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 Gashlycrumb_Briny
Joined: 9/26/2010
Msg: 124
A man must love the woman more than the woman loves the manPage 6 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

When was the last time a pregnant woman gave up her seat on the bus for a man?


I'm not sure why you are wondering this in this thread, since

1. It's totally irrelevant, since the op is about women and men in romantic relationships, not strangers on a bus, and;

2. Equality doesn't mean giving everyone exactly the same thing, because not everyone needs exactly the same thing. Whoever needs the seat the most should get it. It's what a civilized society does, and;

3. Wtf?

As for your other two wonderings, if your point was that women never sacrifice anything for their men, maybe you should consider the women who gave up their careers for the sake of their husbands', or gave up their time to look after them in poor health. or gave up part of their identities to be Mrs. Hisname. How often do women even have the opportunity to jump in front of bullets?
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 125
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A man must love the woman more than the woman loves the man
Posted: 4/28/2011 7:31:29 AM

How often do women even have the opportunity to jump in front of bullets?


About the same as the vast majority of the men in this world. What a ridiculous analogy. I guess someone was watching Titanic and some old John Wayne movies and mistaking them for real life....
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 126
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A man must love the woman more than the woman loves the man
Posted: 4/28/2011 7:33:19 AM
^^^^I hope you don't think that's the way things should be. If you do, shame on you. There's a reason why we're bigger and stronger than women. We're specialized by nature to defend them, just like they are to bear and nurture children. There's part of that they cannot dish of to us, and we shouldn't make a habit of dishing our duties off to them. Fair is fair.
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 127
A man must love the woman more than the woman loves the man
Posted: 4/28/2011 7:47:47 AM
Everything always goes back to equality with some of the men on here. I'm not saying that things are equal; but seriously? Go live your life.

Go teach your daughters how to be equal; it comes down to that. Parents, and this includes MEN are not teaching their children. Girls are going to continue to have the same mentality until men teach them differently. Instead you let the media teach your children.

If I were a female relative of some men on here, I'd be disgusted.


There's a reason why we're bigger and stronger than women. We're specialized by nature to defend them, just like they are to bear and nurture children. There's part of that they cannot dish of to us, and we shouldn't make a habit of dishing our duties off to them. Fair is fair.


Well said, I have no issue with either gender having roles based on their gender. It doesn't make anyone less of a person. Some people get all "equality" about the above statement. As a female who cannot do a lot of things men can do, I'm okay with that and I don't need to prove that I do. And by that token, there are some things that men can't do that I can. Now this varies from man/woman to man/woman.

Seriously. You guys need to get off here and go start a campaign.

I do however agree with Marcus that we should LIKE our partners. I think this is just as important as loving. For me, a good relationship has both passion and friendship. Without one, it's not whole.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 128
A man must love the woman more than the woman loves the man
Posted: 4/28/2011 9:50:04 AM

For me, a good relationship has both passion and friendship. Without one, it's not whole.


This sounds like the definition for friends with benefits. That has a different meaning here, or is it really that much different?
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 129
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A man must love the woman more than the woman loves the man
Posted: 4/28/2011 10:08:36 AM

This sounds like the definition for friends with benefits. That has a different meaning here, or is it really that much different?


So, what is your definition of a relationship outside of friends with benefits? Should a good relationship be lacking one of the items?... the passion or the friendship. What is love if there isn't friendship? Is a relationship supposed to lack passion?

As for the original post, I'd agree it's a throwback to the past at a time when men were viewed as a financial livelihood and women were viewed as chattel. For some (those who are lazy and incapable of self-sufficiency) that may still be the mindset, but I'm hopeful relationships are becoming more based on equality (including love for each other) than ulterior motives based on usury in one form or another on either gender's part.
 catamount11
Joined: 2/18/2011
Msg: 130
A man must love the woman more than the woman loves the man
Posted: 4/28/2011 10:10:29 AM
This post really grinds my gears. I remember telling a friend how I really liked this girl because she would take me out to dinner and pay for it. The friend then responds with " didn't your mom teach you anything? Guys are supposed to always pay for dinner.". Granted she was going through a divorce and any woman that gives relationship advice that has been through a divorce or several is pretty laughable and should be taken with a grain of salt.

Love should go both ways and both parties should do equal chasing. Even if it is something as simple as a girl texting a guy and setting up a date or inviting him over for dinner. Any woman that thinks like the op(if she does think this) I rate in the same category as:"I want to be a stay at home mom.". This is also laughable and cuts your household income down thus leading to a tighter lifestyle. Women and their views on love these days....ridiculous and unrealistic.
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 131
A man must love the woman more than the woman loves the man
Posted: 4/28/2011 10:27:01 AM
^^^thank you catamount for proving that men are taught to pay for women early on women are taught to expect it from men.

If a woman wants to pay for dinner for you, you should let her. Screw the rules. Do what feels right to you. AND if that means a man paying, and the woman accepting, then ok.

Just please please please stop this insanity or stop dating!
 catamount11
Joined: 2/18/2011
Msg: 132
A man must love the woman more than the woman loves the man
Posted: 4/28/2011 10:33:07 AM
If a ask a girl out of course I will pay. But women who have the philosophy of " I won't text/call a guy ever that's his job." that kind of mentality us ridiculous to think a guy should do all the work and make all the moves. There are women that sometimes "date up" and yet still think they are the hottest thing ever when the truth is all they gave going for them is looks. This isn't isanity it's being reasonable.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 133
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A man must love the woman more than the woman loves the man
Posted: 4/28/2011 8:12:57 PM

When it comes down to marriage, and relationships, I always thought couples that truly in love, loved one another equally.
I was told the opposite, actually and that was if we love someone more that person loves us, then it is not a good sign.


I totally agree with RushLuv.

I'll give an example if a man and a woman are learning to dance for a competition, and the man is giving his whole self 100% dedication and passion of what they are doing and the woman is only 1/2 or let say 3/4 of her share , it will not work because there is no sychronization of the same actions.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 134
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A man must love the woman more than the woman loves the man
Posted: 4/28/2011 8:32:15 PM
Catamount : We are not talking about Chivary, we are talking about accepting and loving someone.We have to love wholeheartedly not half done, and this goes with any gender..

If I were a man ,and a woman will expect me to love her more, than she loves me, I don't think so that I am that suckup even she is the hottest thing on earth unless of course I am an old fart , ugly face and she'd love me more than I 'll love her ,because my Money Talks.
 bobdoor
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 135
A man must love the woman more than the woman loves the man
Posted: 4/29/2011 5:03:28 AM
>Posted by Iconoclast: 2/6/2011 1059 AM
>So how do you measure amounts of love? Is there a special ruler of some kind? Can I use my kitchen measuring cups?

If it could be measured with measuring cups, I'd have more problems than I already do.

A nice measuring spoon set should suffice.
 deepestdesire
Joined: 3/15/2011
Msg: 136
A man must love the woman more than the woman loves the man
Posted: 4/29/2011 10:26:46 AM
Year one: 50% : 50%
Year three: 70% : 30%
Year five: 60% : 40%

Year 10: 45% : 55%

Year 13: 70% : 30%

Year 20: 52% : 48%




Year 30: 54% : 62%

Year 50: 70% : 90%

death do us part.
 marcus_biggs
Joined: 4/2/2011
Msg: 137
A man must love the woman more than the woman loves the man
Posted: 4/29/2011 11:12:03 AM
there is no such thing as equal, or 50/50. there are such things as ROLES (sorry feministas). the reason why i said a man must LIKE a woman, is because when he LIKES her, he's more interested. you ever looked at guys that are in LOVE???

miserable.
look like they want to shoot themselves, and then when things go wrong, they end up doing all kinds of MADNESS to, and for a woman.

but when he likes you, it's different. it's not possessive, to a degree, and he will usually give you his best. maybe you can call it a little detached if you want, but there is nothing wrong with that. You should feel strange about me saying this ladies, and i don't hold it against you for feeling different.

the idea that someone said people should try their best to give there all, is the ideal way one would want to do things, but somewhere down the line, someone is giving more energy.

lets look at it in another perspective, when we are talking to one another, there is an energy exchange, no two people are sharing, for long. no such thing as 50/50.
 cdubb1222
Joined: 11/10/2011
Msg: 138
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A man must love the woman more than the woman loves the man
Posted: 2/6/2012 6:33:00 PM
I've recently read about this on another forum from a different website... the other website was filled with married couples who agree with your statement, that their marriage has somewhat benefited from this train of thought.

We are single. What do we know?
 platypus_man
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 139
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A man must love the woman more than the woman loves the man
Posted: 2/7/2012 3:03:20 AM
Edit: Wow, I'm brain dead. I forgot it was 2012 when I replied to this. dredged up old thread.
But basically, to the OP's statement, the answer is NO. Relationships are rarely 50/50.
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 140
A man must love the woman more than the woman loves the man
Posted: 2/7/2012 7:55:18 AM
In the sense your mother said it? No; its not a man must love a woman more than the woman loves the man. If both parties in a couple had the same mentality (I should love him/her more than she/he loves him/her), then couples would be a lot better. But there's always one of the two who's more selfish, who doesnt care, who puts his ego in front, etc. If you love with all your heart without expectying anything in return, its rewarding. If both parties would do the same....nuff said.

And there's ALWAYS one that loves more than the other. Usually the woman. In my case, it was always me. But I'm not quite the guy you'd expect.
 JoseMadre
Joined: 1/9/2012
Msg: 141
A man must love the woman more than the woman loves the man
Posted: 2/7/2012 9:17:47 AM
In a relationship if the priority of each person is to meet the needs of the other, it will succeed. If the priority is to meet one's own needs, it will ultimately fail.

Simple to say, difficult to do.
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 142
A man must love the woman more than the woman loves the man
Posted: 2/7/2012 9:33:04 AM

In a relationship if the priority of each person is to meet the needs of the other, it will succeed. If the priority is to meet one's own needs, it will ultimately fail.

Simple to say, difficult to do.

 PureSentiment
Joined: 1/28/2012
Msg: 143
A man must love the woman more than the woman loves the man
Posted: 2/7/2012 6:48:27 PM
I enjoyed this thread OP! Thank you.

My mom never told me anything when it came to marriage but told me one very important thing when it came to dating: In the first six months you'll either be hearing wedding bells or warning bells!!!!!! My God She Was Right!!!

So, I've lived my life thinking "Better to have loved, than to have never loved at all".

I really liked the "SMART" remark by the OP, it was really smart and went over everyones heads--> What a "proposal" LOL!!! It instantly reminded me of the "KISS" approach! Well Done!

and then I read...

"Marry the man who loves "you" ... not the man "you" love"

Holy Crap.... Who's mom said that???!!! What a head snap!!!

I felt like a light bulb went on!!!!!! Very en"light"ening indeed!!!!
 Pixy Dust
Joined: 9/6/2006
Msg: 144
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A man must love the woman more than the woman loves the man
Posted: 2/7/2012 7:04:47 PM
OP my mother said the same thing to me, so it must be a generational thing. My grandmother felt the same way, that a man should love the woman more in order for it to work. After going through a divorce I thought to myself, that I wished I had listened to them because of the pain of going through the divorce.

The notion that one will love the other more seems to me like a insurance that you won't be hurt, in a breakup. No one likes being the one left behind.

The sad part is that I do feel like in a relationship that you can't let the other one know how much you care as though it would give them power to use against you. Its a case in thought and all the nay sayers can carry on about how they don't play this game, yet I see it all to many times. To love unconditionally appears to be a rare thing indeed.
 Jayne0927
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 145
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A man must love the woman more than the woman loves the man
Posted: 2/9/2012 9:03:48 PM
Yes, indeed. IMHO.
 Jayne0927
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 146
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A man must love the woman more than the woman loves the man
Posted: 2/9/2012 9:05:27 PM
I, too like this thread. My mother said "It's just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as a poor man". And boy, was she right. I, on the other hand, didn't listen to a word she said . . . lol
 Boots168
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 147
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A man must love the woman more than the woman loves the man
Posted: 2/9/2012 10:21:15 PM
OP my mother always tells us if we aspire to have a happy and long lasting relationship "A man must love the woman more than the woman loves the man" too!

I do see some truth in it. I have this coworker who (I think!) is in her mid 50s, while her husband still looks very good at his age, I'd say she doesn't age just as well (she doesn't seem to know from the loving stare of her hubby). While they've been married for 20 years, what we find amazing is that he would still come pick her up after work almost everyday, take half day off to take her to the doctor when she is sick, and still send her flowers on her birthday.

Apparently that her hubby does love (a little bit) more than she does.
 adora71
Joined: 2/8/2010
Msg: 148
A man must love the woman more than the woman loves the man
Posted: 2/9/2012 11:52:17 PM
Like the poster above, I have always noticed these wonderful husbands who continue to show absolute kindness to their wives many years into marriage. When I started reading this thread, my mind flashed to these marriages with my usual envy and I wondered if the OP's mother's advice was true in their cases. It certainly looks to me as an outsider like the men love more than the women.

BUT what do the women in these relationships do to keep the men loving them more? I know in the 1950's, women would put on dresses and makeup and have dinner on the table when the man got home from work. I think some women of today still work hard to create an environment of comfort and love for their man, and often men appreciate it. (I even think that a lot of the posts I've seen about men "going abroad" for a wife have to do with men wanting that caregiving again in their lives.)

I also wonder how genuine a woman is in her interactions with her partner if she is focussed on creating this happy little world for him to want to come home to every day. Is there resentment? Is it based on fear? Is there intimacy? I've read a few great books on this theme.

Some people wrote about "lust" and "like" from men to women, which kind of relates to my idea, as well. I think many men crave the following in a relationship: availability of sex (lust), a female figure that arouses them (lust), and the fewest number of demands possible (like). My guess is, that if these three conditions were met continually, many men would show great appreciation for their S/O. Most women, on the other hand, see relationships very differently.

But, with my history, I am HARDLY an expert.
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