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 archimeded
Joined: 7/16/2010
Msg: 101
What stops a man from cheating?Page 5 of 17    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17)
Oddly enough I have to agree with Gazoo....simple to the point and well damn effective way to keep your man from straying.
 CompuG8r
Joined: 10/4/2010
Msg: 102
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 3/20/2011 6:18:07 AM
its like asking why does a Big Mac taste like sh1t?

@CDN Iceman : C'mon man! That special sauce is THE BOMB!

What stops a man from cheating?

His conscience.

As far as the internal conversation goes, not all of us have that conversation. We have already decided what we are going to do should temptation rear its ugly head. This is called a core belief about what is right or wrong. Cheating doesn't fall into the "right" category.

It's pretty simple really.
 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 103
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What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 3/20/2011 9:52:04 AM
and I for one honestly believe that asking a man or woman for that matter to only ever have sex with one person,is actually something that is a bit unrealistic.. I dont believe we are meant to be exclusive..... and that is where the problems stem from.




So you wouldn't care if I did your boyfriend or husband
12 times from noon then, right?


People justify thier own cheating with words
like"unrealistic" "wired that way" "not natural"
"not meant that way".

The list goes on.

Personally- people cheat because Of self entitlement.
Selfishness. All flaws which have already been
stated, add nauseam.


Edit: holy shit. Just saw your profile.

I guess I can fcck your husband.
 ferfoxache
Joined: 2/4/2011
Msg: 104
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 3/20/2011 9:54:26 AM



So you wouldn't care if I did your boyfriend or husband
12 times from noon then, right?

You might want to read her profile...
 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 105
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What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 3/20/2011 10:00:33 AM
^^^^:)

WTF! Wowweee.


Niicccceee...........

Thanks ferfoxache

I'm not one to read profiles but I messed
up. : )
 ferfoxache
Joined: 2/4/2011
Msg: 106
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 3/20/2011 12:46:23 PM
IMO this

only if he wanted you.. and I do get to agree or disagree.

is why most poly/open relationships fail.
From either perspective it is simply attempting to give up responsibility for your own desires and decisions to someone else.
Why this type of relationship is primarily "successful" in the BDSM realm.
Because in general people abhor responsibility without power or choice.

IMO this is evidence of that

prefers me to have other men..

It works on a couple of levels at least.
Power, control, and responsibility.
He (in his mind) gets to maintain the power. The power of veto. The power of knowing it's his decision on sharing. The power (in his head) of lesser men sharing in his toys.
The power to see people as objects. Merely to be used for yours, or his, gratification.
The power of some sense of control over the tryst.
But deep down the responsibility for who you choose to sleep with is on you.
It's your body. Your choice. You're the one actually doing it. So ultimately your responsibility.
So when you go with other guys, he gets to feel the power and control, you ultimately get the lions share of responsibility.

It's why, IMO IME, most (if not all) master/sub relationships are really a lie. It's not really master or sub, or one person dominant, or one person takes/accepts responsibility and power or control over another, or anyone gives up anything.
It's just simply a new way to shuffle around the same old things of power, responsibility, control, and security. Of basically rationalizing that each person gets the better end of the stick through a socialized role preference.

So instead of each person accepting control and responsibility for themselves, they simply play a transaction game and then rationalize meaning into what in practical terms is the same solution as any other couple has come up with, just with more toys.
 RubyWaxxx
Joined: 10/23/2010
Msg: 107
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 3/20/2011 1:35:50 PM
I still think that the only way to stop a man cheating is for the other women to not tempt or accept them... as men sexually... are primative creatures.. and very easily snared.. and led astray...

Poor little babies. Being led astray by all those nasty women. Men can't help cheating because they've got a penis. And we're all called Lillith...
Bad women!!!! And welcome back to pre-1960...or Afghanistan, 2011. Do you wear a burkha?
 RubyWaxxx
Joined: 10/23/2010
Msg: 108
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 3/20/2011 1:55:21 PM
I didn't mean it to be insulting, simply using it as an example of women being blamed for men's behaviour. You do know why women are forced to wear them, don't you?
How are we responsible? Seriously? Why aren't men capable of using mind over matter, so to speak?
Your thoughts don't upset me, just make me think you blame yourself for another's behaviour. You do know that men are just as capable of self-control as women?
 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 109
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What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 3/20/2011 1:57:59 PM
Cali honey. No offense but you sound
like you are either brainwashed or have been
abused to the point where you believe
everything out of your pudd husband/ masters
mouth.

I just asked my partner to read what you
wrote. His response was "he beats the shit
out of her and she let's him".

I don't know. Your posts are disturbing.

I know it's a lifestyle. I get that but it still
sounds real disturbing when you keep
refering to him as your master.
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 110
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 3/20/2011 2:11:59 PM
The views are split on whether or not monogamy is natural to humans.Scientist have discovered a chemical in the brain they believe to be responsible for keeping a species monogamous or not.Creatures that have a great deal of this chemical are strictly monogamous,while humans have only half,or less,of what those creatures have.You could look at this two ways.One is that since we do not have the high levels that strictly monogamous creatures have we are not meant to be faithful.You could also look at it as that since we have half of what monogamous creatures have that we can use our brains to choose to be faithful to make up for what nature did not give us completely.

Unlike animals,humans have free will and the ability to choose.Animals do not.When animals go into heat they mate and have offspring.There is no decision about whether or not it is a good idea to do this now or delay parenting.We may have instincts and drives as well,but we are the ones in control,not our instincts.We are our own masters.

If a person cheats it's because they chose to do it.No one and nothing forced them too.They decided to do it of their own free will.I have never cheated and never will.That has been my choice.I have had plenty of opportunity and temptation yet I chose not to.


No one can be stolen,they have to want to go.No one can be led astray,they have to want to go down that road.
 RubyWaxxx
Joined: 10/23/2010
Msg: 111
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 3/20/2011 2:18:23 PM

and I like the ladies wearing the burkers have my clothes picked each day

And does your Master choose clothes that cover you from head to toe, in case you arouse a stranger? Or keep his mind from God?
I don't have any issue with your lifestyle choice. But it's a sad thing when a woman blames herself for a man's misdemeanours. It's classic abuse, actually.
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 112
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 3/20/2011 2:30:18 PM

if no women will have the guys.. they can not cheat..

Which goes to prove that really men and women are not so different from each other as some would like us to believe.There are cheating male scum out there and there are cheating female scum out there.Some people,"male or female",just can't keep their pants on.

Regardless of whether the cheater is male or female they chose to cheat.No one forced them,no one led them astray,they were not overwhelmed by the temptation and had no choice but to cheat.


it's a sad thing when a woman blames herself for a man's misdemeanours. It's classic abuse, actually.

It's extremely sad.It makes you wonder at what happened to them in their lives to make them turn that way.
 sweetest
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 113
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What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 3/20/2011 2:31:05 PM

but faithful and having one person for life are different for us..

^^^How so? Do you mean that there is faithfulness while there is an agreement or marriage, but there is not necessarily an expectation on either side that your marriage is for life?

my very thoughts upset most women.. simply because I will accept that my Man rules me... I dont argue.. yet I still have a very equal relationship.

^^^I can see men glomming on the the bolded part...but truly I find it an incongruous statement...it doesn't read like 1 + 1 = 2, but you're suggesting that it does somehow...
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 114
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 3/20/2011 2:36:17 PM
Cali?? You're going to be eaten alive in here. This is NOT the venue for posting such intimate details (that is why we are on fetlife.) You may find it entertaining to ruffle the vanilla feathers, and that's entirely up to you, but you really should think about WHY you feel the need to beat the drum to this extent. Maybe your age, maybe something else, but you are making me wonder about you, and I am the least likely person to wonder about anyone's circumstance. I don't think you're brainwashed and I'm a tad shocked that a Master would let you run this amok in here. But that's just me and my thoughts on this part of the exchange.
 GotxRice
Joined: 1/1/2011
Msg: 115
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 3/20/2011 3:04:56 PM
What stops a man from cheating?
Character.
I second that
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 116
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What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 3/20/2011 3:23:43 PM
There seem to be only fairly old ideas being expressed here. No real surprise, since this is such an old subject area.
I want to put in a few things, based on the most recent batch of exchanges:

"cheating" doesn't have a firm universal definition. The closest would be "doing other than what the participants agreed on." That applies to one on one, and multi-partner relationships;

I HAVE known a NUMBER of people who cheated, AND said that their official partner was completely fulfilling in bed. They cheated for reasons other than sexual satisfaction, as our recent behavioral psych said. So that bit is nonsense.*
[*actually, I suspect that thinking that way is more related to people who think it's OKAY to cheat if you aren't feeling satisfied, which is something I don't respect.]

It has not been conclusively proven one way or another, so far as I know, that people are or are not hard-wired (by DNA presumably) to be loyal or not. So from a logical standpoint, it would be wise to consider in one's argument/suggestion, whether or not you are ASSUMING that there IS such a chemical destiny. Particularly, the idea that "men are naturally incapable of being loyal" is completely absurd in the face of this.*
[ * I have observed that this is most commonly believed by people who have had a history of people cheating on them, and who have never completely healed themselves of their anger over it.]

Men AND women, CAN be labeled as cheaters, even if they never actually even TOUCH another member of the designated off-limits sex. This happens every day. It's especially common to see or hear women complaining that they consider their S.O. to have cheated, if he looks at porn. Men and women have OFTEN been known to split from each other, even though they are in a place where there are NO competitors at all for their affections. Thus, neglect can feel the same as cheating, and be just as destructive on a relationship. Here in the forums, people have often complained that their proposed mate has been 'cheating' mentally with either ex lovers, or imagined future ones.
Bottom line for me, was well stated before, by Outmind I think, and some others. The ONLY way to keep anyone from cheating is, and has always been, for them to choose NOT to. EVERY other submission that claims otherwise, requires self-deception or denial of the simple fact, that you can't cheat without making the choice on some level of consciousness, to ignore what you agreed to in your relationship.
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 117
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 3/20/2011 3:34:59 PM

I enjoy freedom of speech from my Master as long as I am respectful and dont get personal and swear...
Im sorry my WTF to English Translator is off this weekend, Did I read that correctly, your Master?
 RubyWaxxx
Joined: 10/23/2010
Msg: 118
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 3/20/2011 3:36:37 PM
Greeneyez, you know I don't have issues with lifestyle choices. Each to his own and whatever works, etc..
But it's this :
have mixed from being a beaten woman in the past.. to being a very confident woman

The beaten woman is still there, imo. Loud and clear..
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 119
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What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 3/20/2011 3:38:52 PM

Maybe your age...


maybe if she was 25 or even younger, but not at 35. i don't think age has anything to do with it. i think our friend Down Under has figured it out...
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 120
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 3/20/2011 3:48:10 PM
Im curious, so if someone doesn't subscribe to the Fetlife( not sure what that is) theory or way of thought they are just average folks thinking in the box, but the people who subscribe to that lifestyle are out of the box thinkers and will prosper in life?
 johndoe67-1
Joined: 4/13/2010
Msg: 121
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 3/20/2011 3:51:54 PM

I know it's a lifestyle. I get that but it still sounds real disturbing when you keep refering to him as your master.

No, I dont think you get it. Its a LIFESTYLE, its not a hobby or an interest or something to do every now and then. They both WANT this type of relationship and it satisfies them. They are open and honest with each other - probably WAY more than most married couples. If you have no understanding of this kind of relationship, then dont go assuming that she's been 'brainwashed' or abused. Do some research - the web has plenty of info on it.

Cali - some of us understand...
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 122
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 3/20/2011 4:11:20 PM
Im curious, so if someone doesn't subscribe to the Fetlife( not sure what that is) theory or way of thought they are just average folks thinking in the box, but the people who subscribe to that lifestyle are out of the box thinkers and will prosper in life?

I have no idea how others think (inside or outside the box.) People who subscribe to the "lifestyle" do so for reasons known only to their own selves. I've been here on POF for 5 years, I've been there (the "lifestyle") for about 11. I don't think my lifestyle preference is "out of the box" thinking, but others may disagree with me on that note. Some of us live on both sides of the fence, some only live the "lifestyle" and many many many more live outside of that sub-culture. (I think people of all orientations/races/colors/height/weight/religion/etc., etc., can and do prosper. )

~OT~ What stops anyone from cheating? I think it's pretty simple: one's character or lack thereof. JMO

Edit:

I have found for ever one that says brainwashed or abused.. you get 2 that ask further questions in private.. and that then helps people to understand...

I too, have encountered this. Many do ask questions in private. I've been surprised how often people here have written to me based upon the limited details I offer here about my personal life.
 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 123
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What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 3/20/2011 4:28:13 PM
ave mixed from being a beaten woman in the past.. to being a very confident woman





No, I dont think you get it. Its a LIFESTYLE, its not a hobby or an interest or something to do every now and then. They both WANT this type of relationship and it satisfies them. They are open and honest with each other - probably WAY more than most married couples. If you have no understanding of this kind of relationship, then dont go assuming that she's been 'brainwashed' or abused. Do some research - the web has plenty of info on it.



don't even be preaching your bullshit to me and
accusing me of not getting it when I clearly
stated I got it.

You don't know me or know how I live to assume
my lifestyle or what I understand.

Research- how about you actually reading the posts.

She stated she had been abused.

As soon as someone makes a comment or
presses for more info you have the freak brigade
ready to pound you here.

Cali- I get this is how you live. You get how I live.

I did try to email you and actually commend
you here but I smoke so I will tell you here on the forums.

Your a brave lady.


Op- people cheat for all kinds of reasons.
None of them are because of you. It's thier actions.
 johndoe67-1
Joined: 4/13/2010
Msg: 124
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 3/20/2011 4:57:03 PM

don't even be preaching your bullshit to me and accusing me of not getting it when I clearly stated I got it.

If you 'got it' you wouldnt be questioning why she refers to her husband as Master.

From your original post :

Cali honey. No offense but you sound
like you are either brainwashed or have been
abused to the point where you believe
everything out of your pudd husband/ masters
mouth.

I just asked my partner to read what you
wrote. His response was "he beats the shit
out of her and she let's him".

If you 'got it' you wouldnt suggest she was brainwashed nor insinuate that her current husband is the one who abused her.

Actually I'm not in the lifestyle, but I dont consider those that are are the 'freak brigade'. Your original post reeks of misunderstanding.
 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 125
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What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 3/20/2011 5:02:29 PM
^^^ actually I didn't insinuate.

You assumed. I am sure I am giving you
the opportunity to get lots of exercise here with
your jumping to conclusions.


You can Stop focusing on me. I get way too much attention
around here anyway ;)

you know what. You're right you win this retarded
Internet forum arguement. Stone me. Or better
yet keystroke me.

Back on topic- cheating sucks. Sorry about this
op. Just know alot of us have experinced it.

Carry on.
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