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 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 26
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What stops a man from cheating?Page 2 of 17    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17)
Only strong personal conviction can stop anyone. Even then, it can be difficult to say no if the temptation is strong or you're in a weakened state of mind, especially if you aren't getting your needs (emotional and sexual) met at home.
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 27
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What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/16/2011 7:52:36 AM

Only strong personal conviction can stop anyone. Even then, it can be difficult to say no if the temptation is strong or you're in a weakened state of mind, especially if you aren't getting your needs (emotional and sexual) met at home.


The fact that you had to play the conversation in your head to convince yourself not to cheat looks like your not really happy in the committed relationship with your man. The only time the thought even crossed my mind was when my ex husband was ignoring me at home and I went out with my cousin to the bar dancing. I just needed to get out of the house for awhile but I met some one who caught my interest. I knew it would be wrong to sleep with him so I didn't go there. In a stable relationship I can meet people I find attractive but the thoughts of cheating never enter my mind.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 28
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What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/16/2011 8:31:59 AM
The one and only time I had to have this "internal conversation"......was the day I went home, packed my things and left my husband.
The realization that I even considered it told me I had finally gotten to the point that I could walk away from my bad marriage.
Most of us are wired so that cheating isn't something we have to debate with ourselves about.
You are either a cheater......or you're not. Circumstances have nothing to do with it.
 3prong
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 29
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/16/2011 9:44:50 AM
It wasn't so much a debate to talk myself out of it, more like an immediate no to the original proposition and when I later reflected on it (as I am analytical in nature) it was a no even though it would be fun and no one would know because it would be wrong and I love and respect my man. I have no worries with myself that I would cheat.

This got me curious about the whole what happens in vegas stays in vegas mentality. I do apologize singling out men on this. I was a little irritated with the mechanic at the time and really overly generalized (he is currently involved as well).

The human mind is really an amazing thing and I think these pros and cons lists go through our mind instantly with every choice we make through out the day drawing on our beliefs, values, and personal experiences (ie not buying your favorite chocolate bar because you are currently dieting - you don't spend any time thinking about it, you mind does all that for you).

I really didn't expect to have put myself in this position with my mechanic so don't feel I invited a questionable circumstance as I generally don't find the need to avoid people I have history with. Also, as I live in a two mechanic town (the good one and the bad one) I don't really have a lot of options either.
 ComplekCity
Joined: 1/17/2011
Msg: 30
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/16/2011 11:05:31 AM
I wouldn't have an internal conversation if I'm happy with my SO.

If I did, it would be a sign that I'm not happy and need to take a look at that.
 Justmytypewriter
Joined: 2/8/2011
Msg: 31
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What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/16/2011 11:44:01 AM

What I am ultimately wondering though is what does a man's inner discussions look like? Really, what ultimately stops a guy from cheating?

The more "technical" aspects (like the fear of potentially catching any STDs) aside, I think it's mainly a matter of attitude towards sex. Many people (men and women alike) are simply not interested in sex outside of a committed relationship, and those people (male or female) won't cheat. Other people may be into casual sexual encounters but will refrain if being involved with someone - be it out of respect for their partner and their relationship, be it because their sexual appetite is being satisfied in their relationship.
Those are the "non-cheaters", IMHO.

If a person is generally open to casual sex outside of a committed relationship, though, the only thing that will stop them from cheating is lack of opportunity, IMHO.
 Hench4Life
Joined: 12/18/2010
Msg: 32
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/16/2011 12:46:33 PM
Multiple things... #1. If a girl is willing to screw over another girl in the process of being with me... what would she be willing to do to me someday? #2 It's just bad karma. Never do something to somebody else that you wouldn't want done to you. At least then you have the right to complain about it. #3 It's too damn much work... All that sneaking around and BS. Who needs it.
 forumfishie
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 33
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/16/2011 1:07:00 PM
If I was with a man
who said sweet nothings in my ear
such as:
You are better than nothing
so I think I'll stay with you.......for a while

I would most definitely be doing the MECHANIC right now
But that's just my evil voice talking

Women don't usually think of having sex with another man when they are in a GOOD relationship.....................unless they feel completely misunderstood and neglected in their current relationship

That whole conversation you had with your evil side should tell you something is not quite right. Unless you have a penis hidding somewhere.(not the mechani's your own penis) lol

And by the way, if you really weren't thinking about doing the mechanic, you would've found it repulsive right then, instead of having this long conversation with yourself, he would've had his horny a$$ slapped.

All this what happens in vegas stays in vegas?..........Pfffftt!
You are in a town with two mechanics available? DRIVE to the next town!
Do you have this passive atittude towards life where EVERYTHING just happens to you?
Really?

The voice of reasoning stops a man from cheating
 Sabrosura089
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 34
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/16/2011 1:11:23 PM

What I am ultimately wondering though is what does a man's inner discussions look like? Really, what ultimately stops a guy from cheating?


^^I don't think everyone (in this case men) cheat. If you're happy/content with what you have at "home" there is no reason what so ever to do so.

No inner discussions need to take place if you're happy. If not, it should be one's will-power and values instilled in us..............
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 35
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/16/2011 1:26:01 PM

What I am ultimately wondering though is what does a man's inner discussions look like? Really, what ultimately stops a guy from cheating?

I can't answer from a man's point of view, but I can answer with two polar opposite examples: My step-father never cheated on my mother, he very well could have (and likely should have as she wasn't even nice to him a good portion of the time in those 24 years) but his character and moral fiber were firmly in place and it was something that he likely could have never lived with within his own self (would be my guess.) On the other side? My ex-husband. He had the moral fiber of a ghetto-hooker. (No offense to the working girls intended, just an analogy appropriate here.) That man could not keep his winky out of vaginas he wasn't married to.

As for me? I'd never find myself with an inner-dialogue of that sort going on. I have to look in the mirror and into the face of the man I'm with ~ ~ every day. The guilt would eat me to the very core of who I am. (And I agree with others. Mechanics can be found on every street corner, why invite such things??) JMO
 bikeman1467
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 36
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What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/16/2011 6:58:57 PM
This is basically a "do to others as you would like them to do to you" issue. If I'm with a woman intimately, and I like and respect her, I treat her as I would like her to treat me. Meaning, if I don't like the idea of her cheating on me, the thought of cheating on her simply doesn't enter my mind.

I don't really see how this is solely a male issue. I'm sure women who value monogamous relationships have the same sort of mental wiring.
 recreator611
Joined: 1/29/2011
Msg: 37
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/16/2011 7:39:27 PM
AAAA...woman are just as bad but for the most part do like steady relationships...lol....as for what stops men from cheating....well....physical of course....but as women...chemistry and adventure and not being stale in the relationship....most meaning both genders are good for the first yr or more then....things get old....and WE forget why WE are with each other.....Later!
 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 38
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/16/2011 8:38:03 PM
For me personally, if I am really into the person I am with and or in a committed relationship my head doesn't get turned.
That is just the way I roll, and I do not expect other people to be this way.
I think humans are humans and they may have lustful thoughts once in a while it is part of being a normal healthy sexual being.
Why beat yourself up about it?
I don't believe that every guy thinks about cheating, but what do I know, I am not a guy.
Seriously if they do, I don't want know about it, and I am not going to spend one second thinking about it. Life is too short!
I will deal with these kind of things when and if they ever come up, not now.
As far as making yourself feel guilty for your thoughts, I say you handled that one pretty well. You obviously still have something for this guy though, but yet you didn't let it affect the decision you wanted to make.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 39
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What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/16/2011 9:26:17 PM
I was a little disappointed with myself for even having this inner conversation


Why? In the end you did the right thing. You don't ever need to be disappointed about what pops into your head. Surprising things can bubble up out of your subconscious. What matters is what you do with it in the end.

Thoughts and feelings rise spontaneously and we don't have control over that. What we *do* have control over is our response to it. The more we tend to think in a certain way, the more our mind tends to go in that direction. So, if your internal dialogue had focused more on rationalizing doing something you knew was wrong, next time you might be more prone to start thinking in that direction. Whatever we focus our attention on we tend to get more of.

You came up with really good reasons for not going there. You were honest with yourself. Part of being honest with yourself is acknowledging to ourselves that we do have these thoughts and feelings. If we deny it to ourselves, they will come out in devious ways.

Don't worry. You did fine. You're human. You know how they say that courage is not the absence of fear, it's acting in spite of your fear? Well, I might say that fidelity is not lack of temptation, it's being faithful in the face of temptation.

If you find yourself having this internal conversation repeatedly, then you might start thinking about why. But I don't see having such thoughts in response to a proposition - especially from a guy you've been with before - in and of itself as a big threat.
 BigBadNIrish
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 40
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/17/2011 5:22:03 AM
I've been reading about cheating for lack of sex, happiness, and other things in a marriage...and I've always thought, at least since I thought these types of thoughts, if one is so unhappy in a marriage, for what ever reason, then why stay and wreak (my own word) havoc all over the rest of the family by finding someone to cheat with.

I've often seen where a marriage/relationship crumbles, but one of the participants has moved on, to another sexual relationship, long before the marriage actually crumbles.

edit: I've often wondered why stay in a marriage, that for one person, has ended...because yanno...at least at one time there was love and respect for the other partner...that perhaps...well, let me just muse...why not move on when the marriage has ended instead of moving on while still married...that sort of is a logical move-while I know that relationships sometime defy logic
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 41
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What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/17/2011 5:36:19 AM
If someone has moved on to another sexual relationship, the "marriage" has already crumbled. The only issue is that the people involved have not faced up to the fact. Unfortunately, destroying the bonds that make a marriage is a painful process and people take time to build up the mental perspective they need to endure such pain. In doing so they typically export their guilt to other members of the "family", and create all kinds of rationalizations to justify their evolving mental structure that is supporting their actions. Marriage and family are like a fine crystal glass. Drop it, and it is gone forever.
 bcsofnc57
Joined: 11/20/2007
Msg: 42
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/17/2011 9:03:06 AM
I am not a man so I can't tell you what men think. I do think you are wondering this because you feel guilty about your own thoughts.

Here's a crazy idea, the next time your car has a problem, take it to someone that doesn't know you and have a history with you.
 english lass
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 43
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/17/2011 9:10:42 AM
morals? ethics?

...that axe she keeps sharpened under her pillow?
 Time_For_Two
Joined: 1/11/2011
Msg: 44
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/17/2011 2:08:46 PM

What I am ultimately wondering though is what does a man's inner discussions look like? Really, what ultimately stops a guy from cheating?


Duct tape and a locked closet
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 45
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/17/2011 3:17:36 PM

good god, woman. i can't believe you would say something so incredibly presumptuous and sexist about men just because YOU had some evil thoughts that were so readily prompted by the raunchy invitation of some skanky guy YOU played "eat me" with before you met the BF


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^OMG lol

The fact he asked says volumes about YOU also.
He obviously thinks you are a skank and would at least consider it..and he is your ex??

My internal dialoge would have been more like.......
Should I have kicked him in his ball bearings and told him what he could do with his piston?
Gojo down on himself....

I certainly would have told his supervisor about the inappropriate comments.....
but NO not you.


What stops a man from cheating?


Thinking with his brain,what the consequence would be and the pain it would cause.
A partner he is content with and wants to keep.
Morality or ethics.Self respect and respect for his woman.

I agree that considering the lengthy conversation you internalized instead of just thinking Oh hell no..YOU are not that committed to this guy, nor are you relationship material.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 46
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/17/2011 4:31:57 PM
Really, what ultimately stops a guy from cheating?


The fact that you're a 3prong outlet and he has only 2prongs?

The guy plainly sees you as a woman with weak boundaries and poor impulse control---and perhaps he shares these traits, too. There are often "tells" that some people give off that can be a tip off to poor impulse control---and the stronger likelihood that they will cheat. You might want to look further inward.
 SpecificTruths
Joined: 9/19/2009
Msg: 47
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/17/2011 5:24:27 PM
Anyone else think its funny that the OP felt guilty about "having this conversation" in her own head?

News flash, OP, your thoughts are yours and yours alone. Just like mine. In fact, I was next to my girlfriend the other day when a super hot chick strolled by in a little skirt (yes, in MN girls wear skirts all year long). I thought to myself "I'd do her."

Nope, didn't feel guilty, kept it to myself.
 Laha Math
Joined: 7/15/2010
Msg: 48
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/17/2011 5:45:04 PM
I think by men who "cheat" OP means men who don't practice monogamy. I think the question should be what makes a man monogamous. Men who practice monogamy may have an impaired libido or may be insecure, anxious, and fearful, or may be lacking in some other way, for example finances. OP asks what internal discussion a man has. There is no discussion. There's nothing to discuss.
 SpecificTruths
Joined: 9/19/2009
Msg: 49
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/17/2011 6:37:14 PM

Men who practice monogamy may have an impaired libido or may be insecure, anxious, and fearful, or may be lacking in some other way, for example finances.

You're either on something or on to something here, my man.

You're probably going to get slaughtered for this, though.

My take on that is that humans aren't really meant to partake in the whole "till death do us part" thing. My girlfriend and I, who I love dearly, have had the monogamy conversation numerous times and when the "honeymoon" stage wears off down the road, non-monogamy is something we both are willing to consider. Love and sex are totally different things. Just because you have sex with someone, doesn't make them "yours." The thing is, honesty and communication have to be there. She promised me, and I her, that if either of us is really serious about wanting to fvck someone else, that we talk through it first before going through with it.

I'm gonna get slaughtered, too
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 50
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What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/17/2011 6:44:48 PM
Not slaughtered at all, so long as you can accept that there are those, of both genders, who will disagree with you. It is only when you use your own preferences and/or beliefs to put others down that you will be slaughtered, as perhaps, the poster above you may be. There is nothing wrong with the libido, "parts" or minds of men who choose to remain monogamous; it is simply a choice, perhaps even a belief system. We are all entitled to that, aren't we?
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