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Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 63
Instant chemistryPage 5 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I differentiate between feeling attraction for a man and feeling instant chemistry, a.k.a. fireworks. I will usually know within the first 30 seconds of meeting a man whether or not I'm attracted to him enough to want to go out on a second date with him. While I could picture us together at some future point, these men didn't exactly blow my skirt up. Instead, my relationships with them would heat up slowly over time---like an oven. For me, this type of relationship has been the most successful.

Fireworks can be dangerous in my opinion, and are usually mostly hormonally-fueled. With these men, we ended up getting physical very soon after meeting. I've only met a few men in my lifetime that I had those intense instant fireworks with. Unfortunately, my relationships with them never lasted very long---and were over soon after the lust hormones leveled off. Things would suddenly ignite, only to burn out just as quickly---like a blowtorch.
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 65
Instant chemistry
Posted: 1/23/2011 7:36:51 PM
What instant chemistry is to a woman is when she meets a guy and says to herself: "He's hot and I'm horny. He will do." Women are told from birth that good women don't have sex. Sex is a disgusting, horrible, animalistic act. It must be avoided at all cost, and women buy into it. Only bad women have sex. So women make up a term that sounds more pure and proper to disguise how they feel. That term is Instant Chemistry. Whereas guys don't play silly, stupid word games. If a guy is horny, he will say so. Guys don't need flowery, goofy names to disguise the true meaning of what they say and feel.
Joined: 9/23/2010
Msg: 66
Instant chemistry
Posted: 1/23/2011 7:45:32 PM
I usually know pretty quickly if the person is it for me or not. I tried once to develop this past that point of no instant chemistry. He was my ex husband. We had been friends and everyone was telling me to go out with him that he liked me. My response, ugh I don't really see him that way. He is a great guy, treated me decent. We were together 13 years and in the end the relationship was no more than a good friendship and we coexisted. While 13 yrs is certainly not a total failure, we didn't last the long haul and we are still friends. I think there is something to be said for that gut feeling about a person.
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 69
Instant chemistry
Posted: 1/24/2011 8:33:57 AM
I tried dating men who I didnt have any pull towards. Because 'on paper' they were a good match...well guess what? All I did was waste thier time because when it came to us finally getting close enough to smooch or anything, I cringed. These men now likely think I was trying to get a few free meals out of them, but I was following a few peoples advise to 'see what happens, let it grow over time'. They were nice looking, had good jobs, treated poeple with respect, and we had alot of other things in common. I was not physically attracted. I tried to make myself be attracted, it did not work.

I am pretty sure men enjoy dating a woman who is compatible, as well as physically attracted to them. I dont know any man who would be pleased to know the woman he was spending his efforts/time/money on was not interested in at least smooching with him.

No one is saying that people ONLY date based on attraction, we are saying it HAS to be PART of the equation. I am not broke or hungry enough to force myself to share meals with men I cannot even imagine wanting to kiss. This component is AS important as the mental attraction.

The relationsip Im in now is the best so far-we are attracted to one another and admire one anothers morals, efforts, work ethic....we agree on life philosophies and long term goals. Throw in the fact we are nuts for one another and it is the best. Id rather go it alone than not have it this way. It took a long time to get here, soooo worth the wait.
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 70
Instant chemistry
Posted: 1/24/2011 8:38:43 AM

There is no such thing as instant Chemistry. Just look at all the continued failed relationships by many who claimed chemistry.

I think it all depends on your definition of chemistry.
My "instant chemistry" tends to rule people out as opposed to ruling them in.
If I feel an instant like for someone, I'm willing to see where things go. If not,
I don't care to waste my time or theirs hoping that I'll like them some where down
the road.

Frankly, I'd rather jump into something with full on enthusiasm if I'm attracted
to someone, rather than go through the dull and boring make me like you scenarios.

And what the heck is up with people trying to rain on happy people's parade?
Since when is it cool to suggest someone's relationship won't last simply because
they didn't abide by rules you've made for yourself?

Tacky tacky.
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 71
Instant chemistry
Posted: 1/24/2011 6:45:45 PM

sweetness-one wrote:
For me, if I don't feel any initial attraction then it's not likely to ever be there. None of this 'let's see if we can make it grow''s either there, or it's not, IMO. And that includes the total package.

Let's turn the tables. Let's say a guy has a meet-and-greet with a woman and she ends up being fat and/or ugly. No physical attraction there. How many women here would say the guy is shallow, a player, worthless, etc. and the guy should only be interested in her "inner" beauty? But it's alright for a woman to only seek out Mr. Perfect and not settle for anything less?

sweetness-one: How is the hunt gong, looking for Mr. Perfect, the knight in shining armor who will sweep you off your feet, the flawless one? Having trouble finding someone who is as perfect as you? Keep looking-there's about 2 billion more men out there to check out.
Joined: 9/23/2009
Msg: 72
Instant chemistry
Posted: 1/24/2011 7:29:55 PM

Both the men I loved in life I had that instant unexplainable connection with.
It was like we were meant to be together. Maybe I was lucky to find it twice.
I kinda hope I am able to find it again. I know I will keep trying until I do.
Its not a matter of expectations so much as it is keeping the spark lit.
Thats a natural connection; I dont think we can always choose that.
If wanting that is having expectations then so be it.
I expect to have a spark for a relationship to last

^^This is exactly what I believe in...I've felt that spark. It happens, and only those that have felt it, can know it...

I believe in instant chemistry...because it's happend to me...simple
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