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 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 84
How do you feel about mfm and/or ffm threesomes?Page 4 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

I don't know if I'd be secure enough to bring another girl in the bedroom. I'd worry that my man likes things about her above me.

That's why I'd probably only consider the ffm version of a threesome and not the fmf version. I would assume that if I was with a woman who was bi and she was sexually interested in the additional woman, then that type of insecurity would not be an issue. On the other hand, I wouldn't agree to an fmf threesome (with my partner). I would assume she was doing it for my sake and that it would most like cause a problem later on for the reason you mention.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 85
How do you feel about mfm and/or ffm threesomes?
Posted: 2/14/2011 8:01:12 AM

I've already ended dating with two men who insisted on threesomes (of different format), even when it was clear that I wasn't going to stretch that boundary. They were both rude and disrespectful to insist that I had to go beyond my boundaries and comfort zone "just to see if I like it".


As well you should have!

I'm not for anyone doing anything they are uncomfortable with.
My issue was threefold:

1. People stating as fact, how something feels, when they haven't experienced it.
2. Saying with 100% certainty that they "KNOW" how they'll feel about something before doing it.
3. Being ready to cast a loved one aside for the mere MENTION of something you may find uncomfortable.


Like I said, if you love the person you should at LEAST be willing to hear them out without judgment and see if there are compromises or alternatives that will suffice before being DONE with them.

To be able to be DONE with your loved one for thinking differently than you shows a great selfishness!
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 86
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How do you feel about mfm and/or ffm threesomes?
Posted: 2/14/2011 10:01:05 AM

Like I said, if you love the person you should at LEAST be willing to hear them out without judgment and see if there are compromises or alternatives that will suffice before being DONE with them.

To be able to be DONE with your loved one for thinking differently than you shows a great selfishness!


That's how you work......But others might think that their partner would know them well enough to already know their distaste for casual sexual encounters.....and therefore be offended that their partner would even ask for such a thing.
It's one thing to discuss fantasies that involve only the 2 people in the relationship....it's quite another to ask your partner to basically give you permission to have sex with another person....because in the long run......that is exactly what a man is asking when he wants to bring another woman into the bedroom (or vice versa when a women wants to bring another man into the bedroom).
You might think it's a loving gesture to allow your mate to have sex with others.....but you surely can admit that line of thinking is very rare........and most definately isn't "right" for others just because it feels "right" to you.
 gentleplus
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 87
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How do you feel about mfm and/or ffm threesomes?
Posted: 2/14/2011 1:05:02 PM
I tend to agree with m_church.... "been there done that" in my younger days both mfm and fmf.... interesting at the time... but now looking for that fullness and quality of interaction.... I had a recent partner suggest the idea of mfm.... I was mindful of the fragile personal nature of the trust in even expressing it to me.... So I did outline some of the potential pitfalls of such an arrangement... but went on to say to her "sure ... anything you want to set up I will consider"... Fortunately I think it was just a test and the fact that I respected her deepest expressions made her feel more secure and loved.... Besides the next idea she comes up with I may be more interested in doing...
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 88
How do you feel about mfm and/or ffm threesomes?
Posted: 2/14/2011 3:24:17 PM

But others might think that their partner would know them well enough to already know their distaste for casual sexual encounters.....and therefore be offended that their partner would even ask for such a thing.


If it's something that's very important either way then one of them is stifling their true selves due to the other's restrictions and they ultimately NOT compatible. Either one lied in the beginning or one changed. My ex wife and I used to rent porn together then one day she up and got pissed at the suggestion... she said: "Why do you NEED that?". I was stunned.... I said we've always done this what's with the change.... I never got an answer, just the cold shoulder.....what I realized was that she was getting older and heavier yet the girls in the videos weren't.....she was becoming INSECURE! She CHANGED!


I had a recent partner suggest the idea of mfm.... I was mindful of the fragile personal nature of the trust in even expressing it to me.... So I did outline some of the potential pitfalls of such an arrangement... but went on to say to her "sure ... anything you want to set up I will consider"


You must've cared for her enough to not just cast her out at the nere suggestion.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 89
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How do you feel about mfm and/or ffm threesomes?
Posted: 2/15/2011 4:38:24 AM
If it's something that's very important either way then one of them is stifling their true selves due to the other's restrictions and they ultimately NOT compatible. Either one lied in the beginning or one changed. My ex wife and I used to rent porn together then one day she up and got pissed at the suggestion... she said: "Why do you NEED that?". I was stunned.... I said we've always done this what's with the change.... I never got an answer, just the cold shoulder.....what I realized was that she was getting older and heavier yet the girls in the videos weren't.....she was becoming INSECURE! She CHANGED


See, as someone that's been in that situation with the Porn......ever think she asked why you "NEED that?" because that's how it made her feel after a certain point?
Not because she was getting older/heavier.......but because it felt like you couldn't get aroused without the porn? I have always enjoyed porn......but when it got to the point it seemed that we couldn't have sex without it.....is the day I questioned my man about it's revelence to our sex life too.

as to 3somes......I agree to disagree.........you will never "see" another point other than your own.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 90
How do you feel about mfm and/or ffm threesomes?
Posted: 2/15/2011 4:57:47 AM
^^^^ As for the porn, It was something we did every once in awhile we definitely had a decent sex life, with or without it... it was just fun sometimes.

As for me "seeing" another point....you having been paying attention.... I've been on the other side, I AM on the other side now! I'm simply saying AGAIN:People can't know for sure unless they've done it....They shouldn't make outrageous claims as to how it FEELS if they haven't done it.....and they shouldn't INSULT those who HAVE done it!... And I find it hard to comprehend kicking someone to the curb at the mere MENTIONING of it!


You must've missed me saying I used to feel differently about threesomes, until after I tried them ...multiple times, that they aren't right for everyone and no one should be pushed to do anything they don't want to do..... I think at least discussing what, why and how any curiosity for ANYTHING should be considered as well as satisfying the curiosity without actually doing it if it's something one partner is not okay with....

Just because I'm okay with threesomes under the right conditions doesn't mean I haven't offered solid advice about dealing with proclivities!

Take threesomes out of the equation and put something I couldn't get into and my advice doesn't change!

So some think it's selfish and you couldn't possibly love your SO if you desired to include another....fine.

I think it's selfish and you couldn't possibly love your SO if you could kick them to the curb so quickly for suggesting something new!

I also don't think you could possibly love someone if by way of control, they are afraid to even mention certain subjects for fear of upsetting you!
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 91
How do you feel about mfm and/or ffm threesomes?
Posted: 2/15/2011 7:38:13 AM

I've been in this situation twice and, discussing it here, somebody suggested that being forced into going beyond one's boundaries in terms of sex should constitute a violation. After thinking about it carefully, especially after being recently presented with the situation, I have concluded that, certainly, I would feel violated if I were forced into a threesome in order to please a partner.

That would be violating ~ being forced into anything is a violation. Make me eat shrimp?? I'd feel violated as I can't stand shrimp. That is a vastly different thing than:

I think it's selfish and you couldn't possibly love your SO if you could kick them to the curb so quickly for suggesting something new!

Suggestion is NOT one being forced into something, it's, at that stage, simply a discussion. Which is the point that seems to be seriously missing for a few posters here. No one is going to force me into eating shrimp, however, many people suggest I try it x, y, z, way ~ as I might like it. NO ~ I don't like it, I don't want to eat it. Much like threesomes, simple suggestion? Come on!!! That isn't a breech of trust, it's not a violation of the love between two people, it's a thought that came out of someone's mouth. Until it's acted upon ~ it's nothing more than a thought and a little conversation. JMO
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 92
How do you feel about mfm and/or ffm threesomes?
Posted: 2/15/2011 8:06:44 AM

Come on!!! That isn't a breech of trust, it's not a violation of the love between two people, it's a thought that came out of someone's mouth. Until it's acted upon ~ it's nothing more than a thought and a little conversation. JMO


A thought and a little conversation is the tie that binds two peeps for longer than a weak, or is that week, weakened or weekend?
Breeches are pantaloons for mostly southern boys, aren't they?. Lol


Make me eat shrimp?? I'd feel violated as I can't stand shrimp.


Crustaceophobe??!!!! LMAO!! But, will you swallow escargot?
Ya know, I'm just yanking your pigtails cuz I like ya, dontchya?
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 93
How do you feel about mfm and/or ffm threesomes?
Posted: 2/15/2011 8:27:37 AM

Breeches are pantaloons for mostly southern boys, aren't they?. Lol

LMAO!! Boy I did screw that up, huh? Aren't breeches what Southern boys wear?

Crustaceophobe??!!!! LMAO!! But, will you swallow escargot?

It would take a LOT of Crown Royal for me to even consider such a vile act. (I won't do oyster shooters either, and no one better even suggest it, some things just simply do not belong in my mouth.)

Ya know, I'm just yanking your pigtails cuz I like ya, dontchya?

There's few I'd rather be yankin' my pigtails.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 95
How do you feel about mfm and/or ffm threesomes?
Posted: 2/15/2011 12:50:32 PM

For somebody to become your SO, have a solid relationship, etc, you have to be on the same page in many aspects of life, and there wouldn't be "surprises" about fundamental things after a while. This is why it would be an impossible situation for me to find myself in a comitted, serious, loving relationship with somebody who, "out of the blue" requests a threesome. There is no "out of the blue" about it.

Why? Do guys stop thinking once you're in a committed relationship with them? Do you not think it's possible to be married for 5,10,15 or more years and have your partner think of something new every now and then?

I've been in this situation twice and, discussing it here, somebody suggested that being forced into going beyond one's boundaries in terms of sex should constitute a violation.

When did discussing a threesome or suggesting one turn into being forced to participate in one? No one has yet said anyone should do something he/she is uncomfortable doing. So, are you going to leave someone if he brings up the idea 5 years into a relationship? (Don't go off on a tangent about being forced to do anything, since that isn't asked or even implied by the question.) Personally, I'd be a lot happier knowing my fiancee felt free to bring up any activity she might consider interesting. If I don't want to participate (or her to participate), I'm grown up enough to say it's not for me without putting her down for being curious.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 96
How do you feel about mfm and/or ffm threesomes?
Posted: 2/15/2011 6:10:49 PM

If somebody finds attractive, or nothing wrong, with fulfilling a fantasy about threesomes or group sex, they should say so, even if it never comes to happen.

Do you actually read a post before you reply? If so, why are you asking this question?

I go back to the person who told me that I wouldn't have experienced awesome sex until I did it on cocaine, and I ask: would you just entertain the thought and give it a try if your SO, out of the blue, brought it up 5 years into a relationship?

Been there and done that at least 25 years ago, but to answer your question, (since you didn't read what I wrote when you replied), I'm grown up enough to say no if I don't want to do something, but I never want to discourage my partner from asking or being curious. There's nothing worse than a lack of curiosity.
 recreator611
Joined: 1/29/2011
Msg: 97
How do you feel about mfm and/or ffm threesomes?
Posted: 2/16/2011 7:42:31 PM
Loaded question!....threesomes are only for the secure...meaning only recreational...seen couples split when bringing someone else in.....you have to be secure in your relationship....then theres the possibility of it back-firing.....later
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 98
How do you feel about mfm and/or ffm threesomes?
Posted: 2/19/2011 7:37:48 AM
(pitufina 77) I think people should discuss openly their sexual desires and limitations early on...

For somebody to become your SO, have a solid relationship, etc, you have to be on the same page in many aspects of life, and there wouldn't be "surprises" about fundamental things after a while.


I agree. However, people should also realize that their partners may change their ideas over time, and what may have been in "EWWW!!!" territory initially, may now be in "Hmm, sounds like it'd be worth a try!" country now... and vicey-versey. Whips-n-chains may be a fun thing initially, but both partners may wanna move beyond that at some point (although, WHY is beyond me... )


This is why it would be an impossible situation for me to find myself in a comitted, serious, loving relationship with somebody who, "out of the blue" requests a threesome.


"(C)omitted, serious, loving relationship(s)" aren't set in stone. They can and do change over time.


There is no "out of the blue" about it.


Right. The person asking is taking a HUGE gamble that the person they're asking is gonna fly off the handle, have a hissy-fit, and punt them to the curb... a situation that seems to be borne out by anecdotal evidence.


I've been in this situation twice and, discussing it here, somebody suggested that being forced into going beyond one's boundaries in terms of sex should constitute a violation. After thinking about it carefully, especially after being recently presented with the situation, I have concluded that, certainly, I would feel violated if I were forced into a threesome in order to please a partner.


Short of being threatened with physical harm, I can't understand how anyone can be "forced" into a threesome. If you don't wanna do it, DON'T. Don't wax hysterical over the topic, or imply that wanting to discuss it is the same thing as FORCING the other person to do it against his/her will.

Sex is one of those things where boundaries should be respected.


Absolutely. Some people have different boundaries than others. I don't know why some people think that THEIR boundaries are the norm, and everyone else is a moral degenerate...

Arlo...

(I worked HARD to earn the title of Moral Degenerate, and it peeves me that others are granted that title so easily...)
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 99
How do you feel about mfm and/or ffm threesomes?
Posted: 2/19/2011 7:48:21 AM

(pitufina 77) I go back to the person who told me that I wouldn't have experienced awesome sex until I did it on cocaine, and I ask: would you just entertain the thought and give it a try if your SO, out of the blue, brought it up 5 years into a relationship?


Being willing to say "Yes" to one thing (e.g. the idea of a threesome), does NOT, repeat NOT, require the person to have to say yes to every other crazy/illegal/stupid stunt that comes down the pike.

C'mon, pitufina: You're ALWAYS going to find a point where a person says, "Uh-uh, no way-no how!" That has NOTHING to do with having differing ideas about discussing things, than you.

Arlo...
 PeggyRN
Joined: 10/4/2010
Msg: 100
How do you feel about mfm and/or ffm threesomes?
Posted: 2/19/2011 10:58:35 AM
Having done the FFM thing once and NEVER done (nor want to really) the MMF thing--I wasn't that impressed. That being said, I don't regret doing it--it was something different; I was much, much younger and it was a different time.

Nowadays, what with STDs and body image distortion (from what I've found on here one can never be too thin), I'm lucky to have the MF thing on occasion--don't even want to TRY the triple axel again!!

LOL!
 kw14021
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 101
How do you feel about mfm and/or ffm threesomes?
Posted: 11/27/2011 3:24:41 AM
They are great! My advice is to experience one and "get it off your plate", or bucket list. I got divorced and experienced one, it was fantastic! However, it was a one time thing and now that I have "been there/done that", I am interested in more one-on one.
 Pomose
Joined: 5/21/2011
Msg: 102
How do you feel about mfm and/or ffm threesomes?
Posted: 2/25/2012 1:15:10 PM
Have been asked to do a mfm 3 some, no way no how. I'm not getting into bed or anywhere else with another naked man. FFM anytime.
 phil2847
Joined: 8/10/2006
Msg: 104
How do you feel about mfm and/or ffm threesomes?
Posted: 2/25/2012 7:53:23 PM
I've had several threesomes and loved everyone of them!!!
 cusechick26
Joined: 2/27/2011
Msg: 105
How do you feel about mfm and/or ffm threesomes?
Posted: 2/25/2012 8:32:42 PM
I have had 3somes while I was single. Told my bfs later that I was involved with them for awhile. Have found guys to say yes to them but wont act on them.
 Becoming_Me
Joined: 1/4/2007
Msg: 106
How do you feel about mfm and/or ffm threesomes?
Posted: 2/25/2012 11:17:37 PM
I don't really see it as a big thing as long as everyone is into it and consenting adults. I think that we limit ourselves by creating what is normal or for the religous people moral behavior. I would be willing to be involved in a M/F/M relationship and not a F/M/F one just because I do not feel sexual attraction to women. If a guy I was dating wanted to try a F/M/F threesome with other women. I don't know that I would give my consent, but I would be open to talking about it.
 BeeRad82
Joined: 1/27/2012
Msg: 107
How do you feel about mfm and/or ffm threesomes?
Posted: 2/26/2012 1:15:23 AM
FFM - sure.

MMF - fuggedaboutit.
 newlysingle31
Joined: 12/14/2011
Msg: 108
How do you feel about mfm and/or ffm threesomes?
Posted: 2/27/2012 8:13:15 AM
Admittedly. haven't read the whole thread. But here's my stance:

When I have a partner in a committed relationship, I kind of need us to be together. I need to feel that sex is one thing that we always do together.

That said, if my partner wanted to add an extra person in order to increase the sexual energy of our sex life, I would most likely say okay. I don't have 2 penises, so if she wanted to know what it would be like to be with 2 guys, I would want her to be able to at least try it, provided I'm one of the 2. Conversely, if she wanted to experiment with a woman, I would like to be involved (and it's up to us to figure out if that simply means enjoy the show). So long as the "us" is there, more is bonus.

That said, if she wants mfm because the other guy is someone she's in love with, we have a problem. Also, if she wanted mfm and was unwilling to try fmf for me, we might have a problem, simply on the not being fair part.

The perfect answer is a foursome with another committed couple. There's less worry about the extra person(s) taking away your partner, and theres an extra m for your f, and an extra f for you.
 bilby886
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 109
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History
How do you feel about mfm and/or ffm threesomes?
Posted: 2/27/2012 8:17:27 AM
Only one rule

"NO SWORD FIGHTING!" "NO SAUSAGE SCHANOODLING"
OR
"NO MUSKETEERING"
 newlysingle31
Joined: 12/14/2011
Msg: 110
How do you feel about mfm and/or ffm threesomes?
Posted: 2/27/2012 8:18:32 AM
Oh. I forgot to mention... I have been in a multiple partner scenario while single. It was a whole other experience. But that said, I cherish the love and support of a committed gf/partner way more than any single sexual event. If my partner was not okay with it, it would never happen. I want her, and I won't risk losing her for a shot at an extra body.
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