Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > What stops a man from cheating?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 3prong
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 51
What stops a man from cheating?Page 3 of 17    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17)
So I came clean with the bf. This relationship I felt uncomfortable about having this secret. The only part I left out was who it was. He's the type of guy that would approach the person ... maybe right now, maybe later at a social event where the new girl was present, and say "Hey, why are you trying to cause trouble".

To the part about me contemplating the mechanics of, apparently he sees that as similar to the "I'd tap that" comment made earlier so has no issue with that. He does have an issue about the idea of someone he knows saying "hey how's things with you" while trying to tap his girl in the background. Greasy he called it.

Now the fight is on. I don't want drama, he wants to know.
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 52
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/18/2011 3:22:21 AM


Now the fight is on. I don't want drama, he wants to know.


You like the drama..Why else tell only part of the indecent or any of it?

You know
He's the type of guy that would approach the person .



This relationship I felt uncomfortable about having this secret.


Naaaaaaw

Me thinks you wanted to share something to stir him up.
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 53
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/18/2011 5:06:52 AM
What stops a man from cheating?

Death, usually.
 forumfishie
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 54
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/18/2011 8:41:56 AM
"This relationship I felt uncomfortable about having this secret."

No, you didn't!
You felt like telling your BF there is competition for your "better than nothing"
and "I'll stay with you.....for a while" kind of "love" he has for you.

Even if it comes from the "greasy" mechanic.

"Now the fight is on. I don't want drama, he wants to know"

Do you feel more important now?
that "the fight is on"??

I bet you've watched "twilight" a few times, haven't you??

You want romance and a hero who would fight for you?
Start by getting a man who doesn't talk to you like an ape, first

You very much enjoy D R A M A
Why else would you tell him about the mechanic?
How far is the next town with a mechanic?
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 55
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/18/2011 10:05:17 AM
So I came clean with the bf. This relationship I felt uncomfortable about having this secret.


What that "uncomfortable" feeling was actually about was simply the fact that you were itching to one-up your boyfriend by lording it over him that he had competition---and he'd better step up his game, or else.

Of course you wanted drama. It was a power play, pure and simple. Do the right thing and let him go so that you both can move on. Your resentment towards him has eroded your relationship beyond repair.
 Whatisnewwithyou
Joined: 1/25/2011
Msg: 56
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/18/2011 10:16:12 AM
"What stops a man from cheating?"

How about not being in a relationship with him.

Why do folks continue to stay in relationships with partners that cheat on them, treat them badly and such?

What is stopping the op from showing her partner the front door and telling him to get lost?



 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 57
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/18/2011 7:34:31 PM
Rampant STD's, HIV, psycho bunny boiling girls, psycho scissor yielding girls near genitalia, pregnancy, getting caught, getting put on you tube,

but mostly
Having a sister that reminds me that boys are scum, and I best not imitate them.

if you are 'dedicated' to that person, then be so; otherwise, just continue the random hook ups and keep making sure that the 'men are pigs' stereo type stays alive.
 TedJMill
Joined: 7/6/2005
Msg: 58
view profile
History
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/23/2011 6:45:16 AM
What stops a man from cheating?

In my case, besides conscience and poor lying skills, there's the fact that I'm not interested enough in sex to bother cheating.
 platypus_man
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 59
view profile
History
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/23/2011 8:13:40 AM
I know one woman who makes sure her husband is 'sexed-out' every time they parted. Her rational was that most infidelity was from too much pent up sexual energy and the guy not being able to overcome the urge to have sex with a woman who was coming on to him. She's married 30 years now, never heard of her husband cheating on her, so it may have some merit (Hillary should have tried it!). Of course, it won't work for all those women who use sex as 'currency' in a relationship to get a guy to do what she wants him to; those are the first ones that guys will 'step out' on.
 NiceKindaWay
Joined: 2/8/2011
Msg: 60
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/23/2011 9:36:18 PM
I'm starting to think that only the Holy post on threads...

OP Since you are a girl and you don't KNOW what the other sex thinks, I feel this is a valid question.

I've met guys that would never mess around with a married girl but they find the first bar hoe to satisfy their urge. Cheating, no not directly. What keeps them from hooking up with someone already taken??? I've found that they have been burned in the past, so my girl answer for the guys would be- experience.
 nipoleon
Joined: 12/27/2005
Msg: 61
view profile
History
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/24/2011 11:45:44 AM

What I am ultimately wondering though is what does a man's inner discussions look like? Really, what ultimately stops a guy from cheating?

Not just a man but a woman too.

What stops people from cheating ?
You stop them from cheating. When there's no one else more interesting than you are.
That's your responsibility.
 good_and_bad
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 62
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/24/2011 2:10:31 PM
I believe some men are just cheaters, just a matter of time and the opportunity.
 desquared
Joined: 1/21/2011
Msg: 63
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/24/2011 3:48:08 PM
I'm starting to think that only the Holy post on threads...

OP Since you are a girl and you don't KNOW what the other sex thinks, I feel this is a valid question.


OMG no kidding! I've spent the last 10 minutes trying to google up some stats as to the prevalence of how many people have fantasized of OTHER people during sex with their SO. I had been seeing a Christian counselor at one point in time (don't read too much into this) and the statistics were staggering. In excess of 80%.

Throw in research showing that according that suggests that more than 60% of committed relationships have experienced a fidelity (and the girl/guy gap has narrowed considerably, within 5% now) and I don't know who the heck is on the forums. Maybe only those with clean consciences are posting. ( I just know that someone is going to say, yeah, I was in that unfaithful relationship and it was my **stard ex)

With stats like this addressing the prevalence of infidelity and the thought life we have even DURING THE ACT with our significant others, is the OP seriously out of line questioning our own thought patterns? And here we are heaping on her "you're obviously not ready for a committed relationship". And wow, the accusations regarding her introducing drama by confessing to her BF? Good grief, can't we even CONSIDER that perhaps she's got a commitment to open communication and doesn't want secrets? The mere fact that she put herself on the rack with this forum post in the first place is indicative of open/proactive communication even in the face of criticism (which she MUST have known she was going to get, she does not appear dumb by any means)

Your thought patterns AREN'T abnormal. But I think you do have to process that there IS a difference between thinking something and doing it. Frankly, I am not partial to the use of "morals" which are social construct which people may or may not buy into internally. If they are not bought into at a conscience level to match the conscious level. you have risk. Ethics, however is your own personal codes.

What are the ethics of the man? look but don't touch. Attitude that men are hardwired to stray. Commitment to my SO is paramount. My personal role in my relationship is to be a stewaqrd and protector to my SO.

We may be driving down the road and someone cuts you off. You may want to speed ahead and cut him off...you may want to rear end him, you may want him dead at the that moment. It doesn't make you a murderer. That is the same barrier between temptation and the inner thoughts you suggested...and the actual act. The same thing that prevented you from chasing the car that cut you off and taking a tire iron to the driver. You don't do it because ultimately it would be wrong and that is felt at a deep level because of your "ethical compass" (vs moral compass)
 3prong
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 64
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/24/2011 11:54:55 PM
Thank you both. POF forums is a rough neighborhood but my intent was genuine interest in opinions on the topic. After I started getting attacked for seeking drama (if only they knew me in real life ... way to much an avoider of conflict) I just kind of tuned out of here but check things periodically.

An update to the bf getting mad at me ... he does want to know if anything like this happens again so it turns out I did do the right thing even though it was the hard thing for me (disbelieve if you like). We're even stronger than before. And even though he's not the most elegant at expressing feelings (caveman), he does communicate well (we talk all the time very maturely about absolutely everything) and he shows me in a million ways just how much he cares for me.

His in-eloquence in expressing real feelings (now that I have over analyzed it) I can understand. He's such a schmoozer/player and can sit and talk to a girl and make her feel like she's on top of the world within 30 second. Neat talent he has but he knows it's lies, and I know its lies and have never allowed him to schmooze me. I had him do the 5 languages of love assessment with me and it turns out I am just slightly higher in words than time and touch which are pretty much equal and very low in gift and a zero for service. He's way high on service, time and touch are about equal at second place closely followed by gift - his words scored at 1. Our tops and bottoms being at odds I see as being a challenge but now that we understand it ... all good,

Those that have read my posting history, it's all been about this guy, how wonderful he is, and me over analyzing everything for three reasons: first, the female aspect ... in general we tend to overthink, second, my personality style is totally analytical (career is actually a systems analyst ... huge geek right here), and third, this is a very good relationship that came at me unexpectedly (I'm almost 40 and who'da thought fairytales could be real - having problems believing it.

I actually wanted to add an update a while ago to what ended up happening with the bf but since the last of the thread was how much of a drama queen I was I just wasn't up to bringing this thread to attention again.

Peace out
 ALMOSTABLONDE
Joined: 9/30/2010
Msg: 65
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/25/2011 4:22:33 AM
I'm going to make a general statement here...some people, regardless of gender, have a higher sex drive...some have a lower sex drive

sex is sex and love is love-of course it's nice to have BOTH, but sometimes...
 nipoleon
Joined: 12/27/2005
Msg: 66
view profile
History
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/25/2011 1:13:16 PM
This is how you can stop anyone from cheating.

You make them a bargain.

If you stay faithful to me... I'll stay faithful to you.
If you cheat on me.... I'll cheat on you.
Whatever freedom you want for yourself, I'll have for myself as well.
Whatever restriction you put on me, I'll expect from you too.
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 67
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/25/2011 1:19:04 PM
If he is into you, he will want you, if he isnt all that into you, he will be looking elsewhere. It isnt rocket science.
 desquared
Joined: 1/21/2011
Msg: 68
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/25/2011 3:12:54 PM

If you stay faithful to me... I'll stay faithful to you.
If you cheat on me.... I'll cheat on you.
Whatever freedom you want for yourself, I'll have for myself as well.
Whatever restriction you put on me, I'll expect from you too.


Still comes back to understand a man's ethics. This would be a quid pro quo or social contract ethic that is internalized.


If he is into you, he will want you, if he isnt all that into you, he will be looking elsewhere. It isnt rocket science.


This is a romantic paradigm (based on a Roman ethic) which only has had taken root as the prevalent form of relationship over the last 200 years ironically. Make for a good secondary thread. I feel a distinction has to be made once again between temptation and acting on temptation. I don't think one should judge the thoughts , because then we are all screwed given what statistics represent. I think we have adopted a "christian/sin" mindset that even if you thought of it, it is "sin") Have you ever been tempted NOT to declare income on your tax return---ergo---you should be charged with tax evasion whether you filed your return correctly or not. I think this mindset sets people up for failure.

Knowing a man has a commitment to truth, monogamy and he has internalized this is your greatest protection.


"When mores are sufficient, laws are unnecessary; when mores are insufficient, laws are unenforceable."
— Émile Durkheim
 Revilors
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 69

Posted: 2/25/2011 4:33:00 PM
Cheating is gambling. I don't gamble with the things in my life that I consider priceless. I would no more gamble with someone I have committed to than I would with my own children's lives. I know what I have invested when I commit to someone and assume they have invested the same. I expect no less from myself than I expect from others. If I ever got to the point where I was willing to cheat...there is no longer a relationship to gamble with...so best to close that chapter before turning that next page.

Fvckin' is just fvckin'...and we guys to like fvckin'. If you want to know what goes on inside our heads when I see a gorgeous gal. I'll tell you. I wouldn't mind givin' her a go...if I could. That's most guys.

Here's the difference.

For cheaters...it's all about opportunity

For non-cheaters...it's all about integrity

Edit:

I'm sorry...did I not answer the question?


What stops a man from cheating?


For cheaters...she says "no"

For non-cheaters...he says "no"
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 70
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/26/2011 6:06:25 AM
What stops a man from cheating? Changing the marriage laws to allow guys to have harems, like in some countries and some religious cults. That way, a guy is always having sex with a wife, any one of the 10 or 20 wives. LOL
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 71
view profile
History
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/27/2011 11:48:15 AM

Knowing a man has a commitment to truth, monogamy and he has internalized this is your greatest protection.



^^^^The same is true for both men and women. Seeing some one who you either know from the past or just met and thinking they are attractive is different than contemplating cheating. To me what made the OP appear not ready for the committed relationship was the fact she had to play out the situation in her mind to convince herself not to cheat. She was even still thinking "what if "' later on after she turned him down. It should be a quick thought of yeah he/she looks good but I'm happy and content in my relationship and would never go there. THE END!




You are assuming EVERYONE has these "little discussions" in their head when faced what you face. You also assume EVERYONE has to face the situation you did. Some of us don't even get into a situation that you did because of our previous choices. It's called seeing before things actually happen,which involves thinking.

In other words, some people don't need to "stop" from cheating cause it's not even an option for them. Never. Then there are others that face this decision everyday,and then they have to sit and wonder why.
 good_catch77
Joined: 3/28/2007
Msg: 72
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/27/2011 3:00:27 PM

I believe some men are just cheaters, just a matter of time and the opportunity.


I believe some women are just cheaters, just a matter of time and the opportunity.

Some people are just that way, cheaters. IMO there is no excuse for cheating. If the person whom is cheating says..."but he/she is a abuser" well just leave the person. Don't be just as abusive and cheat.

I'm not going to comment too much on why women cheat. For one this is a thread about why men cheat, but at the same time I did have to mention that men aren't the only ones that cheat from time to time.

If a man cheats some of his reasons may be.

He can - no real reason, the thrill of not getting caught.

No intimacy - Men like sex this is a known fact. If there is no intimacy at home with his s/o then he may go out to find some. There is another thread that mentions sexual chemistry, this could be another aspect of a man cheating. Not excusing this but at the same time it could be another reason

There are many...many more of these. Men and women cheat period.

Best of luck to everyone
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 73
view profile
History
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/28/2011 10:38:16 AM
Values, or fear of consequence. Gender has nothing to do with it in my book.
 Big_fun_wave
Joined: 2/28/2009
Msg: 74
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/28/2011 10:46:36 AM
Well, I've never tryed it, but if by bathing a zebra in bleach could change it's stripes (by making them dissapear) you could try that. The expression goes as follows: A zebra/leopard can't change it's stripes. So, whomever made up that expression more less believes "Once a cheater always a cheather).
 sddude
Joined: 12/9/2007
Msg: 75
view profile
History
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 3/4/2011 9:13:00 AM
Lady , guys get this pressure from women too, alot of times when I had a gf or was seriously dating someone, I had pressure like this from women who wanted an adventure or a good stress releif, some would not take no for an answer. It is not that we guys are hard wired for sex only , we like sex or are you saying women do not like sex and are angels and victims of men ? I do not think so , there are good decent respectable people and there are others, some men and women are just others.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > What stops a man from cheating?