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 AUTHOR
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 38
Do Your Peers Ever Look Too Old to You?Page 2 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

I shouldn't admit it, but I do sometimes find it hard to appreciate women my age.


Perhaps I shouldn't admit it, but I most often find it hard to appreciate men of any age--or find them lacking when it comes to being potential partners.

This has little to do with age, though I wouldn't date a man over 64ish for statistical reasons. Women live longer than men: if I consort with or marry a man 7-10 years older than me, I might be a widow for a long time. Yes, yes, I know: he could outlive me and I shouldn't put such a premium on "love," but this is real life.

I find most men boring. In these forums, there is the constant lament of the "nice guy" who can't find a date or partner; well, being nice doesn't preclude intelligence, wit, or other aspects that I require in a man whom I will date. The things that interest most people--period--do not interest me. I don't watch TV, I don't like sports, and I don't keep up with modern cultural trends. Many men are Christians, albeit not very "good" Christians, so there is the problem of belief.

I have had one-time dates with more than a couple of men who were defeatists, blaming the world for their lots in life. Many are unhappy with their jobs or other aspects of their lives.

By the same token, I am sure that most men are not interested in my interests. I don't have a problem with that.

My boyfriend is two years older than I am; I would say that he would have grabbed my interest if he were 20-30 years younger, but that is not so. He is the culmination of his life's experience to this point.

So, to the author of the above post, don't pinpoint your dissatisfaction to a woman's age: it is her personality, her outlook on life, and other aspects that make her unattractive to you. If not, then with all due respect, you are using age to defend your interest in younger women, just like the other guy who likes younger women.

Taste and preferences need no defending: we like what/whom we like.

I teach college classes: I see young women fit the criteria that men in this forum are applying to older women!


I've found that many people sort of get to a point in life, and then they never pass that.


And when those younger women/men get some years on them, they will be the same.
 Smarts and Heart
Joined: 12/15/2009
Msg: 40
Do Your Peers Ever Look Too Old to You?
Posted: 1/28/2011 7:14:28 PM

Another problem-for me, anyway-is a lot of women in their late 40's, and 50's and up are grannies. I cannot imagine myself ever dating a granny. There's nothing wrong with grannies per se, but I don't find them dating material.


Mailman....This gave me a chuckle....you're definitly older than this granny, who has been often mistaken for her grandson's mom. I was a grandma at 48 a lot younger than you are now. The only reason you're not a grandpa is because you didn't have kids. Your age is your age regardless of grandchildren, and I can't imagine them making or breaking one's eligibility as "dating material"!
 ~breathlesshush~
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 41
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History
Do Your Peers Ever Look Too Old to You?
Posted: 1/28/2011 7:44:37 PM
I vividly remember an occasion in my much younger years when I was attracted to an "older" man. I was in a coffee shop in a mall somewhere, around 17 or 18 years old I think. I noticed this gentleman sitting at a table across from me, and found myself frequently glancing at him. He was wearing a Fedora, and had on a very nice three-piece suit. He also had the most beautiful blue eyes I'd ever seen.

It was very strange for me, being inexplicably attracted to this stranger. I didn't act on it, and as far as I know he never noticed me staring at him. Oh and his age (approximately of course)? I would have to say...well north of 60. He radiated a certain charisma, and for lack of a better term was utterly dashing .


Do Your Peers Ever Look Too Old to You?


I too, struggle with this. I see these men and women my age who look so much... older . I had my kids at an older age, and most of the Mom's of children in my daughter's class are younger than me. There are a few though, that I would swear were older, but no, they are in their early thirties. They wear sweat pants and baggy shirts, and most of them are significantly overweight. It's like they just gave up or something...

My sister recently came to stay with me and I hadn't seen her in about 13 years. The first thing I thought when I saw her at the airport (and likely she thought the same thing when she saw me) was "Oh my God, she looks so OLD!!"

It's funny how people never age in our minds; we have a "mental snapshot" of them in our heads and they remain frozen in time until we see them again. I stumbled across an ex's photo a little while ago (mutual friends) on facebook, and I still cannot reconcile the image with the man I dated. He now looks like his Dad did when we were dating. It's disturbing!

Some days I look in the mirror and I see every second of my age. Other days, I see me, the timeless me who's stuck around...oh, I don't know, age 29? My sister and I were discussing age and how some people "look" 40, and then we attempted to define what 40 looks like. She mentioned our mother, and said: "Can you imagine her dressing/acting/looking like us at the same age?" I had to admit that at 40+ my Mom looked a LOT different than her or I. She dressed in polyester pants with elasticized waistbands; had a standing appointment every six weeks to get a perm, and the only makeup she wore was lipstick.

My son's friend asked me one day how old I was. I of course told him to guess, and he said I looked like I was 25. Now, I don't particularly like this kid, and there's no love lost between us, but I do know he's always brutally honest, often to the point of being insulting (one of the many reasons I dislike him, and I don't dislike kids lightly). I was very flattered, but I also realize that 10-year-old boys have no clue how to judge someone's age. My guess is he was comparing me to his mother, who bears a striking resemblance (in dress, hairstyle, etc.) to my Mom. Of course he would assume I was younger.

We're all getting older, but we don't have to like it, nor should we give in and live the traditional definition of our particular age group. I see some very beautiful, youthful looking people in here that look nothing like that traditional picture. Perhaps it's time we let go of those stereotypes. I know I'd much rather look like Jane Fonda when I'm 70 than Betty White (no offense to Betty, love her!).

Side Note: My sister met a man from POF whose stated age was 57. This man was...omigod gorgeous. He kept himself in great physical and mental shape, and as a result appeared to be much younger than his age. I can honestly say he could easily pass for 15 years younger. The funniest part was when my sister told me she was the oldest woman he had ever dated (she's 43).
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 42
Do Your Peers Ever Look Too Old to You?
Posted: 1/28/2011 7:48:25 PM
It's not what they look like, making a HUGE assumption that the usually fuzzy pics usually with as many others as they can squeeze into the camera frame. And the captions, nice addition, like when you're scanning a profile, someone's going to read captions?

For the men my age that email me, usually their emails are offputting enough, scan the interests, if there are any, very generic. Looking for their souldmate...ehh...for someone to share their life with, retired, like fishing, golf, walks on the beach, when they live in LAKELAND...hours from any sand....ehh..

Basically what most want is a female friend to come over, and WATCH a DVD and CUDDLE ON THE COUCH! Who does that shit? Why don't they just say, I have no life, can't converse other than a regurgitation of the weather channel and fall asleep halfway through a DVD and really just be their squeeze toy. Older men, yes men my age are B O R I N G! I know I've unfortunately talked to many, and they like talking to ME, because I have stuff to talk about. When it's their turn to talk about what's going on with them, it's dead air time. I hear crickets...then, the dial tone when I hang up.
 MissNoWhere
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 43
Do Your Peers Ever Look Too Old to You?
Posted: 1/28/2011 8:36:07 PM

I cannot imagine myself ever dating a granny. There's nothing wrong with grannies per se, but I don't find them dating material.


Bummer Maleman - I'm a grandma of 2. laughing



OP, no shame in how you feel. I typically have a 5 up / 5 down rule in dating. Though I would make an exception for this really sweet guy I know who's 7 years older... laughing
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 46
Do Your Peers Ever Look Too Old to You?
Posted: 1/29/2011 5:07:02 AM
I've seen many profiles here online where I estimated the man's age to be around 60 and was completely shocked to see he was a couple years younger than me. The majority of the men I've seen online really haven't aged well at all and I do find it extremely hard to be attracted to a man who reminds me of my grandfather - but he's MY age.

I tend to date men a few years younger than myself but I have met a few that were 50ish and looked good for their age. That's been more the exception than the rule, however. If these grandfatherly-looking 50 year olds really ARE seeking 20-somethings like some other posters have claimed, then they'd better have a whole lot of money to offer those youngin's!
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 48
Do Your Peers Ever Look Too Old to You?
Posted: 1/29/2011 5:44:32 AM

Older men, yes men my age are B O R I N G!


I wonder, could this be happening because the ones that are actually doing "stuff"(at your age) put a full-time relationship requirement farther down the ladder than those that you get to meet and you find "boring"??????? I know I have been told point blank that I don't "seem" to have enough time for a lot of women(relationship) and this is before I even met them,cause I do and plan "stuff" without the requirement of another.

I've learned over the years that my doing some of the "stuff" I do does not require a whole lot other than me,myself and I. But even the "stuff" I do do,some can and will define as "boring". I know some people that love flying out to a bunch of buildings built in the middle of the desert to bet and lose money and watch other people (that also fly out to this desert) do "stuff" for their own personal entertainment. Talk about boring. Yet,some will make this an annual event and define it as a holiday.
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 49
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Do Your Peers Ever Look Too Old to You?
Posted: 1/29/2011 12:33:16 PM
Some people age 'gracefully', others don't. What can you say?

Life experiences, diet, genetics, sun exposure..all play a part in it.

I have aches and pains as I did things when younger that wore my body down. I also have things that I inherited. I could sleep for 24 hours straight, and wake up with bags under my eyes..as that is what my father had, my brother has, and I have..genetics. Sometimes they are not as prevalent as other times. I don't dye my hair, have all of it, I am just me.

I have encountered younger people who were heavily into drugs and alcohol and it is totally amazing how that destroys the body..pity.
 myrgth
Joined: 8/15/2009
Msg: 50
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Do Your Peers Ever Look Too Old to You?
Posted: 1/29/2011 1:36:04 PM
Yes, some of my peers look ancient to me. Some don't.

It's never really been a huge problem for me because I don't date by age, only by attraction. A potential date could be 60 or he could be 25. I'm attracted to a very particular mind set and personality and the age of the dude and really, his aesthetics, have nothing to do with it. Haha, that's not to say that if a guy just bowls me over in the looks department I will pass on him if he doesn't exactly match what I enjoy in the personality aspect but odds are it's going to be a fairly short affair.


I wonder, could this be happening because the ones that are actually doing "stuff"(at your age) put a full-time relationship requirement farther down the ladder than those that you get to meet and you find "boring"????


I've often called older dudes boring. While I can't speak to what the other poster means, I can say why I feel that way at times. For me, it's the exact opposite. They don't have enough on their plates. They often expect that I will want to be around them 24/7 and not have a life outside of them. They bombard me with their medical history and the most common thing said will be something about how I can play nurse for them and do this or that...and not in a fun, sexy way! Getting them to talk about anything other than the current state of their health is a chore. If they were off actually doing 'stuff' then we would have something fun and diverse to talk about, even if I thought the 'stuff' was boring I would never find their excitement or enjoyment of it boring. I could add to this but that is the bare basics of what I mean when I've called an older dude boring.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 51
Do Your Peers Ever Look Too Old to You?
Posted: 1/29/2011 4:48:15 PM

I've often called older dudes boring...They bombard me with their medical history...the most common thing said will be something about how I can play nurse for them and do this or that...


Being older with various medical ailments is not gender specific. In fact, IMO, women end up with more medical issues than guys. Women have to deal with menopause (or is it mental pause. lol) at mid life, and their hormones are going totally ballistic doing crazy things, along with other ailments that affect both genders.
 Fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 52
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Do Your Peers Ever Look Too Old to You?
Posted: 1/29/2011 5:28:19 PM
Lol, I know what you mean. Other 40 somethings look old to me too. I think I need a mirror too. Maybe you and I don't feel our age, we feel so young at heart that people are own age appear older. I remember when I finally joined facebook at age 41. I was shocked beyone belief to find that all my high school/college buddies were 4o some-things! I thought "so and so can't be 40, just yesterday he was putting alka seltzer in my soda and telling me he had jerked off into it!" LOL, then I realized that if I'm 40 something then anyone who graduated the same year I did, had to be 40 something as well.

The point is, we're only has old as we feel. That being said, the reality is that most of us look our age. Some wear age better than others. I do know that I don't look 25. I can eat right, exercise, whatever but when I see 25 year old girls going out for the night, I realize I'm not that age anymore.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 54
Do Your Peers Ever Look Too Old to You?
Posted: 1/29/2011 6:07:38 PM

Women have to deal with menopause (or is it mental pause. lol) at mid life,

the only women who have a "mental pause" is those who believe the BS and do not discuss their menopause issues with a caring health professional. Of course there are some for whom the hormonal rollercoaster is intractable or those who think the only solution is HRT,which they fear.
Now that we've dealt with menopause shall we talk about ED and denial?
I think most mature unpartnered women have accepted the fact that if they become incapacitated that they may end up in a care facility. I think it's men that are more inclined to think that women will jump at the chance to get into a relationship regardless of the risk of becoming a caregiver and then alone again.
Let me make it absolutely clear, it is one thing to care for a long-time partner,someone you have gone through life with. But unpartnered older men who think that it will be easy to find a nurse with a purse when the time comes, may be in for a surprise.
Cindy O
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 55
Do Your Peers Ever Look Too Old to You?
Posted: 1/29/2011 6:24:53 PM

But unpartnered older men who think that it will be easy to find a nurse with a purse when the time comes,


There are a few other things I would like to be happening if I was dying than having a woman hanging around and tending me.

Honest.

"nurse with a purse".....now, THAT was funny
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 56
Do Your Peers Ever Look Too Old to You?
Posted: 1/29/2011 11:13:39 PM

Women have to deal with menopause (or is it mental pause. lol) at mid life,


So do men--see the ED and denial comment below.


the only women who have a "mental pause" is those who believe the BS and do not discuss their menopause issues with a caring health professional. Of course there are some for whom the hormonal rollercoaster is intractable or those who think the only solution is HRT,which they fear.

Now that we've dealt with menopause shall we talk about ED and denial?


Awomen, Ladyc4

I never had a hot flash or any physical symptoms during menopause. Oh, I did leave my husband of 25 years and that was a physical release of sorts.

Oh, and I lost 100 pounds.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 57
Do Your Peers Ever Look Too Old to You?
Posted: 1/29/2011 11:18:08 PM

The older chicks who can still pull decent men aren't threatened by younger women at all!


I am wondering what constitutes a "decent" man--one with morals who won't have sex outside of marriage?

I find the whole searching for younger women issue amusing. I have seen older men with younger women--and the women were nothing to write home about.

But you are right: women who are secure don't worry about younger women, women their age, or older women.
 jojoaus
Joined: 10/28/2007
Msg: 59
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Do Your Peers Ever Look Too Old to You?
Posted: 1/30/2011 12:17:49 AM
For me it is that my peers SOUND too old for me.I am 47 and OK with that. But to me... men in their mid fifties sound... old!!! My parent's generation! But my situation made me change my mind. My SO flat out lied about his age on here. By 9 years. He told me as soon as we met. Oddly enough I was relieved because I tend to think men my age are looking for younger. I watched him today in the surf on his body board (and yes I used it too) and realised that its attitude that is sexy. He sounds too old to me but he acts in an ageless manner and because he loves life he looks ageless too.

Opie... I do SO understand what you mean... when in heck did we get so old!!! LMAOOO
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 61
Do Your Peers Ever Look Too Old to You?
Posted: 1/30/2011 8:25:54 AM
I just had an email from a man who lists his age as "55" but looks seven years older than my 58 years--and I am not kidding or delusional about that.

He is lying about his age.

The killer: he told me how "good" I look for 58.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 62
Do Your Peers Ever Look Too Old to You?
Posted: 1/30/2011 8:33:55 AM
I was gentley reminded last night that some of us do act older than we are. I forgot that supposedly I have an "old soul". Then again, I was also reminded that some find the "old soul" somewhat attractive in a weird sort way.

Like I said before, it's choices. Choices on what you will find attractive, what you will find boring,what you define as "active". Not always, but there are times when I find women my age "trying" to act younger than they are, and failing pretty badly at it. There is nothing wrong with growing old,and how it happens sometimes is out of your hands.
 trinity818
Joined: 9/1/2006
Msg: 63
Do Your Peers Ever Look Too Old to You?
Posted: 1/30/2011 8:36:37 AM

I think I must need to carry a mirror with me at all times, so I can see that I am getting old, also.


Me too. I look a lot younger from the inside looking out. I keep forgetting that I'm getting old.
 damassteel
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 65
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Do Your Peers Ever Look Too Old to You?
Posted: 1/30/2011 10:03:01 AM
Yes a lot of my contemporaries look old to me. I stayed tight muscular and fit, no wrinkles, no Ed, or HBP and all of my own teeth. Many of them have all of those things and more. And most women my own age to me just look like my mom. I find it very hard to find women in my own age group that I find attractive enough to want to date.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 69
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Do Your Peers Ever Look Too Old to You?
Posted: 1/30/2011 4:16:52 PM
I remember going to my last high school reunion and being stunned at the thought these people were supposed to be the same age as me. Half the guys had receding hairlines and beer guts, while most of the women had that harried, slightly overweight "mother" look to them -- this was to the point in some cases that I wasn't quite sure who I was looking at until they started talking to me. And that was after only 10 years (I had seen almost none of them since graduating as I hated my classmates and moved hundreds of miles from them and only came to the reunion out of morbid curiosity). There were maybe 3 or 4 there who looked basically the same as they did in high school, except slightly older. The rest just looked OLD.

Nobody had any problem figuring out who I was though. In fact, a couple days before graduating, one of my classmates made a bet with me that when we attended our reunion that I'd be overweight, out-of-shape and worn out looking. He came up with that bet because I was our school's powerlifting champion and outdoubtedly in the best shape of anyone there at the time, so he figured I'd let myself go like everyone else who graduated and didn't become a pro athlete or something.

Well, I took his $5 at that reunion. Because of an injury during a benchpress contest in college I never fully recovered from, I was in no way nearly as ridiculously strong as I was in high school at that reunion, but I was still in damn good shape -- just as rippled with muscles as ever (weighing actually LESS than I did in high school), and that year I won my work softball team's MVP with my highest average ever and hit the most homeruns I'd hit since high school. He just kept shaking his head at me as he handed over the five bucks: "How the hell do you look exactly the same you did as the day we graduated -- and how the hell did you remember that bet?" Well, I was valedictorian, too -- my memory's pretty good. (Not so sure I'd win 5 bucks at the next reunion. I weigh a few pounds more and I'm not sure I could run from my desk to the bathroom without getting winded, much less around 4 bases. I keep thinking I should get back into weight room, but then these 80-120 hour work weeks keep getting in the way...)

I do think my view on other people's ages is kind of skewed. Nearly all of my friends are much younger than I am (that's no doubt partially related to me hating my classmates) and I work in very youth-oriented businesses, so I honestly don't come across people my own age all that much on an every day basis. Still, even when I was in my teens, I never really thought of people in their mid-30s as looking "old." I'm not sure what exactly happened to make me feel like that now and when it happened. I don't think it has much to do with what *I* look like. I've long known I'm a freak of nature (and it just gets freakier every year). Apparently, when you don't grow old with people your own age, you lose sight of what "old" is.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 72
Do Your Peers Ever Look Too Old to You?
Posted: 1/30/2011 6:54:03 PM

But he made the comment that he didn't understand why old women didn't want to date old men. ouch !

There seems to be a mindset with a lot of older men who believe the old stereotype of the widowed,divorced or "old maid" woman being crazy to "get themselves a man",regardless of attraction, compatibility, chemistry...it's like "I have a Y chromosome and you are a woman without a male sponsor,why are you not falling all over yourself to get with me?"
A man who is chasing women 20 yrs his junior is not a case of "old women dating old men." 20 yrs is an age gap large enough for the man to be the womans' father. How in the WORLD could he categorize a woman 20 yrs his junior as an "old woman"? Unless he's like 100, and you,wisteria, are 80...which I don't think is the case!
Cindy O
 *topchef*
Joined: 8/2/2008
Msg: 73
Do Your Peers Ever Look Too Old to You?
Posted: 1/30/2011 8:11:37 PM
Most could knock a few years off their looks if they would just SMILE. Smiling and laughing releases the endorphins that help keep us young. Many of the guys I see might look their age but they look grumpy and unfriendly. That is not appealing at any age.
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 75
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Do Your Peers Ever Look Too Old to You?
Posted: 1/31/2011 5:30:01 AM

I look at many of the guys my age, and think, geez, he looks so old, I am not physically attracted to him at all. Does ANYONE else have this problem?


I can't say that many of the women my age look so old to me that I would not be physically attracted to them. But some? Sure, of course. Everyone ages differently; some look older than they really are, and some look younger. However, when it comes to how many of my peers act, dress and carry themselves, they do "feel" older to me. And that has been much more of an attraction killer than physical appearance. However, considering that many of the 30-somethings I know are childless, and many of the 40-somethings I know have children, I often wonder if that is the deciding factor.
 Abby156
Joined: 4/1/2010
Msg: 77
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Do Your Peers Ever Look Too Old to You?
Posted: 1/31/2011 11:24:19 AM
Just my opinion but I think women in general, take better care of their skin. My younger brothers skin care regimen is to wash, shave and aftershave . No sunscreen or moisturizers. His skin is lined and def has sun damage.
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