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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Attracting the right girls.      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 NarcissusTemple
Joined: 4/23/2009
Msg: 17
Attracting the right girls.Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
Not sure about the personal attacks.

Given the kindling you provided in your OP, it's a wonder this entire thread isn't ablaze with the hellish fire of sarcasm re. your character.
Do you ever READ the threads where OPs like you are cut off at the knees?
My gawd, OP, you're being handled with kid gloves and you think the replies are personal attacks?!!
I think the advice here has been uncharacteristically kind and fair given the admissions of your man-whoring and leaving a path of caring, hopeful women in crumpled broken-hearted heaps in your wake as you plow your man-path of sexual satiety.
 sshuliak
Joined: 6/25/2009
Msg: 18
Attracting the right girls.
Posted: 1/10/2011 1:23:39 PM
Haha. I clearly stated my sleeping around was an attempt to cope with separating from a ralationsip. I suppose I didn't spefically say that I dont anymore, however, I did say for a period of time following my relationship. But thanks for th insight. From what I've gathered I'm hopeless. Such crimes committed like incorrectly filling the void of an ex girlfriend... I'm going to let this die down. Appreciate the comments. Maybe I am not ready yet. Hell. Maybe I need to connect with more women.
 sshuliak
Joined: 6/25/2009
Msg: 19
Attracting the right girls.
Posted: 1/10/2011 1:24:26 PM
Connect in a social... Friendly way. Before I get in trouble for that.
 sshuliak
Joined: 6/25/2009
Msg: 21
Attracting the right girls.
Posted: 1/10/2011 1:41:55 PM
Absolutely. I think a thing that became unsttractive about the most recent girl I dated was how mch she liked me. It's terrible... I'd love to figure out how to avoid this. I don't decide what I'm attracted to...
 FunkTheMillenium
Joined: 7/11/2010
Msg: 22
Attracting the right girls.
Posted: 1/10/2011 1:58:43 PM
how did this topic ever get past the moderator's?
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 23
Attracting the right girls.
Posted: 1/10/2011 3:49:04 PM
sshuliak,

Ignore the flack from bitter folks.


for your age, you are quite normal.
Everyone is abit shallow to some degree.
(tis why we are single. If we weren't shallow at all we'd be with the first person to ask)

So now you're done playing and ready to get serious.

I'll get flamed for this.
(by more bitter peeps)

But I suggest among other things, you try to be astrologically compatible.
As a Scorpio, you will easily jive with another Scorpio, or a Pisces, or a Cancer.
With these three signs there will be easy emotional rapport as that aspect is as strong in them as in you. Cancer would be best as far as control issues go.

You're less so but still good with Virgos, Capricorns, and Taurusii.
They may seem emotionally less intense than you but very practical peeps and
generally successful in all their endeavours(if so motivated)
With those signs your stengths and weakenesses dovetail with their strengths and weaknesses. So still a good match.

You can work with all other signs, but will take more work than with one compatible.


As a Tiger born Scorpio you should seek out someone born in a horse, dog, snake, or pig year.

go here for more info on that:
http://www.suzannewhite.com/new-astrology/ScorpioTiger.html

I know, I know. the above sounds very lame.
But I have dated A LOT and have dated all the wrong signs and years for me.
Still single.

Other than that advice I couldn't tell you to do anything different than what you are doing.

Since you are confident and able to attract women, I suggest no need to sell yourself too hard but instead start out by letting a girl know any of your negatives(personality or circumstances) upfront. And be picky as to what you are seeking or wish to avoid upfront. Hopefully that should weed out the incompatible early.

Be thankful you are able to attract and choose a mate.
Many guys cannot, nor know how.
So just take your time and choose wisely.
Use the Force only for good Luke.
LOL
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 24
Attracting the right girls.
Posted: 1/10/2011 5:10:06 PM
The poor guy is from the lowermainland,the home of bambi(and not the ones in the wild) and young wannabees.

Okay, straight up. You are NOT gonna find "long term" at your age in the lowermainland until about 30(if you are lucky). The ones your age that are serious about life, have no use for boys(sorry) at this time. They are busy,at school, setting their careers up,etc. The ones that are availible, look good,on Saturday night, but awful nasty on Sunday afternoon,if and when they wake up. The other ones have one or two children by 25 and are looking for #2 or #3 guy by now.

There are very few mature, relationship "looking" females your age in and around here. So do what ya gotta do, and if the ones that are availible are not fulfilling, DON'T indulge!!!!!!! It is simple. But it does take some will power on your age, cause some of the young ladies do "look",well, kinda tasty. Just don't try to have a conversation with em.
 sshuliak
Joined: 6/25/2009
Msg: 25
Attracting the right girls.
Posted: 1/10/2011 5:39:25 PM

Question, re: the girl who bored you. She was frequently commented on as being attractive -- but was she attractive to you? Or was she someone you were trying to grow an attraction for,cuz you thought you should be able to, based on her being sensible, and not like the other girls who are content to hit and leave it, --your usual kind.

She was attractive to me at first. I met her at a club... Saw her in line. She, like me, was relatively bored of clubs. I managed to find her in the club and talk to her because I saw instant attraction.
Anyways. She just started to get on my nerves... And I gradually stopped enjoying sex with her... And eventually just didn't find her attractive at all. Shame, because at one point I was contimplating something very very long term with her.
As for the other few posts on this page. I appreciate the comments.
I was beginning to wonder if I was actually just a terrible person despite saying very little about myself.
But I noticed a trend in the angry comments towards me... So I started to find them funny, more so than anything.
Cool.
Appreciate it, y'all.

And the lower mainland bit.
You're right. There's a strong chochie vibe down here. Ed hardy wearing, hummer driving ego freaks who look for nothing other than a fight. Plenty of girls to support that crap too...

As for the astrology.
Heh.
you're not the only one. I've gone on a date before with a girl from here. First thing she asked was my sign. Apparently it wasn't the right one. Heh :D
 marisia
Joined: 10/25/2008
Msg: 26
view profile
History
Attracting the right girls.
Posted: 1/11/2011 8:01:37 AM
Hi, Imo you are going through what a lot of us have, but the bashing brigade are holier than thou.

I think you are young and have reacted to heartbreak.
That you have not met a girl you want to be with long term yet..
You may not be ready, or just not met her or both..

Of course you want the girl who dumps you...thats because you just had fun and now can't have her...but if she showed signs of seriousness would you want that.

1. You broke up from a long term relationship and slept apround..hopefully you were honest and practised safe sex.

2. You have to find someone attractive... like most of us... however look at what you are being attracted by face, clothes, makeup, body language, build, attitude...
making small adjustments in what you are looking for may help.

3. Meeting girls in places other than a club will make a difference.
Different likes, talents, still exciting but not in a party way.

3. Wait a few dates before you have sex, it can make quite a difference on attitude to the relationship..
Also gives you time to see if you get on, avoids being just physical.

4. Remember girls and boys can be equally ruthless.

If you don't want to feel used, like a piece of meat, make a few adjustments especially how quickly you have sex..
We all have needs but sometimes need to harness them and make do with masturbating.
 english lass
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 27
Attracting the right girls.
Posted: 1/11/2011 8:26:37 AM
It sounds as though you already had one of 'those' girls (attractive, awesome, head on her shoulders) but you got bored of her, so I think you might be kidding yourself when you say that that is what you want - what you Really want is what you're attracted to - the 'fly by nights'

It doesn't sound as though you're ready for a really committed relationship

Perhaps take some time away from dating and find fulfillment in other areas of your life for a while; give yourself time to reflect and grow
 NotElvisJunior
Joined: 6/8/2008
Msg: 28
view profile
History
Attracting the right girls.
Posted: 1/13/2011 8:04:53 PM
Maybe you do - it couldn't hurt to look into counseling.

I guess you're sort of hitting that point where "Hey, I'm looking for something a little more serious than what I've been" but don't quite know how to let go of the old habits and pursue what you feel like you want now.

A lot of the posts do come off rather as bashing - but, to abuse a cliche "The first step is in admitting you have a problem" and you've done exactly that.

I'm not sure if you need full blown therapy, but maybe a little counseling, or at least someone to talk to, that might help clarify what you want, how you're going about it, etc.

NOT, by the way, an internet forum - which, eh, tends to be a bit harsh and judgmental at times!
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 29
view profile
History
Attracting the right girls.
Posted: 1/14/2011 3:41:07 AM

Why are you worried now? You're having fun right? You're passing over Miss Sensible for Miss Party animal. Don't let this bother you, go and chase after the girls and by the time you're though, you'll realised you're 40, bald, have a pot belly and you wonder why the hotties aren't attracted to you anymore. You're profile will still be on POF and you'll be posting threads like " why aren't women responding to me"
" Why are women so superficial" " why do women over look good men?". Keep on having that ego boost, because in the end, the only person you have to love is yourself.




You know..I can see you saying that, sincerely..then simply turning and walking away..leaving people in awe.

 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 30
Attracting the right girls.
Posted: 1/14/2011 2:06:38 PM
OP, you kinda have wavering POVs, by saying this...

She just started to get on my nerves... And I gradually stopped enjoying sex with her... And eventually just didn't find her attractive at all. Shame, because at one point I was contimplating something very very long term with her.

But your original POV was this...

I was dating a really awesome girl for a few months who totally had her head on her shoulders and was frequently commented on as being very attractive, but after a while I got bored, and lost attraction towards her.

The above tells the classic tale (nobody likes being predictable, but actually, that's basically how it is), of a guy who gets lots of fun-sex who subconsciously wants a reason for it not to work out because he/she is bored & unfulfilled in the end.... Heck, it doesn't even require people who get lotsa fun-sex, either (just freedom of choice).

Going from freedom & fun and enjoying that for some time (enhanced by issues of previous bad relationships for some), to being locked in with an even Hot girl, is going to result in that, dude. It's nothing crazy, actually. It's just too big of a shift to expect something that 'different' in the end. It's like someone who smokes a pack & a half a day to try and go down to 1 cig a day without being irritated (okay, maybe an exaggeration, but you get the point).

When you get locked in with one girl, you have to get used to the fact that she's not going to be 'Hot' in exactly the same way as before. You're going to be used to it. In some ways, it's of greater depth -- and it is... but when we've instead been locked into variety & fun & freedom beforehand, we can't appreciate that, and will only see the 'usual' aspect of her... and things will get on your nerves... what may have been a quirk turns into an annoyance, etc.

But you will run into girls who are Hot, and that's your only focus, and only later do you see the real her, and she's incompatible. Don't try to "find" a relationship -- that's stupid. Look to meet & get to know women and pick up on attributes on the surface that lead to a decent probability of them being compatible on a lower level, but don't get hopes up or expect it around the corner. Instead, just don't get too involved with chasing frisky ones (easier said than done) -- that can take away in many degrees of separation, from meeting a gal who is compatible, and at the same time, not make you subconsciously 'want' problems/issues/incompatibilities as much.
 sshuliak
Joined: 6/25/2009
Msg: 31
Attracting the right girls.
Posted: 1/15/2011 3:26:07 PM
Hey guys, appreciate the good comments.
Pretty much everything said (except for the nothing to offer comment) makes good sense here.
I do have quite a bit to offer.
-- Anyways

Perhaps I do need counseling.
I find that I need the approval of people I know (and even people I don't know) for a woman I'm with. (However it's not the ultimatum, rather, another condition that needs to be met)
It's ****ing disgusting.
I didn't get much attention in high school. It seems like I'm trying to make up for it. Trying to prove something.
I've ****ed up so many great opportunities with women by having sex with them. Sigh.
For anyone who can relate. Ways to condition yourself away from this mindset?
Anything to help?
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 32
Attracting the right girls.
Posted: 1/16/2011 7:41:13 PM
^^^^ Yep. You're understanding yourself well. There's nothing wrong with desiring approval or attention. We all like it (as long as it doesn't get to the point of annoyance).

The problem is you're trying to prove yourself. You don't think you're adequate. You think you can have your successes, but you're unsure if you're "good enough" of a person/catch/etc. When one's like this, they want to prove 'it' to themselves, and then require variety -- they'll get bored easily with just one person.

I've ****ed up so many great opportunities with women by having sex with them. Sigh.

Actually people don't fvck things up with people just by merely having sex with them. It requires something else -- like one of the people being freaked out about "sex too soon" (messing up opportunities therefore becomes just a self-fulfilling prophecy)... or getting someone pregnant lol

In the end, it's about following through with whatever level of sexual relations you had. Having sex very quickly is not necessarily going to prevent a relationship from happening at all or do anything "bad" at all to it. That's pure superstition. Many people have hit it off rather quickly and had a relationship come of things naturally without thinking twice about sex quickly potentially being a problem.

It's a problem when you JUST want sex, yet want approval by others/society to be in a relationship at the same time. Ain't going to work.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Attracting the right girls.