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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > What does it mean when a guy asks "What are you looking for?"      Home login  
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 ICtheLite
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 7
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What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

Does he want to know if I'm looking for a relationship vs. a one night stand?


It depends on how the question is asked. If someone is asking you this by message or IM, chances are he is looking for NSA situation. If it's someone you have seen a time or two, he may just be finding you hard to read and genuinely wants to know whether the two of you are on the same page.
 HalftimeDad
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 8
What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/18/2011 9:53:07 PM
Everybody seems to be trying to read different motives into this question. To me, it just looks like one of those open ended questions designed to get a dialogue going. It doesn't really matter what you answer, it leads to further talk.
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 9
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What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/18/2011 11:01:10 PM
Halftimedad has the only senseable answer I've read. I've asked the question myself and the motives you ladies are throwing out here are way off base. I know who I am, and if her list of qualities don't match, I'm not wasting any more of her time or mine. The smartest answer I ever got was "not sure, but I'll know it when I find it".....it's the same answer I would give, if ask the same question.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 10
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What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/19/2011 5:10:48 AM
The ONLY time I've ever run into this vague form of the question, was during job interviews. In that case, the interviewer clearly wanted to know WHY I was applying for the job, whether I was just looking for a short-term paycheck, or a career. I would suspect at a meet and greet or another dating situation, it would be similar, translating as "are we just her to have fun, or are we exploring each other as possible long-termites?"
And I also suspect that Halftime hit why anyone would ask such a vague, poorly phrased, useless-as-a-stand-alone question: to get you to TALK about something, other than the weather.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 11
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What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/19/2011 6:19:32 AM
Hahaha, Oldladypurple, that was my thought exactly. It means, how soon are you going to have sex with me!
 sexyisback!
Joined: 9/14/2010
Msg: 12
What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/19/2011 9:37:39 AM
pretty much:

"want to get jiggy tonight?" (hope so..)

or "not." (aw, darn it all!)
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 13
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What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/19/2011 11:54:06 PM
^^^^Why bother leaving, just don't go out to start with. We have all heard the joke about the next time I consider getting married, I'll just find a woman I hate and buy her a house. The same strategy should work dating as well. Have your date play it safe and send your half of the dinner carryout to your house.
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 14
What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/20/2011 9:04:40 AM
If you meet someone in Real Life first, (not off the internet) would they ask you:

"What are you looking for?"

If they did ... then wouldn't you find it odd?

However on a dating site it seems that everyone ties in meeting someone to how quickly can I get laid.

So then ... this question is really only used on internet dating.

Therefore, I think it has more to do with "how quickly can I get laid".
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 15
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What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/20/2011 9:15:26 AM

I really need this question to be more specific, since I really don't know what kind of information he wants.


Have you asked the utterer to be specific or clarify the question asked of you?


How am I supposed to answer this?


By asking those who pose a question that you don't understand, by clarifying what it is that they are asking.
 cookie22222
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 16
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What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/22/2011 7:51:37 AM
I never really read so much into such a simple question.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 17
What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/22/2011 7:57:17 AM
""what are you looking for?""

that's guy speak for determining how to get come at you.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 18
What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/22/2011 12:33:32 PM
If someone asks me what I'm looking for, I just assume
I'm not what they're looking for.

Who seriously asks this of a person they have just met,
that they like, and are enjoying their time with? No one
I know.

People only ask this in job interviews or if they are looking
for reasons to say...well we're not looking for the samething
and want a reason to confirm things just aren't going to work
out.

I don't figure sex comes into every question, because frankly
when I meet someone for the first time, I always make a note
to myself whether or not I can see myself having sex with this
person...I just don't say it out loud. I don't see why men would
be any different.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 19
What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/22/2011 7:31:13 PM
"If you meet someone in Real Life first, (not off the internet) would they ask you:

"What are you looking for?"

If they did ... then wouldn't you find it odd?"

BINGO! Yes I do, and would and I agree. I've been out and about, in many varied social situations and the things I've been asked from men on this site...yes it'd be odd in any other face to face social setting.

I won't attempt to guess...okay well just a little....it's a different venue, so many don't extrapolate (it's a good word, one I like...) the protocol or behavior, IE they don't say the same things if it's online. Yeah, I don't "get" that either, I do know it's one of the reasons that very few GET to a first meet, and very often that's it.

"What are you looking for", as with many other drearily standing things that are usually asked, not said, it's just an indication, that 1..it's their best effort at attempting "conversation". It's really surprising not that many aren't that "gifted" in that area, but that it's a skill that can be learned and isn't.

In my experience, with any setting or person, conversation doesn't always naturally evolve just from asking (usually stilted) questions. Usually the response to a question in a short response. Followed by silence, until the next question...NOT an impetus to conversation. Conversation usually happens when people share stories about their experiences.

So, bottom line, is it's a sign that someone doesn't know how to broach a conversation, and it won't take long to know they're not that skilled in the art. I'm not a big fan, because I work, but the people who do talk shows, interviewers, the good ones, don't ask broad, general questions, they get their "guests" to talk and share.

Conversation is important to me, so if I'm in the situation where it's 50 questions, at shot gun speed....eehhh...not a go. IMO, that's how you get to KNOW someone, not know trivial facts about them.
 BigBadNIrish
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 20
What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/23/2011 2:12:30 PM
petunias post 21


I had a guy ask me what I had to offer once......lmaoooooooooooooo
I asked ..........Right now?

He said yes..I said 20 minutes of my time.


I you asked me in return what I'm looking for...I'd say a good cup of coffee with the 15 minutes that are left over.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 21
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What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 3/1/2011 4:30:18 AM
The only thing that matters is that it is true, and what he thinks of it. If I got that response, AND I was looking for more of a commitment, I would be disappointed. If I were looking for someone to "hang out with," as some say, someone to date for the experiences, then I would find it encouraging. If he wanted to know if you were planning to date JUST him for now, he'll probably cross his brows in consternation, and ask more questions, because your answer doesn't speak to that at all.
IN other words, as usual, how well your answer is received will depend on what he meant in asking the question.
 AquanGold
Joined: 11/22/2010
Msg: 22
What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 3/1/2011 4:55:08 AM
Men like a women are no different in what we`re looking for. We want a lover,friend and a confidant who we can share life with!
We want someone who ever time we see them we each feel that tingle that makes everything OK.
Yet! As simple as it sounds it`s not,which is what makes love so very important when you find the right person...
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 23
What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 3/1/2011 10:11:55 AM

The smartest answer I ever got was "not sure, but I'll know it when I find it".

Exactly. I've been saying that for years. If the other party to the conversation comes back with an offer of something you are pretty sure you DON'T want,under the circumstances-"No thank you, that's on my 'SO not gonna happen'list..." is all you need to say.
Cindy O
 sddude
Joined: 12/9/2007
Msg: 24
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What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 3/4/2011 9:21:30 AM
I have asked that question before, some would ask to hookup because they are stressed, others , say ,well to be loved, others say to not be lonely , or just have fun . it all depends on the moment, how much you know the person . If a guy you just met in a drunk fest or orgy is not really asking abpout your feelings, more like your place or mine or what position you want. in a nice restaraunt with a person that clearly likes you and you have known for a while, it may be a pretty deep question ,
it is an open question you choose to answer anyway you want depending on the context.

Why ask the question please elaborate, all he or I will say " forget it girl, mmmm meant nothing.....

If to me the answer were important and caused m stress asking me to elaborate would just get me more nervous.
 starlight334
Joined: 6/18/2010
Msg: 25
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What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 3/4/2011 9:45:06 PM
My mom used to say....Be careful girls will eat up your money.
Why did she say that ? Lets take a wild guess....

He is interested if you want to rip him of...with "traveling" and endless BS do this and do that....which will cost him money ...maybe.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 26
What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 3/19/2011 8:15:58 AM
Usually "what are you looking for" means are you looking for a long term relationship, short term, just being friends, friends with benefits, or just a one night stand..

That's pretty much what I get from it. What else would it mean? It's a simple enough question...what the person who asks it is looking for is anyone's guess.

When someone asks me what I'm looking for, my answer is usually "shoes". I'm always looking for shoes.

I agree with this, not for shoes - but for the fact that I'd never even consider it was a romantic question and say something else like "an ipod with pitch control".
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 27
What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 3/19/2011 1:16:42 PM

Yes, right, but by turning it around, that specific person, at that place in time, reveals what they mean by the question and you can follow that lead.

But then aren't you just saying what someone else wishes to hear? If you "follow the lead" and he says he's looking for casual/NSA dating and you yourself are seeking something more involved, you'd be lying to follow the lead. I suppose you could follow with, "Ah, that's too bad, I'm looking for something serious." (or whatever) but why play the game??

What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?

I take this to mean he wants to know what I want in my life today, and tomorrow and possible further into the future than that. Doesn't mean he's asking because he's hoping I want him in the future, likely means he wants to know if we are on the same page at that point in time. But that's just my guess. I tend to get this stuff out of the way real quick, if one is not looking for what I am, I see no need to waste their time or mine. JMO
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