therefore have higher earnings."


First of all, there is no such myth. Nobody expects or “chooses” a relationship of “total equality”. How do you do that, marry yourself? Your clone? And we “invariably” do it….really? That’s just stupid!

Just because a man holds a "higher degree" does NOT necessarily or automatically mean he is making “higher earnings”… Hello? He could be lying on the couch swigging Wild Turkey and watching Judge Judy all day. And that skewed conjecture is the basis of this 30 page mess??!

How freaking stupid. This was (very obviously) originally posted to generate never ending pages of gender war. Good call, OP.
 OyVay...
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 740
increasing numbers of women are marrying men for their money
Posted: 11/25/2011 12:19:15 PM
And she could use her degree, to just sit on the couch sip chardonnay and eat bon-bons, watch "As the Stomach Turns" and wait for Ramone the pool boy to give her a good going over!

How does that sound?

You wanna stop "never ending pages of gender wars" don't keep pouring gasoline on the fire and say something sensible instead of insulting men.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 741
increasing numbers of women are marrying men for their money
Posted: 11/25/2011 1:58:10 PM
^^^^^ You’re seriously gonna get that bent over my hypothetical scenario?

Take a deep breath and repeat this soothing mantra: “It’s only the forums…it’s only the forums.”

 OyVay...
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 742
increasing numbers of women are marrying men for their money
Posted: 11/25/2011 2:04:33 PM
Hmmmm, sorry, not "bent over" at all, merely pointing out the obvious, it could have been phrased better,but as you say, "it's only the forums" so please, the next time I decide to say something that bothers you, I suggest you do the same, and "repeat this soothing mantra"
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 743
view profile
History
increasing numbers of women are marrying men for their money
Posted: 11/25/2011 2:42:10 PM

so please, the next time I decide to say something that bothers you, I suggest you do the same, and "repeat this soothing mantra"

Now, now, lets not get too restrained, else there'd be no use popping popcorn for the forums entertainment.
 lucky2beme
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 744
increasing numbers of women are marrying men for their money
Posted: 1/2/2012 5:37:30 PM
I have no money so i guess i am doomed to bachelorhood for life
 ruspukin
Joined: 9/29/2010
Msg: 745
increasing numbers of women are marrying men for their money
Posted: 1/2/2012 7:07:21 PM
maybe its because men don't have anything else to offer
 usernonymous
Joined: 8/18/2011
Msg: 746
view profile
History
increasing numbers of women are marrying men for their money
Posted: 1/2/2012 10:21:30 PM
I think with the recession, there is also a role reversal.

I think that women are leaving their men because they are often left as the breadwinners. The economy has left alot of men fiscally emasculated and I think that alot of women feel that their mate is no longer a man because they cannot support the family. This leads to more breakups due to men's insecurity and a woman's independance to not need a man to bring home the bread.

http://society.ezinemark.com/women-breadwinners-more-likely-to-divorce-study-31887247381.html
 CptJohnSheridan
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 747
increasing numbers of women are marrying men for their money
Posted: 1/3/2012 9:35:18 AM
Just as an observation I will say that many of the professionals with whom I work complain that the women they date seem to want them for their money. When I ask why they like the ladies, the reply is usually some variation upon, "She is very physically attractive." To me this seems like a case of the pot calling the kettle black.
 letzgo4it
Joined: 10/17/2011
Msg: 748
view profile
History
increasing numbers of women are marrying men for their money
Posted: 1/3/2012 4:25:45 PM
True, so true!! And coming from a male who can tell it like it is. Thanks for the post and validation of my thoughts.
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 749
view profile
History
increasing numbers of women are marrying men for their money
Posted: 1/3/2012 6:04:29 PM

Just as an observation I will say that many of the professionals with whom I work complain that the women they date seem to want them for their money. When I ask why they like the ladies, the reply is usually some variation upon, "She is very physically attractive." To me this seems like a case of the pot calling the kettle black.


Men looking for the hottest woman they can afford. Women looking for the richest man they can attract. Nothing new here.
 kevination
Joined: 11/17/2011
Msg: 750
increasing numbers of women are marrying men for their money
Posted: 1/3/2012 6:25:27 PM
ron simmons reads this set of posts and says..........
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 751
increasing numbers of women are marrying men for their money
Posted: 1/3/2012 6:49:01 PM
increasing numbers of men are marrying women for their looks/money

none of it is new, not really
 sensualseekerns
Joined: 6/1/2010
Msg: 752
increasing numbers of women are marrying men for their money
Posted: 1/3/2012 7:29:15 PM

I think that women are leaving their men because they are often left as the breadwinners. The economy has left alot of men fiscally emasculated and I think that alot of women feel that their mate is no longer a man because they cannot support the family. This leads to more breakups due to men's insecurity and a woman's independance to not need a man to bring home the bread.


The reverse side of this and the above posts is that it seems okay to a large chunk of women that dumping a man for having lost his income is a valid excuse, but a man who dumps a woman because she is no longer good looking or no longer interested in intimacy is a major crime. This is not acceptable logic. It is thin primal reasoning masquerading as the elitist BS that it really is coming from the female camp.

They hypocrisy in this case is in what is not said, not in what is. That is not lost on men who witness it for what it really is. It is also a big reason why those of us with a brain avoid women who subscribe to that kind of social thinking.

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