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 BigBadNIrish
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 26
Nobody's Perfect - What's Wrong with YOU?Page 2 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
I laugh too hard at my own jokes...
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 27
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Nobody's Perfect - What's Wrong with YOU?
Posted: 2/15/2011 8:26:10 AM

umm...you left out the important part of my post when you quoted me,
which says I KNOW I don't appeal to everyone, but that doesn't make me
totally undateable to SOMEONE.

gads

Oh heck, was using your post as a leaping off place. The SOMEONE bit was supposed to have been covered by this bit ...

But, yeah, compatibility generally means at the minimum they can give you space for your foibles.


I disagree with Capitano, there IS someone compatible for everyone, even a jaded pirate.
 Twilightslove
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 28
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Nobody's Perfect - What's Wrong with YOU?
Posted: 2/15/2011 8:57:01 AM
I know that there are plenty of reasons that some people wouldn't want to date me yet I believe that I'm datable to someone.

Some people might have trouble with the fact that my adult children are still in my life regularly and my two sons have moved back home for the time being.

Some might not appreciate my past choices in SO although that is in my past and I feel I've gotten past it so others ought to get over it too.

Some people might not feel comfortable with my health issues and the fact that I have no insurance yet I know that there are many people lacking health care too.

I have a tendency to be a loner at times yet then there are times I want to be around others.

I have been watching the "Why don't men want to date single mothers" thread off and on for a while and I have to say that I never found my single parenting to be a problem. I was a bit selective in who I chose to date though as I knew that some men did have a problem with it and I knew I would have a problem with them too. I got married with a child the first time and four children the second time. There was a profound sense of love in both marriages or at least for a good while so I don't think women who have children are undateable.

I tend to think too much and analyze too much although if you need someone to research something I'm probably just as good as anyone else is at it.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 29
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Nobody's Perfect - What's Wrong with YOU?
Posted: 2/15/2011 9:10:03 AM

it was more about seeing if everyone else realized that "by the numbers" none of us is free of the dreaded "baggage", "issues" or "red flags"!

so you actually think the carapace of invulnerability that's the uniform of the forums regular is for real? save one or two exceptions, nobody here reveals their vulnerabilities - they'll get shredded - but we're not a bunch of clinical narcissists. we know we've got our own shit smeared on us somewhere. we can smell it, if we can't always see it.

but thanks ever so much for trying to bring enlightenment.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 30
Nobody's Perfect - What's Wrong with YOU?
Posted: 2/15/2011 10:21:10 AM
Well, the narrative of my profile starts out with "I'm old,ugly,and poor..." ,refers to the rumor that my girdle is considered a territorial government,etc...
Cindy O
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 31
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Nobody's Perfect - What's Wrong with YOU?
Posted: 2/15/2011 10:57:55 AM
Reading the posts I think I should add...

I hate coffee, of any sort including adding 'espresso' flavors to things like chocolate cake, etc. I can't get into all the coffee shops and drinks and cafe scene.

I hate wine, I can hear my eyes rolling into the back of my head when I see people order an expensive bottle of wine then roll it around their glass and sniff it like a dog greeting a stray. The stuff tastes like rotten grapes, I like my grapes sweet and on the vine in a plastic sack from Walmart. I am no connoisseur of any sort. Spell check gave me connoisseur, is that the right word??? I can't spell for coffee beans.

I like a good steak, a big baked potatoe (I spell potatoe with an E, which spell check hates) with enough salt & sour cream to kill a village. I'll be drinking a coke or lemonade thank you very much, or maybe a big glass of cold whole milk. I will probably never finish a meal in one sitting, because despite my size, I can't eat that much food at once, so I'll be getting a doggie bag and talking the leftovers home to make another meal or two out of it. I eat so slowly that my food is always cold before I get full. I do not want to hear what you think of meat or fat or whatever foodie downer you like to spew on people while they are happily eating.

I really miss the good old fashioned downtown cafes where you could get a meatloaf dinner or chicken fried steak or greasy cheeseburger with crinkle fries. I hate phony health food stores- restaurants and any of the 'modern' stuff that people are so into. I don't want carrot juice, or grass juice and I'm not into going to a gym to sweat and hope to get hit on. I cannot eat spicy food, which is all the rage now, plus I've moved to New Mexico where green chilies on everything is considered mild fare. I really can't eat it, it's not disliking the flavor, I can't tolerate it.

I think the above makes me unsuitable to date the majority of men on any dating site, I'm more of a Midwest farm boy kind of date and even they are into wine & coffee, so I'm limited. I'm sure this all makes me an awful dinner date, and to add to your embarrassment of being seen eating with me, I saw my steak like it's make of cement.

 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 32
Nobody's Perfect - What's Wrong with YOU?
Posted: 2/15/2011 12:53:57 PM
~OT~ I could write the War and Peace on this subject. The basics?

* I crave alone time (to the point of exclusiveness at times)
* I can't stand coffee or the smell of coffee
* I've been alone for so long that I'd prefer to sleep alone than with someone
* I'm a neat freak ~ a really really finicky neat freak
* I'm a night owl, goes along with sleeping alone (pretty troublesome for most)
* I can't tolerate those who are intolerant
* My mind needs stimuli constantly
* I don't do well with moody people
* I have a serious teeth obsession (mine and other people's teeth

And if that hasn't killed almost any option, my being a slave to the scale bothers most, likely means they eat alone all too often. (Geez, in print, it makes me wonder how on earth I've not been single my entire adulthood ~ and this is just a starter list.)
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 33
Nobody's Perfect - What's Wrong with YOU?
Posted: 2/15/2011 1:00:59 PM

Can any of you see something that would be labeled "wrong" with you?


Yes. My bottom teeth are crooked.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 34
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Nobody's Perfect - What's Wrong with YOU?
Posted: 2/15/2011 2:07:38 PM

I can't tolerate those who are intolerant


Errrr.......
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 35
Nobody's Perfect - What's Wrong with YOU?
Posted: 2/15/2011 4:01:45 PM
I'm pretty tough to date if not undateable, though it takes a while for men to notice this. The things that guys think make me such a cool girlfriend are the same things that they eventually see as dealbreakers. I'm not needy, I have a full life, I'm a loner and sometimes want my space, I work a lot, I'm ambitious, I'm the life of the party, I'm comfortable as one of the guys and I'm not one to push serious commitment. Ha those things are great in the beginning - then somehow they tend to turn into something bad.

I'm not only imperfect, I'm usually way ahead of everyone on knowing why and working to fix it. Unfortunately there's typically no end in sight when you're on a self-improvement path.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 36
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Nobody's Perfect - What's Wrong with YOU?
Posted: 2/15/2011 4:19:17 PM

The things that guys think make me such a cool girlfriend are the same things that they eventually see as dealbreakers. I'm not needy, I have a full life, I'm a loner and sometimes want my space, I work a lot, I'm ambitious, I'm the life of the party, I'm comfortable as one of the guys and I'm not one to push serious commitment. Ha those things are great in the beginning - then somehow they tend to turn into something bad.


I feel ya' on that!
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 37
Nobody's Perfect - What's Wrong with YOU?
Posted: 2/15/2011 5:09:33 PM

Something bad for you, or for "him?"

Him, obviously. Why would it be bad for me?

Women who claim they don't "push" commitment end up pissed off that men won't commit to them, or they have no clue if they even want a commitment, hence wishy washy behavior.

I never push it because I don't like to fix what's not broken. And I'm not wishy washy about it at all. I may like exclusivity, but I don't think it has to reside next to clinginess.

The point was that traits they like about me in the beginning they tend to start to dislike as they don't change as the relationship goes on. That's confusing and it should be - with me what you see is what you get. I don't falsely advertise. I think it's odd that what attracts a guy to me would be what makes him have second thoughts - UNLESS he secretly thinks that he's going to be such a big deal that I change who I am for him...but why would a guy realistically either think about or want a thing like that? So yeah, that's odd.

I like women like you, but you have to state up front how the relationship is going to work out. Saying you don't want commitment but still want monogamy and all the personal time YOU want without considering him is foolhardy.

Stating that what's going on now will be going on in a month is kind of assuming he's someone who needs the obvious pointed out to him, or thinks it's all supposed to change, no? Why would I assume anyone would think (or even want) that early on? I never said I don't like commitment (I'm not one to "want" much), I said I don't push it. It happens if it happens.

When I want personal time, I consider that he needs his as well - to be fair I don't get upset when he needs it. I work a lot and to be fair I don't make a guy who wants to work more feel bad about it - I encourage it. I don't push commitment and to be fair I don't complain when he doesn't push it either. I like to keep my family and friends around and to be fair I don't expect a guy to drop his family and friends for me. I like my hobbies and to be fair I don't get upset that a guy I date would have any. Seems normal enough to me. *shrug*

And to answer the original topic - I'm one of the most imperfect people out there.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 38
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Nobody's Perfect - What's Wrong with YOU?
Posted: 2/16/2011 7:27:18 AM
I spend every other post in these forums saying what's wrong with me, so I'm going to hijack this thread by saying what's RIGHT with me:

* I am not obese (though certainly not in record-threatening powerlifting shape that I was throughout most of my teen/young adult life)

* I am extremely athletic (but in bad shape and frequent pain from all the injuries I suffered playing with guys twice my size)

* I am still young (but not young enough...)

* I am fairly intelligent (though there is no doubt some arrogance to it so it's not particularly aphrodesic)

* I am a good writer (for whatever that's worth on the dating side of this site)

* I have freckles (apparently that's more positive than negative)

* I like wearing suits and ties (maybe a little too much -- admittedly, wearing one to the beach that time was perhaps going overboard)

* I have 2 jobs and have worked at both of them for more than 10 years (stability, baby! Of course, it also means I work ALL THE TIME...)

* I have a hobby that I'm passionate about and a dream I want to make a career (of course, it might be financially destroying me)

* I like almost every type of music and can watch any movie (thanks to several years as a film critic that built up my tolerance; of course some people view this as "wishy-washy")

* I'm not a complete loner and have a number of close friends and a healthy social circle (though, admittedly, I am nowhere near as popular as I was a few years ago)

* I go above and beyond for those close friends quite frequently (some might describe this as "letting them walk all over me" or "being taken advantage of" but, not always!)

* I am not a neat freak (okay, so technically, that is the negative "messy," but to those who hate neat freaks, it is a positive, right?)

* I am not clingy (well, some people would describe it as "complete indifference")

* I have only been cited in one car accident ever (of course, I have somehow been in 14 of them -- but never once while I had a passenger!)

* I am cute (to approximately 1% of the female population)

* I have almost no traditional baggage (which, apparently at my age, is in and of itself "baggage" to some people)

* I love to travel (but have grown weary of traveling alone so I rarely ever do anymore on non-business occasions)

* I am a very attentive lover! (though for rather sad reasons, mostly)

Wow, I can even turn my positives negative! Wait a second, I got one more:

* I have some very unique skills!
 ICtheLite
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 39
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Nobody's Perfect - What's Wrong with YOU?
Posted: 2/16/2011 8:42:54 AM

Also, I don't necessarily feel like I have to answer the phone just because it's ringing.


Too funny !! You need the phone I have, it talks, tells me who is calling by either the caller ID or the ID in memory.

Red Flags? I don't have that figured out yet. I think its different depending on who is picking them.
- To a player, I'm too down to earth.
- To the guy who wants to settle down, I can't relocate ( and/or it would take
some doing).
- To the heavy drinker, I don't drink enough & to the non-drinker, social
drinking is not acceptable.

Just sayin' , Red Flags and dealbreakers are going to be different for everyone.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 40
Nobody's Perfect - What's Wrong with YOU?
Posted: 2/16/2011 9:30:25 AM
^^^That reminds me. Another thing about me that I've heard is a red flag for people is that I don't like gifts (to be fair I don't give em all the time either), and I don't take compliments and affection well.

I've actually gotten into at length discussions about how a compliment they gave out of habit (I assume) was unfounded, silly or an attempt to get a reaction. I think people give em assuming I want to hear em, and that's a very wrong assumption. I'd say out of all I get, I might actually believe and appreciate less than 10% of em.

I try not to roll my eyes when I hear em, but I don't always catch myself. A guy once told me I was the prettiest woman in the place, and my response was to ask him if he didn't want to take a second look, and check both floors and the outer edges - because obviously the odds that's true are slim to none.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 41
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Nobody's Perfect - What's Wrong with YOU?
Posted: 2/16/2011 10:15:32 AM
Actually, I believe "YOU" was the most heavily emphasized word in the subject header.

But (A) as I said in the first line of my post, all you have to do is click my posting history and probably find 24 out of 25 posts in which I declare what's wrong with me. You know what would have happened had I reguritated all those things (and there are SO many)? You would have attacked me for doing exactly that. I can think of a half dozen posters off the top of my head that would chimed in with a highly sarcastic "Oh, so HawkingJr thinks his height makes him undateable -- what a SHOCKER!"

More importantly (B) I immediately cancelled out nearly all of my positives with facts that turn them into negatives; how anyone didn't notice that is beyond me -- they're called "parentheticals" in the writing business. So, theoretically, I actually was keeping in tune with the theme of the thread, in my own weird way. I was doing by example pretty much what ICtheLite just said: what seems positive to most may be negative to many, what seems negative to many may be positive to some. Aside from being a child molester, there really aren't a lot of characteristics that a decent number of people somewhere won't appreciate. There's a preference for almost everything, there's a fetish for almost everything. Even short male height, perhaps the most universally reviled physical characteristic of either sex, has a few takers (usually with questionable mental faculties).

What ends up making people truly nearly undateable is a mass combination of socially deviant behavior and negative characteristics, not simply one or two. For example, you can get away with being overweight, so long as you have a personality the vast majority of people would consider "good." (Of course I personally hate "sunny" personalities, but I'm in no way in the majority in that respect... sometimes you just want to slap those people around...)
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 42
Nobody's Perfect - What's Wrong with YOU?
Posted: 2/16/2011 11:01:25 AM

Nobody's Perfect - What's Wrong with YOU?

Yes, "you" is in caps, but "wrong" is the subject of the thread.

But (A) as I said in the first line of my post, all you have to do is click my posting history and probably find 24 out of 25 posts in which I declare what's wrong with me.

Yes, but you weren't "on topic" here, that's why the post was noted. (Makes no difference to me personally ~ one thing that's wrong with me? I'm always for the underdog, the one that goes against social norms, societal mores, etc. I think there needs to be a at least one non-conformist in every situation, and there's not a lot to be said in rebuttal to the one's here that stated a while bunch of negatives about their own selves. So I suppose you did the thread a service, or at least kept in going for another day.)
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 43
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Nobody's Perfect - What's Wrong with YOU?
Posted: 2/16/2011 11:46:43 AM

Agreed. This thread is based on the issues we have, and imperfections that makes us undateable. Not to brag, and put ourselves on a pedestal.

oh please. the only difference between what hawking and everybody else is saying is hawking acknowledges he's tooting his horn, while most others are being disingenuous.

'i'm brutally honest,' 'i'm an overzealous housekeeper' - like anyone believes stuff like courageous outspokenness and cleanliness are really some people's worst traits.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 44
Nobody's Perfect - What's Wrong with YOU?
Posted: 2/16/2011 1:03:06 PM
~OT~ I read an interesting article that stated the faults/flaws/red-flags that we see in our own selves, are NOT the faults/flaws/red-flags that others see MOST of the time. That means that my fat calves, double jointed thumbs, need for reclusiveness, not wanting to meet friends/families of those I date ~ likely aren't the faults/flaws/red-flags they see in me. So no matter what I think about me, moot point. It's what "he" sees that really matters. No matter how much re-invention of self or self-improvements we make, we will always have things that bug the shiit out of others. Just a fact. JMO
 cookie22222
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 45
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Nobody's Perfect - What's Wrong with YOU?
Posted: 2/16/2011 1:17:47 PM
Thanks greeneyez, that's a good point...I've often met someone, thought they were "ok", but over time (as I grew attracted to who they were) - suddenly they were the handsomest guy on earth.

I wondered if anyone would notice that I did not put a single physical "flaw" in my OP, I was sort of wanting to see if that's what came up in the responses - and it did, more from the women than the men - I hadn't really thought about that, but now that I see it, no surprises there.

I was also wondering how many people would put "faults" that aren't really faults. That's been interesting too!

And even here when it's supposed to be about "you"...there still managed to be someone getting beat up for their answer. I thought it was funny and ironic, but that's just me, with my offbeat sense of humor.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 46
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Nobody's Perfect - What's Wrong with YOU?
Posted: 2/16/2011 1:32:59 PM
^^^ more like you asking for a chicken recipe, lots of people insisting they use chicken when it's really opossum, and one guy finally saying 'i use opossum.'
 BigBadNIrish
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 47
Nobody's Perfect - What's Wrong with YOU?
Posted: 2/16/2011 1:57:52 PM
I can't read 2000 word post's that have no paragraphs...
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 48
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Nobody's Perfect - What's Wrong with YOU?
Posted: 2/16/2011 2:13:09 PM
Ah, it's the Batman to my Joker. The James Bond to my Blofeld. The Inspector Dreyfus to my Clouseau. The Sheriff Taylor to my Deputy Fyfe. Of course, you were #1 on that list of a half dozen posters I mentioned (it's like I used the Bat signal!), you and your sidekick (is he behind me -- is he under the floor -- where is he?!). *I* am surprised it took you so long to take the bait. But I should have expected you to get sharper sooner or later. Well, enough Zorin-like small talk -- you're getting away again! Let's TANGO!

* * *

"No christ on a crutch, the topic was on A not B, its like me asking for the recipe for Stuffed Chicken and someone posting how to make stuff Opossum because they think its better"

I'm not really sure that's a proper analogy (and I say this as a man who comes from an area of the US where people really do eat opossum), but I'm not too worried about any of this considering I've managed to, perhaps somewhat inadvertently, entertain the OP. ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?

And I still say my original post was plenty negative enough to suit this thread... admittedly, it WAS as long as you say it was, so you probably didn't read all of it. But can't really take my setup at face value considering the punchlines that followed. (Oh, Christ, that last post was genuinely funny! Funniest one I've read on this site in weeks! Though it does remind of Jon Stewart's response to Bill O'Reilly's response to Jon Stewart's use of him as an example of FNC commentators that sling around the term Nazi: "She said, it's a good thing we don't speed, I said, look at all those speeders right there, then you said, Jon took that out of context: I was late.")

"not wanting to meet friends/families of those I date"

See, look right there -- that has to be an extremely rare characteristic that most people would look at negatively, and here we are two such people right here in this thread! My most recent romantic interest actually asked me yesterday if I wanted to have dinner with her and her father tomorrow night... to which I pointed out, *she and I* haven't even had dinner together by ourselves yet! If everything works out (including ever getting to that first date, now a YEAR since we first met, curiously, on Valentines Day), maybe I'll meet her dad in 5 or 10 years.

BTW, I also agree with everything else in that post about the flaws we see in ourselves vs. what everyone else sees.

"I got into a fist fight with one of my bosses once"

Oh, what I wouldn't give to have been in your shoes a few times in my life!
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 49
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Nobody's Perfect - What's Wrong with YOU?
Posted: 2/16/2011 3:21:36 PM
Woman In P"I've actually gotten into at length discussions about how a compliment they gave out of habit (I assume) was unfounded, silly or an attempt to get a reaction. I think people give em assuming I want to hear em, and that's a very wrong assumption. I'd say out of all I get, I might actually believe and appreciate less than 10% of em."
I can relate in my own way. I'm VERY impatient with standard, Walmart/Kmart issued cheap compliments, and sometimes get angry when I hear them. I always suspect manipulation is the motivation, and all too often it is. Even if the intention of social manipulation is relatively harmless "just greasing the wheels", it ticks me off.

One of the things I've been thinking about as I've read what folks have said here, is that we could create at least two basic categories of "what's wrong with" us. There's the stuff that we are frustrated about ourselves, and WANT to change, and there's the stuff that others have complained about that we know we can't or wont change. I suppose a third could be the stuff others have dumped us for, that we don't believe is accurate, or that we actually like about ourselves.
Some of the stuff people have complained about recently, would fit some of those categories; stuff that we are actually GLAD people complain about in us. I was inspired a long time back, to redefine "getting your shyte together" to mean...take everything that everyone calls you a shyte-head for, put it in a big pile, then proudly label it as YOUR IDENTITY.
 BigBadNIrish
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 50
Nobody's Perfect - What's Wrong with YOU?
Posted: 2/16/2011 4:51:19 PM
If I'd 2 more inches I coulda been a movie star...
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