Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 trinity818
Joined: 9/1/2006
Msg: 63
Do Your Peers Ever Look Too Old to You?Page 4 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

I think I must need to carry a mirror with me at all times, so I can see that I am getting old, also.


Me too. I look a lot younger from the inside looking out. I keep forgetting that I'm getting old.
 damassteel
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 65
view profile
History
Do Your Peers Ever Look Too Old to You?
Posted: 1/30/2011 10:03:01 AM
Yes a lot of my contemporaries look old to me. I stayed tight muscular and fit, no wrinkles, no Ed, or HBP and all of my own teeth. Many of them have all of those things and more. And most women my own age to me just look like my mom. I find it very hard to find women in my own age group that I find attractive enough to want to date.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 69
view profile
History
Do Your Peers Ever Look Too Old to You?
Posted: 1/30/2011 4:16:52 PM
I remember going to my last high school reunion and being stunned at the thought these people were supposed to be the same age as me. Half the guys had receding hairlines and beer guts, while most of the women had that harried, slightly overweight "mother" look to them -- this was to the point in some cases that I wasn't quite sure who I was looking at until they started talking to me. And that was after only 10 years (I had seen almost none of them since graduating as I hated my classmates and moved hundreds of miles from them and only came to the reunion out of morbid curiosity). There were maybe 3 or 4 there who looked basically the same as they did in high school, except slightly older. The rest just looked OLD.

Nobody had any problem figuring out who I was though. In fact, a couple days before graduating, one of my classmates made a bet with me that when we attended our reunion that I'd be overweight, out-of-shape and worn out looking. He came up with that bet because I was our school's powerlifting champion and outdoubtedly in the best shape of anyone there at the time, so he figured I'd let myself go like everyone else who graduated and didn't become a pro athlete or something.

Well, I took his $5 at that reunion. Because of an injury during a benchpress contest in college I never fully recovered from, I was in no way nearly as ridiculously strong as I was in high school at that reunion, but I was still in damn good shape -- just as rippled with muscles as ever (weighing actually LESS than I did in high school), and that year I won my work softball team's MVP with my highest average ever and hit the most homeruns I'd hit since high school. He just kept shaking his head at me as he handed over the five bucks: "How the hell do you look exactly the same you did as the day we graduated -- and how the hell did you remember that bet?" Well, I was valedictorian, too -- my memory's pretty good. (Not so sure I'd win 5 bucks at the next reunion. I weigh a few pounds more and I'm not sure I could run from my desk to the bathroom without getting winded, much less around 4 bases. I keep thinking I should get back into weight room, but then these 80-120 hour work weeks keep getting in the way...)

I do think my view on other people's ages is kind of skewed. Nearly all of my friends are much younger than I am (that's no doubt partially related to me hating my classmates) and I work in very youth-oriented businesses, so I honestly don't come across people my own age all that much on an every day basis. Still, even when I was in my teens, I never really thought of people in their mid-30s as looking "old." I'm not sure what exactly happened to make me feel like that now and when it happened. I don't think it has much to do with what *I* look like. I've long known I'm a freak of nature (and it just gets freakier every year). Apparently, when you don't grow old with people your own age, you lose sight of what "old" is.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 72
Do Your Peers Ever Look Too Old to You?
Posted: 1/30/2011 6:54:03 PM

But he made the comment that he didn't understand why old women didn't want to date old men. ouch !

There seems to be a mindset with a lot of older men who believe the old stereotype of the widowed,divorced or "old maid" woman being crazy to "get themselves a man",regardless of attraction, compatibility, chemistry...it's like "I have a Y chromosome and you are a woman without a male sponsor,why are you not falling all over yourself to get with me?"
A man who is chasing women 20 yrs his junior is not a case of "old women dating old men." 20 yrs is an age gap large enough for the man to be the womans' father. How in the WORLD could he categorize a woman 20 yrs his junior as an "old woman"? Unless he's like 100, and you,wisteria, are 80...which I don't think is the case!
Cindy O
 *topchef*
Joined: 8/2/2008
Msg: 73
Do Your Peers Ever Look Too Old to You?
Posted: 1/30/2011 8:11:37 PM
Most could knock a few years off their looks if they would just SMILE. Smiling and laughing releases the endorphins that help keep us young. Many of the guys I see might look their age but they look grumpy and unfriendly. That is not appealing at any age.
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 75
view profile
History
Do Your Peers Ever Look Too Old to You?
Posted: 1/31/2011 5:30:01 AM

I look at many of the guys my age, and think, geez, he looks so old, I am not physically attracted to him at all. Does ANYONE else have this problem?


I can't say that many of the women my age look so old to me that I would not be physically attracted to them. But some? Sure, of course. Everyone ages differently; some look older than they really are, and some look younger. However, when it comes to how many of my peers act, dress and carry themselves, they do "feel" older to me. And that has been much more of an attraction killer than physical appearance. However, considering that many of the 30-somethings I know are childless, and many of the 40-somethings I know have children, I often wonder if that is the deciding factor.
 Abby156
Joined: 4/1/2010
Msg: 77
view profile
History
Do Your Peers Ever Look Too Old to You?
Posted: 1/31/2011 11:24:19 AM
Just my opinion but I think women in general, take better care of their skin. My younger brothers skin care regimen is to wash, shave and aftershave . No sunscreen or moisturizers. His skin is lined and def has sun damage.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 78
view profile
History
Do Your Peers Ever Look Too Old to You?
Posted: 1/31/2011 2:26:33 PM
"....and yet in another thread you were putting yourself down, thinking that you were on a disadvantage in the dating world. Dude, I tried to tell you you have it going!"

My powerlifting achievements have impressed plenty of men (mostly because they were often stunned that I could outlift them at half their sizes), but I can't recall a single case ever of it impressing a woman, and no women has ever dated me because of them/my muscles (indeed, I didn't even go on my first date until long after the injury ended my competitive career). If anything, being a short muscular male will lead to accusations about over-compensation -- it's one of those, you can't win scenarios. Obviously, being short and obese is much worse and will hurt you, but being short and muscular is, to most women, the equivalent of being short and skinny or short and averagely built -- it just doesn't really make any difference to them whatsoever. Women willing to overlook height issues obviously don't care how "built" you are. I was so far removed from those days with the last few women I dated, I don't think they had any idea I was once such an athlete until it got brought up after a few dates -- and they were much more attractive than the first few women I dated, who might have known out of the gate about my career since I was still trying to get back into it at that point (in fact, my very first date involved a trip to the gym, of all things).

I'm not even sure to what extent being ripped with muscles is a competitive advantage to men of normal height. In addition to nearly all of my female friends of all ages and attractiveness just not seeming to care, I've come across far more profiles on this site that chastised body builders than requested an "athletic" guy. The stereotype of strong men is that they are highly self-involved, which apparently many women don't want to deal with. The few women I've known that were all gaa-gaa about muscles were just into big men in general, so that's no good. I will readily admit that I got involved in powerlifting to impress women, so I definitely set myself up for some disappointment there. I hate to say it, but I think I've done a much better job of impressing women with my brains than my body, despite the fact that I put TONS more effort into my body than my brains (which were just natural anyway). Ultimately, facial attraction is far more important than anything to do with one's body (height aside). Honestly, if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't be a competitive powerlifter, nor played varsity football for that matter, because I am in constant pain, even at my "young" age, from all the poundings I took and injuries I suffered, which ultimately, were all for nothing (God only know what I'll be like in my 50s and 60s). Again, being overweight is very rarely helpful to the dating cause, but being "super athletic" will not get you very far either. I think simply "staying in shape" is probably optimum at this age.

Addressing another issue you might have been referring to: Youthful looks in men aren't treasured anywhere near as much as youthful looks in women. I think it's easy to misinterpret what women are saying in this thread. To me, it all adds up to: Men need to look their age. The original objection was obviously that it's bad for men to look far older than their age. But although no one has addressed it (since that's not what this thread is titled), it is equally as bad if not much worse to look far younger than their age. Men should look "distinguished" and mature, not kid-like. (Or corpse-like.) Peter Pan syndrome is pretty far from being an advantage for a man, trust me.

Now you take a woman like my best friend, who is 40 but could pass for her 20s, now THAT is an advantage, though strangely it leads to men in their 40s hitting on her, thinking she is in her 20s, and being a little disappointment with what they end up with, I guess. (Ah, genetics. My brother is slightly younger but looks much older than me; her sister is slightly older but looks much older than her. I'd say all four of us have taken about the same amount of care of ourselves considering we were all athletes in high school and college, though my best friend has definitely partied harder than the rest of us... which I'm sure annoys the hell out of her sister. On the other hand, she also believes looking and sounding so young has hindered her career development.)
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 80
Do Your Peers Ever Look Too Old to You?
Posted: 2/1/2011 5:50:05 AM

You old chicks need to get over this myth already

LOL...I'm old and I don't find bald men with big guts and haggard looking faces attractive - why in the HELL would a 24 year gal find it attractive? I think the money thing isn't such a 'myth' as older men would like to believe.


It's always the ones who've lost it who complain about younger women and cling to the money myth!

I haven't lost a thing, doll. Nice try.
 damassteel
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 82
view profile
History
Do Your Peers Ever Look Too Old to You?
Posted: 2/1/2011 12:40:28 PM

I haven't lost a thing, doll. Nice try.


No you have not indeed!
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 84
view profile
History
Do Your Peers Ever Look Too Old to You?
Posted: 2/1/2011 4:54:02 PM
A lot of my contemporaries have let themselves get old, fat, and boring. You can't control if your hair is falling out but you *can* control your weight, your attitude, and whether you are interesting or not.

My profile pic is from last summer. Granted, the soft lighting is particularly flattering but if you saw my FB page you'll see that I'm lively, laughing a lot, and looking pretty good, especially for a woman who doesn't use makeup or hair coloring. I don't post those photos on POF because they usually include other people and I don't want to violate their privacy, especially the young musician with whom I often play. (From my photos, you'd think all I ever did was play guitar.)

I have a friend, an old lover with whom I reconnected, who is 63. He's physically active and has stayed quite attractive. If he weren't such a flake and lived closer, I'd definitely consider him as a mate. He's still good for an occasional visit. There *are* men our age who have stayed decent looking and interesting. They are rare, but they are around. Meanwhile, I am lucky to have aged at a time when younger guys have figured out that older women are "hot."

I go where the energy is. I spend a lot of time around folks who are much younger than myself. I don't discriminate on the basis of age, I discriminate on the basis of whether you are interesting, lively, intelligent, and genuine.


I once heard that "We get the face we deserve"


Bertrand Russell said that everyone is responsible for their face by the time they are 40. I'm okay with mine.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 85
Do Your Peers Ever Look Too Old to You?
Posted: 2/1/2011 7:17:49 PM
"Bertrand Russell said that everyone is responsible for their face by the time they are 40. I'm okay with mine. "

Thanks for that, love the quote. I'd only add body, and yes I'm more than fine with both. I know what I look like the good and not so good days....haha. But then again always have, and just told my son today, there's no way I'd trade ever with someone 25.

I remember when I WAS younger, it was great to "look" older, and I did. And WANTED to be 18, then 21, then....the only thing is I was so fixated on that, I learned to be happy, and embrace, each year, each age and every stage of what I am and where I'm at. I'm just so GRATEFUL I learned at a very young age.

I've never been happier, had more inner peace and contentment, and enjoyed my life and all those I've been blessed to have in my life more than when I wrapped my head around and joyfully accepted that.
 VacationGuy234
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 86
Do Your Peers Ever Look Too Old to You?
Posted: 2/2/2011 6:45:34 AM
Usually, this type of thing happens more to people in their thirty's, but there are many stages in life were we go through it. There was a time when I never thought I would find a 50 year old attractive, but I was wrong about that too.

You're not going crazy, the majority of people are out of shape. Add to that the fact that we are conditioned to believe it's normal to be a good looking actor supermodel and most people have real perception problems. That is not to say it is not our responsibility to keep in some form of good shape.

Perceptions change, you're not going to feel this way forever. While most women think men only like young women, this is a half truth. Yes, we are always going to be attracted to young women because we grew up with it, but that doesn't mean our attractions don't mature over time, nor does it mean you are going to be attracted to unattractive people.
 GlassicGentleman
Joined: 12/12/2010
Msg: 88
Do Your Peers Ever Look Too Old to You?
Posted: 2/3/2011 7:30:08 AM
Age is a number to those that use it.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 97
Do Your Peers Ever Look Too Old to You?
Posted: 2/3/2011 8:53:04 PM

What does teeth whitening have to do with anything? That is more appropriate for older people than for younger.

It's important. I started at age 30. Today? I do not have old looking teeth. That's about the ONLY thing that hasn't aged nearly 17 years.

I was taken a back from a woman whom said she was 36 the other day. I thought she was much older. I'm not going to toot my own horn and say this and that how I don't look my age. Pics don't do people justice so unless you see the person in real life you cannot tell so save the insults. I'm not a Hollywood hunk and don't claim but I have my fair share of women flirting with me on a daily basis. Love every minute of it...

I've NEVER met someone in the flesh, that has professed to looking younger, that has, in fact, looked younger than their actual age. People tell people that, people have mirrors that tell them that ~ doesn't make it fact. Most people look their age or older, few look younger. I'm getting old. I look my age. At least I don't look 5-10 years older than my age. JMO
 Abby156
Joined: 4/1/2010
Msg: 99
view profile
History
Do Your Peers Ever Look Too Old to You?
Posted: 2/4/2011 7:05:36 PM
If I didnt wear teen jeans, no jeans would fit me.
 motownmaniax
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 100
Do Your Peers Ever Look Too Old to You?
Posted: 2/4/2011 9:59:32 PM
OP, you're not unique. We're attracted to who we're attracted to.

Personally I look at women under 40 and think they're kids. I know the stereotype is most men my age go through midlife crises so want young things to make them feel good about themselves, but I've never been that type. I'm more attracted to women my age. But there's a catch. They have to be at least physically and mentally appealing to me. I'm not talking aerobic-instructors that look like supermodels, just average. If they constantly complain about health issues and aren't at least moderately active they have no appeal. That goes to most people I would think.
 daffie
Joined: 5/21/2010
Msg: 101
view profile
History
Do Your Peers Ever Look Too Old to You?
Posted: 2/5/2011 4:04:00 AM
this thought had never entered my mind until recently, when, after 40 years i returned to my childhood home.
whilst visiting there i met two men who were my playmates as a child and i was shocked to see how they both looked so...old...
it was a surreal feeling, probably compounded by the fact that my one time young playmates had progressed to be frumpy, grumpy, very unattractive old men!

i know some are more fortunate than others with their gene pool but surely health, happiness and, above all, attitude, are a major part of looking and feeling younger than you are.

i may age physically but i'll always be young at heart, always,
and all ways!...
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 103
Do Your Peers Ever Look Too Old to You?
Posted: 6/28/2011 4:23:54 AM

I also find that many men in my age range are not attractive. It has to do with how they have taken care of themselves. There are men my age who are attractive, but they are not those with very large bellies, big gray beards, who shuffle along and think and talk like old men, including having a whole host of physical problems.

I have taken care of myself and I am healthy and active and like to be with someone who is the same. He may not have a young beautiful face, but he is healthy and active and does not think like an old man.

I gotta agree with this one. A lot of men my age have let themselves go, and say it's to be expected they do at their age. Hogwash. They didn't have to, they chose to.
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 105
view profile
History
Do Your Peers Ever Look Too Old to You?
Posted: 6/28/2011 8:17:07 PM
Maybe it's just that society is more "forgiving" of older guys and their appearance. But I'm surprised how many women in my own age group affect what a friend of mine calls the "Aunt Bea" syndrome, where even aside from "weight" and "fitness" issues, they've obviously started affecting "old lady" or "maiden aunt" hair styles, hair color, clothes, makeup (or lack thereof).

Perhaps they were just always that way, but it seems like a some point a lot of "mature" and otherwise interesting single women cease to think of themselves as vivacious or "vital", let alone "sexual" creatures... and instead just slip into some kind of permanent "granny-hood" that makes you feel like you'd be dating your grandmother (or worse)!
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 106
view profile
History
Do Your Peers Ever Look Too Old to You?
Posted: 6/28/2011 8:51:43 PM
"Attractiveness" & "sexuality" issues aside, sorry Holly, but I just don't see as many "grandpas" as I do "aunt Beas" in my own age group. Or maybe we just haven't come up with enough "equivalent" female models yet for the idea of the "distinguished gentleman" or the "silver fox" . But maybe someone can "educate" me on this.
 Dare to
Joined: 2/11/2009
Msg: 110
Do Your Peers Ever Look Too Old to You?
Posted: 6/29/2011 1:46:00 AM

Real love does not include "having the hots" for someone cause you are turned on by the way they look
Oh i don't know... I'm happy to be turned on by the way the the man i love looks... I think he's pretty damn sexy and he's 54 years old.. He thinks i'm pretty good for an old bag of almost 50 too... Your supposition that "real love" doesn't include 'having the hots' is rather sad actually.. I love the fact that i still "have the hots" for my partner regardless of his age.. In fact i can't imagine having a happy healthy relationship if i didn't feel that way...
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 111
Do Your Peers Ever Look Too Old to You?
Posted: 6/29/2011 6:30:35 AM

Your supposition that "real love" doesn't include 'having the hots' is rather sad actually..

I agree. If I loved a woman I didn't have the hots for, she'd be called a relative. My best friend is like a family member. She's also young and hot, but since she's like a sister, I don't have the hots for her. I would feel weird if I thought about her that way. That's what seperates my fiancee from my best friend. I have the hots for my fiancee.
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 113
view profile
History
Do Your Peers Ever Look Too Old to You?
Posted: 6/29/2011 5:08:08 PM

You are either just not seeing them because you are mostly looking at the women, or you are one of those who is 'forgiving' and thinks the way a lot of old men look is okay and don't see that they have let themselves go. It is damned difficult to find a man my age who is still physically attractive.

BTW, Holly, considering your strong "opinions" on this subject, I'm just curious how come you don't post a photo on your own profile?
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 114
view profile
History
Do Your Peers Ever Look Too Old to You?
Posted: 6/29/2011 9:25:24 PM
I don't look a man in physical, but kindness through his eyes and the wisdom of his words.It doesn't bother me if he has graybeard,gray hair,wrinkle face ,beer belly what makes me attracted to him is how"he project his self positively " on how he enjoy life. Then I would like him to share his life with me.

I thank God that I reach this age, tho I don't have wealth but I have health.
Zing?? Wow"" I don't know what you mean, but if you mean vibrancy that is an acquired attitude.. Freshness??? young people doesn't need to make an effort looking fresh,because they don't have experience of anger,frustration,depression sadness unhappines resentment hatred yet.. As an older people these are ingrained in our system,that makes us sickly,ugly,old, decrepit.. We can become young and fresh again inspite of our advance age by deleting these experiences.
I don't complain about the challenge of life ,nor how others affected me negatively..
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  >